OK, do you want the professional jargon? It reads something like this:
This Alcohol Alert explains, by understanding alcohol metabolism, we can learn how the body can dispose of alcohol and discern some of the factors that influence this process. Studying alcohol metabolism also can help us to understand how this process influences the metabolism of food, hormones, and medications.
Metabolism is the body's process of converting ingested substances to other compounds. Metabolism results in some substances becoming more, and some less, toxic than those originally ingested. Metabolism involves a number of processes, one of which is referred to as oxidation.
Through oxidation, alcohol is detoxified and removed from the blood, preventing the alcohol from accumulating and destroying cells and organs. A minute amount of alcohol escapes metabolism and is excreted unchanged in the breath and in urine. Until all the alcohol consumed has been metabolized, it is distributed throughout the body, affecting the brain and other tissues. etc., etc., etc.,
OK, here's the simplified version:
Jonathan: "Empty calories, no nutritive value."
Kelly: "They want you to clear your brain because it's a CNS depressant that affects your metabolism and ability to process food productively. And it clears your palate to change your eating habits."
Other votes: "They don't want you to have any fun!"