Wedding disaster

[ccgirl]

The wedding is going to have to guarantee a minimum number of guests, probably 50. There is a minimum "threshold" of meal and drink expenses for the venue.

What happens if they send out 60 invitations and get 30 Nos? People who said they'd like to attend may reply NO. Particularly when they find out the cost for the room is $100 more then expected. What happens when you assume people who said yes will still say yes when it's time to respond. When it's time to give a credit card to reserve the room.

A wedding at this venue is going to be expensive.

You pay the minimum threshold that's what happens. We did not meet the minimum due to more no's than expected and even no-shows (now that's tacky). We picked a place that we could afford the minimum (regardless of how many people showed up). We didn't provide champagne for the toast. It was $4 a glass and I had a budget to stick to. The Dj made an announcement a few minutes before the toast for people to please get their drink of choice for the toast. To this day, we still have friends and family that thought this was one of the best weddings they have ever been to. We were dancing all night long and enjoying ourselves. We weren't trying to impress anybody. It was our wedding and our day and, this might be selfish, but we didn't really care what the guests thought. Of course, we hoped they had a great time but the thought never crossed my mind that it might be tacky if we had a cash bar. But, then again, we only invited close family and friends. People that cared about us and genuinely wanted to be a part of our special day. The hotel for the night was $165 and this was the discounted rate 11 years ago. We live in a big tourist area. I included alternate accommodations in the invitations in case people wanted to book a less expensive hotel.

Good luck.

 

[dunbarfamily]

Meet me in St. Ignace and I will take you over the ice bridge with me.

Okay! Where do I sign up??

Never been over there in the winter. Lack of snowmobile. I bet its really pretty though.

You sure are getting lots of comments on this issue. I really hope it works out for you and your family!

 

[Scurvy]

Looks like the resort has a 2 night minimum. Some of the guests were told the room will cost around $140. The cost will be around $190. An extra $100. Guests at the wedding, who want to save a few dollars, won't be able to stay for the entire wedding and catch the last ferry off the island.

What I'm saying is what is expected by the guests for a wedding being held at this venue is the real question.

A person who attends weddings at a local American Legion hall might just expect wine and beer for a wedding held in that venue. That same person attending a destination wedding at the Grand Floridean might expect an open bar.

That makes sense. From an etiquette standpoint, it doesn't really matter what your guests expect as far as specific things you offer. If you're going to a really fancy destination and expect filet mignion, caviar and lobster tail but instead you get chicken, salmon and mini quiches that doesn't mean your hosts were tacky. If you expect champagne but get sparkling cider, expect beer but get soft drinks, or expect wedding cake and get bananas foster it might be disappointing but it isn't rude. It's reasonable for guests to expect some things - if the reception is at a meal time and you don't give your guests a meal, that is tacky. But there really isn't anything wrong with not living up to their specific expectations.

Personally, I wouldn't find either one tacky for not having an open bar, as long as they did offer beverages of some kind. But if each one did have a cash bar, I'd find the Grand Floridian wedding to be tackier. I would think that the hosts really wanted that venue and couldn't afford to fully host it and so decided to let their guests pick up the difference between what they wanted to offer and what they were actually able to afford to offer. They could have selected a less expensive venue and been able to afford to completely cover the costs of the food and beverages, which in my opinion is preferable to asking your guests to cover part of the cost. Obviously the same could be said for the American Legion wedding, but for some reason it wouldn't seem quite as bad to me. Maybe because I would think they were probably working with a much more limited budget and that it might have been the least expensive venue that could accomodate everyone they truly wanted there.

 

[pixiewings71]

I don't find cash bars tacky OP, but it does depend on others I suppose. I would go with the drink tickets personally, or just provide wine & beer only for the guests, see if that helps cut the costs back. My BFF had a bar at her reception, beer & wine were paid for, other drinks (besides sodas, juices, milk and water) were paid for by the guests who ordered them. No one complained at all. At a wedding we were just at in August there was a cash bar only, the only alcohol provided was champagne for the toast, we had no problems with that either. Personally I think you should give the guests the chance of staying at the resort of the wedding or finding their own place to stay, if you can't afford an open bar then don't do one, provide champagne for the toast and that's it. Oh and $130-150 isn't that high for a good plate of food, these days that's about normal.
Good luck OP, I hope this all works for you and yours.

 

[rigs32]

On the same issue as the cash bar, I just got an invite to a baby shower. And I was asked to bring a dish to pass. So..... a pot luck shower where I have to buy a present AND feed myself? That's tacky. And not even a regular invitation, it was on facebook only, even though most guests did get a regular invite. I think I'm going to be busy that day....

 

[rigs32]

Explain the situation to them and tell them you will book the wedding at their hotel if they can match the previously quoted prices, and maybe due to competition, they will lower their prices. In this economy, a lot of people cannot afford vacations, and the tourism on Mackinaw has got to be down. Competition gets people moving. Good luck!

But a resort area, in peak season, and no flexibility as to date, where is the incentive for the resort to work with the OP? My guess is that they'' be able to book another wedding quickly.

OP - if they are set on that date and that location, the only flexibility you have is timing. If they'll do a brunch reception, the resort could do a separate evening wedding later that same day. Mention that during your conversations as a way to compromise what you are looking for and their desire to make money. Why must the wedding be a traditional evening one?

Or if they are so set on that resort, would they rather put the wedding off a year? Look into prices during shoulder season in 2012 and see if it's another option. Why must the wedding be next summer?

 

[Lewisc]

Scheledog posted a link to the wedding packages.

Offering just wine, beer and soda is almost as expensive as including "top shelf" spirits. The difference for 2 hours is only $1. The menu actually shows the wine,beer, soda option as being $1 more then the package that includes "top shelf" spirits. I suspect the numbers are transposed. Beer and wine only isn't a money saving option at this resort.

A one hour reception followed by a dinner buffet will cost $64 or $69. A plated dinner is $78-$85 (depending on entree). You'll save a few dollars but the savings isn't as dramatic as some posters think.

There are two sides to every story. The OP doesn't have anything in writing. I suspect the wedding manager has a different story. I wonder if the wedding manager said or intended to say the OP could have one of the following: discounted hotel rooms or a discounted reception. Maybe both if they selected an off peak date. Maximum discounts on every element, for a peak Saturday night wedding, wasn't going to happen.

This is a Disney forum. How much flexibility do you think Disney would extend to a couple that has their heart set on a wedding at the GF? OP want the wedding at a top resort. Peak season. It sounds like the resort is more willing to negotiate then the GF would be.

 

[cm8]

OP, I'm sorry this isn't working out the way it seemed like it was going to. Personally, I would be angry enough that I would refuse to do business with the place even if it meant choosing a different destination entirely, but I understand the bride and groom aren't willing to do that.

Regarding the cash bar - Add me to the list that finds it very tacky. In my opinion, you don't throw a party unless you can afford it, and you don't ever charge your guests for the refreshments at your party. I think it's far preferable to offer the refreshments you can afford - even if that means not offering alcohol. It would be terribly tacky to not have any beverage available, but there's no reason the available beverages have to have alcohol. If including alcohol is very important to the bride and groom, there are other options besides having a full open bar. They could offer only wine, or only wine and beer. They could just two or three "signature drinks". They could only offer champagne for a toast.

As Lewisc mentioned, if the hotel will work with you, it's possible that a brunch reception could be significantly less expensive than a dinner one. Even with the typical brunch drinks like bloody marys and mimosas, the alcohol would probably cost much less than at dinner. And the foods are also typically less expensive.

Is there a reason the guests all have to stay at the same hotel? If you could find someplace less expensive, it would be nice to offer at least one alternative. Of course some guests might prefer to find their own less expensive lodging, so they might not all end up at the same hotel anyway.

I'm a little bit confused. From what I remember (and with all the different suggestions, I might be remembering wrong) the bride has money from her father to pay for the wedding. So she and the groom do know their budget, and I assume they also know what the total cost of the wedding they are planning will be after the hotel changed the prices. Can they still afford to pay? Is this a matter of them actually being unable to afford it at this point or are they just (rightfully) annoyed by the changes? If they can't afford it, and the hotel isn't willing to work with them to make it more affordable, what are they proposing to do? Have they said what their plan is if this wedding can't be made to fit their budget?

 

[ccgirl]

I think people lose site of who the wedding is for. The wedding is for the couple that is getting married not the guests. I think people are so preoccupied with keeping up with the joneses that they lose site of this. OP - not saying that is the case at all so please don't take it that way. Since the hotel is less than I paid 11 years ago, I would be thrilled! If people can afford to go, they are going to go. If they can't afford it, they won't go. Don't get preoccupied with pleasing the guest. Listen to the bride and your son and what they want. Afterall, it is their wedding. I thought destination weddings were supposed to be less stressful??

Good luck.

 

[Scurvy]

I think people lose site of who the wedding is for. The wedding is for the couple that is getting married not the guests. I think people are so preoccupied with keeping up with the joneses that they lose site of this. OP - not saying that is the case at all so please don't take it that way. Since the hotel is less than I paid 11 years ago, I would be thrilled! If people can afford to go, they are going to go. If they can't afford it, they won't go. Don't get preoccupied with pleasing the guest. Listen to the bride and your son and what they want. Afterall, it is their wedding. I thought destination weddings were supposed to be less stressful??

Good luck.

The wedding could only be for the couple, if they didn't invite anyone else. But once you invite people, you're their host and as the host you're supposed to care about your guests' needs and comforts. It isn't about keeping up with anyone, it's just about being a good host to the people you've invited to be a part of your day.

 

[Pigeon]

I think people lose site of who the wedding is for. The wedding is for the couple that is getting married not the guests. I think people are so preoccupied with keeping up with the joneses that they lose site of this. OP - not saying that is the case at all so please don't take it that way. Since the hotel is less than I paid 11 years ago, I would be thrilled! If people can afford to go, they are going to go. If they can't afford it, they won't go. Don't get preoccupied with pleasing the guest. Listen to the bride and your son and what they want. Afterall, it is their wedding. I thought destination weddings were supposed to be less stressful??

Good luck.

Maybe in your world. In my world, the wedding is a celebration of the couple by the people who love and support them--their family and friends. I would be deeply horrified if my dds turned into such self-absorbed little princesses that they would be willing to treat the people who love them badly for "their special day."

That was not a comment about the OP's dd, just a general comment about monster brides in general.

 

[sookie]

Thank you for reacting so well to constructive criticism. Nobody blames you for what happened but you are fully responsible for what's happening now thanks to your and the wedding couple's inflexibility. So break out the charge cards, pay up and enjoy the reception. You really don't give yourselves any other choice.

exactly! no one blames you, but there is no other choice - in your mind - so the resort has you over a barrel. have fun.

 

[sookie]

First of all I"m sorry you're going through all of this. I can see everyone else's points regarding fault, changing location ideas etc. Basically I hope it all works out in the end somehow.

My thinking is along the lines of what's important in a wedding. To the bride / groom it seems to be location. To me it's having the important people in your life around to share in this very special event. I do wonder if you're going to 'lose' some invited people due to the price. To many an extra $50/ night isn't 'much' to others it could be a deal breaker. I'm glad you're at least looking at other locations. Dh and I got married almost 20 years ago and the place didn't matter in comparison to being able to afford to have the people we wanted to have at the wedding / reception. If the event ends up in a different location that might work out really well sentimentally. It means they have a special engagement location and a (different) special wedding/ reception place.

Good luck!

if the kids are worried about the location - get some plastic and get ready. you will probably loose family being able to attend if the price is up over 50 bucks a night. also, you will have to CUT the guest list to meet your needs most likely. but if they want location vs. people - go for it.

that being said - things are tight for a lot of people right now - and it is pricey to go to a wedding, stay overnight, gifts, etc. honestly, if were me and if price were an issue - and i'd originally planned for XX amount and the amount suddenly jumped - i'd just send a nice gift and card, not attend, and be done with it.

 

[crisi]

I think people lose site of who the wedding is for. The wedding is for the couple that is getting married not the guests.

Then they aren't your guests, they are your audience.

I like this article on destination weddings http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/01/AR2008080100138.html

And while the bride and groom and some of their guests may not consider a cash bar tacky - other of their guests do think a cash bar is tacky - regardless of where you host the wedding. Enough people have read Emily Post to know that if you serve alcohol, you are supposed to pay for alcohol.

 

[sookie]

how about just not serving alcohol?

 

[dunbarfamily]

A wedding is just one day. One day. It is the first day of a marriage, one that will last a lifetime. I hope OP, B&G, and all those that are getting married will keep this in mind. So much fussing for just one day. I get that everyone wants everything to be just perfect. I did too and I fussed A LOT! But looking back, I wish I would have not gotten tied up in all the details. It didn't matter the place where the reception was held or the colors the bridesmaids wore, or what the cake flavors were (I can't even remember the flavors!!) or what we gave as favors. What mattered was that I wed my husband in the church I attend, surrounded by our familiy and friends.

Good luck OP!

 

[crisi]

A wedding is just one day. One day. It is the first day of a marriage, one that will last a lifetime. I hope OP, B&G, and all those that are getting married will keep this in mind. So much fussing for just one day. I get that everyone wants everything to be just perfect. I did too and I fussed A LOT! But looking back, I wish I would have not gotten tied up in all the details. It didn't matter the place where the reception was held or the colors the bridesmaids wore, or what the cake flavors were (I can't even remember the flavors!!) or what we gave as favors. What mattered was that I wed my husband in the church I attend, surrounded by our familiy and friends.

Good luck OP!

My first wedding was a drama-extravaganza with each of my relatives budding in and getting hurt over the five figure country club wedding my father insisted on throwing. The marriage lasted eighteen months.

My second wedding was four minutes in front of a JP with six guests - my parents, sister, his mother and brother, a close friend. The marriage has lasted fifteen years so far. It wasn't fancy but the cops leading people around in handcuffs added a certain romance you can only get on a Thursday afternoon at the Hennepin County Courthouse.

I agree, keep it in perspective. The marriage is important. The wedding - not really.

BTW, what really strikes me about this "sweet" bride is that - maybe I'm reading this wrong - but her father has saved for this wedding 'since she was born,' and she isn't taking HIS wishes into account to have something his relatives and friends can get to easily with little expense (assumed from "having a fit about room rates").

 

[Pigeon]

It wasn't fancy but the cops leading people around in handcuffs added a certain romance you can only get on a Thursday afternoon at the Hennepin County Courthouse.

Now there's a wedding tip you won't read in Brides' Magazine.

 

[Irin997]

Hey there, I have read MOST of the posts but not all of them. I'm currently planning my own wedding for next June so I completely understand the stress and frustration. My fiance and I knew what was important to us and for us that was having our friends and family there so numbers were important. We couldn't afford the venue we really really wanted so we compromised and went outside of downtown Baltimore to a beautiful hotel that was less expensive because of location.

In your case, the importance is the location so you will pay a premium for that. I feel that your $139 PP is very high but there are ways to cut that. I do think it's great that the rehearsal dinner is included in that price, but maybe you should shop around for different rehearsal dinner venues?

Here are my suggestions:

2 Hour Rehearsal Dinner Buffet
Mixed Green Salad with Assorted dressings, Marinated Cucumber and Tomato
Salad, Cole Slaw, Sliced Watermelon
Corn on the Cob, Corn Muffins, Hot Dogs, Burgers, Brats & Assorted Vegetable Medley,
Chef’s selection of assorted desserts
Freshly brewed coffee, decaffeinated coffee and herbal teas
Assorted Soft Drinks



Day Two

Your Wedding Day
The Great Lawn Gazebo Ceremony
$750.00 (not included in F&B Threshold)


The Reception
Your choice of Two Hot Hors d’ Oeuvres Cut the passed hors d'oeuvres to 2 - 1 hot and 1 cold
Your Choice of Two Cold Hors d’ Oeuvres
And one Display
Assorted Soft Drinks
Cash Bar Optional (not included) $75.00 Set up Fee
Drink Ticket Prices: Call Brands - $6.25, Premium Brands $6.75,
Domestic Beer $4.75, Imported Beer $5.50, Wine $6.25,
Cordials $7.75, Soft Drinks & Juice $3.50, Bottled Water $3.75
Provide beer and wine and the option to pay for hard liquor drinks OR do a consumption based bar


The Dinner
Your Choice of One Salad
Intermezzo CUT
Artisan Bread with Sweet Butter
Your Choice of Entrée

Chocolate Dipped Strawberries served with your Wedding Cake Selection
CUT the strawberries...cake is the dessert!

I know some of these changes may not make a difference, but seriously, this hotel should WANT your business and they should want to negotiate with you. I'm very glad you are looking at other venues on the island because now they may realize that they could easily lose your business and you have a good negotiating point.

 

[Irin997]

Wow I just checked the Island House you were talking about, what's wrong with this menu? $60 PP and it includes an open bar! As long as the food is good, you can't go wrong!

ISLAND HOUSE RECEPTION

Our most popular reception. The Island House Hotel Reception includes both a full service cocktail reception and dinner to impress even the most discerning guest.

COCKTAIL RECEPTION
Mixed Drinks
Domestic and Imported Beer
Wine
Soda
Choice of three of the following:
-----Imported & Domestic Cheese Tray with Crackers
-----Romano Meatballs
-----Buffalo Style Wings
-----Vegetable Spring Rolls with Dipping Sauce
-----Smoked Whitefish Dip

DINNER
Choice of the following entrees:
-----Prime Rib of Beef au Jus
-----Whitefish Victor
-----Chicken Mackinac
Chef's choice of potato and vegetable
Variety bread basket
Coffee, Hot/Iced Tea, Pop and Lemonade

-----$60.00 - Adults
-----$18.00 - Children Under 13