Weird wedding celebration

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That's a good way to look at it. They did have what I'd consider a modest wedding, thought it was lovely, food was great, DJ was fun -- it was just simple in a fun place (a brewery in an old historic building that had like 3 floors devoted to event spaces). I'm sure it wasn't "cheap" but at the same time a fraction of what some weddings are. So your thoughts make perfect sense.

A wedding in an old building that's a brewery sounds quite cool!

 

[leeniewdw]

A wedding in an old building that's a brewery sounds quite cool!

It was. They used 2 floors. One was for the ceremony + dinner/dancing and the other was for cocktail hour (while they took photos and set up for the dinner). The bride/groom are engineers (civil) and the father of the bride is also a civil engineer and they made centerpieces of concrete and other pipes (terrible description but it was cool) that had succulents in them. Went well with the wood and bricks of the venue. An uncle happened to be a DJ so that was the music. To me it was a very reasonable, lovely, fun reception in a time that "traditional" weddings/receptions have become 50k+ plus events. Again, they didn't scrimp (it was open bar) but they put their money where they wanted. Oh -- and the favors were pint glasses with their names and date on it (in very simple font that you may not even notice unless you were looking for it).

 

[Marionnette]

i'm guessing you've not had the 'privilege' of attending a shower wherein one of the activities is to address the envelopes for the invitations to the wedding (the 'save the dates' were already done by the bridesmaids months ago) along with the envelope your own thank you note will be sent in.

Well, yes I have! I didn't think too much about it and certainly do not put addressing a couple of envelopes to myself on a par with "doing all the work". I'm actually pleased when a bride sends out Thank You notes instead of posting a general Thank-You on Instagram.

 

[prairie_girl]

I don't think that's the case here. It's a pretty weird/strange/different way to have/host a wedding...

Weird according to what? According to who?

 

[Sinder]

Weird according to what? According to who?

What- Etiquette.
Who- Anyone who understands what being a host of an event entails.

Inviting guests to celebrate your wedding by asking them to do all the work a host is supposed to do is weird. And that’s a nice way to put it.

 

[HopperFan]

A wedding in an old building that's a brewery sounds quite cool!

DD had her wedding in an old chair factory. Brick walls, hardwood floors, wood beamed ceiling. Two massive rooms, one for wedding & other set for reception. Wedding room got broken down during dinner for a lounge, photobooth, had the gift table, family photo table etc. We built some stuff like the bar. It was very cool to have this backdrop to a evening adult wedding. Upscale against the historic rustic.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

DD had her wedding in an old chair factory. Brick walls, hardwood floors, wood beamed ceiling. Two massive rooms, one for wedding & other set for reception. Wedding room got broken down during dinner for a lounge, photobooth, had the gift table, family photo table etc. We built some stuff like the bar. It was very cool to have this backdrop to a evening adult wedding. Upscale against the historic rustic.

I like switching it to a more lounge feel, that sounds unique

 

[HopperFan]

I like switching it to a more lounge feel, that sounds unique

DJ / dance floor in reception room so we thought a quiet area be good. And we were at end of 2020 so COVID rules were in play. We had half the planned guests but kept the big venue so folks were able to spread out.

 

[barkley]

It's just an immense list of "things" to be done now. Engagement parties, showers, bachelorette/bachelor trips, welcome parties, rehearsal dinners, wedding, brunch -- the MONEY!



Insanity!

Here's a question. Obviously, newlyweds always enjoy receiving cash for their wedding gifts (that's what we do). How do you feel about their "registries" saying things like "we're moving to Utah after the wedding, help us buy our season ski passes!". I mean, money is money but I was taken aback by that!

no problem with it at all. i would always prefer to gift something to someone(s) that they can enjoy/benefit from. what i had a problem with on the invite i received was someone (guessing the bride b/c the bolded handwriting was her's) had selected from their widely varying in cost registry to specifically obligate me to spend a specific dollar amount. it honestly made me feel as though some type of algorithm driven spread sheet had been created and if the couple's perceived estimate of our income and gifting ability didn't meet some kind of formula they came up with then 'the honor of your presence' would not have been extended to us.


i will say that i admit to being put off by the weddings i've attended that in addition to engagement/bridal shower/wedding registries (prominently made known to invitees repeatedly for months in advance) having in addition, frequently at the point of entry to the event (guest book area), a prominent display/monetary collection site pleading to 'help us go on our honeymoon' and/or 'help us furnish our new home'-resplendent with photos of a sad, empty apartment or house (bedroom with bed frame but no mattress, kitchen with a 2 folding chairs and and no table, living room with only a dollar store poster and a bean bag chair...,photos of the top of the line honeymoon destination that everyone knows has been booked for months on end with little heart and cloud stickers emblazoned with 'if only in our dreams' above photos of the wistful looking bride and groom). it's just.....................

 

[Marionnette]

Isn't the main point of a registry that the couple doesn't receive duplicates? Or to let everyone know that "this is their China pattern and they need 8 place settings, one has already been purchased ". Telling a guest that they are expected to purchase "the super deluxe toaster oven/air fryer" as a gift is just tacky.

But the money thing? I'm on the fence about it. When I was growing up, and even at my niece's wedding two years ago, there was a thing called the dollar dance. Guests lined up to dance with the bride, paid a dollar or more, and got a shot of whiskey afterwards to salute the couple. The cash was intended to help the couple out with honeymoon expenses. It might be an Eastern European tradition because I've only seen it at Slovak and Polish weddings that I attended.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Isn't the main point of a registry that the couple doesn't receive duplicates? Or to let everyone know that "this is their China pattern and they need 8 place settings, one has already been purchased ". Telling a guest that they are expected to purchase "the super deluxe toaster oven/air fryer" as a gift is just tacky.

But the money thing? I'm on the fence about it. When I was growing up, and even at my niece's wedding two years ago, there was a thing called the dollar dance. Guests lined up to dance with the bride, paid a dollar or more, and got a shot of whiskey afterwards to salute the couple. The cash was intended to help the couple out with honeymoon expenses. It might be an Eastern European tradition because I've only seen it at Slovak and Polish weddings that I attended.

My BFF had this at her wedding (in 1987). She's Polish. That's the only time I've seen it. Even she thought it was tacky, but it was a tradition--not worth arguing and upsetting her parents.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been inexpensive affairs. One was at a campground, in a building (little more than a pavilion, but it had walls). They served pizza and Stouffer's lasagnas with salad, bread, etc. Music was provided by a DJ cousin. There were sports facilities--the groom and his "guys" even went canoeing during the reception, while other people played whiffle ball. The bridal party was all in lavender, but it was whatever dress they picked, so all different styles. We had a great time! There was so much laughter and love--and really, isn't that what the day is supposed to be about?

And, we always give cash. It's always appropriate, the couple can always find something to do with it (fill out registry items, buy lift tickets--heck, donate it to an animal shelter, it's all good!).

 

[kymom99]

My BFF had this at her wedding (in 1987). She's Polish. That's the only time I've seen it. Even she thought it was tacky, but it was a tradition--not worth arguing and upsetting her parents.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been inexpensive affairs. One was at a campground, in a building (little more than a pavilion, but it had walls). They served pizza and Stouffer's lasagnas with salad, bread, etc. Music was provided by a DJ cousin. There were sports facilities--the groom and his "guys" even went canoeing during the reception, while other people played whiffle ball. The bridal party was all in lavender, but it was whatever dress they picked, so all different styles. We had a great time! There was so much laughter and love--and really, isn't that what the day is supposed to be about?

And, we always give cash. It's always appropriate, the couple can always find something to do with it (fill out registry items, buy lift tickets--heck, donate it to an animal shelter, it's all good!).

If I had it to do over again, this is what I would do. I despise formal events anymore. An outdoor picnic is much more my style.

 

[mousefan73]

That sounds more like something one would have planned DURING Covid. I would have expected a delayed celebration to be about having the kind of special event that wasn't allowed during the height of the pandemic. Crazy stuff.

LOL good point!!!!!! It does sound like an banned Covid party somewhere in the middle of the woods where you don't get caught having a group event.

 

[mousefan73]

Question is the requirement only to set- up? Or do guests have to clean-up?

 

[mousefan73]

So in Germany is is not uncommon if there is a big celebration of any kind, that guests are asked ( but usually its family members and close friends who are "support" level get asked, not the whole list) to supply either a cake or salad for the cake /salad buffet ( yes here you may have one wedding cake but usually a buffett of other cakes ) Main courses are then catered.

 

[Marionnette]

So in Germany is is not uncommon if there is a big celebration of any kind, that guests are asked ( but usually its family members and close friends who are "support" level get asked, not the whole list) to supply either a cake or salad for the cake /salad buffet ( yes here you may have one wedding cake but usually a buffett of other cakes ) Main courses are then catered.

In Pittsburgh, they do a cookie table buffet. Sometimes the cookies are quite elaborate as family members try to outdo each other. But they can be quite simple as well. No one is expected to contribute but the couple will often ask close family and friends if they would be willing.

 

[SharonZ]

Camping, decorating, cooking a dish for 20 people, gift, etc. - To each his own, but I would have politely declined. This sounds like way more trouble than it's worth. Especially if you factor in the price of gas for a 4-hour drive, and somewhere to stay other than a tent.

 

[mumto3girls]

In Pittsburgh, they do a cookie table buffet. Sometimes the cookies are quite elaborate as family members try to outdo each other. But they can be quite simple as well. No one is expected to contribute but the couple will often ask close family and friends if they would be willing.

Yes. I live in the suburbs of Pittsburgh and I rarely go to a wedding without a cookie table. I eloped so no cookie table for me, but both of my married sisters had one and one was married on the west coast.

 

[cheryl.UK]

I went to a wedding in Sweden which was very similar. I couldn't take my camping equipment or a large dish of food as I was flying over from the UK but the bride's family set up a tent for me and I went into town to buy a whole host of different salads from a deli as my contribution. I got the impression that this was pretty normal as the camp site seemed to be set up especially for this type of celebration with an outdoor alter and long heavy wooden tables and benches.

Since the lifting of restrictions on where you can marry in the UK, I've been to all kids of different weddings from cliff top weddings with a beach picnic to a woodland wedding with a BBQ at a barn.

We got married in WDW but our big celebration was a barn with a live ceilidh band, beer and wine but if you want something else other than a soft drink, bring your own. It was catered, but by a vegetarian company which was not necessarily to the taste of everyone. But who cares. Our wedding, our party.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Well, yes I have! I didn't think too much about it and certainly do not put addressing a couple of envelopes to myself on a par with "doing all the work". I'm actually pleased when a bride sends out Thank You notes instead of posting a general Thank-You on Instagram.

It's not a lot of "work" at all, but I have always thought addressing your own thank-you note felt kind of weird.

(But you're right that it's nice to even get paper ones nowadays!)