Wedding Cancelled

[missastrocat]

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[hmgolden]

Laura - I am sorry to hear about your family troubles. Good luck working through them, and I hope that you and your FH get the wedding of your dreams someday - no matter where you exchange vows.

 

[patsal]

I'm sorry that you have had to experience the intense wishes of others while planning for your special day. So often every9one else thinks that it should be their way and they try to bully you. DH and I have been happily married for 15 years in May and we dropped the big wedding when it became clear to us that we would never be able to please anyone and no one was worried about our happiness. We had the big day planned for AUgust and we eloped in May. From our perspective it was the very best thing we could have done to preserve our sanity. We didn't want to leave our parents feeling like we didn't respect them so we did tell them 72 hours prior to the ceremony so they could attend if they wanted to . DH's parents joined us as well as my sisters and one aunt--my parents opted out and I respected their choice but didn't cave on mine. If people wanted to give you a gift or ocngratulate you they still will and if not than why should you care. The only thing that anyone should be worried about is if you and your fiance are happy and doing what is right for you. Sorry for the soapbox, but since I went through it I have a resonable perspective on the situation.
Good luck!

 

[LAH]

Laura,

I am so very sorry to hear that your cancelling your wedding but I have to say, I know what your going through. When my H2B proposed to me, I knew right away that I wanted to get married in Disney. To make a long story short, my side of the family and his side for one reason or another can not come next month and have expressed to me how unhappy there are that I chose to have it there. I too cried many nights about this BUT after speaking with several brides on this website, I've come to realize that this is MY and MY H2B's day and we should do it exactly the way we want! I hope I dont sounds harsh but, you can't please everyone. (someone said that to me and it helped)

I and my H2B wish you and yours the very best!

Lori

 

[DisneyDame]

So sorry to hear about your cancellation. Hang in there- things will work out. My husband and I had originally planned a big family wedding in our hometown, but things got so hectic that we ended up cancelling it. Instead we eloped to the Sandals Resort in the Bahamas and had an intimate ceremony on the beach. It felt so much more romantic- like it was truly "our" day and no one elses. Best of luck with whichever route you decide to take.

______________
DisneyDame

 

[jessiangel]

I'm so sorry to hear about your cancellation. I've been there also. My family took over our whole wedding (almost 20 years ago)! It was a disaster for us. Because the same thing started again with our Disney vow renewal, we finally made the heartbreaking decision to cancel instead of going through that again. We are now having a garden renewal at an adorable bed & breakfast near a beautiful state park/wildlife reserve near our home (of course still with the Disney familymoon). And we planned the whole thing ourselves and only invited people we wanted to invite this time. We finally feel like this is truly OUR day. Hang in there. Everything will work out for you, I'm sure of it.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Hang in there, everything will work out in the end. Hopefully your family will soon realize the pressure and unhappiness this has caused you and respect your wishes. Right now you should just concentrate on you and your fiance and remember that when you are ready to start planning again that it is your day and you are the ones that need to be happy.

 

[Jenn]

Hang in there. Have you considered eloping? My sister had an intimate wedding at WDW, but the only guests were parents, siblings and the bride and groom's best friends. It was perfect. If I could do mine all over, I would do the same thing. I look back on my wedding now and realize the vast majority of the people there don't care about me or my husband, or have anything to do with our lives.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

I agree with Jenn. That is exactly what we are doing for ours. That way, we're not inviting one aunt and not the other or one set of grandparents and not the other. Actually, come to think of it, most people don't even know about the best friends, so they believe that it will just be parents and siblings, so they are fine just coming to the after party back home. Hope this helps!

 

[missastrocat]

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[rosiejo]

Families and weddings just don't mix. We're going to WDW with parents and siblings so we don't have to put up with teh family politics - however they're still creeping in for the party when we return home - my MIL2B wants to invite loads of her family and my DH2B doesn't even know half of them let alone me! Luckily my mum said she thinks we should just invite our friends as this is our party not our parent's and not let family politics get in the way of our celebration.

I hope everything works out for you Laura - don't give up on your Disney dream wedding - it's your day and you can't please everyone and if they're putting pressure on you to do something you don't want to then do you really want them at your wedding anyway?

As far as I can see some families - including mine - only get together for weddings funerals and christenings and it's not right - if you're going to spend a lot of money and have a special day you need to do it with the people you love and who love you and not your mum's second cousin-twice-removed sister's Aunty's second husband!!

RJ

 

[eblondie]

It sounds like a realy hard time...its a real shame that your relatives cant take a step back and see what they are doing and how much they are all hurting you.
I really think you are doing the right think...you need to think about yourselves.
Really hoping that things will turn right for you.
Fingers crossed

 

[Kismetdreams]

Laura,

I'm sorry to hear that your family made you come to this decision. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go thru all of this. The only thing I could say, is to forget all of them, have your intimate wedding at Disney, but make it only you and your H2B. Make it the happiest day of your life and enjoy each other, since that is waht it is all about in the end! I hope you get the day you dream of!

 

[Firefly Girl]

I agree with Kristen! Elope to WDW and have an intimate wedding for just the 2 of you!

 

[PryncessChrysty]

Laura,

I'm sorry to hear that your family made you come to this decision. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go thru all of this. The only thing I could say, is to forget all of them, have your intimate wedding at Disney, but make it only you and your H2B. Make it the happiest day of your life and enjoy each other, since that is waht it is all about in the end! I hope you get the day you dream of!

I agree 100%

Your wedding day is all about the love you & your DH2B have for each other. You're family needs to realize that it's not about them. If you'd still like to include them, do the at home renewal like you had planned. If your aunt, or anyone else, doesn't want to come because they, along with EVERYONE else, weren't invited to the original ceremony, well then they'll be the ones to miss out on a good time.

I know it's hard. We're planning an intimate at WDW, as well. Although our reasons are 1) because the the price is right and 2) this way I have the perfect excuse for not inviting anyone other than our parents and our best friends (the MoH & BM). We're using the limited number of guests as an excuse to avoid all of the drama with my family (Some people in my family could win awards for how dramatic they can be ) We're not planning an at home ceremony either. Depending on how everything goes, we might have a bbq with everyone when we get back to show them the pictures and everything, but otherwise, this is just the way it is. At first, some people were against it and I was worried about hurt feelings, but I've come to realize that no matter what I do to try and please everyone else, I'd be giving up things my DH2B and I really want, and there's just no pleasing everyone anyhow. No matter how far backwards you bend, some people will still find stuff to complain about. Sorry this is so long-winded. I really hope you are able to come up with a plan that makes the both of you happy on your wedding day.

HUGS

 

[JonetteA]

Hey, I think you have plenty of people here who would love to support you on your wedding day! Heck, I think it is save to say that we are as crazy about it as you are! =) And you would know that we wanted to be there!!!!

 

[missastrocat]

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[fkj2]

I really appreciate everyone's support. It really means a lot to us (My fiance reads the posts too). The engagement thus far has just really been tainted with stress, crying, etc. We want to start anew in a few months and start planning again. I'll let you know when that day comes. My fiance and I really still like the disney wedding (i've wanted one since I was a little girl). We will still be going to WDW in December for vacation, but maybe a wedding at WDW gives us an excuse to go back sooner than later after December. I'm optimistic on how things will turn out. I know not everything will be resolved, but at least I've put my foot down on letting my family roll over me.

I will definitely keep everyone posted.

Laura

My fiance and I really still like the disney wedding (i've wanted one since I was a little girl).

It seems the answer to your problem is in your own post.

No wedding couple-to-be should have to tolerate such behavior from others who supposedly love them.

It's your wedding. Plan it where and when you want it. Invite who you want to celebrate it with you. They show up, fine. They don't show up, tell them you missed them, and share the photos. If you allow "family" now to start winning these territorial squirmishes, that's all you'll have to look forward to in your marriage, regardless of where you marry. You won't be able to please everyone, so please yourselves.

 

[ColoradoBelle1]

I am NOT an advocate of passive aggressive actions but I think this is maybe one time when it should be considered.

Perhaps, if you haven't already sent out your letters, you could instead send out something on the order of: well, we have tried but can't seem to please everyone. So , since our wedding is apparently so important to you all, we've decided to let you all plan it (and of course pay for it!!!) for us. Just tell us when you want us to show up.


THen, you can go to THEIR wedding for you and you get to wear your dress again..the fun part! and the gifts...more fun. But have your REAL wedding at WDW and invite only those you choose to celebrate your love.

On a more serious note: I hope your family realizes what poops they have been acting like and that they are all chagrined. What is wrong with people?
Of course, I had a sister that responded to my telling her I was engaged : well you can have it either the weekend of July 20 or any time in August (re her schedule) I told her I'd plan my wedding with regards to my and my fiance's schedule and hope that she could find a way to attend. She didn't.
And I can only say that she is the one who lost out on a great party!

Have the wedding that YOU TWO want. Don't let anyone guilt you into putting their desires first.

Good luck!

 

[Janet2k]

Missastrocat, if you follow my example, 20 years from now you will have the ceremony and reception of your dreams: click here and click here (those are my two vow renewal trip reports). Of course, I hope you don't have to wait 20 years for yours, but if you do, please understand that it will be well worth the wait.

I wish you much happiness in the future.