VENT: I HATE parents!

[K and K's Mommy]

I'm a teacher and a parent, and unless whatever was forgotten is absolutely necessary (lunch, medicine, etc.), it shouldn't be brought to the school. Parents, allow your child to take the consequences, if any, for being forgetful! Once again, ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES! Ok, I won't say anymore. (Can you tell this has been a problem in my class ?)

Yeah! I was wondering when this would be said! I taught for 8 years and now am a SAHM. I do not take things that are forgotten. My DD has never forgotten anything, and MAYBE she never will because that is her. My DS, on the other hand, has forgotten things. He is in fourth grade now, and I see improvement!!

Sorry you were treated that way! More than likely, he could have borrowed a book during the school day so she really didn't need to bring it.

 

[GraysMom]

I'm a teacher and a parent, and unless whatever was forgotten is absolutely necessary (lunch, medicine, etc.), it shouldn't be brought to the school. Parents, allow your child to take the consequences, if any, for being forgetful! Once again, ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES! Ok, I won't say anymore. (Can you tell this has been a problem in my class ?)

As a teacher and parent, I totally agree . I send home lots of reminders for important items so parents have plenty of time to get the things their child needs and stick it in their child's backpack. It's a big disruption to the class when a teacher has to stop teaching to answer the phone, send a child to office w/a buddy, refocus the class and start teaching again, only to have to stop when the child and their buddy come back, make the rest of the class wait while I catch them up, and then refocus everybody again. It's not fair to the other kids to have to sit and wait while I catch Johnny up because he forgot a book or whatever. With No Child Left Behind, teachers are forced to squeeze more learning into every day than ever before, there simply isn't time for interruptions like these unless it's for something vital (ie glasses).

 

[Tink888]

OP - I feel for you. It just difficult dealing with people in general sometimes. You do the best you can and no matter what you do, there will always be somebody who's unhappy.

FWIW - I am one of those parents who will not run back up to the school with something one of my kids forgot. I'm in agreement with the PP that said to let the kids take the consequences. Unless it's an emergency like medicine, my kids will just have to suck it up and take their lumps. That might make me a mean mom but it also makes my kids double-check before they leave in the morning to make sure they've got everything they need.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

We homeschool now too. One reason is my kids were so very frustrated spending hours and hours in school every week to cover about 4 hours worth of material while most of the day was squandered on lining up, taking roll, sending kids to the office to pick up forgottern items, etc. I also did not like the lack of accountability in school. I honestly feel that unless it is medication (which I agree with you MUST be taken to the kid ASAP), a child should be allwoed to have an item "delivered" no more than once or twice a school year. After that, if you forget your book, or snack (unless diabetic and hten it should be considered medicine), or whatever, the natural consequence would be to not have it that day (and have to make up reading at home, or skip snack, etc.). If parents and school always bail out kids when htey forget things the kids will keep forgetting. Yep, I am a mean, cold hearted mom

OP--I feel your pain. Vent away

My son is ADHD and he has also inherited my forgetful gene. So at this point in his life, it doesn't matter how many times he is reminded of things, he will continue to forget.

I did want to add that after thinking about my original statement that I am at the school a dozen times a year, that is a little high. More like a couple of times for lunches, a couple of times for meds, and a couple of times for a necessary book. My mistake.

 

[dislal]

Wow! I can't believe this is an issue our school really frowns on parents taking things into school. They are all about teaching responsibility to the kids and they don't want parents bringing anything in and I don't have a probem with that at all.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Of course, I don't really mean that......especially since I am one myself. I just need to vent a little here. I am a school secretary for a school for grades 3-5 in a VERY affluent, artsy community. In short, many of the parents are "out there" and there is a very strong pervasiveness of entitlement--especially when it comes to their little cherubs. So today alone we must've had about 20-25 items that the kids forgot and parents brought into school for them. Many of these items came without being called for. In other words, many parents realized little Johnny left without (snack, instrument, homework, book fair money) ...you name it and knew they would want it. We do call into the classroom when necessary but if it's not time sensitive or something the child really needs (glasses) we put the items in the teachers' mailboxes and they're supposed to check after their lunch.

OK--mom comes in with Johnny's book (like a fiction sort of book). I put it in teacher's mailbox as it is right before lunch and know teacher will be checking soon. Of course, teacher doesn't check, Johnny goes home with out book, mom calls absolutely SCREAMING at me that Johnny is freaking out as he has homework that involves that book. I tell her I don't appreciate the way she's talking to me and she proceeds to tell me that I am rude. In her eyes, it doesn't matter how she treats me...I am the rude one. In fact, she has spoken to other parents who have said the same thing about me, so it must be true...I am the rude one. I tell her she's entitled to her opinion, that I'm sorry she feels that way. She screams at me some more telling me that in the future she will just bring the book directly to the classroom. I know I should have let it go, but the witch in me mentions that she's not allowed to do that. "How then" she asks, "is my son supposed to get his book.?" I mention that maybe if he brought it to school like he was supposed to this could all be avoided. That went over well, as you can imagine.

I hung up with her, went into my principal's office and had a meltdown. Why are people so difficult? We're all just doing the best we can, right?

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

P.S. plus I don't feel well and have been home sick for a day and a half. Maybe I should have stayed home today, too.

1st I do sympathize ~ I've seen how some people treat the secretaries, teachers, etc.

However you might also want to realize that not just you were having a bad day. While that in no way excuses how that mom treated you, walk a mile - as a parent you've probably been there/done that. That parent not only trekked to school so johnny would have the book at school but now has to trek back to school to pick it up....I'd be pissed off too and while I wouldn't necessarily mean to take it out on you, I might

Also while the teacher dropped the ball and didn't check in, you also did drop the ball and assume she would stop in and just tucked it in her slot vs. calling down to the classroom. If it was still there after lunch maybe you could have called down to the classroom.

 

[Kimickey]

"How then" she asks, "is my son supposed to get his book.?" I mention that maybe if he brought it to school like he was supposed to this could all be avoided. That went over well, as you can imagine.

LOL How dare you actually hold Johnny accountable?? (I'm just kidding) This is hilarious!! Did it ever dawn on her to come back to the school to pick the book up for Johnny and hold herself and Johnny accountable? Nope you were easier to blame...unbelievable.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and had to deal with her immaturity. Sometimes, you just have to go there with folks and not feel bad about it...I bet Johnny or mom will forget the book the next time.

 

[Kathi OD]

I've been a teacher for a long time and this is a HUGE problem in most schools. To the PP who said it takes all of 5 seconds, that might be true if only one child is involved, some days it is like a revolving door. And regardless, a 5 second interruption is still an interruption that then requires getting the rest of the class back on track. Of course when the child comes back into the room, there's another attention breaker as every student has to look and see who just walked into the room (yes, even though they already know).

The best Back-to-School Night I ever attended was when my DD was in first grade. The principal of the school welcomed us and then proceeded to say that we were not to bring anything to school during the day unless our child might die without it. She went on to say that our children needed to learn to be responsible for themselves and no, first grade was not to young to learn that certain behaviors have consequences (of course the consequences were age appropriate). Furthermore, she assured us that if we decided to bring something to school, thinking that this rule didn't apply to our special little angel, that we were totally wrong and the item would remain in the office all day.

It's not the job of secretary's or teachers to be retrieving items that children forget to bring to school, unless it is something truly important, like medication.

OP, I'm sorry you had such a tough day. Generally, when people begin to yell at me I respond very calmly, and in a soft voice, that I will be more than happy to speak with them when they have calmed down and are able to speak in a respectful way. I either then leave the room or hang up the phone. There is no reason anyone should have to be abused in the course of doing their job.

 

[TimeforMe]

That parent not only trekked to school so johnny would have the book at school but now has to trek back to school to pick it up....I'd be pissed off too and while I wouldn't necessarily mean to take it out on you, I might

Also while the teacher dropped the ball and didn't check in, you also did drop the ball and assume she would stop in and just tucked it in her slot vs. calling down to the classroom. If it was still there after lunch maybe you could have called down to the classroom.

Yes, but no one asked the parent to bring the book to school--not even Johnny! If it was soooooo important to him, why didn't he call to have it brought to school? Maybe his teacher doesn't allow it? And of course, if I had noticed it was there after lunch, I would have called the classroom. Of course with 650 kids and 28 classes, I (many times) don't remember to do that.

 

[genius118899]

OP, I agree with you about some parents... I spent the summer as a receptionist/ medical assistant at a pediatrician's office. My absolute favorite day was the day when two young parents who looked absolutely frantic came running into the office holding a 2 year old. We calmly asked if they had an appointment. The mom says, "No, we were up the street having lunch when little Johnny just started screaming for like 5 minutes and we couldn't make him stop, so we thought we should bring him in right away!" (Johnny, by the way, is giggling and smiling at this point). We go ask the doctor if he can fit in a walk-in. The unofficial diagnosis? Johnny, like most 2 year olds, had a temper tantrum! *gasp!*

 

[texaslover]

I am a teacher too.

Many parents just have a hard time understanding that I have 22 kids in the room and circumstances have to be different at school than at home with 1,2 or 3 kids. At any given time I have kids coming in and out of the room for special programs (reading help, resource help for kids who qualify for special ed, speech, dyslexia, and gifted groups). Then I have kids who have asked or are asking to see the nurse, who are crying because (pick one: feelings are hurt, they miss their parents, they are hot/cold, they don't know how to do the assignment, they got in trouble, they forgot something). In addition, calls are coming in from the office to check in late kids or check out kids leaving early, I'm required to meet one on one with several failing students for so many minutes per day, I am required to meet with small groups for reading and math for struggling students, I am required to review the learning goals after each subject, I am required to re-test kids that get below 70 on bi-weekly mandated test, I am required to do speech drills one on one with kids who need help with speech but haven't qualified for the program yet.

And......there are students constantly coming up to me during lessons to tell me a story about their dogs, etc. and are stunned that I ask them to sit down and listen. And.....there are students grabbing each others pencils or other possessions and are shocked when I give them a consequence. And....there are students going to the bathroom 2 and 3 times per hour and are upset because I tell them they actually need to be in the room more than they are out.

And....this is 2nd grade. Accountability, behavior, and discipline play a huge part in student success and it seems that parents are moving farther away from stressing these character traits and not toward them.

Oh, and yes, I get yelled at or put down by email by parents a couple of times per week at least.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I've been a teacher for a long time and this is a HUGE problem in most schools. To the PP who said it takes all of 5 seconds, that might be true if only one child is involved, some days it is like a revolving door. And regardless, a 5 second interruption is still an interruption that then requires getting the rest of the class back on track. Of course when the child comes back into the room, there's another attention breaker as every student has to look and see who just walked into the room (yes, even though they already know).

The best Back-to-School Night I ever attended was when my DD was in first grade. The principal of the school welcomed us and then proceeded to say that we were not to bring anything to school during the day unless our child might die without it. She went on to say that our children needed to learn to be responsible for themselves and no, first grade was not to young to learn that certain behaviors have consequences (of course the consequences were age appropriate). Furthermore, she assured us that if we decided to bring something to school, thinking that this rule didn't apply to our special little angel, that we were totally wrong and the item would remain in the office all day.

It's not the job of secretary's or teachers to be retrieving items that children forget to bring to school, unless it is something truly important, like medication.

OP, I'm sorry you had such a tough day. Generally, when people begin to yell at me I respond very calmly, and in a soft voice, that I will be more than happy to speak with them when they have calmed down and are able to speak in a respectful way. I either then leave the room or hang up the phone. There is no reason anyone should have to be abused in the course of doing their job.

I guess this is me. So what am I supposed to do when kiddo forgets his lunch..or I forget to make it like I did last Friday? He won't eat school lunches, so I guess he just goes hungry? And no, I don't think he is a special little angel. Like I said, he is forgetful-we both are, and it's not going to get better at this point.

I love our school, I can't imagine speaking to any of the teachers or staff the way that mom spoke to the OP. I also can't believe some of the games stated here to get back at an upset parent. Sounds a little childish to me.

 

[TimeforMe]

texaslover: You need these! I truly appreciate our teachers and I wish I could print this out and let some of our parents read it. They want what they want and that's it!

Oh yeah, I forgot about all the kids that come in late, leave early, etc. Gymnastics lessons are much more important than being taught for the last 20 minutes of school every day. (we have one student that does this!)

 

[TimeforMe]

Like I said, he is forgetful-we both are, and it's not going to get better at this point.

I hope I don't offend you when I say, I can almost guarantee it won't get better if you continue to bring forgotten items in consistently. If he goes hungry one day or has to eat school lunch one day, he will survive. Maybe next time he won't forget. Just a thought.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My son is ADHD and he has also inherited my forgetful gene. So at this point in his life, it doesn't matter how many times he is reminded of things, he will continue to forget.

I did want to add that after thinking about my original statement that I am at the school a dozen times a year, that is a little high. More like a couple of times for lunches, a couple of times for meds, and a couple of times for a necessary book. My mistake.

Okay, it is going to sound like I am picking on you. I am not really, but you quoted me here so my response to a general YOU sounds like YOU specifically because I can use your specifics as an example. Sorry about that you do strike me as a good mom--really I do know we all forget, and some kids struggle much mree than others with forgetfulness (for ADHD or any number of other reasons).
The point is it is not about reminding the kids (that doesn't do much) it is about letting them deal with the consequences of forgetting (enough times that they start to remember more often).
I still forget things more than I care to think about but I can tell you that in the weeks or months immediately after I forget to take a lunch to work, or stop at the bank before the weekend hits, etc. I am MUCH less likely to forget again because I remember being hungry all day, etc. If someone had bailed me out, I would probably forget again.
There will come a day when you cannot continue to bring forgotten items to your son. It may be when he is in college or out working, but some day he will have to deal with it himself. Prolonging that learning experience until the stakes are higher (a college final essay instead of 3rd grade homework, etc.) does not really help your son. Maybe it would be better to focus on helping him learn how to help himself rememebr things (a laminated checklist on his backpack, or whatever system you two can come up with that works).

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I hope I don't offend you when I say, I can almost guarantee it won't get better if you continue to bring forgotten items in consistently. If he goes hungry one day or has to eat school lunch one day, he will survive. Maybe next time he won't forget. Just a thought.

He has a learning disabilitiy. I can tell him something and he will forget it immediately. He also doesn't eat much to begin with because of his meds. I will not have him miss a meal if I can help it.

 

[kbkids]

I hope I don't offend you when I say, I can almost guarantee it won't get better if you continue to bring forgotten items in consistently. If he goes hungry one day or has to eat school lunch one day, he will survive. Maybe next time he won't forget. Just a thought.

BINGO!! I was just about to say that. My DD hates school lunches too. She called me in 3rd grade because she left her lunchbox sitting on the counter and wanted me to bring it to her. I told her she could just buy her lunch that day. "MOM!! It's nasty spaghetti!" Too bad, so sad - I'm not the one who left my lunch on the counter. Two years later, guess who NEVER forgets to take her lunchbox to school????

Whatever poster mentioned, "Unless they are going to die without it, leave it home and they can suffer the consequences,"

I was barely out of the parking lot the other day and headed to sub at another school when my cell phone rang - "Mom, I left my jacket at home." Hmm, looks like you'll be cold today, huh? This time it was my son - wonder if he will forget it again

 

[Boston Tea Party]

He won't eat school lunches, so I guess he just goes hungry?

In the words of my grandfather, God rest his soul, "Put you out in the dry lot for a few days and then you'll eat..."

Texan translation available upon request.

To the OP:

This classroom teacher appreciates staff members like you who respect teaching time. You ARE appreciated! Don't let one bad apple get you down.

 

[Kathi OD]

I guess this is me. So what am I supposed to do when kiddo forgets his lunch..or I forget to make it like I did last Friday? He won't eat school lunches, so I guess he just goes hungry? And no, I don't think he is a special little angel. Like I said, he is forgetful-we both are, and it's not going to get better at this point.

I love our school, I can't imagine speaking to any of the teachers or staff the way that mom spoke to the OP. I also can't believe some of the games stated here to get back at an upset parent. Sounds a little childish to me.

Well, I guess there's nothing to be done then. Just accept the situation and give up, since it won't ever get better.

I guess I'm just a mean mom. My kids have forgotten lunches and they have had to learn to deal. The choice is eat the school lunch or be hungry. It might not be much of a choice, but it is a choice. FWIW, I've never heard of a child, who didn't have a medical issue, have any ill effects from having to wait a couple of hours to get something to eat.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I guess this is me. So what am I supposed to do when kiddo forgets his lunch..or I forget to make it like I did last Friday? He won't eat school lunches, so I guess he just goes hungry? And no, I don't think he is a special little angel. Like I said, he is forgetful-we both are, and it's not going to get better at this point.

I love our school, I can't imagine speaking to any of the teachers or staff the way that mom spoke to the OP. I also can't believe some of the games stated here to get back at an upset parent. Sounds a little childish to me.

Well, I guess he could go hungry until school gets out at 3:30 (or whatever time your school gets out) or else give in and eat the school lunch. I say this having a VERY picky child (he doesn't even like french fries ) who would (and did once) choose to be hungry. If your child is not diabetic he will not be seriously injured by skipping lunch one time (or even a few times). Honestly, he might not learn a whole lot of the classroom work that afternoon as he concentrates on his rumbling tummy, but he will learn a very big life lesson Yes, YOU forgot to make the lunch. But, he should have noticed he did not have one and asked for it (mine made their own lunches by first grade--with a well set up easy for them to navigate system in the kitchen for them to make--but I know that is a level of responisibilty very few parents would ask of their children)