VENT: I HATE parents!

[matthew&haleysmom]

BINGO!! I was just about to say that. My DD hates school lunches too. She called me in 3rd grade because she left her lunchbox sitting on the counter and wanted me to bring it to her. I told her she could just buy her lunch that day. "MOM!! It's nasty spaghetti!" Too bad, so sad - I'm not the one who left my lunch on the counter. Two years later, guess who NEVER forgets to take her lunchbox to school????

Whatever poster mentioned, "Unless they are going to die without it, leave it home and they can suffer the consequences,"

I was barely out of the parking lot the other day and headed to sub at another school when my cell phone rang - "Mom, I left my jacket at home." Hmm, looks like you'll be cold today, huh? This time it was my son - wonder if he will forget it again

You sound just like me. DD tells me I am so mean! She forgot her homework paper on Monday night. I told her to write a note to her teacher and ask if she can make it up the next day. She had to sign it and then I signed it. DD told me that nice parents would just call or email the teacher. I told her, "Sorry, but I didn't forget the homework." Of course, her teacher did let her do the homework the next night. Then, the teacher told her not to forget her homework sheet again.

I would much rather her learn the consequences in 3rd grade rather than when the consequences are much steeper.

 

[LaraK]

You know, if a kid is forgetting things all the time and they need to be taught a lesson, I'm all for that. But if a kid has attention issues (and mom has a bad morning and can't remember)...well, you kinda have to look at that individual case.

For that matter, I had to take something to my daughter one day...her brother was having surgery that day and I plain old forgot to give her money for lunch. I had something else on my mind that morning and I plum forgot. When I took the lunch money in (after the surgery when we were taking him home) the evil witch who guards the office sneared at me as she put it in the cubby. You know, I don't think I'm going to forget that one. That day I bit my tounge, next time I don't know that I will. (BTW...I'm not the only one who thinks she's a witch...all the parents hate her because of her attitude)

On the boards, I see teachers and staff from schools complaining all the time about the terrible unreasonable parents. Perhaps one of the reasons we have trouble with our level of understanding is that all we see is you complaining about us when we have full lives and circumstances we are fighting as well. Makes us a little less understanding when the next teacher bashing thread comes up. But why do we need to bash each other at all? Is this the Mommy Wars in a different version?

I'm real sorry that woman yelled at you. Yelling at someone is never right. But I'd ask people to stop and think once in a while before making sweeping judgements about others.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

He has a learning disabilitiy. I can tell him something and he will forget it immediately. He also doesn't eat much to begin with because of his meds. I will not have him miss a meal if I can help it.

Have you tried checklists? I taught second and every year had a couple with beginning of day/end of day procedures on their desk.

You can do one in the bedroom - make bed, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, or whatever his morning routine is.

You can put one on the door that says what he should have before leaving. If he is not reading, you can draw pictures.

My own son is very organizational challenged!! I made his third grade teacher use a check list on his desk. His other teachers had naturally been better about helping him, but in third grade it was all on him to get ready to leave. Now, in fourth he does not want anything on his desk. So, our new thing is he leaves his assignment notebook open. That way he has to read it before he puts it in his backpack. Then he knows what needs to go into his backpack.

Good luck!

 

[Kathi OD]

You know, if a kid is forgetting things all the time and they need to be taught a lesson, I'm all for that. But if a kid has attention issues (and mom has a bad morning and can't remember)...well, you kinda have to look at that individual case.

For that matter, I had to take something to my daughter one day...her brother was having surgery that day and I plain old forgot to give her money for lunch. I had something else on my mind that morning and I plum forgot. When I took the lunch money in (after the surgery when we were taking him home) the evil witch who guards the office sneared at me as she put it in the cubby. You know, I don't think I'm going to forget that one. That day I bit my tounge, next time I don't know that I will. (BTW...I'm not the only one who thinks she's a witch...all the parents hate her because of her attitude)

On the boards, I see teachers and staff from schools complaining all the time about the terrible unreasonable parents. Perhaps one of the reasons we have trouble with our level of understanding is that all we see is you complaining about us when we have full lives and circumstances we are fighting as well. Makes us a little less understanding when the next teacher bashing thread comes up. But why do we need to bash each other at all? Is this the Mommy Wars in a different version?

Those of us who work in schools also have full lives and circumstances that we are fighting. What you consider complaining is someone trying to explain why what you consider a simple request isn't as simple as you might think.

I'm real sorry that woman yelled at you. Yelling at someone is never right. But I'd ask people to stop and think once in a while before making sweeping judgements about others.

Like you're doing about the witch who works in the office at your child's school? While you were dealing with the aftermath of your DS's surgery, do you know that there were no life circumstances she was dealing with?

 

[TimeforMe]

KathiOD:

 

[lovesmurfs]

DD and I (I need it more than she does....) now have an evening and morning checklist.

The only time I bring anything to the school is when it's my fault she left it home.....and it happens.....

 

[LaraK]

Those of us who work in schools also have full lives and circumstances that we are fighting. What you consider complaining is someone trying to explain why what you consider a simple request isn't as simple as you might think.



Like you're doing about the witch who works in the office at your child's school? While you were dealing with the aftermath of your DS's surgery, do you know that there were no life circumstances she was dealing with?

Were that my first run in with sour puss, I would have shaken it off, but she is the nastiest person in a job with children I think I've ever seen.

Seriously though...I see a total lack of understanding on both sides. Parents are not the devil. Most teachers are sincere.

That being said, I think there's a real lack of respect on both sides. I have been on both sides, so I hope I have a little more understanding (used to teach, now I work ouside of education in the Hospital industry). I find on the Dis boards that parents are bashed and teachers are bashed, but what I see in life is that there are assumptions made that a little communication would help an awful lot and that's one thing that is sadly missing in the relationship between schools and parents.

When you withhold communication about the reason why things exist it feeds into your power base. Teachers and Parents seem to be in a perpetual struggle for power. Unfortuanately that's a battle that no one will win.

Sorry to wax philosophic first thing in the morning...but it sure would be nice to knock this crap off at some point in my lifetime.

 

[sandy6879]

To the OP - I live in CT and if you're in any of the towns I'm guessing you're in, you have my deepest sympathies LOL. I worked in one of the "artsy" areas for 8 years and some of those people make your life a living he**.

I have gone back and forth on bringing stuff to school for DD. When she was younger, her elementary school was in our backyard - literally - so it was no big deal to run something over. As she got to 4th, 5th and up, I stopped. She needs to learn the responsibility. And she has an attention problem as well, but someday she'll be living on her own in the world and I won't be there to bring stuff to college or work for her, so she needs to figure out a system now. Oh yeah, I'm a "mean mom" too - good that's my job.

For the school workers, I student taught a few years ago and I completely understand your frustration at this. It's a good part of why I have the viewpoints I do - you all don't get paid enough to do what you do

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds10 is undiagnosed ADHD (his teachers agree), but he's an A/B student, and his teachers have been great in implimenting strategies in the classroom to keep him focused. His B's are from forgetting homework - not doing it, forgetting the book in class, or not bringing it in. It's so hard to not bring it in for him, but I don't. He's suffered through many bought lunches because he forgot his, and luckily the school is great about letting him owe them lunch money.

Although the parent was out of line, I have to admit that the worst time of day here is right after school - the kids are bouncing off the wall, I'm trying to get through backpacks, everyone is hungry, we're starting homework - something that wouldn't bother me at noon will send me into a frenzy at 3:30. OP - I'm sorry she took it out on you!

 

[Pembo]

I have a good story for you....DS, 12 had a test. We studied the night before and he put his binder in his bookbag. *I* took it out so we could study in the morning. The next morning was rushed, we didn't study and he walked out without even knowing he didn't have it. DH promptly took it up to the school, 9 am.

After school when DH picks up DS, DS is very angry bc we took his binder out of the bookbag and he lost points for not having it. DH said I brought it to the school. Now dh is mad. He parks and goes into the school. He asks the not so friendly secretary about the binder. She remembers dh bringing it in. She said she had a student take it to ds's class. (He was in band). Another student who happened to be standing in the office at the time replies "I saw a binder on a cart outside the band room."

The student who was to take the binder to DS left it on a cart outside the band room and told NO ONE she put it there. We were just lucky that someone saw it.

In the end DS didn't lose points.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

We are not allowed to bring forgotten items into the classrooms. If we bring in a forgotten item (like I did last week when my kindergartener left his nap towel at home) the office will bring it down at their liesure. The teaching time is not interrupted for forgotten items...although if it were meds I am sure the nurse would take care of it.

Children are also not allowed back into the school after they have left for the afternoon. If you forgot something in your desk...oh well. Truly, if you leave the front door of the school, no turning back.

If any of my sons forget their lunch, they will have to deal with the PB&J the lunch lady gives them. If they forget a book or homework, they will have to accept the consequences. This is life. They better start learning that lesson now. The only reason I brought in the nap towel for my Ker was b/c I knew the teacher would call me to bring it in and I was already on my way of the house.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

He has a learning disabilitiy. I can tell him something and he will forget it immediately. He also doesn't eat much to begin with because of his meds. I will not have him miss a meal if I can help it.

I have a learning disabled son. He's 22 now. Please do yourself a favor and don't overcompensate or use that as an excuse. It's in our nature to do so, as a loving Mom, I think. I did and I am really sorry that I did. I consider it one of my major parenting mistakes.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

Thanks. My principal made the same point. I didn't want to throw the teacher under the bus, but I'm sure she'll hear it, too.

Why is it the TEACHER'S fault that this kid forgot his book at home?!?!? It's HER job to make sure she goes and gets it for him????

 

[rie'smom]

Of course, I don't really mean that......especially since I am one myself. I just need to vent a little here. I am a school secretary for a school for grades 3-5 in a VERY affluent, artsy community. In short, many of the parents are "out there" and there is a very strong pervasiveness of entitlement--especially when it comes to their little cherubs. So today alone we must've had about 20-25 items that the kids forgot and parents brought into school for them. Many of these items came without being called for. In other words, many parents realized little Johnny left without (snack, instrument, homework, book fair money) ...you name it and knew they would want it. We do call into the classroom when necessary but if it's not time sensitive or something the child really needs (glasses) we put the items in the teachers' mailboxes and they're supposed to check after their lunch.

Stepping in as a parent. I have taken things to the school such as medication and the secretary promised to get it there ASAP and what happens? Nothing. We would be banned from the class, and then we rely on the office or teachers to help. No body is perfect, and certainly little Jonny isnt as he's just a kid. Now, your situation does not sound anything like my story... but just showing the other side.

Of course, we homeschool now so this isnt a problelm for me anymore.

I'm sorry your day was ruined.
I'm sure MANY of the parents appreciate you!

Why is it the TEACHER'S fault that this kid forgot his book at home?!?!? It's HER job to make sure she goes and gets it for him????

We do hybrid homeschool-there's a brick and mortar school and we can send the kids or we can use the program at home or do a combination. For example, I've been sick the last 2 days so my daughter has done her work at home because I couldn't drive to school.

Anyway, at the schools she went to before-private-parents were forbidden to bring items to school for their kids. If your child needed meds, the parent had to go to school to administer them as the school would not.

Some parents set up a place with their kids to avoid the office staff in order to pick up items that they may have forgotten. I didn't agree with this.

 

[4greatboys]

It's pretty common at my boys elementary school for parents to drop off lunch, lunch money, books, etc and no one minds. I do understand the secretary does get busy and many times I have signed in as a volunteer and ran items to the classrooms or teachers boxes for her.

However I don't condone parents calling and being rude.

 

[Minnesota!]

I'm a teacher and a parent, and unless whatever was forgotten is absolutely necessary (lunch, medicine, etc.), it shouldn't be brought to the school. Parents, allow your child to take the consequences, if any, for being forgetful! Once again, ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES! Ok, I won't say anymore. (Can you tell this has been a problem in my class ?)

Ditto. That's why there are so many "snowflakes" these days - parents cater to them left and right.

Let the kids learn accountability and responsbility. If they forget their lunch - they go hungry. Bet it won't happen many more times.

Same with the book and medication. Take the lumps and learn to remember...

 

[RitaZ.]

Were that my first run in with sour puss, I would have shaken it off, but she is the nastiest person in a job with children I think I've ever seen.

Seriously though...I see a total lack of understanding on both sides. Parents are not the devil. Most teachers are sincere.

That being said, I think there's a real lack of respect on both sides. I have been on both sides, so I hope I have a little more understanding (used to teach, now I work ouside of education in the Hospital industry). I find on the Dis boards that parents are bashed and teachers are bashed, but what I see in life is that there are assumptions made that a little communication would help an awful lot and that's one thing that is sadly missing in the relationship between schools and parents.

When you withhold communication about the reason why things exist it feeds into your power base. Teachers and Parents seem to be in a perpetual struggle for power. Unfortuanately that's a battle that no one will win.

Sorry to wax philosophic first thing in the morning...but it sure would be nice to knock this crap off at some point in my lifetime.

Excellent post!

 

[ckay87]

I don't think the issue has anything to do with who forgot what or who put what in who's bin that didn't get checked, etc. etc. The issue is that the caller apparantly screamed at the OP after she already addressed the issue in a polite manner. It is not acceptable to scream at other adults, IMO, unless they are about to be hit by a train or something.

If these people are so cultured, they should have enough education and class to be able to verbally express themselves appropriately. But oddly enough, they are the worst, aren't they?

 

[Camicar]

I mean sugar melting make you want to throw up kindness...if she WANTED to be a witch she couldn't have.

Apparently you don't deal with the kind of folks I do. The nicer you get the nastier they get. Who do I deal with? Pastors.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I can't believe all the rules about parents not being allowed to bring things in to school. How old are these children. My feeling is that I have the right to bring things into my childs school. I just sign into the office, and walk to the classroom. It only takes a second to place item in the childs desk or locker. Give him a quick hug, and leave. The teacher doesn't have to stop anything. I would never let my child go hungry. They are only in elementary school. When they are in 6th grade and older it might be different. It may be because we are a small town and everyone knows everyone, but I've never heard of it being a problem with parents bringing in items. I would never have even thought of it.

The parent should not have been rude to OP. I understand why she was upset, but she shouldn't have been rude.