Twins birthday party, only one is classmate

[myheartlivesatwdw]

I am the mother or twins but regardless I would bring 2 gifts. Who cares if you know the kid or not? They are kids. It's a birthday. Give each a gift.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

You think it's to be expected that a parent of twins is supposed to make three different invitations? One with one twin's name, one with the other twin's name, and one with both twins' names? And be expected to remember which child being inviting only knows one of the twins (and if so, which one), and which child knows both twins?

Yea I do. Its only ommitting one name or including both names on the invitation, hardly extra work.

And yea as a parent I would expect to know which kids are my kids friends, just as I know now with both my children.

Though we don't do blanket invitations for the whole class because I think thats ridiculous too. My kids invite their actual friends to their parties., .If the friend is in my childs class we sent the invitation to the childs house. But thats a whole new thread.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree.. I was simply pointing this out as the flip side to people who suggest that you don't need to spend your normal amount on each twin at a joint party, when you know them both. Just as I am sending 2 kids to the party, 'your' child is attending a party for 2 individuals....splitting a lesser amount between them, or getting them a joint gift spending your normal amount for 1 child, also wouldn't be right.

Jess

I think that is different. The idea is one child attending one party takes one gift. If your twins were each going to a different party they would each bring a gift, right

I will probably annoy people and i apologize for so doing, but I really do not like the idea of having only one party for twins in general (a family get together yes, but not a friends sort of thing). I think children should have their own parties with their own style of theme or choice of location and their own friends. I am sure it would be hard to throw to parties close together (actually I know it is--my kids' birthdays are only 4 days apart and Christmas is in between) but I think children who are multiples still deserve their OWN celebration.

 

[Hannathy]

I think that is different. The idea is one child attending one party takes one gift. If your twins were each going to a different party they would each bring a gift, right

I will probably annoy people and i apologize for so doing, but I really do not like the idea of having only one party for twins in general (a family get together yes, but not a friends sort of thing). I think children should have their own parties with their own style of theme or choice of location and their own friends. I am sure it would be hard to throw to parties close together (actually I know it is--my kids' birthdays are only 4 days apart and Christmas is in between) but I think children who are multiples still deserve their OWN celebration.

I agree with you, they are separate people treat them as such.
And if twins attend a party or triplets they should each bring a gift or if a combined gift then it should be 2x or 3x the amount a single gift would be.

 

[Pooh Crew]

You think it's to be expected that a parent of twins is supposed to make three different invitations? One with one twin's name, one with the other twin's name, and one with both twins' names? And be expected to remember which child being inviting only knows one of the twins (and if so, which one), and which child knows both twins?

Yep! This is exactly what we always did for our triplets. I have boy-girl-girl triplets, so if a little girl was only friends with one dd, she got an invite ONLY from that dd. If a little girl was friends with both dds, she got an invitation from BOTH dds. Little boys got an invite only from ds. And if it was a family group that we were all friends with, they got the group invite. Yes, it was confusing for ME, but not for the invited guests.

Same thing went for attending parties...if both of my daughters are invited, they each take a gift in the $20-$25 range, which is the same range I use if only one of the two is invited.

Parties should be about getting together and celebrating, not gifts and the stress that comes along with choosing an appropriate one (or two or ten). We now just have friends over without it being a "birthday" party and do cake and ice cream after a movie or fun day playing. No fuss, no stress!

And for the record, I also think the twin mom in the op should have been clear in her invitation, and I think that the op should just take a gift for the classmate of her child, not the unknown twin sibling.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Well, this appears to be one other reason I'm glad we didn't have twins.

 

[MELSMICE]

A party for twins is tacky?

I was thinking the same thing.

We've never experienced this. If parents of multiples want twins treated this differently, then it needs to start with you. Have two separate parties - one for each individual. That would be far less confusing for those of us who don't know both of your kids. We want to handle it fairly for all people involved, not just the birthday kids.

My twins did not want separate parties. They wanted their party together.

They are individuals first but they also share a special bond that not many others do. They have always said they are BIBF's......Built In Best Friends.

Not to mention, with everyone's busy schedules now-a-days it would probably be difficult for those guests that know both twins to make it on 2 separate occasions.

You think it's to be expected that a parent of twins is supposed to make three different invitations? One with one twin's name, one with the other twin's name, and one with both twins' names? And be expected to remember which child being inviting only knows one of the twins (and if so, which one), and which child knows both twins?

That's what I always did & I don't find it unrealistic at all. It's not difficult or confusing.

I always had a list for Ashlyn, Marissa & both. Invites were hand written or done by myself on the computer. Very simple.

I will probably annoy people and i apologize for so doing, but I really do not like the idea of having only one party for twins in general (a family get together yes, but not a friends sort of thing). I think children should have their own parties with their own style of theme or choice of location and their own friends. I am sure it would be hard to throw to parties close together (actually I know it is--my kids' birthdays are only 4 days apart and Christmas is in between) but I think children who are multiples still deserve their OWN celebration.

I can appreciate what you're saying, but like I said, my twins wanted a party together. They are 18 now & were upset this past summer when they couldn't spend "their day" together because one of them had to work.

On the idea of twins bringing one gift. I've done both.....sent 2 gifts or one gift. If I sent one gift it was a bigger gift of equal value to what I would have spent on 2.

The twin/triplet/multiple thing can be tricky at times & birthdays partie can be one of them. OP..........from reading this thread it doesn't seem like any of us parents of multiples would have expected you to bring 2 gifts when you only know 1 child.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

These "twin party" or "twins in school" threads never end well.

I really don't understand the undertone of "resentment" in them. Like parents are plotting to get as many gifts as they can out of the poor haps who attend their kids' parties! Yeah, pile on the clearance modeling clay - we need more!

I think that, unless you have twins yourself, you will never see it the way a parent of multiples does. (Just like anything else in life.) And even those who do have multiples have different ideas about things, as do the kids themselves.

We've always had one (very cool) party that both kids' friends always looked forward to (and gasp! we even kept our twins in the same classroom! Oh the horror!).

Two parties? For 5 year olds? Yes, I'm sure people would love that. Tie up a couple of Saturdays. And I wonder which twin should go first?

And after thinking about it, I think it's tacky to suggest it's tacky to have one party. So there.

Toy guns? Eh.

 

[5lilfish]

Actually, I prefer to bring one gift from my twins, but I spend twice as much. I spend at least $40, and can buy a ds or Wii game, instead of the usually $20 priced gift.

Just as appropriate (IMO)... I have done 2 gifts so far because my twins are only 3 and each of them wanted to give a gift. I would guess, when they are older and not as concerned about who gets to carry/give the gift, we might do this too.

Jess

 

[5lilfish]

I think that is different. The idea is one child attending one party takes one gift. If your twins were each going to a different party they would each bring a gift, right

I will probably annoy people and i apologize for so doing, but I really do not like the idea of having only one party for twins in general (a family get together yes, but not a friends sort of thing). I think children should have their own parties with their own style of theme or choice of location and their own friends. I am sure it would be hard to throw to parties close together (actually I know it is--my kids' birthdays are only 4 days apart and Christmas is in between) but I think children who are multiples still deserve their OWN celebration.

Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound snitty, I don't think you can understand the twin thing unless you have twins. I didn't know how different it was until I had my twins. My first 3 kids were a total of 33 months apart. In many ways that is harder than twins (I know since I have done it both ways) but it is not the same as having twins. My husband is a triplet...and I still didn't quite get what goes on between twins. The bond, the connection...its indescribable and its one of the most amazing things I have even been lucky enough to experience in raising my children. I will bet that my twins want their parties to be together for a good number of years. Don't they deserve to be able to make that decision too. If they don't, then we will address that and make other arrangements. We are also lucky enough to be able to afford to have 2 parties if that happens (paying for some of the same kids to come twice). Not everyone is that lucky.


When the time comes to have a party though, I will address the envelopes to reflect who is inviting the child. Some addressed from 'twin A.' Some addressed from 'twin B,' and some from both.

Jess

 

[MELSMICE]

These "twin party" or "twins in school" threads never end well.

I really don't understand the undertone of "resentment" in them. Like parents are plotting to get as many gifts as they can out of the poor haps who attend their kids' parties! Yeah, pile on the clearance modeling clay - we need more!

I think that, unless you have twins yourself, you will never see it the way a parent of multiples does. (Just like anything else in life.) And even those who do have multiples have different ideas about things, as do the kids themselves.

We've always had one (very cool) party that both kids' friends always looked forward to (and gasp! we even kept our twins in the same classroom! Oh the horror!).

Two parties? For 5 year olds? Yes, I'm sure people would love that. Tie up a couple of Saturdays. And I wonder which twin should go first?

And after thinking about it, I think it's tacky to suggest it's tacky to have one party. So there.

Toy guns? Eh.

I couldn't agree more. You have to experience something first hand before you really know what it's like.

BTW - we decided just the opposite as far as school. Always different classrooms for us. When they got middle school we wanted the same "team" but different schedules. That made it easier for homework, etc.

Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound snitty, I don't think you can understand the twin thing unless you have twins. I didn't know how different it was until I had my twins. My first 3 kids were a total of 33 months apart. In many ways that is harder than twins (I know since I have done it both ways) but it is not the same as having twins. My husband is a triplet...and I still didn't quite get what goes on between twins. The bond, the connection...its indescribable and its one of the most amazing things I have even been lucky enough to experience in raising my children. I will bet that my twins want their parties to be together for a good number of years. Don't they deserve to be able to make that decision too. If they don't, then we will address that and make other arrangements. We are also lucky enough to be able to afford to have 2 parties if that happens (paying for some of the same kids to come twice). Not everyone is that lucky.


When the time comes to have a party though, I will address the envelopes to reflect who is inviting the child. Some addressed from 'twin A.' Some addressed from 'twin B,' and some from both.

Jess

Agree again, unless you have twins you don't understand what's involved or the dynamics of it.

I have said a million times, however, that I think twins would be easier than having kids spaced close together. My oldest was almost 3 when we had our twins, so I didn't experience first hand what you have, but I kept thinking that if they were 11 months apart or something they would be doing different things at the same time. At least with twins or triplets, they are doing pretty much the same thing at the same time & hopefully going in the same direction when they're doing it!!!

 

[5lilfish]

I have said a million times, however, that I think twins would be easier than having kids spaced close together. My oldest was almost 3 when we had our twins, so I didn't experience first hand what you have, but I kept thinking that if they were 11 months apart or something they would be doing different things at the same time. At least with twins or triplets, they are doing pretty much the same thing at the same time & hopefully going in the same direction when they're doing it!!!

There were definitely things that were harder having close sibs than twins. I had a 3 yr old that wanted to play outside all day. I had a toddler that I could not turn my back on for a second and I had a baby in my arms. I was probably quite a sight to see most of the time...lol.

My twins have been fairly easy. I think a lot of that is because they are my 4th and 5th though. They have had to go with the flow since day 1....and I was more experienced/relaxed. It's exhausting sometimes but mostly it is just amazing.

Jess

 

[MELSMICE]

There were definitely things that were harder having close sibs than twins. I had a 3 yr old that wanted to play outside all day. I had a toddler that I could not turn my back on for a second and I had a baby in my arms. I was probably quite a sight to see most of the time...lol.

My twins have been fairly easy. I think a lot of that is because they are my 4th and 5th though. They have had to go with the flow since day 1....and I was more experienced/relaxed. It's exhausting sometimes but mostly it is just amazing.

Jess

Yes, it mostly amazing! Ours went to college this year & one went away & is dorming. I thought my heart was literally going to tear in to 2 pieces when they said goodbye to each other. Their sobs were the most horrendous sound I've ever heard. Still makes me tear up when I think about it.

Sorry, OP............don't mean to highjack your thread!

 

[twinglesmome]

Yea I do. Its only ommitting one name or including both names on the invitation, hardly extra work.

And yea as a parent I would expect to know which kids are my kids friends, just as I know now with both my children.

Though we don't do blanket invitations for the whole class because I think thats ridiculous too. My kids invite their actual friends to their parties., .If the friend is in my childs class we sent the invitation to the childs house. But thats a whole new thread.

My twins' school requires that every child receives a party invitation in order to avert hurt feelings. Schools are not allowed to give class lists, let alone addresses, because of privacy laws. My twins are in separate classes. Therefore, no party this year. I couldn't afford to invite 52 children!

My twins have also never opted to have separate parties. They share the same interests and many of the same friends. It could also become cumbersome to those friends that they share/would both want to attend their parties.

ETA: My twins have both given/received individual/joint gifts depending upon each situation. If they give one gift, it is more expensive. As stated above, they share many of the same friends.

 

[MELSMICE]

My twins' school requires that every child receives a party invitation in order to avert hurt feelings. Schools are not allowed to give class lists, let alone addresses, because of privacy laws. My twins are in separate classes. Therefore, no party this year. I couldn't afford to invite 52 children!

My twins have also never opted to have separate parties. They share the same interests and many of the same friends. It could also become cumbersome to those friends that they share/would both want to attend their parties.

The part that I bolded would really bother me.

I never sent invites with my kids to the classroom. They always went out via snail mail or we hand delivered them.

It would bother me that the school is dictating who I should invite to a private function that I am hosting.

Disappointments are part of life and as a parent it is up to me to explain to my child that not everyone is your best friend or even a good friend. We will not always be invited to every event and we can not always invite everyone to our events. It's part of life & it's OK.

I would not have been able to invite 2 classrooms of children either nor would I have wanted to. Come to think of it, even my singleton DD did not invite every one in her class. Even though we had all our parties at home we still put a limit on the number of invites.

 

[turkeymama]

I think we've finally come to a decision that will work fine for us. I would hate for the other little boy to feel slighted if we didn't get him something. I mean, what if more kids come from Twin A's class and only get a gift for him. Then Twin B would probably not feel very good walking away from that party. And at this age (kindergarten), I think those feelings are normal. Both of them have a lifetime to work through these things.

We will be purchasing gift cards in equal amounts for both boys. This way, they can decide for themselves what they want. I know my kids are always thrilled to pieces to get gift cards. They love picking out their own "stuff" and paying for it themselves.

I never realized this could be such a controversial topic. It is something we have never dealt with before since my kids have not known any twins up until this point. I totally understand why the parent sent the invite with both names. I'm sure it was just easier for her since it looks as though she ordered customized invitations. It wasn't as simple as writing the names in to the blank ones you buy from the drugstore. No harm, no foul. I'm just super excited that DS finally wants to do a birthday party. He usually avoids them because he doesn't like the noise and interaction (HF autistic).

 

[twinglesmome]

The part that I bolded would really bother me.

I never sent invites with my kids to the classroom. They always went out via snail mail or we hand delivered them.

It would bother me that the school is dictating who I should invite to a private function that I am hosting.

Disappointments are part of life and as a parent it is up to me to explain to my child that not everyone is your best friend or even a good friend. We will not always be invited to every event and we can not always invite everyone to our events. It's part of life & it's OK.

I would not have been able to invite 2 classrooms of children either nor would I have wanted to. Come to think of it, even my singleton DD did not invite every one in her class. Even though we had all our parties at home we still put a limit on the number of invites.

It bothers me as well and I am in agreement with you. In some years, my twins have hand-delivered them to selected friends discreetly. Now that they are getting a little older and their classroom set-ups are different, that is harder.

I also want them (as well as my other child) to know that they will not have a party every year. We will celebrate with family, but a bigger party is not to be expected each year.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think we've finally come to a decision that will work fine for us. I would hate for the other little boy to feel slighted if we didn't get him something. I mean, what if more kids come from Twin A's class and only get a gift for him. Then Twin B would probably not feel very good walking away from that party. And at this age (kindergarten), I think those feelings are normal. Both of them have a lifetime to work through these things.

We will be purchasing gift cards in equal amounts for both boys. This way, they can decide for themselves what they want. I know my kids are always thrilled to pieces to get gift cards. They love picking out their own "stuff" and paying for it themselves.

I never realized this could be such a controversial topic. It is something we have never dealt with before since my kids have not known any twins up until this point. I totally understand why the parent sent the invite with both names. I'm sure it was just easier for her since it looks as though she ordered customized invitations. It wasn't as simple as writing the names in to the blank ones you buy from the drugstore. No harm, no foul. I'm just super excited that DS finally wants to do a birthday party. He usually avoids them because he doesn't like the noise and interaction (HF autistic).

You're awesome.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

You're awesome.

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[turkeymama]

You're awesome.

I was thinking the same thing.

Aww, thank you both. That's sweet.