Wedding invitation with rules

[Babs Johnson]

That's worse than any request the bridal couple might make. How would he like it if someone did that with a gift for him?

Well, he wouldn’t know if the gift was reduced, just like the two couples didn’t know when he removed cash from the envelopes before presenting the gifts.

I agree it’s extremely tacky. DW said he was doing this for years before I met her. She’d say something to him and he’d snort in reply “Minda you own bizness.”

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I live in the land of all those formal weddings hated by the DIS (pay for your plate, pretty formal dress expected) and if someone told me a color code I would just decline. That's insane. I usually try to figure out the bridesmaids' dress color if I can so I can do something different. But that's just me.

I've told this story before but I had my wedding in my parents' backyard especially because they were moving out of the house they lived in for 40 years so I wanted a party and a pictures in the yard and the house. A grand finale! Originally we told people to wear resort wear. Which can literally be looked up on google if anyone was confused. When temps went crazy and it was the hottest day on record then we reached out to everyone and said wear whatever you can. We don't care, we just care to see you there if you feel comfortable in whatever you feel comfortable. Out of 104 yes-es 100 showed up so I think we did okay. And the 4 that didn't were older aunts and uncles on both sides that had no business being out in the heat so we were glad they made that decision. My genius wedding planner took every wash cloth, dish towel, and hand towel in the house and froze them and then served them on platters. It was a great idea!

You have the common sense to make sure your guests would be happy!!! Congratulations and kudos because so many times it doesn't happen. Sounds like a great reception!

 

[mrsstats79]

OP here. I will be attending the wedding and will not wear a color on the list. I am not close to the bride and if I see her prior to the wedding I will ask her about the colors. I do know that the bridal party is wearing green. I would assume one of the other colors is what her mother is wearing.

I just found it strange that someone would put on an invitation colors that could not be worn. Never heard of that before and yes everyone knows not to wear white.

I am 72 and grandma age so I will be wearing a comfortable dress and shoes.

 

[HopperFan]

No idea how this quote was credited to me but my mil has been gone for decades and had no special love for purple that I’m aware of. As I actually said up thread, I’m in the “whatever man” category. Your wedding, your rules, I’ll come or not.

No idea why it glitched and associated that quote to your name. I did respond to you as well so guess just something wonky.

I have deleted the quote as I don't want to offend.

 

[John VN]

OP here. I will be attending the wedding and will not wear a color on the list. I am not close to the bride and if I see her prior to the wedding I will ask her about the colors. I do know that the bridal party is wearing green. I would assume one of the other colors is what her mother is wearing.

I just found it strange that someone would put on an invitation colors that could not be worn. Never heard of that before and yes everyone knows not to wear white.

I am 72 and grandma age so I will be wearing a comfortable dress and shoes.

Good for you with wearing what you want. DW and I just had our 50th with a grand family get together. I thought back to our Wedding Day and could not imagine telling our guests what they must wear, whether it be back then or now.

r.e. bold DW and I soon to be 73, would just smile and not say anything regarding the colors.

p.s. -ENJOY

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I do know that the bridal party is wearing green. I would assume one of the other colors is what her mother is wearing.

I just found it strange that someone would put on an invitation colors that could not be worn.

Well not really strange right? Given that you know the bridal party is wearing green with green being a color on the list. This seems very obvious now and I can't fathom why it became such an issue here.

Have fun at the wedding!

 

[Boopuff]

The only request I've ever seen on an invite is the no-kids and cash bar. I get the no-kids since weddings have become really pricey at at per-head cost. But I do think some weddings would come with a warning. My nephew got married in a barn. Trendy! But they really should've let the folks know that the only 'facilities" were port-a potties (gross). So here you are all dressed up and have to deal with icky potties. That was a big downer. Also they had hired a "food truck" but that food was only for the wedding party (!?)

 

[HopperFan]

The only request I've ever seen on an invite is the no-kids and cash bar. I get the no-kids since weddings have become really pricey at at per-head cost. But I do think some weddings would come with a warning. My nephew got married in a barn. Trendy! But they really should've let the folks know that the only 'facilities" were port-a potties (gross). So here you are all dressed up and have to deal with icky potties. That was a big downer. Also they had hired a "food truck" but that food was only for the wedding party (!?)

Wait - the wedding was in a barn with no bathrooms? YIKES! I guess the minute I thought I might have a potty visit in my future I would be leaving the event to return home.

AND there was no food provided? Maybe so you don't have to go potty?

SERIOUSLY how do you not tell guests that it is a PRIMITIVE WEDDING? And you'd have to forage for food?

 

[GoingSince1990]

The only request I've ever seen on an invite is the no-kids and cash bar. I get the no-kids since weddings have become really pricey at at per-head cost. But I do think some weddings would come with a warning. My nephew got married in a barn. Trendy! But they really should've let the folks know that the only 'facilities" were port-a potties (gross). So here you are all dressed up and have to deal with icky potties. That was a big downer. Also they had hired a "food truck" but that food was only for the wedding party (!?)

I've been to some parties with really nice portable toilets in trailers, but I'm assuming you mean the horrible blue ones. Yes, that sounds terrible.

 

[luv2cheer92]

Good for you with wearing what you want. DW and I just had our 50th with a grand family get together. I thought back to our Wedding Day and could not imagine telling our guests what they must wear, whether it be back then or now.

r.e. bold DW and I soon to be 73, would just smile and not say anything regarding the colors.

p.s. -ENJOY

Sounds like OP is complying with the request of the bride/groom with regards to the colors.

 

[sam_gordon]

Good for you with wearing what you want. DW and I just had our 50th with a grand family get together. I thought back to our Wedding Day and could not imagine telling our guests what they must wear, whether it be back then or now.

The bride and groom in the OP didn't do that either. A request isn't a demand.

 

[nw6675]

 

[Disneylover99]

The bride and groom in the OP didn't do that either. A request isn't a demand.

Phrasing anything as a request is just a polite way of making a demand, especially on a wedding invitation.

Obviously they’re not going to say, we kindly request that you not wear these colours…… or don’t bother coming. Lol. But the reality is, if they’re making any type of request, they‘re doing It so you’ll follow their wishes.

 

[sk!mom]

The only request I've ever seen on an invite is the no-kids and cash bar. I get the no-kids since weddings have become really pricey at at per-head cost. But I do think some weddings would come with a warning. My nephew got married in a barn. Trendy! But they really should've let the folks know that the only 'facilities" were port-a potties (gross). So here you are all dressed up and have to deal with icky potties. That was a big downer. Also they had hired a "food truck" but that food was only for the wedding party (!?)

WTH?? Now that’s a thread. 11 pages on wedding colors. Imagine how long we could ride that one. No soup for you!

Never seen that but I did go to a wedding that had 1 beer choice and two wine choices for guests but a full open bar for the bridal party and their parents. It caused a buzz, for sure, as people saw the bridal party with cocktails and would unwittingly go to the bar to order one only to be told that it was bridal party only.

 

[sam_gordon]

Phrasing anything as a request is just a polite way of making a demand, especially on a wedding invitation.

Obviously they’re not going to say, we kindly request that you not wear these colours…… or don’t bother coming. Lol. But the reality is, if they’re making any type of request, they‘re doing It so you’ll follow their wishes.

"We request the honor of your presence" is a demand that you show up?

To me, a request is just that, a request. I would try to fulfill a request to the best of my ability, if it was important to attend.

My niece had a Bat Mitzvah last year. The party was Hawaiian themed and they asked people to wear Hawaiian shirts. Guess what, not everyone obliged them. And it was ok. I never heard anyone talking about those who didn't fulfill the "request".

 

[Disneylover99]

"We request the honor of your presence" is a demand that you show up?

Okay, well, when you phrase it like that, yeah, I see your point.

But, if there are any additional requests on an invitation, I don’t see it as a suggestion. They are asking you to abide by their wishes.

As in, “We kindly request, no flash photography during the ceremony.” It’s not presented as an option. They don’t want you to do it.

 

[HopperFan]

WTH?? Now that’s a thread. 11 pages on wedding colors. Imagine how long we could ride that one. No soup for you!

I'm sure we could fill pages with stories!

Never seen that but I did go to a wedding that had 1 beer choice and two wine choices for guests but a full open bar for the bridal party and their parents. It caused a buzz, for sure, as people saw the bridal party with cocktails and would unwittingly go to the bar to order one only to be told that it was bridal party only.

I've heard of bridal party members keeping flasks etc in the bridal rooms or even a specific brand under the bar BUT to blatantly have a two different menus right there in front of your guests ............ RUDE RUDE RUDE!

I've always said have the wedding you can afford. If you can't afford open bar for all, then have just what you can afford for all. If you can't afford a full dinner, then have a mid afternoon wedding with hors d'oeuvres. If you can't afford a fancy venue, find something you can. One can get very creative and have a lovely wedding without making it hard on your bridal party, yourselves or your guests.

 

[sk!mom]

I'm sure we could fill pages with stories!



I've heard of bridal party members keeping flasks etc in the bridal rooms or even a specific brand under the bar BUT to blatantly have a two different menus right there in front of your guests ............ RUDE RUDE RUDE!

I've always said have the wedding you can afford. If you can't afford open bar for all, then have just what you can afford for all. If you can't afford a full dinner, then have a mid afternoon wedding with hors d'oeuvres. If you can't afford a fancy venue, find something you can. One can get very creative and have a lovely wedding without making it hard on your bridal party, yourselves or your guests.

Completed agree. No one would have known the difference had the beverage choices been beer, red, or white. But when you see the bridal party walking around with vodka soda, you *think* it’s an option. It was a weird vibe for sure.

 

[_19disnA]

..............My nephew got married in a barn. Trendy! But they really should've let the folks know that the only 'facilities" were port-a potties (gross). So here you are all dressed up and have to deal with icky potties. That was a big downer. Also they had hired a "food truck" but that food was only for the wedding party (!?)

How bizarre !!! So for all of the 'planning' they did in preparation for the wedding, it never occurred to anyone that having real bathrooms for the guests would be important? Unless the wedding reception was a punch/cookies type that didn't last very long, seems like most would be heading for the door once they realized there weren't any real facilities to use. Serving food only to the bridal party also seems a bit odd to me as well.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

For me, it's not the colors or how many. It's the chutzpah of making the request. Am I being invited to a photoshoot or a wedding?

I really don't get the photoshoot complaint. It's doubtful the couple made the request, because they want a lot of pictures of the guests to post on social media. They most likely just want the wedding party to stand out. Doesn't everyone? To me, the people who say, "I'm going to wear what I want & don't care what anyone thinks." are the ones who sound entitled. Most people will go to many weddings in their lifetime. Hopefully, the bride & groom will only get married once.

Some of the more recent posts highlight how insignificant this request is compared to some of the things that one can experience at a wedding.