Update post 202 & 207. A 22yo girl calls and says to my DH, he is her father.

[ExPirateShopGirl]

We do have our explanations ready and some very good reasons.
I expect my dd's to be angry or they may not, who knows. If they are, we are prepared to accept the consequences. Anger can be gotten over....crashing and burning your HS grades do to distraction can not be "gotten over".
That is one of the things I love about being in the 40's. Confidence in your decisions.
If this is my dh's dd, it won't change 4 months from now. It will breeze by as everything does and it can be handled better.

It will be an excellent opportunity for you to reinforce to your DDs that the smallest decisions we make can impact our lives in ways we will never fathom at the moment. Every decision we make is a risk. Your attitude thus far will go along way in helping your children get over the initial shock of suddenly having a half sister and the confusing emotions that will undoubtedly follow. Prepare yourself for surprise, fascination, resentment, anger, acceptance... They aren't all pleasant, but they are all natural and they will be things they need to work through.

I continue to wish you the best of luck in this very unique situation you find yourselves in.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Just wondering how things are going?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Nothing much to report. DH met with her a couple of more times, then he came back home last night.
He is going to set up the pat. test and go from there.

I will let you know if anything else happens. Right now we just have to sit tight and have some patience.
So I will tell you that "Spring Cleaning" has taken on a life of it's own for me...

 

[Muffy]

I admire how you are handling all of this. It can't be easy but you are doing it with class and grace. Hugs

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I admire how you are handling all of this. It can't be easy but you are doing it with class and grace. Hugs

Well so far it isn't "hard". DH and I can handle this quite well.
The hard part will come this summer when we start telling family. However we are counting on our time to get to know her beforehand as part of the "telling" so family can feel more secure.

I can only hope that things continue to go as planned. If they do not, well then I guess we will go from there and make the best of it.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

How do you think your mil is going to take it?

Also should you need something to help keep you occupied I have no problem at all volunteering my house for you to come Spring Clean! I mean really its the least I can do, what are friends for?!?!

 

[Tink215]

I so admire the way you and your Dh is handiling this situation......I met my Father at age 8 with my Mom, then I went off to Find him and meet him again at 18 stayed in contact for a while, but not as often as i wanted it to be then started my Family, As we were buying Our first home, I told my hubby that as soon as we settle that I wanted to reconnect with my dad during the summer, Well I never made it, He passed away before I had a chance to.....I had a sad ending but do pray that this situation turns out to be a happy one for you....Good Luck !!! Sending you some Pixie Dust.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How do you think your mil is going to take it?

Well as I said before my MIL is paranoid schizophrenic. Right now she is on a wonderful medication and I think she will take it OK....
Now the grandkids part will freak her out since it will mean she is a great-grandma.
However DH has informed this young lady that she is mentally ill and we are going to think about the best approach.

Could go well...could go not so well....although DH and I think she will be ok with eventually.:::::::where's that praying smilie?::::

 

[chell]

Well so far it isn't "hard". DH and I can handle this quite well.
The hard part will come this summer when we start telling family. However we are counting on our time to get to know her beforehand as part of the "telling" so family can feel more secure.

I can only hope that things continue to go as planned. If they do not, well then I guess we will go from there and make the best of it.

Sounds like you are going about it all very well.

 

[miss missy]

The Mystery Machine,

I know all is going so well so far, but I cant help myslef from a suggestion As I mentioned, I found my SIL's birthmother and a reunion took place. There was a lot of unexpected feelings in it so I used this site a lot to get a grasp on what a reuion involves and the effects it has on different family members. Here is the link to a lot of reunion stories. I just figure you can read around and get a bit more info on what can happen. I know every situatin is sooo different, but I am all about being well informed myself, thought maybe it could help. You are doing sooo great!!

http://forums.adoption.com/search-reunion-stories/

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for the link.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

So no comments on my generous offer to donate my house for Spring Cleaning to keep your mind off all of this......... !

Take care, you all are in our thoughts!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So no comments on my generous offer to donate my house for Spring Cleaning to keep your mind off all of this......... !

Take care, you all are in our thoughts!

I have my hands full....

So far this morning did all dishes, 4 loads of laundry.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

So far this morning did all dishes, 4 loads of laundry.

I swear my hands got wrinkly and my arms got tired from *just* reading this.....

 

[Alicnwondrln]

wow
good luck to you
sounds like you guys really have it together

 

[Amlee]

Ok, I found this thread through another thread and was just wondering how things stand?

I met 3 of my older half brothers and their families when I was 16. I had no clue. My bio dad that I hadn't seen or heard from since I was 12, called me and my brother up for Christmas. I had a shock of a life time.

I have 3 older step(adopted) siblings that belong to my dad. While my mother doesn't claim any of the kids, she will tell you right quick that the grandkids are all hers!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Alrighty, here is the update......

Dh did the test and it was confirmed in March that he is the father of the girl.

Other than that we are waiting until the kids are out of school to break the news to my 2 girls and then extended family next.

Almost May so we will be telling them at the end of the month.

I still have not spoken to her, yet. Things have been crazy on both ends and so far she just has been talking with DH.
We wanted it to go that way so she could get to know DH before she meets everyone else.
So far that has been a good plan since she is wrought with alot of emotion.

 

[KrnB]

Dh did the test and it was confirmed in March that he is the father of the girl.

I'm glad for both her and your DH that this ended up being the case. I would imagine it would have been disappointing to both if it hadn't, especially for her from what you've said.

Best of luck to you all when you share this news with your family. Hopefully it will go smoothly!

 

[Amlee]

Alrighty, here is the update......

Dh did the test and it was confirmed in March that he is the father of the girl.

Other than that we are waiting until the kids are out of school to break the news to my 2 girls and then extended family next.

Almost May so we will be telling them at the end of the month.

I still have not spoken to her, yet. Things have been crazy on both ends and so far she just has been talking with DH.
We wanted it to go that way so she could get to know DH before she meets everyone else.
So far that has been a good plan since she is wrought with alot of emotion.

I read through the whole thread and I have to say, you and your husband are handling this so well. I have great respect for you both.

I know a little girl that will be going through something like this in about 18 years. Her only difference is that her father knows about her, but refuses to have anything to do with her. (DNA has already been proven) If she ever decides to look him up, I hope she finds a step-mother as open and as understanding you are.

Good Luck with it all! Please keep us updated as things go alone.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Alrighty, here is the update......

Dh did the test and it was confirmed in March that he is the father of the girl.

Other than that we are waiting until the kids are out of school to break the news to my 2 girls and then extended family next.

Almost May so we will be telling them at the end of the month.

I still have not spoken to her, yet. Things have been crazy on both ends and so far she just has been talking with DH.
We wanted it to go that way so she could get to know DH before she meets everyone else.
So far that has been a good plan since she is wrought with alot of emotion.

I'm sending you a mixed CONGRATULATIONS because I'm happy after all of this that dh and the girl are indeed father and daughter, but I'm thinking you might still be worried about how all of this will be resolved. I know that girl and her children are very blessed to have you and your dh in her family! Please keep us posted!