Underage drinking parties UPDATED INFO POST 68.....

[mjkacmom]

And just how do you think these kids are getting home? I know the parties I went to in HS were no where near my house and by the grace of God, I was never in a wreck. I never drive but my friends did and they were in no shape to drive. Adults know better, it is up to us to teach kids. I refuse to say that because I did it, it is ok. one mistake can ruin a life or my kid or God forbid, someone else's. We had that just after graduation here, the kid was about to leave for college, underage and the driver and he had been drinking. Car was t-boned, and the passenger is dead. I am shicked at the lack of concern, just because it has always happened doesn't make it right. Lots of things have been around, doesn't make them right.

My town is 3 square miles - we walked home, and my kids walk home. It takes 5 minutes to drive from end to end - walking is definitely doable.

 

[Mandychelle79]

I don't. I, as a parent have those expectations for my child (well ,not the drinking, one of mine has wine with dinner nearly every night ) -- but I do not expect or want the school to try to parent my child outside of the time my child is attending school or a school related activity. I provide consequences to my children when they break my rules and I do not feel the school has any right to provide additional ones if the rules were not broken at a school event or were not related to school work (plagiarism, for example).

Parents, actually parenting, wow a unique concept.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

To me that's all the more reason to have the drinking age lower than the driving age by at least a couple years... It takes the car keys out of the hands of kids who are in that stage of overindulging in something new, and it normalizes having an alternative ride home because no one (or only the few older friends) are driving at all.

It wouldn't end drunk driving entirely... Nothing will. But it would curtail the tragedies we hear about every prom and graduation season of teens who are new to both driving and to drinking killing themselves and others by mixing the two.

I can say with almost absolute certainty the drinking age in this country will never be 14.

Are you advocating lowering the drinking age or increasing the driving age?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well guess your child would do no high school sports in our state. It is mandatory they sign or they don't participate.

Then I guess mine wouldn't. Oh well--there are a million other things they can participate in. I would still complain to the state though--not all kids have the resources to participate in things not offered through school, and they should not to be parented by the school 24/7 either.

 

[Colleen27]

Sorry, but keg parties every weekend is way beyond a little experimenting IMO. I'm fine with a teen wanting to try beer or a cocktail. I think making something completely off limits just makes the urge to have it more intense.

We live in a school district that is 60 square miles and includes a lot of rural areas. Parties definitely involve a lot of driving which, like you, is what scares me the most.

I didn't get the impression that most of us were talking about an every weekend thing. Here there tend to be a couple of those really big parties every year, usually one or two around this time (football and bonfire season) and one or two around the end of the school year.

Our area sounds similar to yours - 125sq mi school district, most of it cornfields. So going to the big parties generally means driving or riding with a friend and no one wants to call their parents for a ride home because there's no disguising what they were doing... When I was a teen in suburbia, I'd have my mom meet me at a fast food joint or something near the party so she didn't actually pull up to an unsupervised kegger but that's not possible when there's nothing around for miles. Just one more reason to be glad my son isn't interested at this point.

 

[mamacatnv]

I too went to parties like this in the 80's in school---even drove across the state line to a state with a different age limit with a fake ID.

Have my kids attended parties like this---I am sure they have and will in the future. All I can pound into them is don't drink and drive or get in the car with someone who has been drinking. You hope they have enough sense to remember MOM SAID CALL ME NO QUESTIONS ASKED ...she will give us a ride home.

I posted back early this year about my older son and issues we had with doing wrong things. He has straightened out---no worries about him regressing. My younger one I have no concerns about---but there is always the temptation for both. But we also keep our eyes and ears open more and with older have no issues checking up on where he is. He broke our trust hard and is now slowly earning it back....tough love but had to be done!

BUT now the kicker...
Kids sign form with rules saying they apply ON OR OFF SCHOOL GROUNDS 365 days a year 24 hours/day. Then it lists alcohol, tobacco, drugs, vandalism, etc etc. It lists consequences also, if you do XYZ punishment is this, if you do ABC it is that, etc

This paper is part of the state high school athletic association---students AND parents sign to participate.

So now all these parents are yelling FOUL. Saying you can't do that to my kid and making excuses for them. Going to admin and fighting, crying, *****ing, etc.

My kids would learn the hard way....mom and dad won't make excuses for you. You break the rules, you suffer the consequences. We talked about this last night. Oldest is a senior and does a spring sport (which these kids supposedly can't do because of this). Said see how on decision can change if you play your sport or not.

WOULD YOU GO FIGHT FOR YOUR KID AND MAKE EXCUSES...if they were caught by police, broke rules they signed paper for????

My DS had a player agreement in high school and he knew we would not bail him out if he violated the agreement even tho over the years plenty of parents did scream, whine, lay on the floor kicking etc, and the majority of the time they got their way, it sent the wrong message IMO. I personally did not like the agreement, I think they are stupid and in many ways unenforceable but they were required by our district if one wanted to play.

My problem with the agreements is that "hearsay" should not be allowed and being in the proximity does not mean one partook. If the kids are being banned from a sport due to being in attendance at this party, then I too would be screaming foul.
If the kids were busted consuming or in possession then that is a whole nother story and they agreement should be enforced. Unfortunately over the years what I saw a lot of was guilt by association not by actual deed and that is my issue with those agreements.

 

[Mkrop]

Well, I'm a loser, because I went to plenty of parties with drugs and alcohol, and I even partook, and inhaled.I would never give my kid permission to go to this type of party.

I would ever supply alcohol to minors.

I am not naive enough to think that my kids will never attend this type of party. I'm pretty sure they will do what normal kids do and lie or omit. I just hope that they will be smart about it.

Another LOSER here, bc I drank in high school and went to parties.

The difference is the consquences. Back in the 80s, the cops for the most part just chased you away and take the beer. Once in awhile they would arrest some people. And I was the DD several times bc I had my own car so on those days I did not drink.

What I stress to my DS15 now, is the consquences now and how much stricter they are. Kids are expelled from our Catholic high schools, kids have lost college scholarships etc, been charged as an adult bc they are 18 etc. These are the stories we talk about or I share with him.

I would not buy for the kids, but they know how to get it. We had a guy in our high school class who looked like he was 40 when we were 16. He would not shave on Sat mornings and by the evening he looked like he had a complete beard During the summer, he looked like Grizzly Adams and never got carded.

I also agree that I am not under any delusion that at some point my kids will attend parties like these. I just hope the conversations we had have sunked in....run for your life if the cops come, I will come get you. And no matter what do not get into the car or drive drunk....I will come get you! And make sure you are prepared to deal with the consquences if you do decided to go into the party.

Over the summer my DD15 shared an insight which I think is really true--she said that everyone says you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, and that makes sense EXCEPT these days the consequences have gotten so big that you are destroyed by mistakes instead of getting to learn from them--which means you pretty much have to be perfect all the time from the get go. This is why she feels that she and many of her peers suffer from increasing levels of anxiety and depression n her generation."

I think she is on to something here.

 

[disykat]

I think it would be weird if the school forced kids to sign it, but they don't. They just have to sign it if they want to participate in extra-curricular.

Don't want to sign? They don't have to. These are not mandatory activites, only those who choose to sign up. Here, to participate you sign a code of conduct and there's a GPA requirement. If you don't agree with those rules you simply choose not to join.

Personally, I leave whether they want to participate in extra-curriculars up to my kids. I have always expected my kids however, to read what they sign and honor it - or live the consequences.

 

[SaraJayne]

Are you advocating lowering the drinking age or increasing the driving age?

For me? Neither. I think the ages they are set at now are acceptable.

 

[zoo2tycoon]

THE SCHOOL GOT A LIST OF NAMES FROM THE COPS.
They are not relying on heresay...guess I should have clarified that. Contract says if witnessed by school or information received from school by law enforcement.

 

[Colleen27]

BUT now the kicker...
Kids sign form with rules saying they apply ON OR OFF SCHOOL GROUNDS 365 days a year 24 hours/day. Then it lists alcohol, tobacco, drugs, vandalism, etc etc. It lists consequences also, if you do XYZ punishment is this, if you do ABC it is that, etc

This paper is part of the state high school athletic association---students AND parents sign to participate.

So now all these parents are yelling FOUL. Saying you can't do that to my kid and making excuses for them. Going to admin and fighting, crying, *****ing, etc.

That strikes me as excessive and I'd have been challenging it right from the start, not as a response to a violation. It is one thing to have a code of conduct for during school hours, on school property, and at school events but quite another to dictate beyond that.

I can say with almost absolute certainty the drinking age in this country will never be 14.

I'm sure it won't. I doubt it'll ever be 18 again. We're not a society that makes law based on logic and reason. But that doesn't mean that lowering the drinking age and simultaneously raising the driving age isn't a good idea. It is. It just isn't a politically palatable one on either side - we're too attached to the convenience of our kids driving at 16 and too fearful in regard to intoxicants.

My problem with the agreements is that "hearsay" should not be allowed and being in the proximity does not mean one partook. If the kids are being banned from a sport due to being in attendance at this party, then I too would be screaming foul.
If the kids were busted consuming or in possession then that is a whole nother story and they agreement should be enforced. Unfortunately over the years what I saw a lot of was guilt by association not by actual deed and that is my issue with those agreements.

I agree. We've seen big controversies over it in the last few years, one involving a star player who a player from a rival team claimed to have seen drinking at a party that was busted up by the police. The player wasn't one of the kids arrested so he wasn't punished by the school, but the rival school pushed very hard to try to get him suspended based only on the word of another teen. DS's coach has made it very clear that he doesn't want his players anywhere even questionable because he doesn't want that sort of distraction interrupting their season even if it is ultimately resolved in the player's favor.

 

[FireDancer]

Am I the ONLY poster who had friends who BIKED to parties so as to be able to get home after drinking?

I don't know about the rules everywhere but I used to work with someone who got a DUI while riding a bicycle. The punishment was the exact same as it would have been had it been a car. He had his license suspended, had to pay a fine, and his insurance went way up.

We have a pretty big Amish population in our state and every year you see stories about them getting DUIs while in their horse and buggy.

I'm not sure if that is the best way to avoid operating a vehicle while drunk.

 

[zoo2tycoon]

I think it would be weird if the school forced kids to sign it, but they don't. They just have to sign it if they want to participate in extra-curricular.

Don't want to sign? They don't have to. These are not mandatory activites, only those who choose to sign up. Here, to participate you sign a code of conduct and there's a GPA requirement. If you don't agree with those rules you simply choose not to join.

Personally, I leave whether they want to participate in extra-curriculars up to my kids. I have always expected my kids however, to read what they sign and honor it - or live the consequences.

Thats what we do...if they want to participate they do sign and agree to all the rules. They don't like the rules they don't have to participate in the sport or activites.

Think point here is people DON'T READ WHAT THEY SIGN...I am sure most of kids and parents just signed and didn't read the tiny print. I am working on trying to post a copy of this thing but am having trouble...work time now but will try to do later. It is all spelled out and like I said I am sure they didn't read.

Our school also drug texts those kids who drive to school....it is same random testing as athletes. ANY SCHOOL ACTIVITY is tested...choir, band, foreign language clubs, etc etc

 

[wvjules]

Thats what we do...if they want to participate they do sign and agree to all the rules. They don't like the rules they don't have to participate in the sport or activites.

Think point here is people DON'T READ WHAT THEY SIGN...I am sure most of kids and parents just signed and didn't read the tiny print. I am working on trying to post a copy of this thing but am having trouble...work time now but will try to do later. It is all spelled out and like I said I am sure they didn't read.

Our school also drug texts those kids who drive to school....it is same random testing as athletes. ANY SCHOOL ACTIVITY is tested...choir, band, foreign language clubs, etc etc

So your kids attend Big Brother High School?

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

For me? Neither. I think the ages they are set at now are acceptable.

Sorry, I was talking to the other poster and agreeing with you that no one is going to be lowering the drinking age to 14. I was wondering if she agreed with your post and therefore thought that the driving age needed to be raised to say, 21 and the drinking age dropped to 18, or what.

 

[DipsyDoodles]

If you're arrested for underage drinking and you have a college scholarship - that scholarship will be pulled. I've seen this happen more than once unfortunately.

 

[SaraJayne]

Sorry, I was talking to the other poster and agreeing with you that no one is going to be lowering the drinking age to 14. I was wondering if she agreed with your post and therefore thought that the driving age needed to be raised to say, 21 and the drinking age dropped to 18, or what.

Ok, sorry for the confusion.

 

[NHdisneylover]

THE SCHOOL GOT A LIST OF NAMES FROM THE COPS.
They are not relying on heresay...guess I should have clarified that. Contract says if witnessed by school or information received from school by law enforcement.

Was this a lst of the names of kids at the party or a list of those actually proven ( guess va breathalyzer or drug test?) to have been drinking?

I don't know about the rules everywhere but I used to work with someone who got a DUI while riding a bicycle. The punishment was the exact same as it would have been had it been a car. He had his license suspended, had to pay a fine, and his insurance went way up.

We have a pretty big Amish population in our state and every year you see stories about them getting DUIs while in their horse and buggy.

I'm not sure if that is the best way to avoid operating a vehicle while drunk.

I do know that some places have such rules now--though that was not really the case that I am aware of when I was in highschool (and people were talking about what THEY dd as teens).

Personally, while I agree that biking s not a great idea when not sober, think it is FAR better tahn drvng a motor vehicle and I feel it is a bad idea to make the penalties the same. On a bicycle, one is VERY unlikely to seriously harm someone other than his or her own stupid self in an accident. n a car, a person is very likely to harm others if they cause an accident while driving (both passengers and others on or near the road). MAJOR difference really.

Thats what we do...if they want to participate they do sign and agree to all the rules. They don't like the rules they don't have to participate in the sport or activites.

Think point here is people DON'T READ WHAT THEY SIGN...I am sure most of kids and parents just signed and didn't read the tiny print. I am working on trying to post a copy of this thing but am having trouble...work time now but will try to do later. It is all spelled out and like I said I am sure they didn't read.

Our school also drug texts those kids who drive to school....it is same random testing as athletes. ANY SCHOOL ACTIVITY is tested...choir, band, foreign language clubs, etc etc

Is this a public school?????????????? How the heck do they have the right to drug test someone based on how they get to school? (not that I think it is okay for any school club n a public school,but especially the "if they drive to school" bit"

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Another LOSER here, bc I drank in high school and went to parties.

The difference is the consquences. Back in the 80s, the cops for the most part just chased you away and take the beer. Once in awhile they would arrest some people. And I was the DD several times bc I had my own car so on those days I did not drink.

What I stress to my DS15 now, is the consquences now and how much stricter they are. Kids are expelled from our Catholic high schools, kids have lost college scholarships etc, been charged as an adult bc they are 18 etc. These are the stories we talk about or I share with him.

I would not buy for the kids, but they know how to get it. We had a guy in our high school class who looked like he was 40 when we were 16. He would not shave on Sat mornings and by the evening he looked like he had a complete beard During the summer, he looked like Grizzly Adams and never got carded.I also agree that I am not under any delusion that at some point my kids will attend parties like these. I just hope the conversations we had have sunked in....run for your life if the cops come, I will come get you. And no matter what do not get into the car or drive drunk....I will come get you! And make sure you are prepared to deal with the consquences if you do decided to go into the party.



I think she is on to something here.

I think we went to school with the same kid. Looked like he was in his mid-20s when he was 13.

As for the second bolded part:

So busy laughing at "run if the cops come" I forgot the reason I posted. Not only do our kids sign a conduct contract to participate in ANY extra curricular activities, it includes the possibility of a urine test at any time the school requests one. I've got no problem with it. The kids know the rules and consequences going in, no excuses if you get caught.

 

[clutter]

I didn't get the impression that most of us were talking about an every weekend thing. Here there tend to be a couple of those really big parties every year, usually one or two around this time (football and bonfire season) and one or two around the end of the school year.

You know, I was under the same impression. Until I asked my dd15 last night about fighting in school (the bullying thread that was about a fight mentioned two fights in school last week alone and that seemed like a lot to me). Turns out there are no fights in her school, but the drinking parties are every weekend. She chooses not to go because its just too much talk for her. One of her classes is full of the 'popular' kids, so early in the week it's all about who drank how much and did what with whom, then later in the week, it's which party who is going to. Many of the parties involve multiple high schools. So on any given weekend there are more than one. But these are big schools in a suburban area. Our high school alone is 2,700 kids. You get two or three other schools involved, and it's pretty easy to see that there is a large selection of parties for anyone to go to.

And yes, our county has the same strict agreement for conduct if you are on a sports team (maybe some of the other activities as well?). Many decent athletes have chosen not to play, or only play one season a year, so that they don't miss out on partying. In this day and age of Facebook (although that's so yesterday now) and Twitter (which is becoming yesterday), it's pretty easy to get caught at a party. I think the reason why the 'being in attendance' was added to the language, was because of Facebook et al. If someone's in a picture without a beer, you can only rely on hearsay as to whether someone was participating or not, so they put in the in attendance to eliminate guessing.