Was my MIL's behavior appropriate?

[DawnCt1]

At a family gathering on the 4th of July, my MIL, with my 17 year old niece present and listening to every word, started talking about what a "partier" my BIL was. Things like, "I never knew what I would come home too, etc, etc, etc." Not all parents want their children to know the sorid details of their younger lives. My SIL was sitting there and didn't say anything. Today, my niece came over to go swimming with her mom and two of her friends and started talking about it. One of the girls said, "I don't know anything about my parents' past. I figure if they wanted me to know, they would tell me". Do you think that my MIL was correct in what she did? I don't think it was her story to tell in front of his daughter. My SIL didn't know him then but I did. I quickly said I think that the time period she was talking about was well after he was discharged from the service and was of legal age. I know he partied then. I figured that would give him an "out" if he wanted to maintain some discretion. Any thoughts? Would you be mad if your MIL or DM told stories that you may not have wanted your kids to know?

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

It wouldn't upset me, particularly if DS were 17. He's 13 and it still wouldn't bother me; he knows we are human and we've tried to teach him by explaining our mistakes.

 

[RichNKatHolly]

I feel worse for your SIL having to listen to whatever it was. Don't think I'd want my MIL talking about my husband's excapades from his younger days.

 

[Pigeon]

Neither your MIL or your FIL sound particularly classy, but the kid is 17, not 7, so I'd have a hard time making a big deal out of it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, very inappropriate.

This would be true whether the daughter was 17 or 27.

 

[Hannathy]

Wouldn't bother me! Kinda brings home the point to the teenager that what parents keep telling them about how they act and things the do will last a long time and won't go away. As long as she wasn't making things up, he did them and so what. My family and my inlaws are always "telling stories" and anecdote from the past and peoples antics so in our family I doubt she would have made it to 17 without hearing the stories already.

 

[Sandy V.]

No, I don't think it was appropriate. In my opinion, it's the parents' job to reveal this information to their children, if they choose to.

Without knowing the parties, it just seems to me that it's more likely than not that Grandma took more than a little perverse pleasure in "outing" her son/son-in-law.

 

[ilovejack02]

My oldest is 18 now, and my Dh was a bit wild in his younger yrs. Nothing to bad, but there was a bit of drinking and some other stuff
I really wouldnt mind if my MIL mentioned it in front of DS18, Im not sure that I ever would have minded, but I guess it would depend on exactly what she was talking about.... If she was telling the story of when she came home to my BIL at age 18 in bed with a stripper he was dating to my 13 yr old I prob would have lost my mind, but im pretty sure she would never tell it lol. If she told the story of the time my DH and BIL threw a HUGE party ( with booze) and the neighbor didnt tell her and let kids park in her yard. She found out by seeing what was in the trash cans... I would not have been mad at all.
We all have some skeletons im sure... woo dont open my closet doors. Im guess one day our kiddies may find out, but im just hoping they dont find out all of it and I sure wont be the one to spill all the beans.

 

[ilovejack02]

Wouldn't bother me! Kinda brings home the point to the teenager that what parents keep telling them about how they act and things the do will last a long time and won't go away. As long as she wasn't making things up, he did them and so what. My family and my inlaws are always "telling stories" and anecdote from the past and peoples antics so in our family I doubt she would have made it to 17 without hearing the stories already.

LOL that is true of our family too and on both sides. We all get a kick out of teasing each other about our bad behavior as kids.

 

[damo]

Na, that happens all the time.

 

[believe]

This is very common in our family. Known of us think much about it. The kids laugh about it but I think it makes them realize their parents do know what they are going through and what they are talking about. My kids will have to learn from the stories of their aunts and uncles because I never lived a party type life.

 

[DawnCt1]

Neither your MIL or your FIL sound particularly classy, but the kid is 17, not 7, so I'd have a hard time making a big deal out of it.

My FIL actually was a classy guy, but he has passed on. I agree, 17 is better than 7.

 

[Beth76]

I don't know. If you're going to do stupid things to the knowledge your parents, then I think you kind of lost any secrecy. It would be different if it was a college buddy.

 

[SadieDog]

No, it wouldn't bother me.

 

[peachgirl]

I don't see any big deal. Our families do that all the time, just as a joke. A 17 yr old should be able to handle the fact that her father had some party days in his youth.

Now if you were talking prison time or heavy duty drugs...maybe not. Otherwise, no big deal.

I know all my parent's dirty laundry(ok, probably not ALL) from their youth thanks to my dear grandma and grandpa!

 

[MoniqueU]

Well I wouldn't be mad if my relatives just brought up drinking stories since well heck my kids have seen me NOW but anything else I would be pretty annoyed with and would let them know.

 

[ZPT1022]

I imagine at some point our kids will catch on to DH and I teasing each other about our pasts, so there really won't be too many surprises. I'd bet that there's a lot I could tell MIL that would shock the pants off of her, and I'm talking stories he's told me from before he and I were dating. My mother is also largely clueless on the real dirt, though I take great pleasure in sharing small bits here and there and shocking her. My brothers do too

 

[Camicar]

I guess I would view it as a life lesson in that the stuff we do will come back to haunt us.

My grandmother once told me not to do anything I wouldn't want to read in the paper. In this day and age of cell phone cameras, teeny tiney camcorders, email, and YouTube, that advice is even more useful.

So if my kid could learn from that story that it's best to keep what you do private enough that no one can comment on it (or show pics) later, then all to the good.