Wedding invitation with rules

[Travel60]

It is sad that the bride/groom feel like they have to dictate a dress code. They must have attended weddings where people were really badly dressed. We have as a society lost a sense of decorum.

I don't get the part about not wearing certain colors (especially blue / green - possibly that's what bridesmaids are wearing, and moms wearing gold?) But, no one except the bride should wear white to a wedding. And, where I'm from you don't wear black (a mourning color) to a wedding - when I was "mother-of" , I was shocked at how many salespeople tried to sell me a black dress.

Cocktail dress to a backyard reception could mean cute sundress, flowy midi, nice pantsuit or skirtsuit. Just not jeans, khakis, cut-offs, shorts, etc.

 

[leebee]

@mjkacmom @wenrob The bride of the wedding DD is in has suggested that if her bridesmaids can't afford to live up to expectations, they could consider selling some of their clothes online or donating plasma to make the money they need. Is this girl even LISTENING to herself?

 

[Tink-osophy]

So selfish and annoying when the bride’s main priority is how good the photos look on Instagram. I had to go to a destination beach wedding where the bride insisted on black tie (so hot and uncomfortable tux and cummerbund, blister-producing shoes, etc.) because she clearly prioritized visually appealing photos over the comfort of her guests. For the rest of my life, to me, she will always be “the one who made me wear a tux on the beach in 85 degree heat”.

I think someone needs to let some of the air out of the whole wedding balloon!

A ceremony of uniting 2 people and the celebration/embracing of that union by family and friends is turning into - ironically - something more self-absorbed and narcissistic. Who cares if the guests look uniform on social media? Or if the bachelorette weekend resembles a military operation of 'fun'? Or if the seat cushions match the door knobs?!

I firmly believe that the best kind of wedding supports everyone in having a comfortable, hopefully fun and, definitely, reasonably-priced time. ...IOW, that everyone matters.

Something like this maybe...

 

[hrhdhd]

My MIL wore white to my wedding almost 29 years ago. Yes, I am still annoyed. Fortunately, most of my guests thought she was nuts.

Re: this invitation: I'm a no, dog.

 

[wenrob]

I agree with what you're saying but I think in the case of what you're mentioning with someone lording over the wedding couple with money and with the image of perfection is it fair to then characterize them as inherently selfish even if they aren't meaning to?

Like your kids you wouldn't call them inherently selfish because you never made a fuss about weddings being extravagant it would seem nor do you think your kids want them. But in the case of your daughter's friends they've had a heavy influence growing up and presently are having a heavy influence by their parents paying for it and for extravagance, does that make them selfish if they are being presented with "this is how it is"? How much of this issue is really the parents pulling the purse strings..literally.

Just me randomly thinking because I agree with what you're getting at

I was struggling to find the right phrasing because it really bothers me when people put down younger generations. I didn’t/don’t want to come off that way. Even with my very simple wedding that probably didn’t cost more than a wedding dress does nowadays there were things that l thought mattered a whole lot at 24 that now I look back on and think it was ridiculous to be that focused on. Part of it is being conditioned to think everything needs to be a certain way and part of it is that sometimes especially when you’re young you can’t see past how you want it to be. I don’t think it’s the parents insisting on weekend bachelorette trips and I don’t think these young folks are *meaning* to put financial strain on their closest friends, they just want what they want and aren’t stopping to think.

 

[wegotodisney]

This to me makes sense because some people have beach theme, western theme, etc. and it’s suggested but not required. To me it’s much different from being told what color to wear.

There was a recent thread where the poster said formal gowns were required and the bride went to great lengths to explain what was and was not acceptable.

I can see young people going along with these expectations and thinking it’s fun. That’s really who it’s aimed at. But let’s be honest, If aunt sally wears a cotton dress with a cardigan, no one is really going to say anything. (I used the cotton dress/cardigan example because my niece was married 2 years ago. The reception was at a country club. My 76 year old cousin wore a cotton casual dress and a cardigan. She’s short and heavy and has bad feet so her shoes were orthopedic.) after a certain age, people earn the right to wear what they are comfortable in. It’s one thing to be respectful in what you choose to wear and another to feel welcomed wearing what you have that’s comfortable for you.

I love your post and I agree with it completely. However it's a long way from the people making comments about how if the invitation makes any requests they won't go, or they'll go and wear whatever they want, or they'll deliberately do the exact opposite. In the OP, the invitation received requested avoiding certain colors. It didn't demand anything. It also mentioned cocktail attire but that's a wide category. I imagine that since this event is held in a back yard they were trying to make clear that it's still a bit dressy, rather than shorts and flip flops. If Aunt Sally needs to wear orthopedic shoes I sincerely doubt that anyone will care (or notice) and they'll just be happy she is there. I don't get all the animosity towards wedding invitations.

 

[wegotodisney]

So selfish and annoying when the bride’s main priority is how good the photos look on Instagram. I had to go to a destination beach wedding where the bride insisted on black tie (so hot and uncomfortable tux and cummerbund, blister-producing shoes, etc.) because she clearly prioritized visually appealing photos over the comfort of her guests. For the rest of my life, to me, she will always be “the one who made me wear a tux on the beach in 85 degree heat”.

But why did you go? I'm sure your misery added nothing positive. Why not just gracefully decline instead of being a blight on someone's special occasion?
For the future, please know that when a couple chooses a destination wedding, they're actually hoping that the people they feel they have to invite, but don't really want there, won't come. Next time stay home and do everyone, yourself included, a favor.

 

[disykat]

@mjkacmom @wenrob The bride of the wedding DD is in has suggested that if her bridesmaids can't afford to live up to expectations, they could consider selling some of their clothes online or donating plasma to make the money they need. Is this girl even LISTENING to herself?

LOL Maybe they should sell their kidneys on the black market too?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was struggling to find the right phrasing because it really bothers me when people put down younger generations. I didn’t/don’t want to come off that way. Even with my very simple wedding that probably didn’t cost more than a wedding dress does nowadays there were things that l thought mattered a whole lot at 24 that now I look back on and think it was ridiculous to be that focused on. Part of it is being conditioned to think everything needs to be a certain way and part of it is that sometimes especially when you’re young you can’t see past how you want it to be. I don’t think it’s the parents insisting on weekend bachelorette trips and I don’t think these young folks are *meaning* to put financial strain on their closest friends, they just want what they want and aren’t stopping to think.

Thank you for that explanation

 

[Genie+]

I was struggling to find the right phrasing because it really bothers me when people put down younger generations. I didn’t/don’t want to come off that way. Even with my very simple wedding that probably didn’t cost more than a wedding dress does nowadays there were things that l thought mattered a whole lot at 24 that now I look back on and think it was ridiculous to be that focused on. Part of it is being conditioned to think everything needs to be a certain way and part of it is that sometimes especially when you’re young you can’t see past how you want it to be. I don’t think it’s the parents insisting on weekend bachelorette trips and I don’t think these young folks are *meaning* to put financial strain on their closest friends, they just want what they want and aren’t stopping to think.

The older I get the less judgmental, especially when it comes to young adults. They just don’t have the all the life experience we older folks have. We never stop learning and alot of that happens over decades.

 

[wegotodisney]

The older I get the less judgmental, especially when it comes to young adults. They just don’t have the all the life experience we older folks have. We never stop learning and alot of that happens over decades.

So true. Every one of us is smarter than we used to be. It's a process. It's not just about gaining knowledge but also about realizing what really matters.

Still, I'll never dis any event that brings family and friends together. To me, an event like a wedding is about more than the wedding. It's a family reunion by a different name.

 

[dvcgirl67]

My nephew is getting married in July at a nice event center. The only thing regarding dress they mentioned is “cocktail” on the couple’s webpage. I would imagine a number of people would never look at the webpage. I hate going to weddings anymore because I can’t find dresses that look good these days. I may wear a pants suit.

Wear what makes you feel comfortable. All of these wedding rules are getting ridiculous. They're so complicated it makes me not even want to attend.

 

[Pink Partridge]

If they asked me not to wear black, I’d need to decline. It’s all I’ve got. Lol.

You and me both!

 

[Pink Partridge]

The couple still received the substantial cheque from us even though we couldn’t attend. Now ask me if I received an acknowledgment of the cheque. It WAS cashed.

People are so rude. How do you accept a gift and not give thanks?

 

[LADO]

Saying to wear certain colors seems a bit outrageous to me. However, saying the attire style, aka cocktail, does not seem that unusual. Some would likely assume that shorts and a tshirt is ok for a backyard wedding. I am old school also and think anything not somewhat dressy would be inappropriate

 

[kymom99]

Saying to wear certain colors seems a bit outrageous to me. However, saying the attire style, aka cocktail, does not seem that unusual. Some would likely assume that shorts and a tshirt is ok for a backyard wedding. I am old school also and think anything not somewhat dressy would be inappropriate

I agree, asking for a certain style of dress to suit the setting is fine. I think it helps guests feel confident in their choice of attire. People also have the option of declining the invitation if the dress code isn’t something they are comfortable with. But telling people specifically what style of dress or what colors is a bit over the top.

 

[LADO]

I agree, asking for a certain style of dress to suit the setting is fine. I think it helps guests feel confident in their choice of attire. People also have the option of declining the invitation if the dress code isn’t something they are comfortable with. But telling people specifically what style of dress or what colors is a bit over the top.

When I got married I told my husband that if anyone shows up wearing jeans they were getting kicked out, haha. Didn't care about the color but our wedding was.....upscale to say the least and someone wedding jeans would just not be appropriate. I think in fact we did put something on our invites about choice of attire now that I think about it

 

[TLSnell1981]

Cocktail attire isn't as restrictive as some might think. It's simply a bit "fancier" than casual but not formal. A backyard reception can definitely be more on the elegant side. The bride and groom absolutely have the right to celebrate as they wish. Whether it be wacky, traditional, casual or elegant. It's their party...no judgment from me.

BTW..I'd have no problem with the bride and groom's request.

 

[TwoMisfits]

@mjkacmom @wenrob The bride of the wedding DD is in has suggested that if her bridesmaids can't afford to live up to expectations, they could consider selling some of their clothes online or donating plasma to make the money they need. Is this girl even LISTENING to herself?

Yeah, I'd be stepping out of that wedding party immediately.

 

[BayouQueen]

Cocktail attire isn't as restrictive as some might think. It's simply a bit "fancier" than casual but not formal. A backyard reception can definitely be more on the elegant side. The bride and groom absolutely have the right to celebrate as they wish. Whether it be wacky, traditional, casual or elegant. It's their party...no judgment from me.

BTW..I'd have no problem with the bride and groom's request.

I don’t have a problem with it either, but it took me awhile to decide that. Lol First reaction was ugghhh.

Seems like there’s something to the color request that we don’t know and probably don’t need to know. Maybe those colors are Team Bride and Team Groom for the families or something like that.
Whatever silliness they’ve cooked up, I’d just follow the rules and go enjoy myself.