Update post 202 & 207. A 22yo girl calls and says to my DH, he is her father.

[miss missy]

Thanks for the update So glad you kept to your plan and all! Great job keeping it slow! I just know all will be OK with everyone in the end, just a lot of feelings to get through first.

Hugs to all involved!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I wanted to give everyone interested here a recent update.

School ended yesterday and we sat down with our girls and told them about their new older half sister and the fact they are now AUNTS!

We sat in the kitchen and included my brother since he is here visiting us.
The girls kept saying "is this for real".....and they were in shock.
My older dd who is 16 now, said ...."well my life has just gotten interesting."

Anyway thanks for all your words of encouragement and I hope that my story has inspired you on some level to have courage and patience. It really does pay off in the end.

 

[ZPT1022]

Wow. All things considered it sounds like things are going really well.

 

[r3ngels]

I am glad things are stil going well

 

[ZPT1022]

Ok, I found this thread through another thread and was just wondering how things stand?

I met 3 of my older half brothers and their families when I was 16. I had no clue. My bio dad that I hadn't seen or heard from since I was 12, called me and my brother up for Christmas. I had a shock of a life time.

I have 3 older step(adopted) siblings that belong to my dad. While my mother doesn't claim any of the kids, she will tell you right quick that the grandkids are all hers!

How is it going with the brothers and sisters?? I had asked someone a while back in the thread who had contacted her father. I never did contact mine but his other daughter (that he actually helped raise somewhat) contacted me. Since I decided that she had as little to do with the crappy situation as I did I called her back. Turns out there is her and her sister, and he is now married for the THIRD time, and has two more bio kids AND a step DD. His youngest is younger than my oldest and his wife is only a few years older than me The whole thing is just so weird. Anyway, wondering how your meeting your siblings went. Do you still keep in touch?? Are you close or is it still just weird? I am meeting the two older ones next weekend but it is just so weird. In my mind I have two brothers, that I grew up with, and that's that. End of story. This is all so bizarre at 26 years old.

 

[miss missy]

I wanted to give everyone interested here a recent update.

School ended yesterday and we sat down with our girls and told them about their new older half sister and the fact they are now AUNTS!

We sat in the kitchen and included my brother since he is here visiting us.
The girls kept saying "is this for real".....and they were in shock.
My older dd who is 16 now, said ...."well my life has just gotten interesting."

Anyway thanks for all your words of encouragement and I hope that my story has inspired you on some level to have courage and patience. It really does pay off in the end.

Thanks for the update! So glad they took it so well Life sure can be a form of entertainment

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for the update! So glad they took it so well Life sure can be a form of entertainment

Thanks.....nothing to see here. Everything is going well.

DH has told everyone now. His mom and his sibs and extended family.
Apparently quite a nice piece of interesting gossip... He has received several emails from them.

I still have not talked to her but my 16yodd has texted her and said from your half-sister. I think that freaked out the newbie to the family.
I raised my kids well.

I guess I can say this now and I suppose it could add something to my DIS discussions, but I also have a long lost child. I got pregnant and gave a baby up for adoption in my teens.
Yes, I was one of "those people".

This is another reason why we did not tell my girls until after school was out. Once we told them about DH's new dd, we knew we would have to spill the beans about that as well.
We thought, well that is just a little much.

So anyway, there it is. Our kids know these things and my extended family is relieved because now they can talk to my dd's about it. Which they have been dying to do.

 

[MushyMushy]

Thanks.....nothing to see here. Everything is going well.

DH has told everyone now. His mom and his sibs and extended family.
Apparently quite a nice piece of interesting gossip... He has received several emails from them.

I still have not talked to her but my 16yodd has texted her and said from your half-sister. I think that freaked out the newbie to the family.
I raised my kids well.

I guess I can say this now and I suppose it could add something to my DIS discussions, but I also have a long lost child. I got pregnant and gave a baby up for adoption in my teens.
Yes, I was one of "those people".

This is another reason why we did not tell my girls until after school was out. Once we told them about DH's new dd, we knew we would have to spill the beans about that as well.
We thought, well that is just a little much.

So anyway, there it is. Our kids know these things and my extended family is relieved because now they can talk to my dd's about it. Which they have been dying to do.

WOW! That's quite a bomb to drop!

It sounds like your kids are extremely well adjusted and you're doing a great job.

Obviously you didn't have an open adoption, but would you be willing to meet with your child if s/he came looking for you?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

WOW! That's quite a bomb to drop!

It sounds like your kids are extremely well adjusted and you're doing a great job.

Obviously you didn't have an open adoption, but would you be willing to meet with your child if s/he came looking for you?

Quite the bomb drop on the girls, which is why we waited....ahhh.

Oh sure I would meet. Of course now that we told our girls, my mom and sister are now begging me to go and release the records or whatever you are supposed to do.

DH and I told them, not right now. We have a new dd with children that we need to deal with first.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

WOW. Lots of big news at your house.

I'm sorry you referred to yourself as "one of those people". I'm not sure if you said that for the boards or if you really feel that way. Don't feel bad, you did what you felt was right at the time. Things may be a lot different now, but the shoulda, woulda, couldas never help. They're just too depressing. I guess his dd contacting him really threw you for a loop. Hopefully things will go just as well for you with your own child when the time is right.

Thanks for sharing with us and being so honest! Please keep us posted with how things are going with the girls and their new sister and family. Also how things go when you are ready to find your own child.
Best wishes!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm sorry you referred to yourself as "one of those people". I'm not sure if you said that for the boards or if you really feel that way.

I guess that is how I see myself, mainly because that is how the world perceives teenagers getting pregnant.

 

[mickeyboat]

Wow! Wishing you congratulations and lots and lots of luck!

Denae

 

[4nana]

Thx for sharing your up successful date with us . You must be so relieved and happy that the truth is finally out and everyone willing to embraced DH's extended family with open arms. Continued best wishes as things unfold and BTW, welcome to wonderful world of grandparenting!!

I'm sure this latest revelation has given you much food for thought and hopefully wisdom and strength to deal with your own situation easier. Godspeed and good luck if and when you decide to pursue finding your long lost child.

 

[Amlee]

How is it going with the brothers and sisters?? I had asked someone a while back in the thread who had contacted her father. I never did contact mine but his other daughter (that he actually helped raise somewhat) contacted me. Since I decided that she had as little to do with the crappy situation as I did I called her back. Turns out there is her and her sister, and he is now married for the THIRD time, and has two more bio kids AND a step DD. His youngest is younger than my oldest and his wife is only a few years older than me The whole thing is just so weird. Anyway, wondering how your meeting your siblings went. Do you still keep in touch?? Are you close or is it still just weird? I am meeting the two older ones next weekend but it is just so weird. In my mind I have two brothers, that I grew up with, and that's that. End of story. This is all so bizarre at 26 years old.

For their part, I think they knew about my brother and I. As my step-mother had a picture of me at a very young age and a picture of her oldest grand daughter at that same age side by side. It was really scary to see a mirror image of myself 10 years younger than myself.

We don't keep in touch. A part of me wish we did. But it's one of those thing were you can't keep in touch with some, with out keeping in touch with all. I have no plans keep in touch with my bio father. Once he is gone, the story might be different.

 

[mommasita]

to you....

 

[horseshowmom]

I guess that is how I see myself, mainly because that is how the world perceives teenagers getting pregnant.

Teenagers getting pregnant is not the best situation in the world, BUT you did the best you could in that situation, and I commend you for that.

Just because you (and many others) happened to become pregnant, it doesn't make you any different from the multitudes who also had sex but just happened not to become pregnant.

Somewhere there's a child who has a life thanks to you. You may or may not ever meet each other, but you did the best for them that you could at the time, and that took a lot of courage.


ETA: BTW, were your children shocked (amazed ) that their parents actually had something in their backgrounds that they didn't expect? Sometimes I think our kids think we (as parents) are born being parents and were never young.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I guess that is how I see myself, mainly because that is how the world perceives teenagers getting pregnant.

Teenagers getting pregnant is not the best situation in the world, BUT you did the best you could in that situation, and I commend you for that.

Just because you (and many others) happened to become pregnant, it doesn't make you any different from the multitudes who also had sex but just happened not to become pregnant.

Somewhere there's a child who has a life thanks to you. You may or may not ever meet each other, but you did the best for them that you could at the time, and that took a lot of courage.

I'd like to say the world is different, but it really isn't. Even though it has become more "acceptible" for teenagers to get pregnant. In a lot of families its very welcomed and encouraged for teenagers to get pregnant. The best thing you did was put your child first and decided what was best for your child. Too many people are keeping children they can't care for whether they be teenagers or adults and then the children end up in foster care or worse unsupervised at home. (I'm talking adoption here people-- only adoption!)

Hopefully by freeing yourself by telling the truth you are actually freeing yourself from that feeling. Instead of being "one of those people" that got pregnant as a teenager maybe you can start viewing yourself as "one of those people" who has always put the wants/needs/desires of her children first. Best wishes to you all. Hopefully we'll get to hear more about your growing family!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

ETA: BTW, were your children shocked (amazed ) that their parents actually had something in their backgrounds that they didn't expect? Sometimes I think our kids think we (as parents) are born being parents and were never young.

Yes they were shocked, however they know that we did not have the greatest childhoods so they are understanding kids.

I had my reasons for not telling my kids my story. Most of it probably revolved around my own family instead of me, to be honest.
Now that my family knows they are bugging me to "go find her now"....
They do not take into account my children. They are selfish people.

My girls are older and understand my family dynamics and can handle it now. So it was just meant to be....
Funny how life works out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hopefully by freeing yourself by telling the truth you are actually freeing yourself from that feeling. Instead of being "one of those people" that got pregnant as a teenager maybe you can start viewing yourself as "one of those people" who has always put the wants/needs/desires of her children first. Best wishes to you all. Hopefully we'll get to hear more about your growing family!

I already viewed myself that way.....so that part is all good.

Really I am just speaking in general terms as far as pregnancy and teenagers.

The "beating" I take is from my family who blame me....
When I know damn good and well they just were crappy parents to me.

However...I have let all of that go and moved forward. If they want to "punish me" so be it.
It is their loss....

They are the ones that need to get over it....really if I think about.

 

[daisax]

My older dd who is 16 now, said ...."well my life has just gotten interesting."

This is a way of looking at the world that will take her a long, long way towards a happy and fulfilling life. Some people "catastrophize" any news that upsets their worldview -- I find that the most interesting people tend to analyze it and approach it as fodder for their life story.

Sounds like you've raised some kids who feel loved and secure enough to let other people "in" -- that's no small feat, based on what you've revealed here. You both should be very proud.