Weddings: In Lieu of Favors; a donation. What do you think?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Then really there is no point in mentioning at all. The point of the note was just to let everyone know, so when the guests are looking for their Jordan Almonds and don't see them, they won't be surprised.



They are not donating on behalf of someone else, they are only using what money they would have spent on favors, to donate to charity. They are using their own money. It would be different if she gave them something that said "we have donated XYZ in your name to XYZ charity", but I don't believe she said they are doing it that way.

OP, I wouldn't have a problem with not getting a favor and with you letting everyone know that insteadyou decided to give money to a charity of your choice. Its your wedding, you can't please everyone and shouldn't try, do what you and your dh to be feel is right.

Then I agree--they should say nothing.

Telling people "in lieu of..." let's them know you had considered XYZ, but now wish to brag how socially correct you are. Charity shouldn't be so public.

In this instance, it is tooting their own horn even if they don't mean to make a peep.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

then just give a donation don't toot your own horn and say look how great we are we gave to .......

But I don't want the guests to think "hey she didn't give favors". I want them to know that its not that we didn't feel the need/forgot/didn't want to waste money on favors. Instead we thought this would be better since our whole family has been affected by this, to give to a cause that means more to us. Like the PP said I don't want people to be surprised that M&Ms aren't in a lil baggie @ their plate.

 

[luvmy3]

But I don't want the guests to think "hey she didn't give favors". I want them to know that its not that we didn't feel the need/forgot/didn't want to waste money on favors. Instead we thought this would be better since our whole family has been affected by this, to give to a cause that means more to us. Like the PP said I don't want people to be surprised that M&Ms aren't in a lil baggie @ their plate.

I don't see that as tooting your own horn, but as you see from this thread somebody will. You just need to do what you think is the right thing about the note and enjoy your wedding day

 

[Rora]

I'm totally in favor of making a donation instead of giving out favors! I think it's a great idea.

 

[Hannathy]

But I don't want the guests to think "hey she didn't give favors". I want them to know that its not that we didn't feel the need/forgot/didn't want to waste money on favors. Instead we thought this would be better since our whole family has been affected by this, to give to a cause that means more to us. Like the PP said I don't want people to be surprised that M&Ms aren't in a lil baggie @ their plate.

Why not? You DON'T want to give favors. If you wanted to give favors you would, you don't and that is fine. A lot of weddings don't give favors.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wedding favors, to me, are the adult version of the party bag at children's parties. Both have gotten out of hand. I have never gotten a favor that hasn't been thrown out.

So we are talking the "personalized candy bar" or "matches" type thing.

I was just making sure OP was NOT including the bridal party gifts in there.

So here is my take on what the OP posted then....just skip it.

If you WANT to give your guests a favor, fine. If you do not want to give them a favor then skip it.

I find the notion of donating to a charity as a "favor" beyond weird.

 

[honugirl]

If it were me, I'd put out a nice candy bar with some little baggies so that if someone wanted to take something home from the wedding they could, then take the rest of the money and donate it to the charity of your choice and not even say a word about it.

I think part of the reason I think the sign is tacky is because when I go to a wedding, i don't expect a favor. If I get something great, if I don't, fine. I think the sign just draws attention to the fact that there's no favors, which means it's going to be on someone's mind and when that happens, someone is bound to complain. If you don't bring attention to it, people are less likely to miss it.

People also can have some strong feelings/emotions to charities. Some people may not like the charities you've chosen to donate to and in that way, feel weird about it.

 

[focusondisney]

Now, maybe I'm missing the purpose of the favors, but isn't the point of them to offer your guests a small token of thanks for celebrating your day with you? I'm not sure that a donation to a charity accomplishes that.

I could be reading too much into this, but it almost sound like "we had no problem spending all this money on ourselves, but instead of giving you a token gift, we're donating to charity instead".

IDK. It leaves a bad taste in mouth for some reason.... can't quite put my finger on why.

The only problem with this is that it can come off wrong. While the intention is delightful, the couple is perfectly fine with accepting gifts, but then donating the guests favors to charity. I think if you wish to support a charity, you should do so with your own money, not on behalf of someone else. (Unless of course, you intend on donating all the wedding gifts/money to charity as well. Because it would be really hard to argue with that!)

I agree with these posts. There is no law that says you must give favors. If you think your guests won't enjoy anything, then simply don't give them anything.

If the charity is that important to the wedding couple, they could ask their guests to donate directly "in leiu of wedding gifts". Bet you wouldn't see many wedding couples doing that.

But please don't spend thousands on your self, accept all sorts of gifts for your self, make a tax deductible donation & then tell me it's a "thank you " gift to me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with these posts. There is no law that says you must give favors. If you think your guests won't enjoy anything, then simply don't give them anything.

If the charity is that important to the wedding couple, they could ask their guests to donate directly "in leiu of wedding gifts". Bet you wouldn't see many wedding couples doing that.

But please don't spend thousands on your self, accept all sorts of gifts for your self, make a tax deductible donation & then tell me it's a "thank you " gift to me.

Agree 100%.

I prefer the chocolate please. Esp. sitting there at your reception it is nice to have a little treat at the table.

 

[Minnie]

I agree with these posts. There is no law that says you must give favors. If you think your guests won't enjoy anything, then simply don't give them anything.

If the charity is that important to the wedding couple, they could ask their guests to donate directly "in leiu of wedding gifts". Bet you wouldn't see many wedding couples doing that.

But please don't spend thousands on your self, accept all sorts of gifts for your self, make a tax deductible donation & then tell me it's a "thank you " gift to me.

ITA

If u don't want to give favors then dont no big deal... Make the donation but the sign is tacky....

Take the money out of your wedding budget elsewhere.... or if u really want to show your guests how deeply touched u are by this cause - ask for a donation to the charity rather than gifts...

 

[JaneBanks]

I just got married this past October and we donated to St. Judes for our favor. We did it to honor 4 children who have passed away in my family.

If you want to donate, than do it. It's YOUR wedding. People don't come for the favors. They are your family and friends who love you and I'm sure they won't think of you as "tooting your own horn" because you wanted to donate to a charity. That's ridiculous.

 

[focusondisney]

Take the money out of your wedding budget elsewhere.... or if u really want to show your guests how deeply touched u are by this cause - ask for a donation to the charity rather than gifts...

Agree! If the charity is that important & the disease has so affected them, skip the expensive flowers that die in days, wedding gifts, dress & tux or the honeymoon. Something that the couple actually sacrifices themselves. I don't need a thank you favor. But don't insult me by saying you giving to a charity of your choice is a favor for me.

 

[JaneBanks]

Agree! If the charity is that important & the disease has so affected them, skip the expensive flowers that die in days, wedding gifts, dress & tux or the honeymoon. Something that the couple actually sacrifices themselves. I don't need a thank you favor. But don't insult me by saying you giving to a charity of your choice is a favor for me.

How is giving to a charity an insult to you? Let's not forget that the wedding is not about the guests but the bride and groom. You're not there for the favors.

Why should someone "sacrifice" beautiful things for their wedding because donating to a charity for a favor isn't good enough for you?

How insulting.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[honugirl]

How is giving to a charity an insult to you? Let's not forget that the wedding is not about the guests but the bride and groom. You're not there for the favors.

Why should someone "sacrifice" beautiful things for their wedding because donating to a charity for a favor isn't good enough for you?

How insulting.

Because it's YOUR charity not mine. Just because you think cancer or whatever is a worthy cause to donate to, doesn't mean everybody does. If you want to honor your guests with a donation, you should probably find out what they would donate to. Kind of like giving someone a huge box of chocolates that are your favorite, but they hate, so you get to enjoy it all.

 

[JaneBanks]

Because it's YOUR charity not mine. Just because you think cancer or whatever is a worthy cause to donate to, doesn't mean everybody does. If you want to honor your guests with a donation, you should probably find out what they would donate to. Kind of like giving someone a huge box of chocolates that are your favorite, but they hate, so you get to enjoy it all.

Guess what? It's MY wedding! How would it be any different if I gave out favors instead? Do you need to call every single person on your guest list to find out what each one wants?

Weddings are not about the favors you receive.

I find it very sad that people actually feel this way.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Most favors for the last few weddings I attended were food (milk and cookies and made on the premises pralines to take home). They were very thoughtful and appreciated by us.

I don't like the it either. Give them some small chocolate at the table and be done with it.

If you feel so strongly about donating to charity in a public way, then I would skip the floral arrangements at the table. I would instead, put a single candle with a card that read "Since our loved ones (you can name them) could not be here to celebrate with us, a donation to X in their name has been made in lieu of a table arrangement."

I don't think anyone would begrudge you giving up your flowers and they could still have some chocolate!

 

[focusondisney]

How is giving to a charity an insult to you? Let's not forget that the wedding is not about the guests but the bride and groom. You're not there for the favors.

Why should someone "sacrifice" beautiful things for their wedding because donating to a charity for a favor isn't good enough for you?

How insulting.

To me it is insulting to be told: "I spent all this money on me. The money I would have spent on you, I'm giving to someone else. "

Like I said, I don't need or care if you give me a favor. I go to weddings because I love & care about those involved. I don't go for the food, the drinks, flowers or favors. I don't care if none of those things are there. I also don't go to be insulted.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Because it's YOUR charity not mine. Just because you think cancer or whatever is a worthy cause to donate to, doesn't mean everybody does. If you want to honor your guests with a donation, you should probably find out what they would donate to. Kind of like giving someone a huge box of chocolates that are your favorite, but they hate, so you get to enjoy it all.

But at the same time this could apply to anything. I refuse to give M&Ms, Almonds, or Hersheys....why? B/c DD is allergic to peanuts and I really don't want to sit in an emergency room on my wedding day b/c someone accidentally gave her something.
Or I could buy a wine bottle stopper but maybe you don't drink wine.
Seeds but you don't plant
Or a candle, but you don't light candles...

I know my family and they would not be offended in the least by this, so I think I am just going to go ahead and do it. Nothing in my life has been traditional, so why should my favors?

 

[bellarella]

I'm with the ones that really dislike this idea.

I couldn't care less whether or not I get a favor or not. I don't expect one and I've never actually kept one (unless it was just some candy or something -- but again, I don't look for favors).

OTOH, I really dislike when people "announce" their charitable donations. I think it's fantastic that people want to donate, but I believe that charity should be private, or at the very least discrete.

It's one thing when at funerals people ask that donations be made to X charity in lieu of flowers -- most people who send flowers are doing so to show support/honor the deceased and their family so directing these people to a charity that is meaningful is appropriate.

But, a favor (if you choose to do them -- and again, I think that they are completely unnecessary) is meant to thank/honor your guests. Donating to a charity that is important to you doesn't do that. If that's where you want to put your money, that's great, but it's a decision about you and where you prioritize your money, and has nothing to do with your guests. On top of that, as I said at the beginning I really dislike the idea of publicizing charitable giving. It just really leaves a bad taste in my mouth -- charity for me is something you do with out expectation of getting anything back in return -- and publicizing it seems very much like seeking recognition.