Trend of women upgrading engagement diamond because it's "too small". Thoughts?

[Rora]

This morning I read in my local newspaper's etiquette column about a woman who was just recently engaged. She said she believed her engagement ring diamond was too small. She wanted her husband to go buy her a new ring. He didn't want to.

My question to the ladies of the DIS: would you ask your DH to buy you a new ring because you thought it was too small? Is she being resonable? Should the husband comply?

Men (if any even open this thread-- I know we have the daunting word "engagement" in the title ): would you be offended if your DH/DFi wanted a new ring?

For the record, the woman in the column said they could afford a bigger ring and that her DH bought "the nicest stuff for himself" but chose to get her a small diamond.

I'm just curious to hear what everyone thinks!

 

[BCV513]

I would never "trade" in my engagement ring. The point of the ring, to me, is not the size or shape of the ring but the meaning behind it. I really don't care what it looks like. It could honestly be fake for all I care. It's the fact that someone loves me enough to promise to spend the rest of his life with me that matters most.

 

[dzorn]

I honestly think they should be choosen together. If I am going to wear something for the rest of my life it should be something I have a choice in.

The size should not matter but the style should.

Denise in MI

 

[KimR]

I don't see anything wrong with upgrading an engagement ring, but then again I'm not really sentimental about things like that. DH and I were both in college when we were engaged and all he could afford was a small 1/3 ct. I was thrilled with it at the time, but we both knew that he would eventually buy me a larger stone, which he did several years later.

I LOVE my ring and get compliments on it all the time. I still have the original, though, so I guess maybe I am a little sentimental.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I had to answer "Other" because the devil's in the details.

Does DH wear a Rolex, a ruby ring the size of Texas, 3" thick gold chains while she has a 1/4 karat, H grade engagement ring? - If yes, she should get a new ring

Have they been married for 20 years and that 1/4 karat was the very best he could afford at the time but they've since discovered an untapped oil reserve in their back yard? - If yes, she should shut up and let that ring remind her of their young love and how far they've come since then.

Does DH wear a Rolex, a ruby ring....... and they really can't afford them but he gets them for himself anyway? - If yes, to heck with the ring. Spring for good marriage AND financial counselors!

 

[LuvOrlando]

No way do I want a new one. Sure if DH and I got engaged right now i would have a much bigger ring but isn't the whole point of the thing to serve as a reminder of where we started 20 years ago when he proposed? When DH got me my ring we were in college and had no money, my ring cost over a years salary and he picked it out. Since then we got a house and he's worked hard so I can stay home and raise our kids. I don't need a bigger ring, my husband comes home to me every night and that is more than good enough, I don't want or need anything else.

No reason to mess with my engagement ring and I think I would get mad if DH ever even considered making the suggestion to me. Admittedly I am very sentimental. However, DH is free to get me jewels for my right hand, ears and neck... those spots are free to rotate and I switch stuff around there often My engagement and wedding rings are off limits

 

[Kim&Chris]

My diamond has sentimental value, so there's no way I'm "upgrading".

I'm happy with what he gave me, and because he got me the best diamond he could afford at that time, it makes it even more special.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

I would never "trade" in my engagement ring. The point of the ring, to me, is not the size or shape of the ring but the meaning behind it. I really don't care what it looks like. It could honestly be fake for all I care. It's the fact that someone loves me enough to promise to spend the rest of his life with me that matters most.

this.
Now I understand wanting a style you can live with, but if you are that concerned with carat size, clarity and how expensive it is, then I feel like you are more invested/interested in the shiny ring than in the relationship.
Then again I'm not a jewelry girl. Neither DH nor I know much about my ring. I think it is 5/8 carat, but I'm not even sure on that. I could care less if it is clear and I actually feel like DH spent way too much on it and I'm pretty sure it was somewhere between $600-800. The ring wasn't important to me, the relationship was.
All I can think when I see people so concerned about the "perfect" ring (has to big, has to be expensive, has to be completely clear, from Tiffany's...etc...), it just makes me think all they care about is the status the jewelry provides and couldn't care less about the future husband...or either would turn down the boyfriend if he didn't propose with what they considered a fancy enough ring. It's really sad.

 

[luvmy3]

I voted other because mine was sort of upgraded. After my 3rd child was born my dh got me a past present future diamond ring to wear instead of my engagement ring. It has just as much sentimental value as my engagement ring, it has a total of 9 diamonds which is how many years we had been married when he gave it to me, and the 3 large stones represent our kids. I still have my engagement ring and I hope to have the stone set in a pendant, so I don't have a problem with an upgrade, but I think saying its too small is the wrong reason to do it.

 

[kymmyk13]

No way do I want a new one. Sure if DH and I got engaged right now i would have a much bigger ring but isn't the whole point of the thing to serve as a reminder of where we started 20 years ago when he proposed? When DH got me my ring we were in college and had no money, my ring cost over a years salary and he picked it out. Since then we got a house and he's worked hard so I can stay home and raise our kids. I don't need a bigger ring, my husband comes home to me every night and that is more than good enough, I don't want or need anything else.

No reason to mess with my engagement ring and I think I would get mad if DH ever even considered making the suggestion to me. Admittedly I am very sentimental. However, DH is free to get me jewels for my right hand, ears and neck... those spots are free to rotate and I switch stuff around there often My engagement and wedding rings are off limits

Totally agree. We have been married 21 years and I still love my ring. Now several years ago he did buy me a ruby ring guard to go around the engangement ring and I love it and get compliaments all the time.

 

[tigger813]

DH and I picked out my engagement ring together. I actually didn't like how the big diamonds look on my hand. I have a 1/4 carat with 4 tiny diamonds on each side. I can't even imagine a different ring!

 

[NMAmy]

For the record, the woman in the column said they could afford a bigger ring and that her DH bought "the nicest stuff for himself" but chose to get her a small diamond.

Well, frankly, neither one of those people sounds like a prize to me. They kind of deserve each other.

I don't understand the whole fascination with engagment rings, anyway. I had one for my first marriage and gave the ring to dd on her 18th birthday. I did not want one for my second marriage. I just don't like to wear jewelry, really.

 

[RUDisney]

I did just the opposite. DH bought me a 1.6 carat pear shaped diamond. I never saw it, but he asked if it was ok if the diamond wasn't round. I wanted a round diamond. I told him so.

He told me, "but my mother likes the ring I bought." I told him that he could give that one to his mother, but I wanted a round diamond.

He found a round diamond for me that is 1.1 carats. It makes me happy every time I look down at my hand.

As for having a diamond or not, I would have been just as happy with a CZ that was round and 1 carat. He insisted that it be real. It wasn't the money spent, it was having something that I wanted. 17 years later, I'm still happy that I have a round diamond.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

No way do I want a new one. Sure if DH and I got engaged right now i would have a much bigger ring but isn't the whole point of the thing to serve as a reminder of where we started 20 years ago when he proposed? When DH got me my ring we were in college and had no money, my ring cost over a years salary and he picked it out. Since then we got a house and he's worked hard so I can stay home and raise our kids. I don't need a bigger ring, my husband comes home to me every night and that is more than good enough, I don't want or need anything else.

No reason to mess with my engagement ring and I think I would get mad if DH ever even considered making the suggestion to me. Admittedly I am very sentimental. However, DH is free to get me jewels for my right hand, ears and neck... those spots are free to rotate and I switch stuff around there often My engagement and wedding rings are off limits

agreed! My engagement ring is small, but I love it b/c I know in 20 years I'll look back at all we have been through, and where we were at that point in our lives and how far (hopefully lol) we have come.

 

[tvguy]

My diamond has sentimental value, so there's no way I'm "upgrading".

I'm happy with what he gave me, and because he got me the best diamond he could afford at that time, it makes it even more special.

That is exactly how my wife feels.

But we did have a "mother's" ring custom made with the kids birthstones for her other hand.

 

[AndreaDM]

I hate the word "upgrade", it really annoys me, not just for rings, but for pretty much everything. Personally for me, jewelry is such a small, insignificant detail that has no bearing on our marriage, so no, I wouldn't upgrade. In fact, my engagement ring is a sapphire and I love it. Some people love diamonds, I love to travel. However, if we had more money, we'd probably just travel more anyway, so it wouldn't matter.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

I would never "trade" in my engagement ring. The point of the ring, to me, is not the size or shape of the ring but the meaning behind it. I really don't care what it looks like. It could honestly be fake for all I care. It's the fact that someone loves me enough to promise to spend the rest of his life with me that matters most.

this is me!

we were in college and I was grateful for what I got. It reflects where we were at the time and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm really not into big or showy jewelry anyway.

My wedding ring is also smaller, but really nice. I wouldn't trade either one.

It is really a personal choice and I can understand other people trading up.

as to the people in the OP's question...they have issues that go beyond the ring. I don't know that a bigger ring is gonna help really....so "Other".

 

[jrmasm]

I voted other.* For me, I might do it someday.* For others, I don't give a flying fig what other people do.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I said If she wants a new ring, her DH should get her one. Her request is reasonable. BUT I should of voted other becasue I don't really agree with the entire statement. If she wants a new one I don't see why she shouldn't get a new one BUT I don't think it is all up to her dh to buy her one.

I did upgrade when we hit 10 years. BUT I bought my new one used.

 

[OK!]

I'm so sentimental that there's no way I'd ever upgrade an engagement ring, even if money were suddenly completely unlimited. If he were to decide to get me another piece of jewelry, that'd be fine, but the engagement ring would always stay the same.