VENT: I HATE parents!

[stm61]

I can't believe all the rules about parents not being allowed to bring things in to school. How old are these children. My feeling is that I have the right to bring things into my childs school. I just sign into the office, and walk to the classroom. It only takes a second to place item in the childs desk or locker. Give him a quick hug, and leave. The teacher doesn't have to stop anything. I would never let my child go hungry. They are only in elementary school. When they are in 6th grade and older it might be different. It may be because we are a small town and everyone knows everyone, but I've never heard of it being a problem with parents bringing in items. I would never have even thought of it.

The parent should not have been rude to OP. I understand why she was upset, but she shouldn't have been rude.

The school I work in doesn't want to be responsible for anything a parent brings in, and they refuse to call a room for anything but an absolute emergency. Their solution is to stick a sticker on the parent, aunt, grandmother, baby-sitter, etc, and send them to the room. You have no idea how distracting it is when someone walks into the room unannounced. I have to stop what I'm doing to find out who it is, what they need, and deal with whatever it is. The minute the door opens all attention is on that person. Everyone has to watch and listen closely to whatever mom is telling her child, because not matter what it is, it's more interesting then what the teacher has to say. Then I have to get everyone refocused and back on task after the person leaves. What might be a only a second to you ends up being about 10 min to the teacher. That's for each interruption. Even if the teacher knows who you are and doesn't stop what she's doing, most of the kids are watching you and not her. Our district is county-wide, many of the kids have relatives attending or working in the same schools. That actually makes the disruptions worse, they know the person and can't resist the opportunity to stick their noses in somebody else's business lol.

Our office never asks for ID, they just ask them to sign in, hand over the sticker, and point them in the right direction. They have no way of knowing if the person is who they say they are, or if they actually go where they said they were going. I do have to stop teaching to ask who they are because I need to get a name and the relationship to the child. Several times I've sent a folder home with the person who picked up the child and gotten blamed because mom never got the papers in the folder. I've even gotten blamed because mom was expecting her kid home on the bus, but I let him go with whoever picked him up.

I'm not trying to argue with anyone, just trying to describe what happens from another point of view.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a teacher and a parent, and unless whatever was forgotten is absolutely necessary (lunch, medicine, etc.), it shouldn't be brought to the school. Parents, allow your child to take the consequences, if any, for being forgetful! Once again, ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES! Ok, I won't say anymore. (Can you tell this has been a problem in my class ?)

I have to be honest and say that sometimes my child not having something isn't his fault. DS is totally independent on his homework -- he comes home from aftercare and I say "is it done?" and if the answer is yes I don't check. -- he's never lied to me before. But sometimes I like to see what he's doing these days so I might take it out and look over it, and often if that happens it's after he's asleep. Once or twice I've forgotten to put it back, and of course he didn't think to check because as far as he knew it never left the backpack.

So, in that case do I allow him to take the consequences -- no, because they aren't his to take.

I don't think that the parent in the OP had any right to yell at the OP -- that's unexcusable, but I also know that there might be very good reasons why a parent felt that bringing the item to school was the right choice.

 

[Teacher03]

I have to be honest and say that sometimes my child not having something isn't his fault. DS is totally independent on his homework -- he comes home from aftercare and I say "is it done?" and if the answer is yes I don't check. -- he's never lied to me before. But sometimes I like to see what he's doing these days so I might take it out and look over it, and often if that happens it's after he's asleep. Once or twice I've forgotten to put it back, and of course he didn't think to check because as far as he knew it never left the backpack.

So, in that case do I allow him to take the consequences -- no, because they aren't his to take.

I don't think that the parent in the OP had any right to yell at the OP -- that's unexcusable, but I also know that there might be very good reasons why a parent felt that bringing the item to school was the right choice.

Then I guess you should have a consequence ! If it only happens once or twice, most teachers will understand and allow the homework or whatever to be turned in the next day. I have kids who constantly forget their homework, or don't take their needed book home in the evening. Parents will drive their kids to school at 6:00, expecting the school to be open. I have had parents call me at 10:00 at night wanting to know what the homework is. I have had parents knock on my door in the middle of class because their child forgot *insert item here*! I give my class a homework pass at the beginning of every grading period. I advise them to use it wisely. ( If your son was made to take the consequence, I bet you would be more careful about putting his homework back in his backpack. Believe me, I speak from experience-as a mom, not as a teacher!)

 

[kellyg403]

I will have to admit I am one of the mean mom's too. I very rarely take anything to the kid's school. If it is my fault that something wasn't done I email the teacher, if I don't get a response I call the school and leave a message. I volunteered for several years in the kids classes when they were in elementary school and there were a lot of interruptions during the day for various things. I understand wanting your child to have what they 'need' but really don't understand the idea that you forgot, your child forgot, but its the secretary or school's responsibility to make sure that it gets done after you remember.

I understand if your child has an issue, but really taking the consequences for most kids won't hurt them. I think we as parents have so many excuses for why we do certain things in the name of "love' that our kids pick up on it and they have a million excuses. Instead of saying I am sorry I forget, tomorrow I won't. I have teens now, and excuses seem to be the way they deal with any and all personal responsibility. But that is a whole 'nother story.

OP, I don't think you should be yelled at by any parent. I don't think any parent should be yelling at you for their lack of remembering. If it is so vitally important to you that your child has everything they need each day, you need to make a checklist, give yourself ample time in the morning to go through it and move on. If your child is forgetful and your way to handle is different than the schools way of handling it I think it would be best to figure out a way to fix the problem or find a solution agreeable to all. I just don't get it all of the excuses as to why its o.k. to be a certain way and everyone else just has to live with it no matter what the rules say.

Kelly

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Then I guess you should have a consequence ! If it only happens once or twice, most teachers will understand and allow the homework or whatever to be turned in the next day. I have kids who constantly forget their homework, or don't take their needed book home in the evening. Parents will drive their kids to school at 6:00, expecting the school to be open. I have had parents call me at 10:00 at night wanting to know what the homework is. I have had parents knock on my door in the middle of class because their child forgot *insert item here*! I give my class a homework pass at the beginning of every grading period. I advise them to use it wisely. ( If your son was made to take the consequence, I bet you would be more careful about putting his homework back in his backpack. Believe me, I speak from experience-as a mom, not as a teacher!)

The consequence in my DS's class is missing recess -- even if the teacher accepts the homework a day late (and homework isn't factored into grades here, so it's not really an issue of accepting vs. not accepting) she can't give back yesterday's recess.

The consequence for me is that I pay for gas, and have to call my boss and explain why I'm going to be late -- trust me I'd rather not do that. Frankly my son is a very forgiving child and probably wouldn't even mention anything when he got home, but I'd know that he missed his one opportunity during the day to get some exercise and play with his best friend, and I'd feel bad.

The other consequence of me bringing the homework in is that my son learns that in our family when we make a mistake that impact someone else we do our best to put it right.

 

[Teacher03]

The consequence in my DS's class is missing recess -- even if the teacher accepts the homework a day late (and homework isn't factored into grades here, so it's not really an issue of accepting vs. not accepting) she can't give back yesterday's recess.

The consequence for me is that I pay for gas, and have to call my boss and explain why I'm going to be late -- trust me I'd rather not do that. Frankly my son is a very forgiving child and probably wouldn't even mention anything when he got home, but I'd know that he missed his one opportunity during the day to get some exercise and play with his best friend, and I'd feel bad.

The other consequence of me bringing the homework in is that my son learns that in our family when we make a mistake that impact someone else we do our best to put it right.

Don't think I was criticizing you, I'm not. I understand everyone forgets something now and then. If it only happens once or twice a year, then it really isn't a problem. But for some, it happens once or twice a week. They know that mom or dad will bring the forgotten item. And that allows kids to get into some very bad habits that will affect them their entire thirteen years through school.

 

[kaytieeldr]

It only takes a second to place item in the childs desk or locker. Give him a quick hug, and leave. The teacher doesn't have to stop anything

Really? A second? It took me a second to type the first three letters of this response - 'Rea' - But in that same length of time you get everything done you claim... AND not disturb/interrupt the teaching going on in that room?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My DS forgot his lunch ticket at home on Friday. Actually I gave it to him and I don't know if he dropped it somewhere but it didn't end up at school with him.

DS called me from the classroom phone and DH took DS a lunch ticket, in an envelope with his name and homeroom number on it. We also are not allowed to take things to the classroom. DH told the secretary what it was and who it was for. She said just leave it there , we'll get it to him.

Well DS went to the office to get his lunch ticket and the secretary told him, no one dropped off a lunch ticket for you. DS had to write an IOU for his lunch. I know its only $1.70, but if I can't take the item to DS to his classroom , then the least someone can do is get the item to DS.

Yea he should have had it in the morning, but he didn't, sometimes things are forgotten.

 

[dimimi]

I have to be honest and say that sometimes my child not having something isn't his fault. DS is totally independent on his homework -- he comes home from aftercare and I say "is it done?" and if the answer is yes I don't check. -- he's never lied to me before. But sometimes I like to see what he's doing these days so I might take it out and look over it, and often if that happens it's after he's asleep. Once or twice I've forgotten to put it back, and of course he didn't think to check because as far as he knew it never left the backpack.

So, in that case do I allow him to take the consequences -- no, because they aren't his to take.

I don't think that the parent in the OP had any right to yell at the OP -- that's unexcusable, but I also know that there might be very good reasons why a parent felt that bringing the item to school was the right choice.

I agree! Also, I teach at a high school. Parents drop off things for their kids all of the time. Sometimes a parent might not have money to give the student in the am...so the parent drops it off. Sometimes a kid has one night to do a project and the computer printer crashes.

I guess I have a question to all of you... What do you do when you forget something? If you have something for work you wanted to do at home and you forget it at work, do you go back to work and pick it up or say forget it, I just won't do it? If you forget something at the store, do you go back and buy it or say forget it? Certainly, if the same kids forgets something every day or every week...there is a problem, but once in a while...give everyone a break!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Well, the difference between me forgetting something at work or forgetting to buy something at the store (or buying it but getting home to find that it didn't get put in the bag or I forgot one of my bags) is that IF I go back to get it, I'm not disrupting a class of fifteen, twenty, or more students and a teacher trying to teach them something in X amount of time, without distractions.

If I forgot a bag (happens at a Walgreens on my way home from work on occasion), when I do go back I get in line - i.e. I don't disrupt the normal course of work, except that I called when I got home the day before.

I don't do work that can be taken home, but I did forget my entire purse at work one day. Yes, I did drive the thirty miles back to get it - but that did not disturb/distract anyone. Except me, and who cares, since it was my fault I forgot.

 

[TimeforMe]

She said just leave it there , we'll get it to him.

Well DS went to the office to get his lunch ticket and the secretary told him, no one dropped off a lunch ticket for you. DS had to write an IOU for his lunch. I know its only $1.70, but if I can't take the item to DS to his classroom , then the least someone can do is get the item to DS.

Yea he should have had it in the morning, but he didn't, sometimes things are forgotten.

That's right--sometimes people forget things. Parents tend to forget that staff and faculty members are only human and we forget things, too. I can assure you that the secretary did not purposely NOT tell him about the lunch ticket. Believe me, we don't want to have to listen to the repercussions. We have 650 kids in our school and with the amount of forgotten "stuff" we get on a daily basis, I think we do a pretty darn good job of getting it to them. FTR, I am NOT talking about the student who occasionally forgets something. We have parents who come in on a daily basis and it is evident that an effort isn't even being made to be organized and responsible. (on either the parent or student's part)

 

[tasha99]

I'm a teacher and a parent, and unless whatever was forgotten is absolutely necessary (lunch, medicine, etc.), it shouldn't be brought to the school. Parents, allow your child to take the consequences, if any, for being forgetful! Once again, ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES! Ok, I won't say anymore. (Can you tell this has been a problem in my class ?)

This is actually the rule at my son's school. Lunch, glasses, a coat in the winter, medicine--sure. Forgotten homework or backpack--nope.

 

[bethy]

Thank you. How will they learn? And before anyone gets their panties in a wad, I'm not talking about the occasional left lunch, etc. And Teacher03, it's a problem for our teachers as well.

I am a parent and I COMPLETELY agree with this. The only exception I personally can see would be for medication. The time to teach them responsibility and natural consequences is now, when the stakes aren't that high.

At our school there is a table in the hallway outside the office where parents are to leave forgotten items. No one is allowed to interrupt classroom instruction time for the purpose of getting these items to students. And all medications have to be kept at the office anyway.

 

[Cindyluwho]

At the K-8 my DD attended, parent's were allowed to bring forgotten things in only once a quarter (excluding medication). It was written in the student handbook and a note went out during the first week of school. I think I had to drive something to the school maybe 3 or 4 times total and my DD is now in High School. OP, why not approach the headmaster/principal and see if this is something your school can implement. It would sure make your life easier and I'm sure you have more important things to do than taking care of forgotten items.
I do want to say however that labeling afluent folks as spacey or snooty is painting the picture with a very broad brush. I'm sure there are lots of very kind and caring folks that are parents at your school. Although having a day where 25 different parents showed up with forgotten items could make it feel like they are all space cadets

 

[minnieandmickey]

Of course, I don't really mean that......especially since I am one myself. I just need to vent a little here. I am a school secretary for a school for grades 3-5 in a VERY affluent, artsy community. In short, many of the parents are "out there" and there is a very strong pervasiveness of entitlement--especially when it comes to their little cherubs. So today alone we must've had about 20-25 items that the kids forgot and parents brought into school for them. Many of these items came without being called for. In other words, many parents realized little Johnny left without (snack, instrument, homework, book fair money) ...you name it and knew they would want it. We do call into the classroom when necessary but if it's not time sensitive or something the child really needs (glasses) we put the items in the teachers' mailboxes and they're supposed to check after their lunch.

OK--mom comes in with Johnny's book (like a fiction sort of book). I put it in teacher's mailbox as it is right before lunch and know teacher will be checking soon. Of course, teacher doesn't check, Johnny goes home with out book, mom calls absolutely SCREAMING at me that Johnny is freaking out as he has homework that involves that book. I tell her I don't appreciate the way she's talking to me and she proceeds to tell me that I am rude. In her eyes, it doesn't matter how she treats me...I am the rude one. In fact, she has spoken to other parents who have said the same thing about me, so it must be true...I am the rude one. I tell her she's entitled to her opinion, that I'm sorry she feels that way. She screams at me some more telling me that in the future she will just bring the book directly to the classroom. I know I should have let it go, but the witch in me mentions that she's not allowed to do that. "How then" she asks, "is my son supposed to get his book.?" I mention that maybe if he brought it to school like he was supposed to this could all be avoided. That went over well, as you can imagine.

I hung up with her, went into my principal's office and had a meltdown. Why are people so difficult? We're all just doing the best we can, right?

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

P.S. plus I don't feel well and have been home sick for a day and a half. Maybe I should have stayed home today, too.

Been there done that, have many a t-shirt. I have gone into my Admin's office and she has said that I should have said this or that. I looked at her and told her no where in my contract does it say I have to be verbally abused and I was defending myself. It is not your fault that that parent's child was not prepared for school, it was hers.My favorite parents are the ones that won't budge and demand that they talk to their child just to tell them that they wouldn't be home when the got there. Uh I could have given that message instead of disrupting 33 other students education to interrupt that childs classroom. The other parent was the one who yelled at ME because the teacher didn't give his child the lunch money. He started yelling at me to "do your job". I finally had had enough and looked him in the eye and said:" I am doing my job, you need to do your job and make sure your child is prepared every morning." He kept yelling and finally a teacher looked at him and said "either leave or the police will be called"

Wow, I am in the school at least a dozen times throughout the year because something was left at home..the receptionists at my kids' school greet me with kindness and sweetness, and call my kiddo up to the office to get the thing they forgot. I'm glad it's not such an imposition at my school if I or my kid forgets something like medication or a book they will need. Our school NEVER initiates a call that something was forgotten.


I am definitely not saying this parent had any right to talk to the OP in this manner, but it sounds like a there was a little attitude on both parts. JMO.

She was being yelled at, what would you have done in this situation? And no we never initiate the call, the kids do that pretty well with the so called necessity of needing a cell phone at age 10 these days. They say they have to go to the bathroom and call from there.
I will call a student up to take medication. Medication does not go into the classroom. But I will take notes on how often a parent is coming in giving forgotten meds to a student. I have yet however to have a parent abuse this.

The conversation is this, "Mrs. Smith, could you send kiddo to the office please?" Teacher says "kiddo, go to the office". ( I am standing there, it takes all of 5 seconds.) Yes, it is an interruption, but not a big one. And what can you do? I am not perfect, I forget stuff, so do my kids. If the kid forgets his lunch, book that he needs in class, meds, he needs it.


It sounds like your school is set up for what works for you. Having the teacher pick the stuff up from her mailbox. But it didn't work in the above instance. The mother should have NEVER EVER gone off on you like that, but she was told something was going to be done..and it didn't happen. She definitely overreacted.

My son is ADHD and he has also inherited my forgetful gene. So at this point in his life, it doesn't matter how many times he is reminded of things, he will continue to forget.

I did want to add that after thinking about my original statement that I am at the school a dozen times a year, that is a little high. More like a couple of times for lunches, a couple of times for meds, and a couple of times for a necessary book. My mistake.

Would you be ok with your sons education being interuppted numerous times per day? That is what you are doing to the other students in his class when you drop something off for him. Although your child has ADHD it isn't an excuse for forgetting something. Maybe it is time for you to start showing him how to be responsible, maybe the night before you go over a list of things that should be in his backpack for the next day. Keep that as a written list and slowly have him start doing it himself. I have a DD with a disability and have done this with her. If she forgets something she takes the consequence for it. This is for her sake as she isn't going to get any younger and I won't be there every second of the day to make sure she is prepared for things.

 

[Disney Doll]

I guess this is me. So what am I supposed to do when kiddo forgets his lunch..or I forget to make it like I did last Friday? He won't eat school lunches, so I guess he just goes hungry? And no, I don't think he is a special little angel. Like I said, he is forgetful-we both are, and it's not going to get better at this point.

I love our school, I can't imagine speaking to any of the teachers or staff the way that mom spoke to the OP. I also can't believe some of the games stated here to get back at an upset parent. Sounds a little childish to me.

Perhaps if he were hungry once or twice because he forgot his lunch, the crutch of the "forgetful gene" would be dropped and he'd remember his lunch.

OP, I agree with you and all the posters who said that personal responsibility and consequences are not things that children today are being taught.

I am awfully glad I was raised in a different generation by the parents I have.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am so dying to know what town you work in. I'm hoping it's not the one I live in, but, considering the ones I have run into at the store, it just might be.

If I had to guess, I would say it is somewhere in Fairfield County south of Bridgeport.

 

[pweyl36]

I make it a point to NEVER bring in anything my kids forgot. And they know this. One of my son's does not like to eat the school lunch but if he forget to grab the lunch I made, too bad, so sad. He can eat an emergency lunch and if he doesn't like it he goes hungry. I feel if he was hungry enough he would so I don't feel bad. I want my kids to grow up responsible. He has ADHD too but I would never use that as an excuse. The real world won't.

I have 3 kids ds20,dd11,ds7. I have never ever ( and ever will) brought forgotten Items to school. My oldest son has add and turettes,I have never allowed him or anyone else to use that as an excuse for his behavoir or forgetfulness. There were many a time in the morning 5mins til the bus that he would tell me " oh we are having a party to day and I need to bring in ___. My answer would be I guess you and the class wont be having_____ that today. As for lunch school would not allow a child to miss lunch, They would get pdj or what ever schools give to kids that has forgotten lunch. I can never understand the parents who will never let their child learn the concesques.

 

[mom2boys]

I agree with letting the kids live with the consequences. A missed lunch here or there won't hurt them. If they forget their lunches, they either mooch off of their friends or use their allowance to buy lunch. My 9th grader forgot his lunch a couple of weeks ago. He said he had the "world's worst pizza" from the cafeteria. He survived.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

That's right--sometimes people forget things. Parents tend to forget that staff and faculty members are only human and we forget things, too. I can assure you that the secretary did not purposely NOT tell him about the lunch ticket. Believe me, we don't want to have to listen to the repercussions. We have 650 kids in our school and with the amount of forgotten "stuff" we get on a daily basis, I think we do a pretty darn good job of getting it to them. FTR, I am NOT talking about the student who occasionally forgets something. We have parents who come in on a daily basis and it is evident that an effort isn't even being made to be organized and responsible. (on either the parent or student's part)

I'm sure she didn't purposely forget it, but if I can't take it to my son myself and I'm told to leave it with the secretary, she will make sure DS gets the ticket, then he should get it.

I have never taken anything to my son to school, this is the first time. Though I am at the school pretty often volunteering and with PTA, so I see quite a few parents at the school often dropping things off.

You know its frustrating for us parents also. We have no choice but to rely on the secretaries to get things to our kids. And if its such a burden then make a rule, if its forgotten , then it is , nothing can be brought to the office unless its an emergency. If the rule isn't in place, I should be able to assume my kid will get whats left for him especially when his name and room number is clearly written on the item that was left.