Wedding RSVPs not returned

[DisneyKoyote]

They usually include a pre-stamped envelope. No excuse for that level of laziness.

Actually none of mine came with a pre-stamped envelope LOLLL. Both of them only came with a card saying you were invited, the details and nothing else- so you would have to get your own envelope and stamps. Maybe they forgot/didn't realize since they didn't do it through some wedding planner and just sent it out themselves. They were both also really small weddings as they didn't want to invite too many people. I actually never knew that they're supposed to come with pre-stamped envelopes until literally right now...

Edit: now that I think about, could those even be considered RSVP cards? They had all the details an RSVP card would have but did not have the actual part that said "please tell us if you can come or not"...........

 

[crisi]

It doesn't sound like they were even asking for an RSVP. If its a really small wedding (there were six people at my actual wedding - the reception was a lot more) people can talk to you easily. Its more like a dinner party invitation - they still need to know if you are going to come, but unless you are still in the 19th century, you don't usually provide a written response.

 

[DisneyKoyote]

It doesn't sound like they were even asking for an RSVP. If its a really small wedding (there were six people at my actual wedding - the reception was a lot more) people can talk to you easily. Its more like a dinner party invitation - they still need to know if you are going to come, but unless you are still in the 19th century, you don't usually provide a written response.

It wasn't as small as 6...maybe more like 20-30? Although only half of that amount were friends, the rest were family. But yes agree it's starting to sound less like an RSVP and more just an invitation now that I think about it. Was never a huge wedding girl, so clearly do not know much outside of my own experiences. To me, i thought those were the RSVPs hahah

 

[kaytieeldr]

LovesTimone - that is UNBELIEVABLE. What a bunch of low-class losers those people were.

We need a poll on lowest class behavior in this thread:
@LovesTimone's rude, ignorant, complaining fellow guests? Or @serenitynow's rude, ignorant, gift-grabbing niece?

 

[SouthFayetteFan]

We need a poll on lowest class behavior in this thread:
@LovesTimone's rude, ignorant, complaining fellow guests? Or @serenitynow's rude, ignorant, gift-grabbing niece?

Agreed. Or what about those 2 jerks that showed up at my friend’s wedding?

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

FWIW, one does not need to buy an entire sheet of stamps at a post office. You can buy just one.

 

[4Mickeys]

Maybe if more people didnt expect a young couple trying to get started in life to drop $30k on a wedding and buy a house instead we would be in a better place.

Ummm it is quite often the couple themselves with the expectation to have the big fancy $30k wedding not other people placing the expectation on them. But I do agree the cost of weddings has gotten crazy and yes for many those $$ are better spent on a house.

so 35 people who did not respond, showed up and ate and drank at the reception but did not come for the ceremony ...

This is just so plainly rude that it would be the place for someone to say sorry but you are not coming into the reception - 1. you did not RSVP and 2 you actually did not wish to share in our ceremony so nope you don't get to force me to offer you free food and drink! The only exception would be for someone who had RSVP's but then had an unforseen occurrence that made them late. Wow just Wow to the entitlement of those 35 people who did that.

 

[LovesTimone]

LovesTimone - that is UNBELIEVABLE. What a bunch of low-class losers those people were. I'd like to believe it's not age related, as I think there are many in their '20s who wouldn't do that - I see it as a direct reflection of lousy parents and upbringing. Clearly, no one cared or was there to teach them how to act like a human being.

I agree that you have to teach your children how to act, and what is acceptable behavior...there is no way around that...

 

[kymom99]

Ummm it is quite often the couple themselves with the expectation to have the big fancy $30k wedding not other people placing the expectation on them. But I do agree the cost of weddings has gotten crazy and yes for many those $$ are better spent on a house.



This is just so plainly rude that it would be the place for someone to say sorry but you are not coming into the reception - 1. you did not RSVP and 2 you actually did not wish to share in our ceremony so nope you don't get to force me to offer you free food and drink! The only exception would be for someone who had RSVP's but then had an unforseen occurrence that made them late. Wow just Wow to the entitlement of those 35 people who did that.

I agree in this case, showing up unexpectedly and late is inexcusable. It’s mostly their behavior once they got there and the fact they didn’t RSVP that I have an issue with.
However, I have attended receptions where I was unable to attend the actual ceremony. In one case I worked that day and i came after I got off work and had time to go home and change. Another time my mom was invited to a wedding which was being held the same day they were honoring my recently deceased father at our city flag raising. My mom was very upset she had to miss the wedding but I suggested she explain to the mother of the groom the situation and then I would bring her to the reception. They were fine with it. People have other things going on but may want to at least be able to make an appearance. When our niece got married a brother in law (not the parent of the bride) was all bent out of shape because there were a few people at the reception when we got there and he said there was no way they were at the wedding. They couldn’t have possibly beat us there. I wondered why it mattered. Maybe they couldn’t make it to the ceremony.

 

[tvguy]

It's just common courtesy to return an RSVP. Our wedding was almost 38 years ago, and one thing I wish we had done was to call those who did not return an RSVP. Months after we got married we found out two close friends (and co-workers) were hurt that they weren't invited to our wedding. They WERE invited. They both had moved, and had not had their mail forwarded. So not our fault they didn't get their invitations, however, we really wanted them there.

 

[KMarston]

It's just common courtesy to return an RSVP. Our wedding was almost 38 years ago, and one thing I wish we had done was to call those who did not return an RSVP. Months after we got married we found out two close friends (and co-workers) were hurt that they weren't invited to our wedding. They WERE invited. They both had moved, and had not had their mail forwarded. So not our fault they didn't get their invitations, however, we really wanted them there.

We received three invitations back close to a month after the wedding and invitations had gone out 5-6 weeks prior.

We received an invitation from a friends son whom my husband had mentored for some years. It would have meant traveling, getting a room, dog/house sitter etc... we absolutely would have made the effort but the invitation was so rude IMO that we just wrote a check, put it in a card and expressed our regrets that we couldn’t attend. The explained on the invitations why they preferred cash to a gift (which I get is common in some cultures but not so much in the south) and asked that you reply right away with no return card or contact information. And something else that I cannot remember at the moment, like make your hotel reservation at this place now so we can get our honeymoon suite paid for or some nonsense. I was blown away and not willing to waste a weekend on such ridiculousness.

I completely get that things come up. People will rsvp and have illnesses or emergencies, that’s completely understandable but not returning an rsvp card is just rude.

 

[kaytieeldr]

we absolutely would have made the effort but the invitation was so rude

Okay, so we're up to four contenders for my soon-to-be-created poll

 

[barkley]

Okay, so we're up to four contenders for my soon-to-be-created poll

i've got 2 potential nominees-


1. 'the lost thank you note'. went to a wedding and never received a thank you note for the gift-did'nt give it much thought b/c sadly it's become the exception vs. the rule that we get them anymore. out of the blue about 2 1/2 years later we get an envelope in the mail. inside is a photocopy of a handwritten note that says 'we are SO SORRY, we thought we sent out all the thank you notes for our wedding gifts right after the wedding but just recently found a batch that had been mistakenly stored in a box. here is your thank you note that we found' and a preaddressed w/ a return address and sealed thank you note for the wedding gift...............

thing was-the address on the thank you note wasn't where we lived when they had the wedding, nor was the return address on the thank you note envelope the couple's i told dh 'somethings up, i bet she's pregnant'. sure enough, less than 10 days later comes the baby shower invitation complete with a listing of where she's registered

2. 'the better late than never gift grab'. the turn out of guests for a wedding was less than anticipated by the groom's family-or should i say the number of gifts was less (they knew it was going to be a smaller crowd b/c of the location but assumed everyone invited would send gifts which was not the case due to a number of showers/engagement parties). a month or so after the wedding the groom's dad starts calling people and asking what they are doing the next weekend and then asks if they can come over to a bbq. after the person accepts the invite for the following weekend the groom's dad ends each call with 'great, x&y will be there so since you couldn't make it to the wedding you can bring their gift'.

before the groom's dad got through the first dozen calls the unlucky first callers started calling mutual friends to warn them so they could let the calls go to voice mail or come up with an excuse to decline (like i said-LOTS of gifts from engagement parties and showers had already been gifted by people on this list). we didn't attend (darn voice mail must have dropped the message) but we heard that it was a pretty small turnout.

 

[BingoJoe]

If I had to reserve a spot at a party/wedding/reception I wouldn't bother going. Sorry, I don't consider it poor manners, just not my type of crowd. If someone called/texted and invited me I would respond with an honest yes/no.

People need to know because they need to book and pay the caterers.... It isn't rocket science.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I agree in this case, showing up unexpectedly and late is inexcusable. It’s mostly their behavior once they got there and the fact they didn’t RSVP that I have an issue with.
However, I have attended receptions where I was unable to attend the actual ceremony. In one case I worked that day and i came after I got off work and had time to go home and change. Another time my mom was invited to a wedding which was being held the same day they were honoring my recently deceased father at our city flag raising. My mom was very upset she had to miss the wedding but I suggested she explain to the mother of the groom the situation and then I would bring her to the reception. They were fine with it. People have other things going on but may want to at least be able to make an appearance. When our niece got married a brother in law (not the parent of the bride) was all bent out of shape because there were a few people at the reception when we got there and he said there was no way they were at the wedding. They couldn’t have possibly beat us there. I wondered why it mattered. Maybe they couldn’t make it to the ceremony.

Of course exceptions are gracious and correct for explained conflicts like that - but I bet the vast majority of people who only go to the reception are just expecting to be bored by the ceremony and skip it on purpose, which doesn't seem fair.

 

[afan]

FWIW, one does not need to buy an entire sheet of stamps at a post office. You can buy just one.

You can also buy stamps, though I think it's a whole book, online. And the grocery store will have them. Plus your place of employment might let you buy one even if it's through the machine.

 

[BLAZEY]

If I had to reserve a spot at a party/wedding/reception I wouldn't bother going. Sorry, I don't consider it poor manners, just not my type of crowd. If someone called/texted and invited me I would respond with an honest yes/no.

You know that reception venues charge by the head , right? You can't just show up at the last minute and expect there to be a place setting for you. If you don't want to attend, that's fine just let the host KNOW that. You literally just have to mark a box and put in the mail. The sender even label and stamps the return envelope for you.

 

[ironz]

i've got 2 potential nominees-


1. 'the lost thank you note'. went to a wedding and never received a thank you note for the gift-did'nt give it much thought b/c sadly it's become the exception vs. the rule that we get them anymore. out of the blue about 2 1/2 years later we get an envelope in the mail. inside is a photocopy of a handwritten note that says 'we are SO SORRY, we thought we sent out all the thank you notes for our wedding gifts right after the wedding but just recently found a batch that had been mistakenly stored in a box. here is your thank you note that we found' and a preaddressed w/ a return address and sealed thank you note for the wedding gift...............

thing was-the address on the thank you note wasn't where we lived when they had the wedding, nor was the return address on the thank you note envelope the couple's i told dh 'somethings up, i bet she's pregnant'. sure enough, less than 10 days later comes the baby shower invitation complete with a listing of where she's registered

Ah.... the missing thank you notes. Granted, your situation is different with the address discrepancies, but here's my story.
When we got married, 2 couples who attended our wedding didn't get thank you notes from us, because we never received gifts from them. They are both comfortable financially, and well-mannered, so I can't imagine they had budget issues or forgot. While we didn't care that they didn't give us a gift, I have felt bad for years wondering if they DID send a gift to the house that got mis-delivered, or bring something to the wedding venue that got lost! Because then I would be that rude person who didn't send the thank you note! And you can't ask them-- what would you say? "What did you get us for our wedding?" That sounds greedy and would put everyone on the spot!

Luckily-- we love both the couples involved and remain friends. It has never been brought up.

 

[ironz]

And for the OP-- good luck getting the replies. We had about 15% who we had to track down and get answers. And of those that we called to see what the situation was, a few said they had either not gotten the invitation or lost it.
A few who finally said yes (probably because we were just trying to get an answer either way) ended up not coming. So be prepared for them to tell you yes and not show (because, whether by mail or on the phone, they are just not prioritizing the event). I think we did pretty good-- invited about 160, paid for 140, had 130 attend. Something like that.

 

[LBHouse]

You know that reception venues charge by the head , right? You can't just show up at the last minute and expect there to be a place setting for you. If you don't want to attend, that's fine just let the host KNOW that. You literally just have to mark a box and put in the mail. The sender even label and stamps the return envelope for you.

I am amazed that so many people don't seem to understand. I wouldn't go to a wedding that requires a reservation. At the same time, I've never been invited to a wedding that requires a reservation. Weddings 'round here are simple affairs. Usually in a church with ice cream and cake afterwards. Or outside at someone's house or whatever. I can honestly say, I know 1 couple who got married and had a reception at a banquet hall (and only because they got rained out). It's just not something that my circle of friends and family does. I was simply offering a different opinion on how/why people don't return RSVP's.