Vent about DH's meal spending...LONG

[ksumn1]

You stated in your OP that he buys energy drinks. Unless he is working out or training for something he really doesn't need them and if his cardiac health is in question then he really doesn't need them. I don't know if you are talking about Gatorade or something stronger like Red Bull but energy bars and energy drinks shouldn't substitue for actual food.

Nope, he drinks those Monster energy drinks and Mountain Dew. Will order Sprite or sweet tea occasionally with a meal, never water. He drinks way too any soft drinks. He actually tried to argue with me that the other type he drinks (can't remember the name) is actually good for you because it has so much vitamin A (or one of the vitamins) completely forgetting the huge amounts of sugar and caffiene.

Sweet tea is my nemesis. When I started on a diet plan (actually watching what I ate) I realized I had fallen back into the soda habit. First thing I cut out was sweet tea and soda. I literally lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks. Now, I allow myself 1 glass of sweet tea or soda a day, usually with dinner. Dh can knock back a 2 liter by himself easy. He drinks water at work (he says) because it's outside and it' so hot but he never drinks water at home.

 

[newtodis]

But when I see it's for an energy drink full of sugar, a bag of Funions, and a white chocolate Reeses cup (his fave snack) or a large coke 2 BEC biscuits, hashrounds AND a cinnamon roll from Jack's. it just burns me up. He has high blood pressure, which he won't take his medicine for in fact hasn't been to the doctor for in over a year, snores horribly, falls asleep at the drop of a hat and WON'T do anything about it.

I could have written this myself! The difference? My DH's been to the doctor and told by the person who brought his c pap machine about two and a half years ago that he'd be DEAD in five years without the thing. It moved from MI to SC with us about a year and a half ago but was NEVER used. It went back to MI last summer and he hadn't been using it before the move. I tell DH daily the clock is ticking and he should be just as worried as Captain Hook about his ticking croc too....It's so sad that he just won't do anything about it.

Dh did last summer and it turns out he had horrible sleep apnea (he is a bigger guy as well...minus the blood pressure issues.) He stopped breathing an insane amount of times each hour he slept and the even scarier thing is that sometimes I'd hear him stop breathing so I'd lose sleep to stay awake so I could hit him when I heard him stop breathing b/c I was scared to death something would happen to him. He has a c pap mask now and dosen't fall asleep at the drop of a hat anymore. He actually feels refreshed when he wakes up and I can sleep b/c i'm not worried about him stop breathing. The mask is quiet too...no louder than the fan that we always run anyways.

My DH did the same thing....can fall asleep anywhere. He wondered why I was mad on Saturday because he fell asleep while I was talking to him! He still refuses to do anything about it and that's the frustrating part....

I'm so glad things seem to be working for you! Hopefully you'll have a great update this weekend when DH gets back home!!

 

[lovemygoofy]

My husband has spent alot of months living in hotel rooms also. I understand how it can be on the budget. A couple of things he did or we did when I visited:

a rostissere chicken from the grocery store with a bag of steam veggies

take the leftover chicken the next day and make sandwhich with leftover veggies or some fruit

cook some noodles in the microwave and pour some sauce over and add in leftover chicken

buy some of the tyson dinner entrees like the roast or the bbq pork, with some microwave rice and again bag of steam veggies

Get a nice loaf of bread, some sandwhich/salad toppings and some sandwhich or precooked sliced chicken strips and make sandwhiches, salads or wraps

microwave a bowl of soup with a side salad or some veggies or anything else

My husband also made nice with the night hotel clerk and would go down and use their toaster oven or get some "supplies" as needed.

I also know that sometimes my husband would just spend because he was bored or lonely and looking for something to fill that time.

Good luck on the life change. I would remember to switch things over slowly replacing one or two things a week that is bad in the diet. Don't completely change the way you eat and live in one week and expect your husband to just jump on board. I imagine when he is home he wants the home he remembered and enjoyed and not the new home you are envisioning. It takes time and patience to get where you want to go.

 

[k_reile]

DH works out of town and for the last few weeks he's been running our bank account very close to a 0 balance. He gets a per diem check every week for $80. He puts $20 in gas in the car and has $60 to spend on food form Monday morning to Thursday evening. He has a minifridge in the hotel room, a George Foreman grill,an numerous coolers he could take to keep additional food in (fee ice machine at hotel) He takes a meal with him for at least one night, usually 2. I fix extra batches on Sunday of chili, jambalaya, soup etc and he takes some with him. He stops at Wal Mart and buys sandwich meat, bread, canned drinks etc. Yet he still eats Jack's for breakfast 3 times a week, goes by the gas station at least 6 times for candy bars, energy drinks, etc, and eats out at least one night a week using the debit card.

I work part time, go to school full time and between the house and everything else, I don't have time to check the bank statement every single night. He won't check it when he's home on Friday all day while I'm at work, Saurday if I don't work we have stuff to do and it never fails that Saturday afternoon as I log onto the bank system, he pulls out a wad of reciepts for the week.

Well, I asked him 2 days ago did he need $$ or was he OK because I had to pay some bills. Nope, he's fine. So I tell him IF you do, get some out of the ATM, because there's gonna be $30 in the bank Mon and Tues until check posts on Wednesday. No problem, he says. So tonight I check the bank statement and we're -$200 !!! He went by the Texaco 4 times in 2 days, had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, Jack's AND paid the subscription fee (pay per use) on some game he plays online. We have NSF fees of $140 for 3 transactions. That $2.60 cost us $39!!! (Normally, we have a higher balance but with my hours at work cut at work due to school schedule, it's getting tighter and tighter every week)

I'm so mad I don't know what to do. It's not really the $$, it's that he won't take the $$ out BEFORE he goes out of town and stop when he runs out. He keeps using the debit card even when I tell him DON'T. Had I known he need extra cash, I would have paid less on the bills, since I was overpaying a bit anyway.

He's a great guy and works hard. He says all the time I just want to be able to go out to eat or grab a drink when I want it. Fine, but he doesn't seem to get that those little trips to the gas station and dinner twice a week add up. Especially when he brings the leftovers home, uneaten, and have to be thrown out since he didn't put them in a cooler and left them sitting out in his truck all day. I just wanted to vent. Thanks for letting me. I love my DH, hard worker, great father, good guy, usually very level headed except when it comes to his spending habits about food. Of course, he has food issues anyway (eats waaaay too much which is a BIG part of the problem and won't do anything about it) so I really don't know what to do, how to approach it, or how to fix it. Especially since I've tried to handle it by suggesting he take cash every week to keep it under control. Any ideas??

My husband is the same way...doesn;t understand why he can't use it...he uses it like his life depends on it...which in return is hard to save money. He doesn;t pay the bills...so he has no idea what our bills cost or when i pay them...when i tell him he can;t use the debit card...he doesn;t listen. Then when i told him how much i pay for our life insurance...he told me to cancel them because we didn;t need it! Ok...do you want your son living on the street if something happens. His response is he has grandparents! well...sorry bud its not their responsibility!

I am thinking of canceling the debit card all together...though it is nice for emergencies at the atm...but at this point its causing problems. I think i will cancel his debit card and keep mine hidden for emergency purposes. same for the credit cards...i think i will be canceling one of them...its american express and is not accepted everywhere and will keep the visa for emergencies. I am trying to pay all of our credit card debt...and luckily there is not much left and start to save $....in this economy you never know whats going to happen

 

[Dancemom03]

Nope, he drinks those Monster energy drinks and Mountain Dew. Will order Sprite or sweet tea occasionally with a meal, never water. He drinks way too any soft drinks. He actually tried to argue with me that the other type he drinks (can't remember the name) is actually good for you because it has so much vitamin A (or one of the vitamins) completely forgetting the huge amounts of sugar and caffiene.

Sweet tea is my nemesis. When I started on a diet plan (actually watching what I ate) I realized I had fallen back into the soda habit. First thing I cut out was sweet tea and soda. I literally lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks. Now, I allow myself 1 glass of sweet tea or soda a day, usually with dinner. Dh can knock back a 2 liter by himself easy. He drinks water at work (he says) because it's outside and it' so hot but he never drinks water at home.

I'm really bad at that too. Diet Coke is my one weakness but it's a big one. I joke that in a pinch I'd trade Toilet Paper for Diet Coke if stranded on a desert island.

DH weighed 340 when he met with the doctor before his first heart incident. He wasn't big when we married or as a child but it just sort of crept up on him after more than twenty years of marriage and lots of great food. The hardest part was getting him to realize that there was a problem. I know how hard that conversation can be and applaud your efforts to handle it well.
When DH went to the dr we talked about portion sizes and calorie counts. After we left the office I added up just how many calories 1200 or 1500 was in a day and that a portion of most things was the size of a deck of cards and not the size of a dinner plate.

He started drinking lots of water and the pounds came off fairly quickly, considering. The heart issues appeared after he started dropping the weight. It was scary and life-changing - literally. None of us will ever be the same but it brought a new awareness of the consequences of ignoring your health & eating habits into our lives.

I just wanted to mention that it really is important to keep visiting the doctor even after everything seems to be turning around. As DH began to see cardiologists for the first time in his life, I'd talk to the others in the waiting rooms. So often I heard that the heart issues began during or after weight loss. I don't know why but it just struck me as so ironic b/c after losing 100 pounds I'd have said he was in better shape than ever before.

I took my wife out for dinner and a show over the weekend, and spent $24,000.00. It was really worth it.

Now you seriously need a budget - and a little notebook to keep track of the spending too! Talk about a credit limit to be envied. Have another glass of tea...

From what I hear that dinner was grown in the chef's garden. Maybe if you'd eaten it there instead of the city it would have been a bit cheaper. I'm sure it would been more intimate. Wouldn't matter for me though, if I knew DH was gonna spend that much or that I have to watch yet another version of that tired old story I think I'd have choked on the appetizer...

 

[ksumn1]

Sorry, summer schhol is so challenging to keep up with that I haven't posted in awhile. Well, DH went to the dr. Suprisingly, everything was better than expected. His blood pressure was pretty godd and cholesterol was OK, but dr said obviously he needs to get in better shape based on his BMI and his weight. He wants to refer DH to a specialist for the suspected sleep apnea but I still don't know if DH will go. He claims it's related to his "deviated septum" and his breathing not any sleep apnea stuff. So that's another battle to fight

Anyway, we've been doing good at home on the weekends about the activity level. We try to go to the park or do some activity outside every day instead of just watching TV or playing video games. We're eating pretty helthy, not perfect beacuse we do love our garlic bread with chili, but trying to be reasonable about it. DH is talking meals and when he does eat out, it's usually Subway or a home cooking place and DH said he tries to eat just one meat, 1 bread and get veggies and fruit instead and limit the fried foods. If nothing else, he does seem more aware of what and how much he eats, which is an improvement.

We're redoing our budget also. Previously, we didn't include weekly gas costs, weekly household stuff (fruit, muilk, bread,tp, paper towels, etc) or groceries on our "budget" I sat down last night and with the exception of one CC (joint in DH and MIL's name) I know exactly how much we owe, to whom, when it's due and sat up a payment schedue. Paying things with adaquate notice (bill due on 19 paying when DH gets paycheck on 15 not the 19th), making sure to include ALL expenses and leaving a cushion every week. I will recieve a refund from my financial aid for school (I messed up and took out too much in loans for summer quarter) but instead of returning it, we're going to put half in savings, half to pay off bills and put $200 down for a WDW trip next summer......we're cancelling our August trip.

As much as I hate it, we need to get our finances straight and by my calcualtions we should have all cc's paid off by next February except the one that DH has with MIL. We're taking our tax return and paying it off, some in savings and some to WDW trip. The extra that we had been paying on CC's will be split between savings and the trip. DH's job still hasn't straightened out his witholding status for taxes, it's still single and 1, and I've given up trying to fix it becasue due to privacy laws the office staff at his company won't tell me anything or change anything....DH has to. And he's called a couple of times but still NOTHING!! So we're just gonna file as usual and use the refund in a wise manner. Yes, I know WDW isn't too wise but since everything else will be paid off, it's not a bad financial decision like it would be to go now.

Thanks again for all your help and advice, just wanted to let everybody know things are going good. Ya'll have a great day!!!