Vacation guilt

[disney_dreaming_mom]

Hi,

This past year after being layed off my husband and I re-located for jobs which ended up falling through. Every year since my son was born my mother gives us a trip to either Disneyland or Disney World. This year she announced she is paying for us to go on a Disney Cruise. I'm feeling really guilty especially since our family is struggling so badly financially to even pay the rent or buy necessities such as food. Should tell her thank you and ask if we should go another year when we actually have money to spend and can afford to take a week off work? Right now my husband is only working a part time retail job and I have elected to go back to nursing school and stay home with our child to save on daycare costs.
Has anyone ever been in this position? Please any advice is appreciated. TIA!!!

-Disney Dreaming Mom

 

[ckoncurat]

If its a free trip, I say go. You will save the grocery money that week, and you will make once in a lifetime memories. It sounds like your husband would not make much money that week anyway.

 

[ckoncurat]

Just wanted to add- a cruise is all inclusive!! If you stay on the boat in port and don't buy souvineers, you can have a GREAT vacation without shelling out any extra cash!

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

You make two very excellent points! I have never been on a cruise before and didn't realize that the food is included in the price. This particular cruise is within driving distance of our home so we wouldn't need to fly.

I think I am most worried my husband will lose the one job he has managed to find (even though it be part time and minimum wage it took him almost 6 months to find a job). Any suggestions? Luckily the trip falls on my spring break so it wouldn't effect school for myself or my son.

 

[SaraJayne]

If you are struggling to pay your rent or buy food for your family, you should absolutely not go on a vacation (regardless of whether it's "free" or not)!

 

[eliza61]

If you are struggling to pay your rent or buy food for your family, you should absolutely not go on a vacation (regardless of whether it's "free" or not)!

Why?

Will the trip make the situation worse? If it does, then no don't go.
Will the trip take the load of the family for maybe 5 days? maybe. if so it's not necessarily bad.

Some times stepping "outside" of the misery for a short time is enough to refocus your energy and give you strength to keep hanging on.
If you are hurting financially is it wrong to actually have a good time for a few days or because we are in a bad place are we not supposed to have any happiness at all?

If I'm unemployed and some one who loves me gives me a break for 3 days at the beach, do I say "sorry, I'm jobless now so I don't deserve to experience a break"?

 

[SaraJayne]

Why?

Really? You have to ask? If they can't afford rent or food, they sure can't afford a vacation.

And no vacation is truly "free".

OP, since you're having trouble paying your bills, why don't you ask your Mom if she'd give you the money to put towards what you need it for?

I also don't think your DH is in a great position to be asking for a week off of work right now...you could both end up potentially unemployed.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

I guess that is my biggest struggle with the whole issue...I'm not sure when or if my husband will ever get another job like the one he had for 9 years. I'm in nursing school and will not be finished for another year or possibly two depending on how things go.

We have never been in this situation before so just wondering what other people do. When is it acceptable to go for those who say do not go? I'm guessing we will not be financially back to where we were before for at least 4-5 years. I forgot to add my mother would also be going.

 

[hffmnheidi]

I say go and forget your worries for a week or so. Your husband might not even have his part-time job when it comes time for the cruise(so don't turn down the free trip) in this economic climate.

Might help get all of you recharged from being stressed out and burnt out from all the worries. Don't worry about needing money to buy souvenirs-take lots and lots of photos as your trip memories.

You don't know how much time away can help when you're stressed about financial worries. Thank your mother and smile when you go on your trip.

 

[CC12005]

Two other money factors to consider are tips & parking. Hopefully your mother knowing your financial situation has prepaid the gratuity. If not, most of the money your room steward & waitstaff makes is from tips and the cruise line gives a guideline for tipping. Also you usually have to prepay for parking at the dock, which on a minimium wage job can seem steep, up to one days pay. The main factor, would your husband lose his job & would you be able to pay your bills with the weeks loss of income?

Also, usually soft drinks & alcohol are not included. Some cruise lines have a prepaid option for soft drinks. Most people can forgo this, but just so you know in advance. Either way best of luck in your situation.

For the most part, cruises can be a great deal & include most dining, entertainment & activities. Don't do the excurisons at the ports, eat at the free options & have a great time if you do go.

Editted to add: Just saw your mother is going. I'm assuming she would pay for gratuties & parking. If you husband is not able to go, would you be able to take a mother & daughter trip with the kids?

 

[mdsoccermom]

A cruise is NOT all-inclusive. Yes, your food is included. Your drinks, with some exceptions, are not. There is also the issue of spending money and yes, you will need some.

No, a person who has problems with paying for food and rent should not be vacationing. There are many people who forego vacations until they are in a better place. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[eliza61]

Really? You have to ask? If they can't afford rent or food, they sure can't afford a vacation.

And no vacation is truly "free".

OP, since you're having trouble paying your bills, why don't you ask your Mom if she'd give you the money to put towards what you need it for?

I also don't think your DH is in a great position to be asking for a week off of work right now...you could both end up potentially unemployed.

Yes I need to ask. A vacation is free if you don't pay for it. that's called free. I've done it many times. I agree with not asking for time off but I sure as heck wouldn't say to some one "instead of paying for my vacation can you just give me the cash?".

 

[SaraJayne]

I guess that is my biggest struggle with the whole issue...I'm not sure when or if my husband will ever get another job like the one he had for 9 years. I'm in nursing school and will not be finished for another year or possibly two depending on how things go.

We have never been in this situation before so just wondering what other people do. When is it acceptable to go for those who say do not go? I'm guessing we will not be financially back to where we were before for at least 4-5 years. I forgot to add my mother would also be going.

When is it acceptable? In my opinion, when you can pay your rent and buy food without struggling.

We had many years where we didn't go on vacation because of finances. Disney World/Cruise Lines will still be there when you're able to fully enjoy them.

Priorities are having a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat ~ not vacations.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Yes I need to ask. A vacation is free if you don't pay for it. that's called free. I've done it many times. I agree with not asking for time off but I sure as heck wouldn't say to some one "instead of paying for my vacation can you just give me the cash?".

Because unless the mother is paying for all gratuities, transportation to the ship, onboard account, spending money and lost wages (presumably in a part-time retail position the husband will not be paid for time off), it is not a free vacation.

 

[clanmcculloch]

This is something that your mother does as a gift every year. She gets as much enjoyment out of these vacations as you do. It's her vacation as well and she loves to share it with you and your family.

I would suggest sitting down and having an honest talk with your mother. Make it clear that you can't afford any of the extras like tips or parking or extra drinks or anything else that are additional costs. I would also be frank with her about your guilt and your concern over being without DH's pay (even minimum wage is still income) for that long. Maybe she'd be open to a shorter cruise, like maybe a 3 or 4 day cruise so DH really doesn't have to miss more than a day or two or can work extra shifts before and after. Maybe this is a middle ground that can work during this tough time?

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

If there is a possibility (even a small one) your husband would lose his job then I would tell mom, "thanks but no thanks" this year.

Maybe ask her if there is something close to home that you could do as a day trip with the whole family. You would still have fun but would be able to plan it for one of your husband's days off.

 

[quentina]

I would go. I cannot imagine that your mother isn't aware that your husband has a lower paying job this year. Common sense will tell her that based on job description.

I would have an honest talk and tell her that we can't afford XXXX. If she wants to pay, I would let her. We travel with my parents often. We usually book the rooms with points, they pay for meals. Too be honest, even if we didn't book the rooms, they would still pay for meals and stuff. They enjoy the time with us and want the family time. In the end, whatever she has will become yours, she may as well see you and the grandkids enjoy it.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

This is something that your mother does as a gift every year. She gets as much enjoyment out of these vacations as you do. It's her vacation as well and she loves to share it with you and your family.

I would suggest sitting down and having an honest talk with your mother. Make it clear that you can't afford any of the extras like tips or parking or extra drinks or anything else that are additional costs. I would also be frank with her about your guilt and your concern over being without DH's pay (even minimum wage is still income) for that long. Maybe she'd be open to a shorter cruise, like maybe a 3 or 4 day cruise so DH really doesn't have to miss more than a day or two or can work extra shifts before and after. Maybe this is a middle ground that can work during this tough time?

Update: My mother just called and said almost exactly what you above post says. She is going through a divorce and hoped the week would be one where she could spend time with her daughter and grandson...to relax and rejuvenate with us. We have decided to go without my husband for the time being and if by some miracle he finds a better job she says she will add him onto the package. She said she understands our family has been through a lot the past couple years and this was a way to give us a break from the stress. She said she might not be able to continue to keep doing things like this for us and wanted to do it while she could (becauase she isn't in good health and said she doesn't know how much longer she will be around). The whole chat made me wishful I could accelerate through the darn nursing program so I can take care of her again like I did before my other career ended!!!!
I love my mom!!!!
Also, she suggested we could spend a couple days before the cruise at the Disney Park with my husband on his days off so that way he wouldn't need to miss work and would still be included.

 

[auralia]

any way grandma might just give you the cash instead of the vacation? it would really help with rent/food i'd bet! i mean unless she is paying for it on vacation club points of course then that wouldn't work... but it sounds like you could use the money now more than a vacation... it might be an embarassing conversation, but one that maybe you should think about having.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

I guess this is a pretty controversial debate...thank you for everyone's opinions and advice.