Wedding invitation with rules

[Lilsia]

No, you're not the only one who wouldn't have a problem with it. It's the bride and grooms day. They can have whatever they want. If they are important to me, I'll do whatever they need to make the day special. That said, I don't have any unreasonable or "snobby" (as someone above called them) people in my life, so I'm sure any requests I would receive are all in good fun. I don't need much of an excuse to buy a new dress, and my family's weddings are always a big hoot.

We were raised differently and our culture would never do this. We believe that people are the guests of the bride and groom. They have given up their time, spent money to be there, AND given a gift to the couple and are there to help them celebrate their wedding. You treat your guests like you would if you invited them into your home, you feed them and do everything that you can to make them feel welcome.
There is no way that I would ever dictate to someone what they should wear. To me, that is incredibly rude. Would anyone do that in any other situation? Would you say, come over for dinner but make sure that you wear a red dress? Weddings have lost all of their meaning now. They have become a narcissistic, show off popularity contest.

 

[wegotodisney]

We were raised differently and our culture would never do this. We believe that people are the guests of the bride and groom. They have given up their time, spent money to be there, AND given a gift to the couple and are there to help them celebrate their wedding. You treat your guests like you would if you invited them into your home, you feed them and do everything that you can to make them feel welcome.
There is no way that I would ever dictate to someone what they should wear. To me, that is incredibly rude. Would anyone do that in any other situation? Would you say, come over for dinner but make sure that you wear a red dress? Weddings have lost all of their meaning now. They have become a narcissistic, show off popularity contest.

The OP stated it was a request, no one dictated anything. You are projecting and paraphrasing. Of course a wedding is all about being a gracious host. You are using one of many of my posts as a quote without taking into consideration all I have said. To me a wedding is a wonderful occasion for family and friends to be together. Weddings in my family are celebrated occasions for the host family to see to the comfort and joy of every attendee. However, the bride and groom do get to have some fun, and they are allowed to let their personalities shine through. You have misconstrued me here, and not for the first time. Please lay off.

 

[RedAngie]

DD and her fiancee have an unusual request for their June 18th wedding. They’re asking guests to wear sneakers or other casual shoes.

 

[sam_gordon]

I just want to point out the first sentence in the OP (emphasis mine):

Just received a wedding invitation with a REQUEST that guests NOT wear certain colors to the wedding.

So they are ASKING that people AVOID certain colors. Everyone who's saying guests are being told, demanding, or dictated on what to wear has it backwards.

 

[cedricandsophie]

I wouldn’t mind complying with the dress code. At least they didn’t tell you to wear only one color. Cocktail attire in a back yard for me would be silky pants and a nice loose cool top with good jewelry and a sweater or wrap just in case. And nice sandals, no heels. I have a pair of black flip flops with rhinestones. I have been to a few of these. It’s always nice to be outside. But I’d also bring sunscreen if you’re going to be standing in the sun a lot.

 

[Minnesota!]

The funny thing is, they all try to outdo each other but they are doing the same things. Another example of this is in houses. Everyone has to have a white kitchen. And around here, I can’t count how many new houses are white with black trim. Nothing remotely unique or classic.

Ugh - I HATE white kitchens. I have been stuck with mine for 15 years and I LOATHE them. As we look at moving, if a house has a white kitchen (cupboards, etc.), I am immediately out. Give me a warm kitchen with some beautiful wood cabinets, etc.

It is sad that the bride/groom feel like they have to dictate a dress code. They must have attended weddings where people were really badly dressed. We have as a society lost a sense of decorum.

I don't get the part about not wearing certain colors (especially blue / green - possibly that's what bridesmaids are wearing, and moms wearing gold?) But, no one except the bride should wear white to a wedding. And, where I'm from you don't wear black (a mourning color) to a wedding - when I was "mother-of" , I was shocked at how many salespeople tried to sell me a black dress.

Cocktail dress to a backyard reception could mean cute sundress, flowy midi, nice pantsuit or skirtsuit. Just not jeans, khakis, cut-offs, shorts, etc.

I typically wear black to a wedding (and, most women I know do, too...LBD, anyone?). I usually color-it-up with some colorful jewelry, but I would not ever think twice seeing someone wear black to a wedding. I wear bright colors to funerals...my own dad, I wore aqua. My mom wore black to my wedding.

For the OP - for any wedding, with any requests that are beyond what I am comfortable with, I just send a card and wish them well. I don't break my own comfort for the esthetics of someone else.

If I can't wear my chucks, I don't go, pretty much

 

[Moliphino]

One of my cousins asked everyone to wear black to their wedding. It wasn't really a problem since pretty much everyone already had black dresses and suits.

 

[ronandannette]

DD and her fiancee have an unusual request for their June 18th wedding. They’re asking guests to wear sneakers or other casual shoes.

Do tell why? This would actually be harder for me to swallow than the colour-restriction thing. My single pair of runners are only for garden chores and serious walking; they’re pretty ratty. All my other shoes have heels and/or straps of some sort, even my beach sandals. I do have a pair of water shoes somewhere...

Congratulations to everybody. I hope you all have a lovely day!

 

[tzolkin]

I find myself wondering if these kids that are getting married stop and think about how broke *they* are before asking their broke friends to commit to that kind of financial obligation.

Most people doing these types of bridal party trips do them because that is the "norm" in their social circle. I think they are well aware of the financial obligation involved (because they likely have participated in several of these events for other friends). They just believe that the experience is worth the expense even if it requires you to go into debt.

I think this tends to be the case with everything and why there is always so much to discuss on this board. Different people have different priorities and therefore choose to spend their money in ways that make absolutely no sense to others. I can't even count how many posts along the lines of "just take the Disney trip with your kids and go all out even if you have to pay interest later on your credit card because the memories are worth it" I have seen over the years.

So they are ASKING that people AVOID certain colors. Everyone who's saying guests are being told, demanding, or dictated on what to wear has it backwards.

Yes, unless you only own one dress it should not be difficult to avoid a few specific colors. I have seen this several times so to me it would not even register at all as being rude or demanding. I don't remember if it was written out in the invitations, but I have been told for different weddings to please not wear purple/sage/blue/whatever color because that was the color for the bridesmaids. This has been the case at basically every wedding I have attended where the bridesmaids all wore the same color, but not the same dress (so someone else showing up in a purple dress would look like they were in the bridal party).

Also, it's a request. You don't have to comply, but unless it would cause you a major inconvenience or expense I really don't understand why someone wouldn't. I went to a funeral a few years back for a bubbly young woman who died unexpectedly. They requested that everyone wear bright pink and "bling" because those were some things she loved. Of course, no one was checking at the door to make sure people complied (and I'm sure plenty didn't), but it was a nice gesture by those who did. It made the family very happy and changed the atmosphere to more of a celebration.

 

[nw6675]

I just want to point out the first sentence in the OP (emphasis mine):

So they are ASKING that people AVOID certain colors. Everyone who's saying guests are being told, demanding, or dictated on what to wear has it backwards.

I am curious about how it actually was stated. There are plenty of ways to ask, some more demanding than others. The OP may have just used the word request.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I’ve been to many weddings, although not too recently, and haven’t seen this. I generally always have avoided the bridal party color/s, if known. It does seem a bit too controlling to put such requests on an invitation, however it wouldn’t affect my decision to attend. If I was deciding between several outfits to wear and one fit the preferred guidelines, I’d choose that one, otherwise wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think anyone’s getting turned away for wearing the “wrong” color.

 

[sam_gordon]

I am curious about how it actually was stated. There are plenty of ways to ask, some more demanding than others. The OP may have just used the word request.

True. But that's the information we have, so why not go with it unless OP comes back to clarify?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

generally always have avoided the bridal party color/s, if known. It does seem a bit too controlling to put such requests on an invitation,

What if (and this is just generally speaking) the colors listed (or at least one or two) were the bridal party and groomsmen colors?

I suspect there would be people who would object to such wording like "Green, blue, and gold are party of our colors so avoid them please" (I omitted white for a reason because that should be a given).

It sure sounds like people object to just being told one way or another and want to wear what they want to wear regardless (some even said white!).

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I always have to buy something if I'm invited to a wedding because I loathe dresses and almost never wear them. I would have no problem with avoiding the colors stated when shopping. It doesn't seem like too much to ask. As for black, I've never heard of 'don't wear black to a wedding' before. It was always seen as a nice, formal color. In fact I wore a black dress to my niece's wedding last year. It was a sheath with ruffled sequinned sleeves and was quite festive. In fact, my sister borrowed it for a wedding *she* was invited to a couple of months later.

If you Google, 'crazy bride requests,' you'll see that this is really mild.

 

[tzolkin]

What if (and this is just generally speaking) the colors listed (or at least one or two) were the bridal party and groomsmen colors?

This is exactly what I assumed when I read the original post. Green, blue, and gold are likely their bridal party colors (and they threw white onto the list just in case someone didn't know that wearing a white dress to a wedding is typically frowned upon). To me, this is absolutely no big deal (and avoiding the bridal party colors is a fairly normal thing for people to do).

But, honestly, even if it's simply that the couple doesn't like those colors or that they are going for a particular color theme for photos it still seems like no big deal to me. I would not personally make a request like that, but if photos are that important to the couple I see no issue with asking. Obviously, many people care about the appearance of every detail at their wedding or there would not be a market for expensive decorations, bridal party attire, and photography.

To me, requesting (or at least expecting) guests wear particular attire has always been a part of weddings. The average person does not wear their casual everyday clothing and accessories to a wedding (unless the couple specifically request them to). Guests dress up for the occasion. And exactly what level they dress up to varies based on the level of formality (location, time of day, etc). Every wedding I have ever attended has had some sort of "aesthetic" that the guests were expected to comply with whether it was explicitly stated on the invitations or not. You always have three options: 1. wear what is expected/requested 2. wear whatever you want and stand out awkwardly 3. don't attend.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Do tell why? This would actually be harder for me to swallow than the colour-restriction thing. My single pair of runners are only for garden chores and serious walking; they’re pretty ratty. All my other shoes have heels and/or straps of some sort, even my beach sandals. I do have a pair of water shoes somewhere...

Congratulations to everybody. I hope you all have a lovely day!

It said other casual shoes. Beach sandals with a strap would be fine.

 

[nw6675]

I googled it to see what the Miss Manners/Good Housekeeping (old school) versus Blogs/current magazines (new fangled lol) had to say. They're about as split as we are

 

[GoingSince1990]

Am I the only one who in decades of life and many weddings attended, literally never realized until reading this thread that “avoiding the bridal party colors is a fairly normal thing to do”?

 

[Micca]

When I married my now ex-husband, we had a medieval themed wedding at a local horse ranch.

So the divorce was something like this?

 

[mjkacmom]

Am I the only one who in decades of life and many weddings attended, literally never realized until reading this thread that “avoiding the bridal party colors is a fairly normal thing to do”?

I think it’s more of an issue today with many bridesmaids wearing the same color but not the same dress.