$$$ Wedding gift - what dollar amount?

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I totally agree with your post!

We just don't discuss money or the costs of anything to others outside of our immediate family. Discussing the costs of anything, be it a car or a wedding is considered vulgar and therefore simply not done.

The only time we ever give cash when attending a wedding is if the wedding is being given by our friends/relatives who are Italian or Chinese, since it is a cultural difference.

In some parts of the country there is no need to discuss cost because you are well aware of it.
$180 is the starting price for 1st Communion Brunch or a child's birthday party.
I have to be honest and say I think it is vulgar to stereotype a money gift with a person's Chinese or Italian background.
Therefore, simply it should not be done.......

 

[GJM]

[QUOTEWe (NY/NJ area) don't discuss the costs. We just know what things cost around here from experience. It's not like someone giving a wedding will tell you that Catering Hall X goes for $175 per head. It's just common knowledge.][/QUOTE]


You are so right - we would never give less then $300 and more if it was family.

 

[java]

This is a typical $200ish per head location on Long Island.

http://www.flowerfield.com/index.html

Hey Par8hed that is where my sister wants to get married! She is looking at a Friday night to save $ but I think it is crazy expensive. She has been there before for a wedding and loved it- It does look pretty.

 

[RadioNate]

We've been giving around $100 or $150 lately because we've had to spend significant amounts traveling to weddings lately.

My cousin's had a 7 hour drive to Key West, a $300 per night hotel, and a bridemaid's dress I couldn't wear again (considering I was 8 months pregnant) then I had to fly to Indiana for the reception get another bridesmaid's dress because I was no longer 8 months pregnant. That was a special circumstance but still costly. At least in Indiana I could stay with family. ETA: this wasn't a bridezilla situation at all and I was thrilled to be able to afford all the traveling. This bride did everything under the sun to accommodate people and a very difficult time. I just didn't want any bashes because it seemed like I was whining.

We have one in Nov that requires us to travel from FL to California. We are already $1700 in and that is flights and hotel only. We'll probably go $100 and get a small gift to go with it.

Unfortunately we tend to give more if we don't have to travel.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I don't know about Chinese weddings, but at an Italian wedding you do not come with a wrapped gift. You bring a card with money in it and the bride comes to your table holding a cloth bag. You give her the card and she gives you a wedding favor. That is the custom. However, at the shower you give a wrapped gift.

 

[cepmom]

Yikes ... $200-$300???? We do $100 depending on who it is. We live in South Florida but any/all the weddings we have gone to are in the Boston/NE area.

us too....we have given $200 to our very close friends and DH's sisters, but anyone else gets $100.

 

[MomofCKJ]

Holy cow! I have never given that much as a wedding gift! Eek!

We do $75-100 for a friend/coworker and closer to $150 for family.

I'm in MA.

Allyson

 

[NYPDwife]

What is the going rate for a cash/check wedding gift where you live? And where do you live? Does geographics play a part in the amount???

Just curious, as I am going to a wedding for the first time in over 5 years. Five years ago we were paying $200-250 as a gift from both DH and me. I really hope it isn't higher now. We live in NJ, close to the Jersey shore.

Depends on the type of place. I always give my plate and then some, so usually DH and I wind up giving at least $300.00. If you want, just call the hall and see what the average plate goes for.

 

[ChrizJen]

No matter where the wedding takes place the answer should always be the same.. Whatever you can afford..

That's what I was going to say.

 

[NYPDwife]

And here I am feeling totally generous for planning on giving a cousin $50 for her wedding gift.

But then again people around here have their receptions at the VFW or fire hall, and the food is provided by family. The above-mentioned cousin got married in the most beautiful setting -- along a river bank in a beautifully decorated pavilion in the groom's family's back yard. The reception was held there too.

Catered weddings run $10-15 a plate, and renting the hall is usually around $200-300. It blows me away that people pay the outrageous amounts they do.

While I didn't expect to make up what I paid ($125 per plate), my cousin and his then-wife gave $50 (total) AND THE CHECK BOUNCED !!!!! So I had to pay $250 for their plates, plus a $25.00 return fee . I never called them, I figured they knew their own check bounced, but I did expect an apology or even some sort of acknowledgement,which I never got !!

 

[NYPDwife]

That's what I was going to say.

I have turned down many a wedding (for friends, not family), because I could not afford to pay my plate. I've been brought up with the notion that you at least pay for your plate, and if you can give more, then do so. But if I can't afford it, I politely decline and send a small gift (only if they live in the same state).

 

[princesspiglet]

I live in Central Pa and have never heard of paying for your plate before

Typically, we pay $50 for a friend and $100 for family. I can not even fathom paying $300!

With that said, most weddings around here are held in the firehall or legion. Once I went to one at the Hilton, but that is the fanciest we get down here.

My wedding cost a grand total of $1500- and that was everything! I had 375 people invited also. I didn't get a single cash gift over $100- and that was from my parents!!

 

[Freyja]

Wow, this is really interesting. Soooo, because "bridezilla" decides to have an extravagant reception, all her friends and family should give huge amounts to "cover their plates"? And if she decides to have a small receptions with punch and cake they (the bride and groom) only "deserve" a $15 or less gift, since it probably wouldn´t cost more to "cover your plate".

What if you can´t afford $300. Do you then simply not go?

I would have hated if people wouldn´t have come to our wedding (we had a very lavish reception but at that time we and all of our friends were poor students) because they couldn´t afford to pay for the expensive meal I chose to INVITE them to.

I guess I really just don´t get it. I can´t see why it´s that much different than inviting someone over for dinner. While I certainly appreciate a hostess gift from my guests, I definately don´t expect one, and would never expect it to be equivalent to the cost of the meal I provide.

I also have a question for those who say: "You give what you can afford". Does that mean that people who have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ should give $500, $1000 or what???

 

[MushyMushy]

Wow, this is really interesting. Soooo, because "bridezilla" decides to have an extravagant reception, all her friends and family should give huge amounts to "cover their plates"? And if she decides to have a small receptions with punch and cake they (the bride and groom) only "deserve" a $15 or less gift, since it probably wouldn´t cost more to "cover your plate".

What if you can´t afford $300. Do you then simply not go?

I would have hated if people wouldn´t have come to our wedding (we had a very lavish reception but at that time we and all of our friends were poor students) because they couldn´t afford to pay for the expensive meal I chose to INVITE them to.

I guess I really just don´t get it. I can´t see why it´s that much different than inviting someone over for dinner. While I certainly appreciate a hostess gift from my guests, I definately don´t expect one, and would never expect it to be equivalent to the cost of the meal I provide.

I also have a question for those who say: "You give what you can afford". Does that mean that people who have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ should give $500, $1000 or what???

I think the attitude you're talking about is a small percentage of the population. I've been to weddings in several different states and the whole "cover your plate" thing is unheard of.

 

[RadioNate]

Wow, this is really interesting. Soooo, because "bridezilla" decides to have an extravagant reception, all her friends and family should give huge amounts to "cover their plates"? And if she decides to have a small receptions with punch and cake they (the bride and groom) only "deserve" a $15 or less gift, since it probably wouldn´t cost more to "cover your plate".

What if you can´t afford $300. Do you then simply not go?

I would have hated if people wouldn´t have come to our wedding (we had a very lavish reception but at that time we and all of our friends were poor students) because they couldn´t afford to pay for the expensive meal I chose to INVITE them to.

I guess I really just don´t get it. I can´t see why it´s that much different than inviting someone over for dinner. While I certainly appreciate a hostess gift from my guests, I definately don´t expect one, and would never expect it to be equivalent to the cost of the meal I provide.

I also have a question for those who say: "You give what you can afford". Does that mean that people who have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ should give $500, $1000 or what???

I think you are touching on some regional and social differences in America. Where I grew up and in the circle of community that I grew up around having a simple punch and cake reception just isn't done. Now the punch and cake crowd is going to think I'm slamming them and I'm not. But the fact is, that in my limited world growing up, punch and cake receptions didn't exist.

You got married, had a catered reception with an open bar, you invited everyone you or your parents ever knew and people gave a gift that roughly covered the plate. There is a huge 'wedding hall' business and they are all about the same price and no one had receptions anywhere else.

Now, as an adult, I've lived in 6 different states from Oregon to Florida and everywhere in between and I've seen all sorts of different, very lovely, wedding receptions. But I'm still not giving less than $100, even for punch and cake.

 

[NYPDwife]

Wow, this is really interesting. Soooo, because "bridezilla" decides to have an extravagant reception, all her friends and family should give huge amounts to "cover their plates"? And if she decides to have a small receptions with punch and cake they (the bride and groom) only "deserve" a $15 or less gift, since it probably wouldn´t cost more to "cover your plate".

What if you can´t afford $300. Do you then simply not go?

I would have hated if people wouldn´t have come to our wedding (we had a very lavish reception but at that time we and all of our friends were poor students) because they couldn´t afford to pay for the expensive meal I chose to INVITE them to.

I guess I really just don´t get it. I can´t see why it´s that much different than inviting someone over for dinner. While I certainly appreciate a hostess gift from my guests, I definately don´t expect one, and would never expect it to be equivalent to the cost of the meal I provide.

I also have a question for those who say: "You give what you can afford". Does that mean that people who have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ should give $500, $1000 or what???

I feel this was directed towards me so I will answer...

That's how I was raised, and that's what I do. Anyway, I wasn't a bridezilla, I don't think $125 a plate was much (a $13K wedding, that's pretty cheap around here), and it was MY wedding, if I wanted to have a big wedding, then so be it. Like I said, my cousin and his then-wife gave me $50. I wasn't expecting to make all $13K back. And I sent them a gracious thank you card even though I really didn't get jack-dookey from them.

And yes, if I can't afford $300, no matter what type of wedding, I don't go.

 

[Mom2Nick]

Wow, this is really interesting. Soooo, because "bridezilla" decides to have an extravagant reception, all her friends and family should give huge amounts to "cover their plates"? And if she decides to have a small receptions with punch and cake they (the bride and groom) only "deserve" a $15 or less gift, since it probably wouldn´t cost more to "cover your plate".

What if you can´t afford $300. Do you then simply not go?

I would have hated if people wouldn´t have come to our wedding (we had a very lavish reception but at that time we and all of our friends were poor students) because they couldn´t afford to pay for the expensive meal I chose to INVITE them to.

I guess I really just don´t get it. I can´t see why it´s that much different than inviting someone over for dinner. While I certainly appreciate a hostess gift from my guests, I definately don´t expect one, and would never expect it to be equivalent to the cost of the meal I provide.

I also have a question for those who say: "You give what you can afford". Does that mean that people who have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ should give $500, $1000 or what???

So people that have large and expensive weddings are automatically Bridezillas???? Nice

 

[Par8hed]

Hey Par8hed that is where my sister wants to get married! She is looking at a Friday night to save $ but I think it is crazy expensive. She has been there before for a wedding and loved it- It does look pretty.

I agree it's pricey. But I will say iit IS a very nice location and they truly do a wonderful job.

 

[Freyja]

So people that have large and expensive weddings are automatically Bridezillas???? Nice

If you would have read my post further, you would have noticed that I was one of those people who had a large and expensive wedding. Probably the most expensive wedding I´ve ever been to. I didn´t mean to call those people Bridezillas (although I don´t mind being called one), but the people who expect their guests to pay for their plate at a reception they were INVITED to.

 

[wall*e2008]

Maybe I am just some dumb southern hillbilly but do you guys actually give that much money as wedding gifts. I can honestly say I have never heard of that. May I ask why so much?? I mean I hardly spend that much on my own kids for birthday and Christmas!

Yes. Why else would I post it. We attended two weddings this year.