Wedding Food Issue

[CurlyGirl]

I can't believe some of your family left a wedding to go drive through burger king or whatever. Holy cow, they couldn't have picked at a few things and stopped on the way home?

Seriously? Nobody even knew people were missing! We got a lot of laughs post-reception when our cousins and other guests were talking about how they went out to get food. Nobody had any idea that they were gone! It's not like they left for hours! The wedding and reception were at the same site. Wedding was at 3 pm, hors d'oeuvres and cocktails immediately followed. Hors d'oeuvres were a veggie tray. Dinner was served at 7 pm. If people didn't leave to get food, they would've gone all night without eating. You'd let your kid go hungry when veggies weren't filling him up and he didn't like the way the tofu tasted? Hungry kid at a wedding = not good! And, if you're running to get food for the kid, wouldn't you get something for you, too?

I am not much of a meat eater (just don't like it). However if I went to a party that was like meatpalooza I'd find a way to enjoy myself and cope with what was available to eat.

Too bad not all adults and little kids can be like you.

 

[NotUrsula]

There is also an economic issue at play in these situations, especially when the only food served is grains.

In most Western cultures, it is traditional to pull out the stops on wedding food and honor your guests by serving the best that you can afford. In practice, that tends to mean offering things that are a bit on the scarce and expensive side, such as cornish game hens, or steak, or shrimp, or an open bar. By choosing to offer food and drink that are much less expensive than the norm, you risk offending people who perceive that as miserly behavior for a party host. Regional tradition plays into it, too. If you come from an area where a cake and punch reception is the norm, you wouldn't think it waa cheap, but if you are used to a full-blown steak dinner with passed appetizers and a 5-hour open bar; bowls of grain are going to be something of a rude shock.

I think that if what you serve is going to be very different from your community's norm for a wedding; then it is really not kind not to warn your guests in advance. It's easy enough to make a little note in the corner of the invitation that the menu will be vegan. (Personally I never touch food that is specifically described as vegan -- it tends to be full of soy protein, and I'm allergic to soy.)

 

[onelilspark]

I can't believe some of your family left a wedding to go drive through burger king or whatever. Holy cow, they couldn't have picked at a few things and stopped on the way home?

This. I can't believe that.

I voted that it's their day and they can serve what they want. When it comes down to it, people weren't going to starve. They can put on their big boy pants and deal for a few hours.

That being said, in my family it would have been handled by everyone talking behind my back about it and making plans to meet up at the closest restaurant as soon as it was socially acceptable to leave the reception (for good, not duck out and come back.) And that's why on my wedding menu we're doing steak and fish instead of duck and lamb. WE would much prefer duck and lamb, but we realized that it's not everyone's preference. And that's part of being a gracious host.

So while I'd say it's our day, we can do what we want, no one will starve as long as we're serving food...well, there's still the issue of being a good hostess, it's not mutually exclusive.

 

[Poohforyou]

Seriously? Nobody even knew people were missing! We got a lot of laughs post-reception when our cousins and other guests were talking about how they went out to get food. Nobody had any idea that they were gone! It's not like they left for hours! The wedding and reception were at the same site. Wedding was at 3 pm, hors d'oeuvres and cocktails immediately followed. Hors d'oeuvres were a veggie tray. Dinner was served at 7 pm. If people didn't leave to get food, they would've gone all night without eating. You'd let your kid go hungry when veggies weren't filling him up and he didn't like the way the tofu tasted? Hungry kid at a wedding = not good! And, if you're running to get food for the kid, wouldn't you get something for you, too?



Too bad not all adults and little kids can be like you.

I love when people include all these extra details in later threads instead of in the OP. It isn't just on this boards, it happens everywhere.

You made no mention of children being at this wedding. Of course I wouldn't let mine go hungry but I bet I could have found something for her plus I usually carry some snacks in my purse. As a last resort I may have gotten something for her if she couldn't hang in there but I would have held out until we left. I don't eat fast food.

 

[tlbwriter]

That is as childish as saying "Really, your daughter wouldn't eat a single piece of meat?"

Is your daughter's refusal to eat vegetables based on health issues, or moral issues?

Being vegan IS a choice to live that lifestyle, just like detesting vegetables is somewhat of a choice, although it also has more to do with very real physical response to certain foods. Your daughter chooses not to eat meat, just like the quoted person's choice is to not eat vegetables.

Um... do you really think you're talking about my daughter? Because I haven't mentioned her at all in this thread. And she does, absolutely, eat meat. Maybe you've got me confused with another poster?

Anyway, I thought the poster's husband's refusal to eat any vegetables sounded childish because she didn't even know what vegetables were offered. She just knew he wouldn't eat a single one of them.

Doesn't make the non-meat eater any more special than the non-vegetable eater.

Actually, in this case, the non-meat eater is much more special, because they are the ones throwing the wedding. At your wedding, you get to be more special, and if you want to serve a meat-only buffet, that is your choice. And while many of your guests may not enjoy it, it would be rude for them to complain or sneak out for something "better." (Personally, my meat-only buffet would include Little Smokies wrapped in bacon. Pork wrapped in pork... you can't go wrong. )

 

[tlbwriter]

Is it childish for my dh not to eat a single vegetable?

It would depend on the veggies offered. He eats the basics--green beans, corn, carrots, etc but nothing "out of the ordinary". Just the way he is.

So, if there are vegetables he would eat, how do you know he wouldn't have eaten anything at the vegan wedding? The OP didn't even specify what the veggies were.

 

[CurlyGirl]

That's weird. Whole Foods makes lots of vegan baked goods and I bet there are other places around that do as well. Especially if it were a custom order for a wedding. I don't like a lot of the fake meat stuff either. It would have been really easy to make a few pasta dishes or have a pasta station with vegan sauces.

I don't know why they didn't have a cake. We don't have a Whole Foods, so maybe our local Wegman's doesn't do vegan cakes or maybe they couldn't find a bakery that makes them? Beats me.

They don't eat pasta or bread. So much for that. I stated that previously.

 

[okeydokey]

It depends on the food. Were there plenty of salads etc. I once had vegan and Mac and cheese and it was the worst, nastiest thing I ever tried to eat. One bite and it went in the trash. If all the food was like that, I would have grabbed dinner on the way home from the event.

 

[okeydokey]

No breads, cheese, or pastas. Salads (3-bean, german potato made with tofu "bacon"), hummus, baba ghanoush, tabouleh, lots of veggies and tofu dishes!

And no wedding cake!! That was most disturbing to me as I love wedding cake!!! Dessert was fruit salad.

With this menu I would have declined dinner and eaten later. Although humus and veggies would have been a fine snack.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I think it is a host's responsibility to think of their guests and it can be done without compromising their values. Food is a sticky point, to not have some "main stream" foods available is very rude. It doesn't have to be meat but something recognizable is nice.

I also went to a vegan wedding once and it was horrible. There were only 2 "hot" dishes the rest was raw/cold foods. I like all kinds of foods, love my vegetables but there was no mainstream foods available. It was all lentils, soy, different proteins in 2 stews, lots of seeds and nuts. I tried it and frankly hated all of it. There's no reason why they could not have done a simple vegan pasta dish, had a few salads, some roasted vegetables, hummus with chips or veggies or even a veggie soup of some kind. Then again the bride and groom also stated that anybody wearing leather would be turned away. No leather shoes, purses or belts so it was not destined to be a plesant event to begin with.

I wore my beaten up crocs and a thankfully had a beaded purse. DH only has leather dress shoes and belts and a leather wallet. We were unsure of his sneakers so he had to wear cheap plastic flip flops. We were not the only people with questionable foot wear either.

 

[CurlyGirl]

I love when people include all these extra details in later threads instead of in the OP. It isn't just on this boards, it happens everywhere.

You made no mention of children being at this wedding. Of course I wouldn't let mine go hungry but I bet I could have found something for her plus I usually carry some snacks in my purse. As a last resort I may have gotten something for her if she couldn't hang in there but I would have held out until we left. I don't eat fast food.

It's a wedding - of course there were children there. Not ALL weddings are no-children allowed weddings. Geez - I leave out one friggin detail and you throw a fit? Give me a break. I was the one who mentioned kids being at the reception in my response back to you. Sorry that I didn't include every last intimate detail for you. Hmmm ... let me think, what else should I have not left out as I'm sure there are things that I didn't post in the OP. There were a couple of babies, some toddlers, and a lot of teens. Do you need exact numbers? There were a few gay couples there, too. My uncle is diabetic and another uncle has bad food allergies. Guess he's not allergic to tofu or vegan fare because he loved the food. One of the gay couples snuck off. So did the bride's parents. If I left anything else out, I apologize in advance.

 

[tlbwriter]

It depends on the food. Were there plenty of salads etc. I once had vegan and Mac and cheese and it was the worst, nastiest thing I ever tried to eat. One bite and it went in the trash. If all the food was like that, I would have grabbed dinner on the way home from the event.

Yeah, I think fake meats and fake cheeses tend to be pretty nasty. But some of my favorite dishes (spaghetti sauce with mushrooms and/or eggplant instead of meat, marinated grilled zucchini, sauteed mushrooms, bruschetta, vegetable fried rice, etc.) could very easily be made vegan, and would taste great.

 

[dakcp2001]

I think it is a host's responsibility to think of their guests and it can be done without compromising their values. Food is a sticky point, to not have some "main stream" foods available is very rude. It doesn't have to be meat but something recognizable is nice.

I also went to a vegan wedding once and it was horrible. There were only 2 "hot" dishes the rest was raw/cold foods. I like all kinds of foods, love my vegetables but there was no mainstream foods available. It was all lentils, soy, different proteins in 2 stews, lots of seeds and nuts. I tried it and frankly hated all of it. There's no reason why they could not have done a simple vegan pasta dish, had a few salads, some roasted vegetables, hummus with chips or veggies or even a veggie soup of some kind. Then again the bride and groom also stated that anybody wearing leather would be turned away. No leather shoes, purses or belts so it was not destined to be a plesant event to begin with.

I wore my beaten up crocs and a thankfully had a beaded purse. DH only has leather dress shoes and belts and a leather wallet. We were unsure of his sneakers so he had to wear cheap plastic flip flops. We were not the only people with questionable foot wear either.

Did you send a card saying you purchased new attire for the wedding in leiu of a gift? lol I might have some plether shoes. lol.

 

[BillSears]

I voted "Their wedding, their food choice, suck it up." However it looks like I would have mostly gone hungry that night.

But the big question is: Did they have an open bar?

 

[tlbwriter]

It's a wedding - of course there were children there. Not ALL weddings are no-children allowed weddings.

Not ALL weddings include children, either. Making either assumption would have been wrong.

 

[SaraJayne]

I love when people include all these extra details in later threads instead of in the OP. It isn't just on this boards, it happens everywhere.

You made no mention of children being at this wedding. Of course I wouldn't let mine go hungry but I bet I could have found something for her plus I usually carry some snacks in my purse. As a last resort I may have gotten something for her if she couldn't hang in there but I would have held out until we left. I don't eat fast food.

Around here, children are ALWAYS at weddings. I thought that was a given.

 

[dakcp2001]

I voted "Their wedding, their food choice, suck it up."

But the big question is: Did they have an open bar?

Seems like they cheaped out on the cake I am guessing they did not.

 

[dakcp2001]

Around here, children are ALWAYS at weddings. I thought that was a given.

In my area children are rarely included in wedding invites.

 

[SaraJayne]

In my area children are rarely included in wedding invites.

In my area, children are always included in wedding invites.

 

[aprilgail2]

My SIL is having an all vegetarian menu for her wedding and I'm ok with it but I do think it's a bit rude & here is why. SIL, is always going on about how vegetarians have nothing to eat and how insensitive the world is to them, their beliefs, they way of doing things. OK, point taken, most people, myself included, bend for them, when SIL is around I make sure there is pasta available, no bigge right, ok then. Well, how come she gets to be self centered in her choices? How is it not ok for the rest of us to ignore them and it's perfectly fine for them to ignore the rest of us? Just saying...

So I'm with the suck it up crew but won't be tripping over myself next time they are around.

I don't eat meat but I sure as heck would have had some as an option for people that do! When I have parties or bbq's at my house I always will toss on a big london broil or some burgers for those that eat meat.
I went to one wedding where the whole cocktail hour was sushi--BLECH...glad that the dinner following the cocktail hour included other food though so it wasn't that bad.