Underage drinking parties UPDATED INFO POST 68.....

[Mkrop]

I think we went to school with the same kid. Looked like he was in his mid-20s when he was 13.

As for the second bolded part:

So busy laughing at "run if the cops come" I forgot the reason I posted. Not only do our kids sign a conduct contract to participate in ANY extra curricular activities, it includes the possibility of a urine test at any time the school requests one. I've got no problem with it. The kids know the rules and consequences going in, no excuses if you get caught.

The run for your life advice is the same advice my dad gave me when I was in high school. He may of dropped us at the movies, but he knew darn well we were not seeing any movie. He told me to run like heck and that he did not want to come get me from the cops. He would come and get me somewhere else if I had to ditch the car or just run. He also was understanding and knew I didnt drink and drive so if I had to leave the car, he understood. But I tell ya if I didnt look like I had run a marathon, he was not going to be a happy camper.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Am I the ONLY poster who had friends who BIKED to parties so as to be able to get home after drinking?

At least then you'd probably only kill yourself instead of a car full of people. Maybe injure a pedestrian or two along the way.

 

[Poohforyou]

So your kids attend Big Brother High School?

I don't see this as any different than the policies in place in many corporations. I'm in finance and have work at a few top firms. I'm expected to live under a code of conduct that means I won't do anything inside/outside work that will reflect poorly on the company. Doing so can mean immediate termination. Now plenty of people do things that reflect poorly and nothing happens but the fact of the matter is the expectation is there.

I don't think expecting kids who participate in extracurricular activities to obey the law or suffer the consequences.

 

[pacrosby]

My dd is in 8th grade and we've been talking about this for quite some time. I did some really stupid things in HS but that doesn't mean I'll turn the other way if my child starts doing this same thing.

I can't say I'm surprised by some of the lackadaisical attitudes on this thread but I am saddened by it. As parents I feel we should be disappointed by the choices some teens make and lay down the law that it will not be tolerated.

We live in an affluent area where many parents think this is no big deal and I just hope as my dd gets older she continues to make good choices.

I agree with you. I was a big every weekend partier in high school and throughout college. At the time I thought it was a lot of fun. And if you'd asked me, even 10 yrs later, I'd probably still have said "it was fun, no harm done, I survived". But now, almost 30 years later I'd like to think I am alittle wiser. I'm just lucky that nothing bad happened. Most of my peers say the same things about themselves when 'reminiscing' about the old days. I would never want my kids to do the same thing and just 'hope' that they are as lucky as I was.

Just so you know - all those kids who have died driving drunk...their parents probably told them not to drive drunk and they swore they wouldn't. All those kids who died as passengers in cars driven by drunk drivers....their parents probably told them not to get in a car with a drunk driver and they swore they wouldn't. All the kids who died from alcohol poisoning.....their parents probably told them about the dangers of drinking too much and they swore they wouldn't. I could go on and on. No, of course we can't keep our kids in a bubble. But we shouldn't keep our heads in the sand either.

 

[FireDancer]

I do know that some places have such rules now--though that was not really the case that I am aware of when I was in highschool (and people were talking about what THEY dd as teens).

Personally, while I agree that biking s not a great idea when not sober, think it is FAR better tahn drvng a motor vehicle and I feel it is a bad idea to make the penalties the same. On a bicycle, one is VERY unlikely to seriously harm someone other than his or her own stupid self in an accident. n a car, a person is very likely to harm others if they cause an accident while driving (both passengers and others on or near the road). MAJOR difference really.

Oh, I agree with you. I was just pointing out how it was here. Personally I think there are way too many laws that encourage driving drunk. Let's say you drink too much and realize you are too drunk to drive so you decide you are going to sleep it off in the car. You can still get a DUI in a parked car here. I think it is ridiculous. All that does is tell someone that they should risk driving and get home as opposed to risk sleeping in the parking lot and getting arrested anyway. Now, I realize calling a cab is the better choice but still, as long as they aren't out there driving I don't care what they do.

This is yet another thread that just blows my mind when it comes to what parents allow the schools to do. Parents should be in charge of their kids when they are not on school property or at a school event. They have no business butting in when anything happens outside of school but they do. I played sports all through school and not once did I sign anything about what happens outside of school and I wouldn't have. I would rather not play than give up my freedom. Kids got busted at parties, in fights over the weekend, and stuff like that and as long as those things didn't continue in school (a rematch of the fight for example) the schools butted out. That is how it should be.

 

[luvsJack]

No I would not allow dd to attend a party like that. Did I attend any? Many. Did her brothers? I am sure they did, but not with my approval. But my bad choices do not make it ok for them to do the same thing. I much prefer that my children NOT make the same choices I did.

As for the school and the agreement, anyone in sports or activities here has to sign one of those. Do they enforce it? No clue.

I don't have a problem with those agreements at all. If it keeps a few kids from doing stupid things, then its done a service to the student body. I have much more of a problem with a parent who knows that is the agreement and then wants to cry foul when its their kid that gets caught.

Also, for our high school, when the students sign it, they are told that as a football player, cheerleader, choir member, etc. they are representing their school regardless of whether they are on campus or not. And as such, they are expected to represent the school in a respectable manner.

Just saw the update: No I wouldn't fight for it. They signed the form and need to take responsilbity for it.

Also, I agree with you OP on the "call me no questions asked" if my kids get themselves in that situation. BUT, just as if they were caught by the law, I couldn't get them out of trouble, I wouldn't with the school either.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Seriously? How dare you tell my child he can't drink, smoke, or vandalize?

I EXPECT the school to have those expectations of my child!

Of course we all do - but the SCHOOL should not be able to dictate punishment.

 

[badblackpug]

My town is 3 square miles - we walked home, and my kids walk home. It takes 5 minutes to drive from end to end - walking is definitely doable.

The town I grew up in was a mile square. No one lived more than 6 blocks from anyone else. We walked EVERYWHERE.

In regards to the "code of conduct," our schools require that you sign them to participate on sports teams. The parents don't have to sign them, the kids do. The punishment, here, is if you are caught doing any of the prohibited activities outside of school time (not during school or school activities) you are off the team.

If you are caught doing them during school time, then the school consequences for that behavior still hold, as well as you are kicked off the team.

I have no issue with my kids having to sign these agreements. Extracurricular activities aren't mandatory. If you choose to participate, you choose to abide by their rules.

 

[mamacatnv]

THE SCHOOL GOT A LIST OF NAMES FROM THE COPS.
They are not relying on heresay...guess I should have clarified that. Contract says if witnessed by school or information received from school by law enforcement.

As asked previously, were these kids in attendance or actually tested & blew positive? That is my question, even if the list came from the cops that does not mean they were all tested etc. it could just mean in attendance and if that is the case then again, its guilt by association.

We recently moved to TX, my DD plays a musical instrument and here that is a class called Band and "Band" even though it is a graded class is considered extra curricular, therefore she is subject to random drug testing. I just about had a full blown fit the day we were filling out her enrollment documents but my options were:

Take on the state of TX over the extra curricular drug test rule (note, not the school district, the State, the entire State and its a really big State)

Meanwhile,
DD would not be allowed to continue with her instrument except in a private setting in our home with a private teacher. She would not be allowed to take a music class, join the choir or continue with band in any form.

Honestly, as much as I would love to take the State on over this issue, it was not worth the sacrifice to my DD since I really don't see this type of battle having a quick outcome.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

If you join a sports team or the band or anything of the sort, you represent the school. As such, whether stated in writing or not, there is an honor code that is part of your team rules. And that code doesn't end at the school grounds. Even if all they did was attend a party with heavy underage drinking, they're supposed to have the horse sense to stay away from those things. As to the punishments, well they'd fit the level of transgression. Kudos to the coach for sitting out those who he thought deserved it even though it's a sectional game. That is what is best for the kids involved and for the kids not involved. It's too bad those involved were thinking more about temporary personal gratification and less about the team. Maybe they'll learn a lesson when their sitting out costs the team a game. As to the parents complaining about their kid being sat out, well too bad, so sad is my way of thinking. When they're the coach, they are charged with deciding team discipline. Serious things may be out of their hands and the school steps in. Until the time as they are the coach, they don't decide such.

 

[Deb in IA]

If you join a sports team or the band or anything of the sort, you represent the school. As such, whether stated in writing or not, there is an honor code that is part of your team rules. And that code doesn't end at the school grounds. Even if all they did was attend a party with heavy underage drinking. You're supposed to have the horse sense to stay away from those things. As to the punishments, well they'd fit the level of transgression. Kudos to the coach for sitting out those who he thought deserved it even though it's a sectional game. That is what is best for the kids involved and for the kids not involved. It's too bad those involved were thinking more about temporary personal gratification and less about the team. Maybe they'll learn a lesson when their sitting out costs the team a game. As to the parents complaining about their kid being sat out, well too bad, so sad. When you're the coach you get to decide team discipline. Until that time, you don't.

Totally, 100% agree.

 

[Buckalew11]

I wouldn't allow it and I did not go to any myself.

I doubt DD would have asked though, lol. She's now a FR in college and is usually the dd. Not sure if any of the kids she's driving around are underage drinkers or not. She has a lot of JR and SR friends too. I hope she knows better than to break the law by drinking at only 18yo and that'd she lose valuable scholarship $ if caught. That'd be life changing for sure.

More often than not, expectations are met.

 

[mhsjax]

I am not surprised by this, are you?

I would like to know WHY you disagree though

Do you believe that if the drinking age were lowered and driving age raised, that teens who had broken no laws drinking and could not legally drive under any circumstances,would steal cars in order to drive home illegally so they would end up drunk driving anyway?

Do you a believe a teen who had been drinking, 100% legally, would be just as worried about a parent finding out and equally compelled to try to drive himself home in the hopes of not getting caught, as one who was breaking the law (and risking scholarships, etc to boot) would be?

Do you not believe that the more someone does, well, just about ANYthing successfully, the more they feel confident in their abilities to do it again successfully in the future?

Why is the world do you think that making drinking legal for teens would prevent them from driving. Way to many adults get DUIs. When you drink you aren't thinking clearly, I don't care what age you are. that is the whole reason you don't drink and drive, you don't reason or react the same. Lowering the drinking age won't prohibit the alcohols effect on a person.

My DH had a job where if you got a DUI you were automatically terminated, this was a 1 figure a year income. Did it keep them from drinking and driving NOPE. So I can guarantee you, it wouldn't work for teens.

I can't think of any parent that would drop a teen off at a party with alcohol, no matter what the age was. I don't care if it was legal. They are too young to know when to say when, they don't need to have a child die from drinking too much. Sorry but this just is not a good idea. Teens don't need alcohol.

 

[mhsjax]

Am I the ONLY poster who had friends who BIKED to parties so as to be able to get home after drinking?



Probably not. Then again, the age to drive seems to be creeping up. I think it is realistic to consider the possibility of the driving age raising enough and the drinking age lowering enough for this concept to be put into practice.

Where is the age to drive creeping up? I am 49 It was 16 in my day and it still is.

 

[mhsjax]

My town is 3 square miles - we walked home, and my kids walk home. It takes 5 minutes to drive from end to end - walking is definitely doable.

I grew up in Jacksonville, FL The largest city in square miles. Where we partied was around 8 miles from my house and on a dark 2 lane road. No one was biking. Not everyones experience is the same as where you grew up.

 

[mhsjax]

At least then you'd probably only kill yourself instead of a car full of people. Maybe injure a pedestrian or two along the way.

Or some poor person driving home could hit her because she was wobbling around on the road and the poor person hit her and even if proven innocent, they have to live with it.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

So as a parent, if you heard of a party going on like this would you let your kid go? How close of a track do you keep on your teenagers (these kids were sophomores thru seniors)?

I assume I will never hear of a party like this going on and if my children do decide to go, they will do so without saying a word about it to me. I'm really surprised the OP did hear about it. Heck, there was a "parents away from home" party so huge back when I was in high school that the host kid made promotional t-shirts for it...but the adults still never found out. Maybe kids were just better at hiding that stuff when I was younger.

If I did find out, no, I wouldn't let the kid go, if for no other reason than if I know, the local PD probably does too.

 

[disykat]

Of course we all do - but the SCHOOL should not be able to dictate punishment.

I don't consider getting kicked off a team for breaking the conduct agreement you signed to be on said team punishment.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh, I agree with you. I was just pointing out how it was here. Personally I think there are way too many laws that encourage driving drunk. Let's say you drink too much and realize you are too drunk to drive so you decide you are going to sleep it off in the car. You can still get a DUI in a parked car here. I think it is ridiculous. All that does is tell someone that they should risk driving and get home as opposed to risk sleeping in the parking lot and getting arrested anyway. Now, I realize calling a cab is the better choice but still, as long as they aren't out there driving I don't care what they do.

This is yet another thread that just blows my mind when it comes to what parents allow the schools to do. Parents should be in charge of their kids when they are not on school property or at a school event. They have no business butting in when anything happens outside of school but they do. I played sports all through school and not once did I sign anything about what happens outside of school and I wouldn't have. I would rather not play than give up my freedom. Kids got busted at parties, in fights over the weekend, and stuff like that and as long as those things didn't continue in school (a rematch of the fight for example) the schools butted out. That is how it should be.

To the first bolded item: Yep-- agree that one is ridiculous too

To the second item: I cannot tell you how many times a European has responded to hearing about really stringent school dress codes, zero tolerance policies or policies which penalize students for things which happen off campus and not at school events by saying something like "and yet you all make a big to do about being a "fee" country "

As asked previously, were these kids in attendance or actually tested & blew positive? That is my question, even if the list came from the cops that does not mean they were all tested etc. it could just mean in attendance and if that is the case then again, its guilt by association.

We recently moved to TX, my DD plays a musical instrument and here that is a class called Band and "Band" even though it is a graded class is considered extra curricular, therefore she is subject to random drug testing. I just about had a full blown fit the day we were filling out her enrollment documents but my options were:

Take on the state of TX over the extra curricular drug test rule (note, not the school district, the State, the entire State and its a really big State)

Meanwhile,
DD would not be allowed to continue with her instrument except in a private setting in our home with a private teacher. She would not be allowed to take a music class, join the choir or continue with band in any form.

Honestly, as much as I would love to take the State on over this issue, it was not worth the sacrifice to my DD since I really don't see this type of battle having a quick outcome.

OH that makes me angry I feel for you--because yeah in the end your DD would only suffer f you fought this.

Why is the world do you think that making drinking legal for teens would prevent them from driving. Way to many adults get DUIs. When you drink you aren't thinking clearly, I don't care what age you are. that is the whole reason you don't drink and drive, you don't reason or react the same. Lowering the drinking age won't prohibit the alcohols effect on a person.

Are you missing the part about dropping the drinking age WHILE CONCURRENTLY RAISING THE DRIVING AGE TO HIGHER THAN THE DRINKING AGE? I am thinking that if they have no licence most parents will not provide them with car keys--making driving difficult.

I can't think of any parent that would drop a teen off at a party with alcohol, no matter what the age was. I don't care if it was legal. They are too young to know when to say when, they don't need to have a child die from drinking too much. Sorry but this just is not a good idea. Teens don't need alcohol.

Well, the vast majority of parents in Europe would, and yet nearly every nation over here has lower rates of alcohol related deaths of all types than the US.
I actually think my kid can be trusted not to be an idiot--perhaps because she has lived up to my expectations that she not act like one for pretty much her entire life. Seems to me that many here are telling their teens over and over that they expect them to act like idiots and that they cannot be trusted--and then YEP those teens live down to the expectation too.

Where is the age to drive creeping up? I am 49 It was 16 in my day and it still is.

In many states there are increasing limits on driving at young ages--not after certain hours, not with passengers, etc. I consider that creeping up.

 

[ICF]

Sports/Band and anything else sponsored by the school is a privilege not a right....if you sign that contract, they have every right to kick you off said team/activity.