Twins birthday party, only one is classmate

[golfgal]

This is very specific to the culture. I wasn't allowed to play with guns, as a child growing up in the US. But I wanted guns and I was fascinated by them, and I enjoyed learning to shoot real ones eventually. So I assumed ALL kids were the same.

They're not. My children, growing up in central urban Canada, have never been interested in guns. None of their friends have toy guns. There's no cap guns. No pointing fingers, no shooty noises, none of the stuff I remember from when I was a kid! Nobody around here bans guns, because the kids just don't care.

My children played with swords an awful lot, though. Sticks got swung at each other like hockey players in a brawl. And bows and arrows definitely interested them. Snowballs, with ice packed in the center! So yes - the aggressive play still exists. The weapons are just different. And fwiw, I doubt urban Canadian kids are MORE violent than urban American kids, just because they don't play with guns.

(I won't hazard a guess as to how Canadian kids play on the west coast, or the prairies, or in rural areas - I'm sure there's regional differences!)

Not all kids in the US play with guns either

 

[Rora]

I would buy one thing that they could share....the first thing that comes to mind is the 2-pack of Nerf guns that Target sells (or at least they used to - it's been awhile since I've been in the toy aisle of a store). You could even pick up an extra pack of ammo (Nerf darts) to go with the guns.

I agree 100%.

 

[Bren's Mom]

You gotta be careful with anything that remotely looks like a gun. My DD could not have that sort of thing and it would end up right in the Goodwill box.

I agree. Nerf guns can be dangerous. My nephews all had them and one shot the other in the eye (accidentally) and damaged it. My SIL removed them all from her home, and I will not allow them to come into mine.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Not all kids in the US play with guns either

I think she knows that--but she is responding to your assertion that children who are not allowed to play with toy guns will just make them out of Legos AND that children who are not allowed to play with toy guns grow up to be MORE violent-that research seems to be culture specific and not translate into cultures where guns and gun play are not the norm.

 

[mickeyboat]

DDs are not twins, but are in the same grade in school.

When they both attend birthday parties, they each bring a gift - equal in value to a gift they would bring if only one was going.

When they have birthday parties, most of the invitees are friends of both, and they bring a gift for each girl.

As for the Nerf guns, I would definitely check with the parents as to whether or not they allow them. Whether you agree with the parents or not, you should respect their wishes when it comes to having toy guns in their homes.

We have all sorts of play guns (and real guns - locked in the gun cabinet) in our house - cap guns, pop guns, nerf guns. The girls don't play with them except when other kids, usually boys, come to visit. The cap guns need to be played with outside, and anyone who uses the nerf guns must wear eye protection.

Our neighbors didn't allow toy guns, but their kids spent lots of their time outside making guns, swords and light sabres out of sticks, plastic bats, legos, etc.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Here is my take....
My younger brother and sister are twins....
My son has been friends with twin boys....

I just don't think it is appropriate to show up for this kind of 'joint' twin birthday party without a gift for both birthday boys.

Of course, a party where one is a girl and invites girls, and just happens to be concurrent but separate from the twin brothers party where he invites boys... That might be slightly different. And, of course, the parent has taken the lead in how they chose to plan the party and address the invites. THAT is what one should go by....

Even if you don't know both Ethan and Evan well.... If the invite states Ethan and Evan.... then to me, a gift for both boys would be required.

If the parent is having one joint party for both boys....
No way would I feel right about showing up with a gift for only one.
I do think that the type of gift that can be shared by both boys is a good idea... But, would def. consider two separate gifts/packages... one for each child if at all possible.

JMHO.

 

[Planogirl]

My son used to shoot with his finger. There is nothing pro-gun about us.

OP, why not call and ask? That would be the safest route.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thats where it would have gone if my daughter had gotten that too!

I would buy them both something but spend less-- when my daughter was little she would be invited to a birthday party for a family that had triplets- sorry but not spending 75.00 for a birthday party! We try to stick in the 25.00 range for birthday gifts for classmates/friends but when there are mulitple kids its tough!

Really? My go-to gift is a $20 gift card (more for close friends). When my twins get invited to the same party, they each give a $20 gc, so it costs me $40 for the party. I would never give a reduced gift, because there are two of them.

 

[disneychrista]

I would only buy fo the child my child knows/plays with. If they played with both then I would buy for both.

And I would never buy a gun of any kind. Growing up I never bouth my children two things Guns & Barbies.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I thought about that for about 2 seconds & then realized that I don't know one little boy that doesn't have at least one of them (and our court has about a dozen boys). They are HUGELY popular.

Nerf darts actually, in no way can be mistaken for a real gun...they are huge & brightly colored plastic and looking nothing like a real gun, IMO. They definitely scream "TOY" when you look at them.

So true.. my son and daughter have nerf guns.. I have no issues with them.

Does the invite have both kids names on them?

For the first time I am inviting my son and daughters classmates to their joint party this summer. I have never done an invite the whole class invite for any of my kids due to when their birthdays fall. This year we are doing a carnival theme at an outdoor park so the more kids the merrier. I am actually doing 3 invites. one with just ds's name for his class, one for dd's name for her class and one with both names for family and friends.

I dont want their classmates to think they have to bring a gift for each of them.

 

[smb6]

My ds was invited to a party for two kids; one in his class and one not. They were not twins, but were adopted and had a birthday within a week of each other and were turning the same age- a boy and a girl. My ds was friends with the girl. I only intended to buy a gift for the girl; as my ds didn't know the boy and I figured people in the boys class would do the same evening it out. But when I called to rsvp and get gift ideas; the mom gave me gift ideas for both the girl and the boy. So, rather than make an issue or feel bad; I purchased a regular gift for the girl, that my ds was friends with (I normally spend about $20 and that is about what I spent on her) and I only purchased a small gift for the boy I didn't know (under $10). These are really nice people and I know they were not trying to be inconsiderate by basically asking for a gift for both kids; but personally I think just buying for the kid that your child is in class with is the appropriate thing to do....

 

[marcyinPA]

Its not if it looks like a real gun or not- its the point that some people don't want their kids to have any gun like toy!

It doesn't matter...they will make guns out of pretzels, peanut butter sandwiches, blocks, Legos, toy workbench items (toy drills, hammers, etc.). Believe me. I teach preschool in a very nice, Christian preschool. They start doing the pretend gun thing at the age of 2. We don't allow that at school, but the point is, they will make a gun out of anything.

 

[Mkrop]

Kids love Nerf guns around here. To me they are toys.

Anyway, if both kids names are on the invite I would go to the gift everyone loves-THE GIFT CARD. Normally I try to buy a gift but for this I would just get wach kid a gift card and make my life easier.

 

[bumbershoot]

It doesn't matter...they will make guns out of pretzels, peanut butter sandwiches, blocks, Legos, toy workbench items (toy drills, hammers, etc.). Believe me. I teach preschool in a very nice, Christian preschool. They start doing the pretend gun thing at the age of 2. We don't allow that at school, but the point is, they will make a gun out of anything.

Yes, but they still don't need a toy that LOOKS like a gun, especially since they can make their own.

Nerf stuff isn't allowed here not b/c of the gun thing, but b/c we live in a condo and there's no ROOM to play with them.



I'd probably bring soemthing for each kid, though I probably would call the parents and ask. Only "twin party" DS has gone to were boy/girl twins, and he was friends with both of them for the same length of time. So we definitely bought two presents!

And then it turned out that there was a third guest of honor, a cousin, but he had his own friends there and got tons of presents just like K&C did, and it wasn't a big deal that not everyone had bought presents for every kid.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I would call the mother and ask what they would like, but work into the conversation that you don't know "x", but your son is in a class with "y." I'll bet anything she will say "it's not necessary to bring something for x." If you feel inclined to get something anyway, make it small.

Another Mom of twins checking in - agree with this. Chances are the invitations were worded that way for convenience (possibly not realizing the confusion it causes). I would not have expected nor wanted gifts for each, especially from those who only knew one of the children.

 

[mhsjax]

You gotta be careful with anything that remotely looks like a gun. My DD could not have that sort of thing and it would end up right in the Goodwill box.

Lisa

Be sure and send them my way. My kids love those things. Perfectly harmless fun.

 

[mhsjax]

I agree. Nerf guns can be dangerous. My nephews all had them and one shot the other in the eye (accidentally) and damaged it. My SIL removed them all from her home, and I will not allow them to come into mine.

My son got a paper cut in his cornea from his sister, it could have caused scarring that would have impacted his vision. Anything can cause an injury, even an activity that all parents approve of, such as drawing. She was simply waving it for her ink to dry and DS got too close, he was only 3.

 

[DisneyScraps]

the nice thing is we all get to raise our kids how we want. So no guns with my child, she does not make them out of Legos or pretzels, she never did and she was aware from a young age my feelings about it. I am not anti gun at all I am anti gun around kids.

The reason I pointed that out is in my circle all the Moms are like that and I would much rather buy a child a gift he could actually use so before I bought them this fabulous Nerf gun I would run it by the Mom.

Lisa

 

[mhsjax]

the nice thing is we all get to raise our kids how we want. So no guns with my child, she does not make them out of Legos or pretzels, she never did and she was aware from a young age my feelings about it. I am not anti gun at all I am anti gun around kids.

The reason I pointed that out is in my circle all the Moms are like that and I would much rather buy a child a gift he could actually use so before I bought them this fabulous Nerf gun I would run it by the Mom.

Lisa

This is why I always buy gift cards. I am too busy to try and figure out what a mom may or may not agree with, or figure out what a child may or may not like.

 

[golfgal]

My son got a paper cut in his cornea from his sister, it could have caused scarring that would have impacted his vision. Anything can cause an injury, even an activity that all parents approve of, such as drawing. She was simply waving it for her ink to dry and DS got too close, he was only 3.

DD scratched her cornea taking off her winter coat one day when she was about 4. Not wearing a winter coat around here isn't an option.