Wedding Food Issue

[nancycg56]

We are in the process of planning my DD's wedding for next June We are having something for everyone. My son and I prefer little to no meat but there will be carnivores, too, like my hubby. There will be plenty for everyone to eat regardless of what they eat

 

[Pigeon]

I think they can serve what they want, but I have to admit, I find vegan fare to be pretty awful and probably wouldn't eat much of it. Vegetarian, I can do, but vegan, no thanks.

 

[Pigeon]

. Then again the bride and groom also stated that anybody wearing leather would be turned away. No leather shoes, purses or belts so it was not destined to be a plesant event to begin with.

I wore my beaten up crocs and a thankfully had a beaded purse. DH only has leather dress shoes and belts and a leather wallet. We were unsure of his sneakers so he had to wear cheap plastic flip flops. We were not the only people with questionable foot wear either.

When bridezilla tells you what to wear, that's nature's way of telling you to send regrets and stay home.

 

[aprilgail2]

Then again the bride and groom also stated that anybody wearing leather would be turned away. No leather shoes, purses or belts so it was not destined to be a plesant event to begin with.

I wore my beaten up crocs and a thankfully had a beaded purse. DH only has leather dress shoes and belts and a leather wallet. We were unsure of his sneakers so he had to wear cheap plastic flip flops. We were not the only people with questionable foot wear either.

I owuld have worn my leather shoes and when they turned me away I would have taken my check home with me!

 

[fall08CP]

I have to jump in because I am a vegan, so it almost feels like my duty

Here are my views upfront:

-I'm a fairly new vegan (as of March).
-I have no problems with friends/family eating meat, but I will not prepare it for them. They, however, can bring their own and cook it in my house.
-I will go to a fast food joint and sit with friends/family while they eat meat and have no issues. I find the smell of a hamburger repulsive, but it's their prerogative and I would never condemn them for it.
-I cook strictly vegan, but am not offended if they want to bring a dish meat on the side. I do ask they at least try what I've cooked. Usually I'll make either roasted potatoes, sweet potatoes, brocoli, or another "normal" veggies that most people like. I go above and beyond when I have company.
-I do not cook or order out tofu, tempeh, or any sort of fake meat. I'll eat black bean burgers, occasional veggie burgers when out if that's my only option, but not at home.
-If I'm invited over for a meal, I don't tell the host of my restrictions unless we're just 1:1, and then they'd usually know anyways. If it's a group gathering, I will offer to bring a dish or else pick through what I can have and cook my own meal later. I would never comment on how I haven't been accommodated, because that's not their responsibility.

That said, I'm a bit sad that people are bashing vegan food as a whole. There are plenty of everyday foods that are vegan- french fries, many breads and bagels, hummus and pita chips, salsa and guacamole, several mexican dishes, pasta with marinara, most cereals, oatmeal, potato chips- lay/fritos/spicy chili doritos/triscuits, oreos, obviously all fruits and veggies, many soups.. the list goes on and on! There are plenty of foods you eat that are what we call "accidentally vegan."

If I was planning a vegan wedding, I would be sure to have pasta dishes, maybe a make your own sandwich bar, roasted veggies, maybe some uncrustables for the kids, baked beans.. I'd be creative but mindful of others. Serving meat would be an ethical dilemma for me, as I choose not to support the meat industry. I can make some crazy good vegan desserts- my family is strictly omnivore yet they LOVE my dishes- trust me, they'd tell me if they didn't!! I've been to many events where I can only get a salad with balsamic dressing, but never in a million years would I complain that others should accommodate me Vegans tend to be quiet and take care of ourselves, it's the omnivores we apparently have to worry about In jest, of course.

 

[marie1203]

I am a pescetarian and if I would have my wedding today that is all I would serve. It is my believes and I am the one paying for the food. It is not the same to compare to people that do eat meat because almost always there is things that they do eat like salads etc. I have found that there are times where I can not eat anything because they have managed to put meat in everything in those cases I just suck it up. Since I change my diet I always make sure if we get invited to BBQ's, dinner, etc, I bring some salad or something to share. I always make sure there is something. Of course in a wedding a granola bar is the next best thing.

 

[Abbie]

Then again the bride and groom also stated that anybody wearing leather would be turned away. No leather shoes, purses or belts so it was not destined to be a plesant event to begin with.

I wore my beaten up crocs and a thankfully had a beaded purse. DH only has leather dress shoes and belts and a leather wallet. We were unsure of his sneakers so he had to wear cheap plastic flip flops. We were not the only people with questionable foot wear either.

Ok, I have now officially heard it all. I am stunned that a bride and groom could make such a demand and I can guarantee this would be one wedding I would not be attending.

As far as food served, I personally don't care what is served because I'm sure I could find something even if it's just a nibble. But I do think it's rude to not consider your guests and offer a variety of foods, or as a pp pointed out more "mainstream" foods. That's just part of being a gracious host.

 

[luvmy3]

I am a pescetarian and if I would have my wedding today that is all I would serve. It is my believes and I am the one paying for the food. It is not the same to compare to people that do eat meat because almost always there is things that they do eat like salads etc. I have found that there are times where I can not eat anything because they have managed to put meat in everything in those cases I just suck it up. Since I change my diet I always make sure if we get invited to BBQ's, dinner, etc, I bring some salad or something to share. I always make sure there is something. Of course in a wedding a granola bar is the next best thing.

Why is it okay to eat seafood/fish but not meat? I'm not trying to stir the pot, I just don't get the rationale behind it, thats all.

 

[aprilgail2]

Why is it okay to eat seafood/fish but not meat? I'm not trying to stir the pot, I just don't get the rationale behind it, thats all.

I eat Chicken (white meat only) but no red meat, pork or fish. I don't like meat,pork or fish, hate dark meat chicken (the it is so slimy and rubbery) and I don't like turkey that much either. What really grosses me out about red meat is the blood that is there when you are cooking it-just skeeves me out. I will make it for company but you couldn't pay me to eat red meat!

 

[FredinFL]

If they are known to be vegan, people shouldn't have been surprised. It's not just a health choice but a moral choice when you go vegan. Expecting them to serve meat would be like expecting an Othodox Jewish person to serve cheeseburgers, or a Hindu serve beef. It's a belief that eating animals, or subjecting them to harvesting of any kind, is wrong.

If you don't know that about the couple, you should have stayed home.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Why is it okay to eat seafood/fish but not meat? I'm not trying to stir the pot, I just don't get the rationale behind it, thats all.

For awhile when I stopped eating meat I continued to eat fish as well, it just never bothered me as much as the meat industry. I actually felt worse about dairy then I did about fish. I ended up losing my taste for seafood eventually.

 

[C.Ann]

I must set the bar too low.. I don't "expect" anything at a wedding reception.. If a menu choice comes with the invitation, I'll make my choice.. If not, I figure I'll just go with the flow when I get there..

Actually, the menu you mentioned here (what you can remember of it) doesn't sound all that bad to me.. There are several things there I would have eaten - with no complaints..

We put far too much emphasis on food in our society today - and thus one of the major contributing factors to obesity rates rising higher and higher.. Every event doesn't require tons of food - and every event certainly doesn't require umpteen choices.. I've been to baby showers that had sit-down dinners equal to (or bigger than) wedding receptions..

Seems to me that too many celebrations are getting lost in favor of the food; entertainment; gift-giving; one-upmanship; etc..

For whatever reason, this is what the bride and groom chose (or perhaps the parents chose).. I personally wouldn't make a fuss about it or be upset - but - that's just my opinion and I certainly don't expect everyone else to agree..

 

[FredinFL]

You don't expect everyone else to agree???


What are you, some kind of troublemaker?

 

[hambirg]

I must set the bar too low.. I don't "expect" anything at a wedding reception.. If a menu choice comes with the invitation, I'll make my choice.. If not, I figure I'll just go with the flow when I get there..

Actually, the menu you mentioned here (what you can remember of it) doesn't sound all that bad to me.. There are several things there I would have eaten - with no complaints..

We put far too much emphasis on food in our society today - and thus one of the major contributing factors to obesity rates rising higher and higher.. Every event doesn't require tons of food - and every event certainly doesn't require umpteen choices.. I've been to baby showers that had sit-down dinners equal to (or bigger than) wedding receptions..

Seems to me that too many celebrations are getting lost in favor of the food; entertainment; gift-giving; one-upmanship; etc..

For whatever reason, this is what the bride and groom chose (or perhaps the parents chose).. I personally wouldn't make a fuss about it or be upset - but - that's just my opinion and I certainly don't expect everyone else to agree..

Those were my thoughts too. It sounds like there were several things that non-vegans could enjoy. . .and yes, even the kids. My kids love hummus and veggies, fruit and bean salad. . .etc.

 

[si-am]

While I think it's polite to offer a vegetarian option at events like this, I don't really see it necessary to offer meat. I can't think of any non-vegetarians who just won't eat vegetables on principle, so actually a vegan menu seems fairly inclusive.

 

[badcramps]

I don't get the comments about the menu being "limited." There seem to have been numerous options to me. At my wedding (I am a vegetarian--not vegan--and my wife is an omnivore) we had cheese and crackers, fruit, veggies with ranch during cocktail hour; green salad with only veggies; 3 entree choices (chicken 1 potato 1 vegetable, pork 1 potato 1 vegetable, or pasta 1 potato 1 vegetable); and cake. This is the norm for weddings I have attended (on the east coast or the midwest, costing $2000-$30,000). I see no more variety on our menu than the menu described in the thread.

I don't see how things are so not "mainstream" either. Hummus, tabbouleh, and baba ganosh? That along with a lot of pita, salad, and lentil soup is a favorite (and somewhat pricey) meal of ours at a nearby restaurant. Many other meat-eating friends in town also especially enjoy that restaurant and typically order only vegetarian (and usually vegan) things there. It would never occur to me that simply because people eat meat, eggs, dairy this means that they are disgusted by ALL foods that do not include those. That is simply not the case for the vast majority of people I know.

So as others have said, since omnivores can and do routinely eat fruit, vegetables, grains, beans, nuts, etc. (if anyone insists that they or their family *never* eat any of these things I'd like to know how you/your family are still alive!) there had to have been plenty of ethically and religiously non-objectionable food at the event for all. Not liking the food is an entirely different issue that is independent of whether the food included meat, dairy, or eggs.

For instance, we had an interesting experience at the funeral of my wife's grandmother in the deep south. The church ladies insisted on making a dinner for the family. It included two-three meat based casseroles as entrees, bread, a salad with bacon spread throughout, raw cabbage, and a fruit pie. I politely skipped the meat dishes and ate some raw cabbage, bread, and some fruit pie and a large snack at home afterward because I have an ethical objection to meat-eating. Everyone else politely ate the rest of the items too though everyone agreed that none of the items were at all tasty. I didn't like the items I ate and they didn't like the items they ate either. We all ate things that weren't tasty. I didn't eat the meat for entirely different reasons that had nothing to do with taste but had to with my views on morality. (I am sure if there had been monkey, dolphin, dog, cat, or human flesh served, other members of the family also would have refused to eat it for moral reasons regardless of how tasty or not tasty it was.) So I don't see issues of liking the food as being at all similar to ethical or religious reasons not to eat certain kinds of food.

I it is very nice when hosts ensure that their guests can eat a decent meal without breaking their religious or ethical convictions--if they know about them. But is it even possible to ensure that all of their guests have plenty to eat that they will like? Many of this thread seem to find middle eastern food gross or inadequate. Perhaps middle eastern guests at my wedding found the usual American fare of meat-potato-veg or pasta-veg gross too or inadequate too. As long as such guests had no ethical or religious reasons that prevented them from eating the food that was served I see no reason why I should have provided something they would have liked in addition.

 

[CurlyGirl]

If they are known to be vegan, people shouldn't have been surprised. It's not just a health choice but a moral choice when you go vegan. Expecting them to serve meat would be like expecting an Othodox Jewish person to serve cheeseburgers, or a Hindu serve beef. It's a belief that eating animals, or subjecting them to harvesting of any kind, is wrong.

If you don't know that about the couple, you should have stayed home.

First off, I would expect no meat at a hindu wedding. I would expect no pork at a Jewish wedding. However, my cousin is neither of these. Seeing how the bride ate ground beef, chicken and pulled pork from the taco bar 2 months before the wedding at her bridal shower, I don't know what would've possibly given me the idea that this would be a vegan reception. Nobody knew they had changed their eating style within the two months since the shower. At least not any of the extended family (cousins, aunts/uncles).

And I grew up with the bride. I know her quite well, thankyouverymuch. Had no idea that the wedding would be vegan. She just said "buffet". Vegan didn't come up once. Had she mentioned it was vegan fare, or took up a vegan lifestyle, I'm sure people who didn't care for vegan food would've eaten prior to the wedding and woudn't have snuck out.

Like I said, I ate and enjoyed ... but felt bad for those who didn't.

 

[FredinFL]

You're welcomeverymuch?

 

[NotUrsula]

Many of this thread seem to find middle eastern food gross or inadequate. Perhaps middle eastern guests at my wedding found the usual American fare of meat-potato-veg or pasta-veg gross too or inadequate too. As long as such guests had no ethical or religious reasons that prevented them from eating the food that was served I see no reason why I should have provided something they would have liked in addition.

For a pot-luck supper those are all fine, but none of the East Asian families that I know would consider those dishes "special" enough for a wedding feast, unless they were appetizers. Most East Asian cultures go all out for weddings; even in a vegetarian situation there would normally be at least two curries, a couple of soups, enormous quantities of rice, lots of bread and salad, and mountains of fresh fruit. IME, no self-respecting East Asian gets married without offering at least about 10 hot dishes, and I've also never seen an East Asian wedding that had no dairy choices offered. (Jains won't serve eggs, but they will have cheeses and yoghurt-based dishes. However, IME with Hindu weddings, even families who are vegetarian will normally serve some sort of meat for their guests who are not vegetarian; usually on a separate serving line. It is just the usual done thing.)

I don't know where this wedding was, but in quite a few US communities there are no native East Asian caterers, and therefore the quality of these dishes when attempted by folks who don't know what they are doing is usually pretty awful.

As to being down on Vegan food, it isn't that there are no foods that qualify as vegan that I will eat. It's only that in many circles, lots of folks tend to equate the word Vegan as code for tasteless, because so much of what is marketed as vegan is ersatz and processed, and as I said earlier, depends very heavily on soy for the protein. I distrust it, and go in expecting that it will be badly underseasoned and unpleasant in texture.

 

[VBsHustla]

As a vegan, I wouldn't want to spend thousands of dollars feeding people meat either. I'd hope that if I have a wedding in the future, my family and friends could survive without meat for one of their 21 meals that week.

I'd also like to say that I have never expected or demanded that others cater to me and have a meal prepared to meet my diet. Never once. In fact, I rarely ever eat anything at events. I'm going to a Christening party and a graduation party this weekend, and I already know that I won't eat a thing at either. It doesn't matter to me, though, I'm not going for the food.