Update post 202 & 207. A 22yo girl calls and says to my DH, he is her father.

[SeaSpray]

I already viewed myself that way.....so that part is all good.

Really I am just speaking in general terms as far as pregnancy and teenagers.

The "beating" I take is from my family who blame me....
When I know damn good and well they just were crappy parents to me.

However...I have let all of that go and moved forward. If they want to "punish me" so be it.
It is their loss....

They are the ones that need to get over it....really if I think about.

I, for one, applaud what you did. Not the getting pregnant part, but the part where you put that baby first and gave it up for adoption, rather than any of the other alternatives you could've done.

As a woman who, for many years, thought she'd have to adopt in order to become a mother, I want to thank you for you what you did You not only brought life to your baby, you also brought it to a childless couple (assuming of course that the baby was placed with a childless couple....). Even if the couple weren't childless, it was a family who really wanted to love a child.

I'm really sorry that your extended family is giving you a hard time; you have a wonderful family (your DH and DDs) so focus on them, and the heck with the rest of them.

 

[Disney Doll]

So MM, you'va had some exciting times, have some newfound family members, maybe will someday have more newfound family members.

Sounds like you are a great parent for many reasons.

Ignore your family mebers who are bugging you to do what you don't necessarily want to do yet. The Universe will unfold as it should.

 

[horseshowmom]

This is a way of looking at the world that will take her a long, long way towards a happy and fulfilling life. Some people "catastrophize" any news that upsets their worldview -- I find that the most interesting people tend to analyze it and approach it as fodder for their life story.

Sounds like you've raised some kids who feel loved and secure enough to let other people "in" -- that's no small feat, based on what you've revealed here. You both should be very proud.

I completely agree with this! Congratulations on that!

So MM, you'va had some exciting times, have some newfound family members, maybe will someday have more newfound family members.

Sounds like you are a great parent for many reasons.

Ignore your family mebers who are bugging you to do what you don't necessarily want to do yet. The Universe will unfold as it should.

More agreement here...

 

[kmp1191]

Just getting caught up from the past few weeks.

You should be proud....
You overcame a bad childhood and were mature enough to make a tough decision and a young age. You have raised your children to be open minded enough to accept the changes that have been placed before them. I wish more people & parents could see/read this thread.

 

[mommy*RN]

WOW! You are handling everything so well, and it sounds like your family is really great too! This girl is lucky to have found her DH because I am sure he will be a great grandpa too!

As an adopted child, let me say "Thank you" to you. I understand your reason for saying that comment about yourself (I'm one of those), but you should be proud of what you did. Many teenage girls use abortion as birth control and the fact you were able to carry the baby and give her up for adoption is mind blowing! Thank you...

 

[Snow_White]

I also just wanted to applaud you for having the courage to give your child to another family. That is truly the greatest gift of all and you should be commended for it, certainly not condemned. You are a good person.

 

[miss missy]

Thanks.....nothing to see here. Everything is going well.

DH has told everyone now. His mom and his sibs and extended family.
Apparently quite a nice piece of interesting gossip... He has received several emails from them.

I still have not talked to her but my 16yodd has texted her and said from your half-sister. I think that freaked out the newbie to the family.
I raised my kids well.

I guess I can say this now and I suppose it could add something to my DIS discussions, but I also have a long lost child. I got pregnant and gave a baby up for adoption in my teens.
Yes, I was one of "those people".

This is another reason why we did not tell my girls until after school was out. Once we told them about DH's new dd, we knew we would have to spill the beans about that as well.
We thought, well that is just a little much.

So anyway, there it is. Our kids know these things and my extended family is relieved because now they can talk to my dd's about it. Which they have been dying to do.

I missed this update! HE HE HE love the text! My DD would have sooooo done that too!

Glad it is all out in the open! YAY!

 

[miss missy]

Quite the bomb drop on the girls, which is why we waited....ahhh.

Oh sure I would meet. Of course now that we told our girls, my mom and sister are now begging me to go and release the records or whatever you are supposed to do.

DH and I told them, not right now. We have a new dd with children that we need to deal with first.

LOL this is too funny!! I am on that other post talking to you about me being analytical right...and.... psssttt Oh and did I ever mention I FOUND my SIL's birth mom for her and my MIL??? What a trip of a story!!!!! See my skills do OK sometimes

 

[miss missy]

I guess that is how I see myself, mainly because that is how the world perceives teenagers getting pregnant.

Not the whole world!!! I was one too, although I didn't do adoption, I did raise the lil bugger... but man o man, neither road is an easy one!

I for one stand tall in saying... you are just fine babe!!

 

[poohandwendy]

So glad everything is going well MM, I was wondering about your situation and voila...the thread was bumped up!

I guess I can say this now and I suppose it could add something to my DIS discussions, but I also have a long lost child. I got pregnant and gave a baby up for adoption in my teens.
Yes, I was one of "those people".

"Those people" are courageous, honorable and selfless. I can't imagine a more unselfish act. Please don't ever let anyone make you feel any sort of shame for getting pregnant, giving your baby (and a searching couple) a chance at a happy life. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[poohandwendy]

I guess that is how I see myself, mainly because that is how the world perceives teenagers getting pregnant.

LOL, the funny thing about that is the irony. You just got caught doing what many, many of your peers were doing. Every teen who has sex takes that risk. (given the fact that the vast majority of sexually active teens have had sex at least once unprotected, unfortunately)

When more adults start making perfect, rational and mature choices when it comes to birth control, sexual activity and parenting choices...then the world can stand in judgment of the younger, lesser mature and experienced citizens.

 

[ZPT1022]

So glad everything is going well MM, I was wondering about your situation and voila...the thread was bumped up!

"Those people" are courageous, honorable and selfless. I can't imagine a more unselfish act. Please don't ever let anyone make you feel any sort of shame for getting pregnant, giving your baby (and a searching couple) a chance at a happy life. {{{HUGS}}}

I totally agree. I think it takes a lot of maturity to be able to look at the situation honestly and realize that it's not a good time to raise a child. There are plenty of people who should do that and either can't or don't. I have to say too, that I know when I was going through infertility I made a lot of snide comments to my DH when we would see pregnant teens, but as he pointed out- 1- you don't actually know how old they are and 2- you never know what the situation is. I had a cousin who was raped and ended up pregnant and yes, she was on the younger side, but should she be judged for carrying to term and putting the baby up for adoption?? I think not. He really helped me adjust my attitude a bit when it comes to those sorts of things. You just never know what someone's situation is

 

[rbuzzotta]

I am glad your children took the news well. My DH has a son from a previous relationship who is now a sophomore in college. Although we have no relationship with him, my children were told about this around 7 years ago. DH continues to make weekly child support payments plus contributes to his college.

My girls would love a relationship with their half brother but until he is ready and his mom gives him her blessing, it will not happen. We tried 7 years ago and it went well for just a short time (3 months). The mom eventually stopped the relationship. Someday, when he is older, he knows our door is always open (he was sent a letter saying this)!!! We all live in the same town!!

I think it sad that this child does not know his father and sisters as they are great people. In my opinion, this child missed out on alot!!! My oldest
DD and he went to high school together and just looked the other way in the halls!! Everyone knew they were brother/sister but that was it!! My youngest have sent him their school pictures and letters but have never heard back. But, I don't want them to not think about him. They are totally aware of the situation and only hope and pray that someday it will be different.

In time, I am hoping, he will come knocking at the door!! And it will be wide open!!!!

Best wishes in your situation!!! I only hope the best for you.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

LOL, the funny thing about that is the irony. You just got caught doing what many, many of your peers were doing. Every teen who has sex takes that risk. (given the fact that the vast majority of sexually active teens have had sex at least once unprotected, unfortunately)

When more adults start making perfect, rational and mature choices when it comes to birth control, sexual activity and parenting choices...then the world can stand in judgment of the younger, lesser mature and experienced citizens.

This is what I was thinking. Many teens have sex and get pregnant, they just don't let anyone know about it.

As an adoptive mom, I want to tell you that when I hear that someone has placed a child for adoption, "teen getting pregnant" doesn't even enter my mind. My reaction is one of admiration for a mother who has the courage and strength that it takes to carry and give birth to a child, then place it with another family to raise. It's also one of sadness for a mother whom I know loves the child she placed and likely misses him/her every day of her life.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for a mother who so enormously puts her child's needs above her own.

Good luck to you. I think you're doing the right thing by waiting until things get a little more settled with your new family member, before you look for the child you placed.

 

[lovingthemouse]

Having followed this thread for quite a while, I must tell you in what a wonderfully positive manner you have handled this entire addition into your family. No one should ever question your ability as a strong, loving parent. You have shown many others that there can be happier endings because of the manner in which things are handled. Congratulations to all of you. Caroline

 

[JunieJay]

I just love your family!! You seem like people who know how to make the best of any situation - a rare trait! Glad everything is going well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Awww....thanks to all of you....

I have since talked to the young lady and we are now emailing each other.

We are heading up to where she lives next week and we are all going to meet, finally.

She asked if it was OK that she call me "grandma" and I said no problem.
So there you go...grandma at 42.

As far as my own adoption issue, thanks for the support. Believe me it is much appreciated.

 

[Lanshark]

Best of luck to you and your family.

In my experience, things usually work out as they should.

 

[Snow_White]

I am so glad that everything seems to be working out! It is truly a wonderful thing that your family has grown so much! Congratulations, Grandma You have handled this whole thing with so much grace, I am just amazed.

 

[kmp1191]

Hope everything is going well this weekend for you....let us know!
Also, KUDOS to you!!! You have raised healthy, (mentally & physically) children!! You should be proud!!