Wedding Debt- advice

[DCLbrideSept2009]

DF and I are getting married in September. We've been thinking and planning the wedding, trying to figure out what we wanted to do, for some time. Both of us have been married previously but neither really had the wedding we wanted. We KNOW this will be our last wedding and we want it to be what WE want. Looking at doing a traditional wedding and reception for what I wanted was going to run us at least around $15,000 (and still VERY simple with less than 100 guests). Going into debt for the wedding just isn't an option at all for us. I had always dreamed of a Disney wedding but figured there was no way we could afford it. Then we came across the DCL wedding and that's what we're doing! We most likely won't have any of our family or friends there with us, just the two of us... but it's exactly what WE both want! And we're spending WAY less and can afford the honeymoon at WDW after the cruise!

 

[a_sailor's_wife]

DH and I were married a little more than 2 years ago. I wanted something elaborate and sweet. I got just that for about $7500 with 333 guests attending. We had a sit down meal for everyone as well as a candy buffet. There were things I skimped on because I simply didn't want it such as a video. I honestly, didn't want a video at all. I wanted photos though and great ones. My photos were the ony thing I wouldn't skimp on. I didn't have DJ instead I downloaded all the music I liked to my laptop and my brother watched over it through the night. I did all my invitations myself. I sent 670 invitations (twice don't ask it's a horrible story to relive and let's just say DH is in the Navy and it was their fault) for about $375 for both sets including stamps. I did our centerpieces myself. I found everything I needed for them at Old Tyme Pottery Barn and Garden Ridge. The total for each table including placecards was less than $5. I also didn't have a huge bridal party.

My honest advice, is to find the things that you really, really want in your wanting and go for those while letting the other things stand to the side. My other advice is if you know you have a year or two to save, start now! Stick to a budget and go hardcore for a while to save for the wedding you want. I wouldn't go into over it or allow my parents to go into debt. Find a wedding that you can afford or save for it. GL!

 

[MrsPete]

ANd mrs Pete, as far as my fiance, this is something we discuss, I am not in any way making all of the decisions and as far as HE being the one to have to pay it back, perhaps I misunderstood what you meant, but I assure you it will be BOTH of us paying it back, not him alone.

Yep, you definitely misunderstood. That post was about choosing what matters most to YOU. You're asking US what we'd do, but WE are free to answer hypothetically and freely since we won't be paying it back. The point was that you should make sure you know what HE cares about because HE will be involved in paying it back. I didn't say he was going to have to pay it back alone.

 

[Pigeon]

We were fortunate in that my wedding was paid for by my parents. It was lovely, not as over the top as many are these days, but a nice sit-down dinner at the country club, and open bar for 140, with a band, etc. I don't know how much it cost them, but it was plenty, I'm sure.

We have been married 26 truly blissful years.

I enjoyed it, but there's no way I'd ever pay that much for a wedding. I'd do something much cheaper and simpler and I absolutely would elope or go to a JP before incurring a dime of debt over it. I would much rather have that much cash to use as a down payment on a house.

I've seen so many people over the years who have had big, fancy weddings and split up a year or two down the road. I think too many couples, particularly the women, get caught up in the marketing hype that they put all sorts of effort into the wedding and very little into the marriage. To me, it's the person you are marrying that matters, not the fancy dress or the trappings.

I have to add that I think destination weddings are beyond obnoxious if you really expect anyone, including your immediate family to come. If you genuinely don't care if there's nobody but the two of you, then fine. But I wouldn't attend a destination wedding for my own siblings.

 

[Misty89]

my 10th Anniversary is coming up in 3 weeks
I know prices are different in all areas of the county, so mine might be low compared to others. I also want to copy what others have said.....it's your wedding ~ A day you will NEVER forget

total w/ everything was around $6K.
i had everything i dreamed of for my wedding....and have no regrets of anything.
jut please. please keep in mind that this is a day you will never forget, and you might not want to "cut corners" ( if you do not have to)

 

[dakcp2001]

my 10th Anniversary is coming up in 3 weeks

Happy Anniversary!

 

[delmar411]

DH and I were married a little more than 2 years ago. I wanted something elaborate and sweet. I got just that for about $7500 with 333 guests attending. We had a sit down meal for everyone as well as a candy buffet.

ok, I gotta ask...how exactly do you have a complete wedding..dress, tux, invites, centerpieces, candy buffet, photographer, sit down meal, wedding cake for $22.52 per person?

$7500 divided by 333 guests = $22.52

 

[meriface11]

we got married 4 years ago and the wedding cost about $15,000 for 150 people. We were lucky that both sets of parents gave us a defined amount of money, and i was determined to stick to that budget so that we didn't incur any debt. that being said, we had an extremely nice wedding and i did everything that i could on my own to keep the costs down: DJ instead of a band, photog only through our first dance, did all the invitations, favors, placecards, programs and even the flowers myself (putting together the centerpieces, bouquets and boutineirres the morning of the wedding was actually a lot of fun!). i would have forgone the limo if it didn't fit into the budget. i had always dreamed of having a waterfront reception, but when it came down to it, it just wasn't in the budget. the memories of the day aren't about the little details, it's about the experience and the fun time you will have, so if you scrimp on some of the little details, no one will really be paying attention, and it won't have any impact on the memories you make. if i had to do it all over again, i wouldn't have changed a thing, but if we had to pay for it ourselves, looking back, i wouldn't have gone into debt over it. it's just a party. and as someone who has been to may a destination wedding, the only thing i can say is that you have to be prepared that some people may not be able to make it, and you have to accept that with no illwill to those who can't. as long as you go into it with that mindset, they can be great fun and a limited guest list can help keep the costs down, but if you go out of the continential US, you often have to be there for a period of time before the ceremony for legal purposes, so those extra days add into the cost.

 

[Darsa]

ok, I gotta ask...how exactly do you have a complete wedding..dress, tux, invites, centerpieces, candy buffet, photographer, sit down meal, wedding cake for $22.52 per person?

$7500 divided by 333 guests = $22.52

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure she didn't have a dress/tux for each guest...

 

[GreyGooseCosmo]

All costs accounted for, my first wedding was more than $30K. Between clothing, phone calls, countless hours spent fighting with vendors, and sheer cash costs? Yep. More than $30K.

My ex husband paid it off shortly after we divorced.

My husband and I chose a destination wedding at Sandals Whitehouse. A weeklong vacation, wedding, and a small (40-person) dessert reception after we got home cost us less than $10K. And we paid cash.

I say ... it's one day. You'll be so busy taking care of everything and worrying about details ... do what makes YOU happy. Don't put on a show for everyone else. Been there, done that, learned a VERY valuable lesson.

 

[mjbaby]

ANd I really disagree completely with most peoples response on the destination wedding being a burden or pain, or forcing you to "waste" you vacation time. A wedding invitation is just an INVITATION. You are never obligated to go.

I agree with you so much on this point. An invitation is exactly that; it's not a summons. It's amazing to me that some people act as if invitations to another's major life event are rude if every little thing in their own personal lives aren't accommodated. ("Can you believe it? Second cousin Susie is getting married and the wedding is a Friday evening! She *knows* I have bookclub that night! How rude!!" /sarcasm_off)

An invitation just says, "Hey...we're doing this thing at this place and time and we'd love for you to join us if you can" It is *not* an opener for the recipient to start negotiating with the hosts to have his or her needs met.

Eeek! Don't mind my editorializing...this issue hits a sore spot for me.

 

[delmar411]

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure she didn't have a dress/tux for each guest...

No kidding,

Her numbers are near impossible at even the basic total cost of wedding divided by number attended. Hence the question of how exactly her amount is arrived at.

sit down dinner for over 300
candy buffet for over 300 ppl
wedding invites ~ $375 by her numbers
wedding dress
tux
wedding cake for over 300 ppl...even a generic sheet cake for that many is going to cost a ton
officiant (JP or church donation)
marriage license
venue for reception
photographer
centerpieces ~ at less than $5 each (by her numbers) times how many tables? 10-30tables? That's $50-$150 there alone

Forgetting all the other items involved in a wedding, $7500/333 = $22.52.

So what's the breakdown? Rather legit question I'd think.

 

[Scurvy]

I got married 15 years ago, and we spent around $1000. We had immediate family and our very closest friends there. We had a very small church wedding followed by a buffet meal of light foods (small quiches, ham, fruit platters, cheeses, breads, sparkling cider, tea,etc. plus one sparkling wine toast) at my parents' home. We went to a small, very pretty church so the only decoration was an arrangement for the altar. We each had one attendent. A friend took pictures and my dress was very simple; my husband wore a suit he already owned. We did have a pianist and my sister played a love song on her saxophone with the piano accompanying her (she was a music major and sounded amazing).

We had considered a Disney wedding, but decided to go the simple route instead. We wanted to be married, and I didn't care that much about the wedding itself. We were able to marry much sooner (without going into debt) by keeping it simple. I never cared about the "princess for a day" thing, and I don't enjoy being the center of attention so marrying in front of a huge crowd was never something I would have wanted.

If I could go back and change things . . . I wouldn't. It was perfect just the way it was. I don't have to look back through the pictures and try to remember who the guests were, there was no argument over who to trim from the list - we only had the people we really loved there. I don't regret anything about it.

 

[MrsPete]

Her numbers are near impossible at even the basic total cost of wedding divided by number attended. Hence the question of how exactly her amount is arrived at. . . . Forgetting all the other items involved in a wedding, $7500/333 = $22.52.

So what's the breakdown? Rather legit question I'd think.

I'd like to hear the breakdown too, but I'm wondering if perhaps she received some items as wedding gifts. It's quite possible that she has an aunt who caters, and she might've received the food at cost . . . it's likely that she held the event at her own church (for no charge) and the tables and linens were church owned . . . it's also possible that friends donated DJ and photography services . . . I've personally done a candy buffet for much less than you'd think by buying bulk candy from eBay.

I won't say it's impossible, but it would take some gifts of service and some good planning!

 

[neatokimmo]

You could do that size wedding for that costs here. The only difference would be the food would be buffet style then they'd sit down. There wouldn't be waiters delivering food to the tables.

No kidding,

Her numbers are near impossible at even the basic total cost of wedding divided by number attended. Hence the question of how exactly her amount is arrived at.

sit down dinner for over 300
candy buffet for over 300 ppl
wedding invites ~ $375 by her numbers
wedding dress
tux
wedding cake for over 300 ppl...even a generic sheet cake for that many is going to cost a ton
officiant (JP or church donation)
marriage license
venue for reception
photographer
centerpieces ~ at less than $5 each (by her numbers) times how many tables? 10-30tables? That's $50-$150 there alone

Forgetting all the other items involved in a wedding, $7500/333 = $22.52.

So what's the breakdown? Rather legit question I'd think.

 

[Crisgw]

We were very fortunate that my parents paid for our wedding almost ten years ago. My dad gave us a 25,000.00 budget and we were under budget. We are planning my sister's wedding and she's working with a 35,000.00 budget.
I'm not sure about going into debt, I'd try to save as much as possible to not start out straddled with debt.

 

[a_sailor's_wife]

I'd like to hear the breakdown too, but I'm wondering if perhaps she received some items as wedding gifts. It's quite possible that she has an aunt who caters, and she might've received the food at cost . . . it's likely that she held the event at her own church (for no charge) and the tables and linens were church owned . . . it's also possible that friends donated DJ and photography services . . . I've personally done a candy buffet for much less than you'd think by buying bulk candy from eBay.

I won't say it's impossible, but it would take some gifts of service and some good planning!

None of it was impossible. I budgeted and planned for nearly a year. I waited and bought things on sale. I didn't buy things I didn't care, and I didn't go overboard on things. Nothing was given to me as gifts. My DH is military so we were able to have both ceremony and reception at our base's ballroom. We did have to pay for it but it wasn't thousands and it included linens, chairs, and tables. They also catered my meal. We didn't have an elaborate meal, but it was seated meal. We didn't need a DJ, but did want some music so we had the music on a laptop. Most things I wanted I did myself such as invitations and centerpieces. This is very doable in this part of the country. I bought things in bulk such as candy and paper. Then fixed it up myself. I did borrow the candy dishes from friends and family. DH didn't need a tux he wore his dress mess uniform. My dress wasn't elaborate. A marriage license isn't much. I believe the cost was $30 or so. The package I bought for photography didn't include prints. I got a package that made the photographer available for my showers, rehearsal, ceremony and reception. It also included a cd with more than 3000 pictures. My brother is also a photographer and he was able to take the cd and make the prints for me at a better price, but he wasn't my photographer.

It took a lot of work, but it was doable. I personally just learned what I liked and what I really wanted. The things I didn't want, I didn't do. The things I wasn't 100% sure about, I didn't spend large sums on. I did a lot of it myself, and I enjoyed it. If you're not that type of person that enjoys doing your own invitations or making your centerpieces or you MUST have a DJ or band then of course you can't do a wedding at $7500. My wedding was about my marriage not about the things that were or weren't there. Not one person complained about anything at my wedding. In fact, I still have people talking about it and asking questions about how I did things. Each person's different in what they want and how they want it for their wedding. I had a budget to work with and figured out how to get the things I wanted to fit that budget.

 

[delmar411]

I'd like to hear the breakdown too, but I'm wondering if perhaps she received some items as wedding gifts. It's quite possible that she has an aunt who caters, and she might've received the food at cost . . . it's likely that she held the event at her own church (for no charge) and the tables and linens were church owned . . . it's also possible that friends donated DJ and photography services . . . I've personally done a candy buffet for much less than you'd think by buying bulk candy from eBay.

I won't say it's impossible, but it would take some gifts of service and some good planning!

Exactly my thoughts. It's a great number just not realistic unless many things were donated or at cost. But if she breaks it out then maybe others who are planning weddings can try to emulate it, yk?

I tried to do our wedding as inexpensively as I could but many things were just out of my control because I didn't have family/friends to step into those roles.

You could do that size wedding for that costs here. The only difference would be the food would be buffet style then they'd sit down. There wouldn't be waiters delivering food to the tables.

Really? $10-$15 per person would be do-able?

 

[delmar411]

None of it was impossible. I budgeted and planned for nearly a year. I waited and bought things on sale. I didn't buy things I didn't care, and I didn't go overboard on things. Nothing was given to me as gifts. My DH is military so we were able to have both ceremony and reception at our base's ballroom. We did have to pay for it but it wasn't thousands and it included linens, chairs, and tables. They also catered my meal. We didn't have an elaborate meal, but it was seated meal. We didn't need a DJ, but did want some music so we had the music on a laptop. Most things I wanted I did myself such as invitations and centerpieces. This is very doable in this part of the country. I bought things in bulk such as candy and paper. Then fixed it up myself. I did borrow the candy dishes from friends and family. DH didn't need a tux he wore his dress mess uniform. My dress wasn't elaborate. A marriage license isn't much. I believe the cost was $30 or so. The package I bought for photography didn't include prints. I got a package that made the photographer available for my showers, rehearsal, ceremony and reception. It also included a cd with more than 3000 pictures. My brother is also a photographer and he was able to take the cd and make the prints for me at a better price, but he wasn't my photographer.

It took a lot of work, but it was doable. I personally just learned what I liked and what I really wanted. The I didn't want, I didn't do. The things I wasn't 100% sure about, I didn't spend large sums on. I did a lot of it myself, and I enjoyed it. If you're not that type of person that enjoys doing your own invitations or making your centerpieces or you MUST have a DJ or band then of course you can't do a wedding at $7500. My wedding was about my marriage not about the things that were or weren't there. Not one person complained about anything at my wedding. In fact, I still have people talking about it and asking questions about how I did things. Each person's different in what they want and how they want it for their wedding. I had a budget to work with and figured out how to get the things I wanted to fit that budget.

Sounds great!! I should have figured the dress uniform when you said Navy!
How much was the catering and ballroom?
(sorry I love weddings so I'd love to know! LOL)

 

[a_sailor's_wife]

Sounds great!! I should have figured the dress uniform when you said Navy!
How much was the catering and ballroom?
(sorry I love weddings so I'd love to know! LOL)

Honestly, I don't remember how much the catering was. I do remember what we had though. We had grilled chicken, rice pilaf, and vegetable medley as well as sweet tea, coffee, and hot chocolate. See nothing elaborate. The ballroom was $500 I believe. We did get a break there, but honestly that's the only place we got a break. The only way I fit things into that budget was by cutting out the things I didn't care for. These are the things I cut out: band/DJ, videos, and I had simple decorations at the "alter" area. These 3 things probably cut at around $2000 or more. A band or DJ can cost over a $1000, and having a video done can cost about the same as well.

Also, you have to take into account the part of the country I live in. I live in the south where things have a lower cost of living than things in the north. The one thing I learned is not to rush and buy say candles. Wait until they went on sale about 2 weeks later for 75% off. My wedding wasn't during the "wedding season". When the wedding season was over things went on sale in a hurry.