Tough situation....

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

It sounds like the mother is working and not on public assistance, so it just may be that she has opted to not chase the dad down for child support for whatever reasons she has.

She may not be on government assistance, but she seems to be on co-worker assistance.

Maybe if she went after Dad for support, she could afford to seek employment elsewhere.

 

[Darcy03231]

She may not be on government assistance, but she seems to be on co-worker assistance.

Maybe if she went after Dad for support, she could afford to seek employment elsewhere.

I agree 100%. It really sounds like in her situation she should have a job with flexibility, such as a work from home option, and one where she doesn't have to meet a deadline.

 

[monsterkitty]

This sounds very interesting.

Generally you are only fired by your doctor when you aren't following his/her advice. Which makes me wonder if some of the problems with her child are of her own making.

And how does a child get kicked out of school? Public schools are mandated to educate all students. Did she, by chance, pull him from school? And now can't find someone that will take him?

I'm sure that most everyone wants to be understanding, but she has to realize that it is a place of business and she is being paid to do a job.

Students can be expelled and required to do on-line school. In my state if a child is expelled by law no other public school can take the child until the expulsion is up. Special needs children can be expelled but a different placement would be required, such as an alternative school but the district must pay those costs.

Wow, thank you for sharing all of that. Very tough situations for sure. So where do the kids go for school that are so severely disabled they're almost impossible to handle in a classroom on a consistent basis? Just curious.

They go to the public schools. Some districts will have the child attend the neighborhood school and make accommodations there. Other districts will have a designated school and the children will be bused there.

Just because the child is ADHD does not mean they qualify for special ed services. The mother may have also denied allowing the school to classify her son as special needs therefore he receives no protection. You would be shocked at how many parents in certain districts deny services for their children.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Students can be expelled and required to do on-line school. In my state if a child is expelled by law no other public school can take the child until the expulsion is up. Special needs children can be expelled but a different placement would be required, such as an alternative school but the district must pay those costs.

At which point, the child would still have a place to go during the day.

Unless of course, as you said, the parent is denying special services to the child.

In which case, the parent seems to be the problem.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

They cannot get thrown out completely. Students with disabilities have the right to education just like students without disabilities (and I mean a legal right). Typically each district has one or two alternative schools that students are sent to if they are unable to handle the mainstream schools. And sometimes the students are put on homebound education.

I thought a child Could be thrown out completely, it's called "expulsion" I know a couple kids that were after repeated offenses. None special needs just kids, usually boys but a couple of girls, that simply didn't want to be their and acted out.

I know for exactly this reason alot of areas have made it so that if you are seeking public assistance you HAVE to go after the parent fo child support. The gov even pays the cost to do it because its cheaper then paying the higher gov assistance until the child is 18.

It also could however be that the Dad is purposefully either working under the table (I know a few people that do this) or is keeping themselves minimally employed so that child support is very low.

I know some of these dads also. I've seen them quite jobs when a garnish order gets put in place, They jump from job to job to avoid it. Whenever I receive a garnish order for one of my workers, it's a bit of a joke among us as to how long before they quite.

 

[Turn the Page]

I was just at our elementary school to do DD6's therapy and there was a boy in the office, a 3rd grader (though he looked rather large for a 3rd grader) and he was clearly agitated. I don't know what all happened but for the few minutes I was in the office with DD6 the gist I got was that he had been pulled out of the classroom for behavior issues and it was so bad they called his mom. The mom was there but I don't know if she had to leave work to come.

The boy kept rocking back and forth in his chair and demanding to go to gym and the teacher kept saying he couldn't go to gym until "we solve this." The school has a whole sensory room and from what I was seeing it made me strongly suspect he had some sort of sensory issues I have no idea why they didn't send him there rather than the office though all I know is what I observed the few minutes I was there.

He was very interested in DD's therapy though. Kept looking in the health room and asking what it was. That seemed to redirect him reasonably well but his mom and teacher kept redirecting him back to sitting in the chair he didn't want to sit in and doing the coloring he didn't want to do. Seemed counterproductive to me but I'm not an expert. From my experiences with DD6 though I know better than to try to reason with her or do anything at all when she is worked up like that. That is NOT a good idea. Calm them down and then try later. If watching me brush DD6 redirected him and helped him calm down why didn't they just let him do it? Rude? Perhaps. But again, that isn't usually the time to teach things.

 

[bellebud]

I can see many instances where the dad isn't paying. He could be dead. She could not know who the dad is. He could not be working. He could want nothing to do with them and be hiding, working off the books, etc. She could not want him to have visitation so isn't asking for child support.

She still is in the wrong job though. We all have to try to find jobs that mesh with our personal lives. I know many people who left their jobs and did other things when their kids were born, so they'd have daycare, or be home with them, etc. Couples work opposite shifts, moms do home parties, people clean other people's houses. I know a nurse who became a cleaning lady for a few years when her kids were little. We all do what we have to do.

 

[Turn the Page]

I can see many instances where the dad isn't paying. He could be dead. She could not know who the dad is. He could not be working. He could want nothing to do with them and be hiding, working off the books, etc. She could not want him to have visitation so isn't asking for child support.

She still is in the wrong job though. We all have to try to find jobs that mesh with our personal lives. I know many people who left their jobs and did other things when their kids were born, so they'd have daycare, or be home with them, etc. Couples work opposite shifts, moms do home parties, people clean other people's houses. I know a nurse who became a cleaning lady for a few years when her kids were little. We all do what we have to do.

Assuming she knows who the dad is and he is an American citizen, if he was dead she would be getting social security for her child. In my experience, social security ends up being WAY more than child support would have been anyway.

 

[Turn the Page]

I thought a child Could be thrown out completely, it's called "expulsion" I know a couple kids that were after repeated offenses. None special needs just kids, usually boys but a couple of girls, that simply didn't want to be their and acted out.

I know some of these dads also. I've seen them quite jobs when a garnish order gets put in place, They jump from job to job to avoid it. Whenever I receive a garnish order for one of my workers, it's a bit of a joke among us as to how long before they quite.

As far as kids being expelled I could be wrong but I think if they have IEPs or are otherwise labeled special needs they can no longer be completely expelled. Maybe put into an alternative school or online school from home or something but not completely expelled. I think that would be termed discrimination.

I am actually surprised DD6's mother didn't quit her job when her wages started getting garnished for child support. Granted, she only pays a grand total of $124 a month so it's not like it's a lot but still.

 

[kamik86]

As far as kids being expelled I could be wrong but I think if they have IEPs or are otherwise labeled special needs they can no longer be completely expelled. Maybe put into an alternative school or online school from home or something but not completely expelled. I think that would be termed discrimination.

I am actually surprised DD6's mother didn't quit her job when her wages started getting garnished for child support. Granted, she only pays a grand total of $124 a month so it's not like it's a lot but still.

I wonder if its a case where the alternatives are almost unworkable. If you live in a city your city may have one of these alternative schools. If not it probably doesn't. My area had one school that specialized in some special needs stuff for elementary school students but past that if a student had severe behavioral issues that couldn't go to school they had to go to a bigger city 2 hours away. Most ended up in juvenile detention while going there, I wonder if partially because living in juvy was the only way they were going to actually get to the school.

 

[Turn the Page]

I wonder if its a case where the alternatives are almost unworkable. If you live in a city your city may have one of these alternative schools. If not it probably doesn't. My area had one school that specialized in some special needs stuff for elementary school students but past that if a student had severe behavioral issues that couldn't go to school they had to go to a bigger city 2 hours away. Most ended up in juvenile detention while going there, I wonder if partially because living in juvy was the only way they were going to actually get to the school.

Maybe. I live in a rural area but we do have an alternative school here. I think there is just one for the entire intermediate school district which covers two counties. I think it is mostly for at risk kids and I remember hearing stories about how the high schoolers would get smoke breaks and whatnot. I have no idea what the academic courses were like, I doubt it followed the same curriculum as the mainstream school, but by the time it got to that point it was mostly alternative school or no school at all so I guess it was better than nothing.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I thought a child Could be thrown out completely, it's called "expulsion" I know a couple kids that were after repeated offenses. None special needs just kids, usually boys but a couple of girls, that simply didn't want to be their and acted out.

I know some of these dads also. I've seen them quite jobs when a garnish order gets put in place, They jump from job to job to avoid it. Whenever I receive a garnish order for one of my workers, it's a bit of a joke among us as to how long before they quite.

There are special rules about suspensions and expulsion for students with disabilities, because typically the behavior, etc, is a manifestation of their disability.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I wonder if its a case where the alternatives are almost unworkable. If you live in a city your city may have one of these alternative schools. If not it probably doesn't. My area had one school that specialized in some special needs stuff for elementary school students but past that if a student had severe behavioral issues that couldn't go to school they had to go to a bigger city 2 hours away. Most ended up in juvenile detention while going there, I wonder if partially because living in juvy was the only way they were going to actually get to the school.

I know of a student (co-worker's cousin) who lives in a rural area and was sent for home-bound school because of severe behavior issues. He went to school full time at home with a teacher who came to his home. He did much better at home without the stimulation of the school/students and with being able to work more at his own pace, etc.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I know of a student (co-worker's cousin) who lives in a rural area and was sent for home-bound school because of severe behavior issues. He went to school full time at home with a teacher who came to his home. He did much better at home without the stimulation of the school/students and with being able to work more at his own pace, etc.

But to what end? I mean a full time teacher for a single student at home. Seems like a waste of resources.

 

[DisneyOma]

Wow, thank you for sharing all of that. Very tough situations for sure. So where do the kids go for school that are so severely disabled they're almost impossible to handle in a classroom on a consistent basis? Just curious.

In our district we have a designated school for kids with severe behavioral disorders. Most kids are mainstreamed but some just can't handle it.

That's what we have as well - it can be very costly, as the school district pays for transportation and tuition, but we have alternative schools (some regional, some state, some private) for students that can't handle a certain school setting and need more than we can put into a public school. Multiple classroom schools can be just too overwhelming for some kids, and they do much better in a small program someplace else, for example. Or a student can't handle a bell schedule - but we can't turn the bells off. A school could just run out of space to implement different programs too. We're always hopeful that a child will come back to us at some point though - having learned some coping techniques, just reached a certain maturity, and so on.

There are special rules about suspensions and expulsion for students with disabilities, because typically the behavior, etc, is a manifestation of their disability.

Yes, although some parents (and advocates and admins) read that stanza as meaning you can't suspend a student with disabilities, ever. It happens at least once a year in our school district. I really think there should be a scheduled parent/advocate/teacher/admin night of explanation on a variety of FERPA, IEP issues, etc.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Maybe she already has a FMLA in place. It wouldn't be anyone else's business!

Step back and be thankful it's not your child, not your situation.

 

[DisneyOma]

Maybe she already has a FMLA in place. It wouldn't be anyone else's business!

Step back and be thankful it's not your child, not your situation.

But when it affects the day to day working situation for others, then it is someone else's business. The other employees need to stop covering for her, and let the boss know exactly how it is affecting them. My guess is everyone here is thankful it is not their child - although we don't know what the actual situation is, it sounds very difficult.

FMLA gives a bit of a safety net for certain situations, but it is not an all out 'get our of work free' card.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Not necessarily special needs but I've known single mothers that don't seek out child support due to her not wanting him to have any visitation. The dad never pursues visitation cause he's basically a looser and is happy to just be off the hook. The mom is afraid that he'll insist on shared custody so their content to live off public assistance all the while complaining about their situation.
Not saying this is the case here just giving some perspective of a world view I've witnessed.

It sounds like the mother is working and not on public assistance, so it just may be that she has opted to not chase the dad down for child support for whatever reasons she has.

I agree that it sounds that way on the case the OP mentioned, but the post I quoted mentioned mothers living on public assitance because they refuse to go after the fathers.

I'm not ready to judge her for not going after the father. If I were in a situation like that, and if getting child support also meant consenting to visitation when I believed my child would not be safe with the other parent, I wouldn't do it either.

I hope this mother is able to find a job that she can do well and still be available for her child.

 

[PollyannaMom]

@DisneyOma, thank you for taking the time to type out the possible scenario. It's spot on!

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I'm not ready to judge her for not going after the father. If I were in a situation like that, and if getting child support also meant consenting to visitation when I believed my child would not be safe with the other parent, I wouldn't do it either.

I hope this mother is able to find a job that she can do well and still be available for her child.

To me that should be the first place for financial assistance. If it's a safety issue sort that out in family courts while seeking child support.