Tough situation....

[kamik86]

I think it would depend on what kind of job setting this is. I work in an office and if there were schedule variations but she could still put in the time by either staying late or was able to fill in the gaps from home, and still get her work done, this would be no big deal. Someone that works in a hospital, for instance, where physically being there at the exact times is critical would have a different perspective. If this were an employee of mine it would also matter what "dealing with" the child meant as well.

Even in jobs that are normally flexible this can be an issue sometimes.

My job is extremely flexible. I pretty much can pick my hours within reasona nd can work from home or switch them around if I have to.

Unless this is one of those weeks where:

• There is a large customer meeting, then I have to be present
• I'm in the middle of a build, test event, or other activity that requires me to be physically present where the hardware is

For most of the employees these things total 4-5 weeks of the year. However in those 4-5 weeks one body being 1 hour late is either forcing everyone else to stay that hour late with them or pushing the whole project to be late.

We had this issue with an employee that tended to call in and work from home whenever is snowed even a little. This wasn't too big of a deal until we got to a test event that he had to be present for and at certain times. The employee ended up switching offices to one with a much better public transportation system he can use to not have to drive in snow.

 

[kamik86]

Wait, does a child's disability get the parent an accommodation at work?

I wouldn't think so, because I would think it would be reasonable to expect the parent to have someone else that can watch or care for their child when the employee needs to be at work.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I think that there are some details that would factor in.

What age is the child.
What are all of their special needs.

I am wondering how a child gets 'fired' by doctors. I am really thinking about any such statement, if one were made.
I would guess that, as a single income, single parent, of a child with 'special needs', that they would qualify for services.
These services would be mandated, and could not easily be denied.

Unless the child is completely out-of-touch with reality and/or is a threat to others, the public schools would be mandated to provide. Even if this were in an Alternative setting. If one chooses not to go along with the schools protocols, that is one thing. But a 'special needs' kid doesn't just get 'kicked out'.

This sounds like a very very very HARD place to be!
But, I am just GUESSING, based on the teeny tiny bit of info we have.... I am thinking that the mother is making some decisions here, regarding schools, medications, parenting, etc... And might be expecting others to cover for her personal choices.

I am hearing 'more than once per week'.
Not just occasionally.
I am putting a lot of weight on that bit of info.

Bottom line, I am not so sure that anybody should have to be obligated.
Occasional situations occur.
But, I have to wonder if this situation could, just possibly, be crossing over into more than this.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If her child has a documented disability, then she needs to get her own documentation and provide it to her employer. She can use the FMLA route or the Reasonable Accommodation route. Point is, she needs to formally address this so that she is protected somewhat from a true disability. This doesn't mean that the employer is stuck with someone who can't do the job, but they can openly review the issues, see how they can best let her keep her job, and figure out a plan. Having no plan is what causes other coworkers to become disgruntled etc. Also, it could be that there is no way she can be accommodated, either through FMLA or the RA process and it causes undue hardship on the employer. If that is the case, she might have an option for some type of disability for herself as a caretaker.

Yes, and OP if you know someone who knows this woman well enough to give her advice, I'd suggest she look into disability for the child, if he's not already getting it, and an advocate for the child, if he doesn't already have one.

 

[DizBelle]

Yes, I think that there are some details that would factor in.

What age is the child. [note sure but I'm guessing older elementary age]
What are all of their special needs. [all I've heard is "extreme ADHD"]

I am wondering how one gets 'FIRED' by doctors. I am really thinking about any such statement, if one were made. [I'm not sure either. I thought it was strange.]
I would guess that, as a single income, single parent, of a child with 'special needs', that they would qualify for services. [do you mean government services?]
These services would be mandated, and could not easily be denied.

Unless the child is completely out-of-touch with reality and/or is a threat to others, the public schools would be mandated to provide. Even if this were in an Alternative setting. If one chooses not to go along with the schools protocols, that is one thing. But a 'special needs' kid doesn't just get 'kicked out'. [another statement I thought was strange and was wondering how it could happen - but I just don't know]

This sounds like a very very very HARD place to be!
But, I am just GUESSING, based on the teeny tiny bit of info we have.... I am thinking that the mother is making some decisions here, regarding schools, medications, parenting, etc... And might be expecting others to cover for her personal choices. [this is the vibe I'm getting too]

I am hearing 'more than once per week'.
Not just occasionally.
I am putting a lot of weight on that bit of info.

Bottom line, I am not so sure that anybody should have to be obligated.
Occasional situations occur.
But, I have to wonder if this situation could, just possibly, be crossing over into more than this.

I know there is precious little information on this person's specific situation. Even so, this is a very interesting discussion and is bringing up things I had not considered. Even though the information in this thread may not go beyond this thread, I am thankful for your participation.

 

[pryncess527]

Wait, does a child's disability get the parent an accommodation at work?

I believe the child would have to be considered incapable of self care for the parent to get an FMLA accommodation to provide care.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I wouldn't think so, because I would think it would be reasonable to expect the parent to have someone else that can watch or care for their child when the employee needs to be at work.

I think it depends on the severity of the disability and if the mother is a

Wait, does a child's disability get the parent an accommodation at work?

No, parents cannot get reasonable accommodations just because they are a parent of a child with a disability, but they can get FMLA depending on the documented disability and it sounds like the woman could in this case.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think it depends on the severity of the disability and if the mother is a


No, parents cannot get reasonable accommodations just because they are a parent of a child with a disability, but they can get FMLA depending on the documented disability and it sounds like the woman could in this case.

Not sure how the above happened. Was only trying to quote/respond to the latter quote.

 

[Magpie]

I know of a similar situation, where being a single father of a severely disabled young adult has meant repeatedly losing employment. It's also meant being constantly underemployed and unable to make full use of his skills and training. He lives in perpetual poverty, with no avenue out.

It's a really hard situation for everyone, and he doesn't hold any hard feelings towards his former employers. But, here's a guy who is smart, educated and incredibly hard working. He's making use of every support his state provides. And still, he's always teetering on the brink of disaster. In fact, he's tipped over that edge a few times and it's only because he had generous and loyal friends, that he's been able to keep going. When his car failed to start one morning, if friends hadn't chipped in to get him to work and then find him another junker, he'd have lost his current job that very same day.

The stress and exhaustion have taken their toll over the years, and he now suffers from some rather serious health issues himself.

Ideally, if the company is at all able to do it, I'd like to see them work with the mother in the original post to try to find some accommodation that allows her to keep her employment with them. Perhaps they can move her to another position within the organization that allows for more flexibility in work hours. I think, when you hire someone, you take on at least some responsibility for their welfare.

 

[happily single]

I can relate to the mother in this case. I am the single (see screen name) of three great kids. The middle child happens to have many dx's. From the age of 6 until almost 11 he was repeatedly hospitalized for months on end. I was often called by his different special education schools (schools meant to deal with his issues) because they could not deal with his issues. We had countless doctor appointments and he was kicked out of two "special daycares". I worked full-time 40+ hours in a law office. There was only 1-2 other employees working there at the time, so my absence was felt.

Fortunately I was a superstar and would manage to get my work done. I would come in early, stay late, work weekends, work from home and otherwise make myself available. I did this because the employer was very accomodating to me. I did my best to schedule appointments that did not conflict with work.

When I finally left (and my son has done AMAZING since my leaving the 40+ hour work week) a new worker stepped in. Unfortunately she was a drama queen who created fake events to leave and retrieve her child.

I would suggest that HR pull the employee aside and ask what options she has for daycare, etc. The child must qualify for some sort of IEP or 504 plan which will require the school department to accomodate his needs.

 

[Darcy03231]

It is a tough situation and one I've been in from the co-worker who had to pick up the slack side. Unfortunately, the needs of one person can't trump the needs of another. I work in a field where the work has deadlines that have to be met (legal field). If a person is out, someone else has to pick up the slack. In a small office that meant one other person, me. I ended up working late in the evenings (sometimes as late as midnight to 1 am), doing my Christmas shopping for my own children (who were young at the time; 3, 5, 8, & 12) at Walmart after getting out of work at midnight, and going in on weekends as my co-worker couldn't come in early, stay late or work weekends to make up her missed time and meet deadlines. My home and family life started to really suffer. It ended up blowing up into an ugly mess and the person ended up being let go.

It may not be a popular opinion, but if the person can't do the job she was hired for, she either needs to find something that suits her needs better on her own, or be terminated.

 

[DizBelle]

I believe the child would have to be considered incapable of self care for the parent to get an FMLA accommodation to provide care.

Sorry, I didn't think the poster was referring to FMLA. It sounded like they were suggesting that the child's disability can get the parent an accommodation at work (more flexible hours, etc).

FMLA is an option but that is unpaid which presents a different challenge to her.

It is a tough situation and one I've been in from the co-worker who had to pick up the slack side. Unfortunately, the needs of one person can't trump the needs of another. I work in a field where the work has deadlines that have to be met (legal field). If a person is out, someone else has to pick up the slack. In a small office that meant one other person, me. I ended up working late in the evenings (sometimes as late as midnight to 1 am), doing my Christmas shopping for my own children (who were young at the time; 3, 5, 8, & 12) at Walmart after getting out of work at midnight, and going in on weekends as my co-worker couldn't come in early, stay late or work weekends to make up her missed time and meet deadlines. My home and family life started to really suffer. It ended up blowing up into an ugly mess and the person ended up being let go.

It may not be a popular opinion, but if the person can't do the job she was hired for, she either needs to find something that suits her needs better on her own, or be terminated.

On the one hand, I feel the same way. On the other hand, I feel so bad for her. She is in such a difficult situation. However, she did choose to have a child so she needs to deal with all of the stuff that goes with it.

But, if I were a co-worker and my home and work lives were suffering, it would probably be much more weighted to the "she needs to find another job" side.

 

[nkereina]

I guess it would depend on the company, but one solution that came to mind was to move her into a different role that wouldn't have as big of an impact on her co-workers when she's absent. For example, if her current work load involves working accounts or files and her co-workers have to pick up the slack and cover her files, that obviously is not a good role for her and she'd do better in an individual contributor type of role without deadlines so that she could catch up on her own work after being out. Something where she wouldn't need coverage. Naturally, this would entirely depend on the industry and company as to whether its a viable option.

 

[gwynne]

On the one hand, I feel the same way. On the other hand, I feel so bad for her. She is in such a difficult situation. However, she did choose to have a child so she needs to deal with all of the stuff that goes with it.

But, if I were a co-worker and my home and work lives were suffering, it would probably be much more weighted to the "she needs to find another job" side.

Oh my.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My last job was at a call center. The honest truth is ANY parent regardless of their child having a disability struggled with work schedules;your job was to be there for your shift as the powers that be had worked out roughly how many employees per shift was needed to accommodate the expected incoming calls/non-phone work.

If your child is sick you had to leave work early... if your child was in trouble (as one of my coworker's daughter was with the law) you had to leave work early. It just wasn't the best environment for any parent who needed to leave work at a moment's notice. I felt terrible for the parents because there just wasn't enough flexibility but unfortunately it came with the job position.

I did know people who were on FMLA and unfortunately some of them were gone a ton of time. The company wasn't legally allowed to let go of a person due to being on FMLA but they could do it for performance. In all honesty most on FMLA struggled with performance due to other things on their mind. THAT was how they were eventually let go (and the ones that were gone on FMLA a lot ALWAYS were let go eventually). If you were gone a lot you missed out on new procedures, new rules to enforce, etc. Heck even being gone on vacation for a week could put you behind on knowledge so I have no idea how those who were gone a lot could keep up and staying caught up on things when no time was allowed to be taken out of the day to do so meant your performance suffered. If your performance suffered they could let you go.

Obviously not every company will be as strict as mine was. Obviously being on FMLA and using it a lot won't necessarily mean a company will be looking for ways to let you go. It all depends on the company and their rules along with the person's job function at the company.

 

[runwad]

It is a tough situation and one I've been in from the co-worker who had to pick up the slack side. Unfortunately, the needs of one person can't trump the needs of another. I work in a field where the work has deadlines that have to be met (legal field). If a person is out, someone else has to pick up the slack. In a small office that meant one other person, me. I ended up working late in the evenings (sometimes as late as midnight to 1 am), doing my Christmas shopping for my own children (who were young at the time; 3, 5, 8, & 12) at Walmart after getting out of work at midnight, and going in on weekends as my co-worker couldn't come in early, stay late or work weekends to make up her missed time and meet deadlines. My home and family life started to really suffer. It ended up blowing up into an ugly mess and the person ended up being let go.

It may not be a popular opinion, but if the person can't do the job she was hired for, she either needs to find something that suits her needs better on her own, or be terminated.

I worked with a person like this for 10 years!! I felt bad for her what all she had to deal with in regards to her child's disability but on the other hand when is enough, enough? She was perpetually behind and unorganized from all her missed work which effected all our jobs. She's been gone for 5 years (she found another job on her own) and my work has improved tremendously. I felt she was very lucky to have a company be so accommodating to her for so long but it was really was affecting others moral.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is not me or anyone I know. It is a story I heard and I thought I'd get the DIS perspective.

A single mother with a special needs child is struggling to do her job (and therefore keep her job). 2-3 times every week there is a schedule variation where she is late, leaves early, or doesn't go in to work at all. Apparently the cause of the absences is she is having to deal with her child. Losing her job would be pretty devastating as apparently the child's father is not around nor contributing time or money to their child.

It's a pretty sad situation but it isn't really fair to the other workers to fill in the gaps she leaves so often.

The people at the company feel for her and don't want to terminate her but she isn't really sticking to the terms of her job either.

What do you think of this situation?

The burden of finding care for her child is on the employee. She really has to secure something more reliable to be able to work long term.

I understand giving someone time to find something. However there needs to be a time limit because before long people abuse the kindness of others. I hate to say that but it is just seems to go that way these days.

 

[Darcy03231]

I worked with a person like this for 10 years!! I felt bad for her what all she had to deal with in regards to her child's disability but on the other hand when is enough, enough? She was perpetually behind and unorganized from all her missed work which effected all our jobs. She's been gone for 5 years (she found another job on her own) and my work has improved tremendously. I felt she was very lucky to have a company be so accommodating to her for so long but it was really was affecting others moral.

I don't know how you lasted 10 years. I made it for about a year and half. I did (and still do) feel bad for her situation, but I couldn't allow my own health, work and family life to suffer any longer due to her inability to get her work done and there was no end in sight. The job was a very bad fit for her, but neither she nor the bosses wanted to see it. Unfortunately, it ultimately came down to a her or me situation which is never good for anyone.

 

[Allison]

It may not be a popular opinion, but if the person can't do the job she was hired for, she either needs to find something that suits her needs better on her own, or be terminated.

This is a completely fair statement.

 

[morgan98]

It may not be a popular opinion, but if the person can't do the job she was hired for, she either needs to find something that suits her needs better on her own, or be terminated.

I think this is a very fair and practical statement. If the reason for the attendance issues are not due to a covered reason, such as FMLA, reasonably sometimes there is only so much an employer can do. And while it is nice to be understanding as to this particular employees personal situation, where do you draw the line? It usually ends in disaster when one person's personal situation is given preference at work over that of others.