Tough situation....

[jt'smom]

I didn't think you were being argumentative, but maybe a bit idealistic (lol, but I also think the world would be a terrible place if we didn't have idealistic people with a passion to help others). If you've never been in the situation I think most everyone's first reaction is to be sympathetic toward a single mom with a disabled child and think "how can we help?". Even though my situation ended in a terrible mess, I still feel badly for my ex-coworker. She was definitely in a no-win situation.

Omg, I can't wait to show my husband this post. He thinks I'm the most pragmatic person on earth, lol.

 

[PollyannaMom]

This is a tough call! It would be great if the company had the resources to hire an extra person part time to pick up the slack, but I don't think it's fair to expect the others to just work around this issue for the long term.

If the kid's problems are really so serious that he can't be in school full time, I wonder if the family would qualify for SSI? (I know the rules say the school "has" to educate him, but if the issues are serious enough that all the other children's learning is being disrupted, I understand the school calling the mother.)

 

[awalker1015]

I work at a company where your actual presence during business hours is necessary. If you arent there, someone else is doing your work. I sympathize with the mother, but since it seems like this is a continual issue I agree with others she really should seek employment someplace that can offer her a flexible work schedule. As a manager I have dealt with situations like this many times and it has never worked where either the coworkers or the practice was not negatively impacted.

 

[DisneyOma]

Because of FERPA, I can't share what I've seen in 15+ years of working in special education.

But I can make up some scenarios as to how a parent gets called to take a child home over and over again: (using my knowledge of how classrooms/programs are set up, how public schools work, no actual info about any student I've known/worked with)

Student A is a nonverbal child diagnosed with autism, with a selective diet, sleeping issues, and a tendency to strike out when hungry or tired. Parent has been up all night with child, who has not been sleeping well or eating well because of having a cold. (Kids come to school when they have a mild cold) Parent drops child off at school, (sharing info about hard night), goes to work.

Student A is tired, cranky, wants snack now, doesn't follow directions, misses out on something he really likes because he's busy trying to get his snack, and then has a meltdown when he realizes he's missed his favorite morning something-or-other. Classroom has many other students (inclusion is the rule) so they can't repeat the morning thing because that messes with everything else that has to be done.

Paras try to redirect, teacher has to take other students out of the room because of meltdown (now that routine is messed) student A gets needs met, calms, class continues, but the cycle starts over and over again. Student A is taken to different location, that sets off another meltdown (because he's so tired, the poor thing, and needs sleep but can't at school - letting a kid sleep all day means he won't sleep that night!) and it gets to the point that he needs to go home. They can't meet his needs at school. Mom can choose to let him sleep, but the school can't.

This happens every few days because the kid's sleep cycle is screwed up, he's got a mild cold (no fever) or a lasting runny nose/cough that just keeps him up. Then it clears up, things get settled, and something else messes up the cycle - like the store doesn't have the right chicken nuggets, or the school lunch was changed but not put on the schedule.

A child who acts out when distressed is hard to deal with at school. There are many, many rules and regulations and policies that have to be followed, for the safety of all the children and the staff. Sometimes sending the child home is the last step before calling law enforcement/ambulance.

From the bit of info that the child gets sent home a lot, and doctors don't want to deal with him, it does sound like he has issues that mom is either denying, ignoring, or refusing to take care of. A child with issues that send him home from school/get him removed are most often safety issues. I hope the mom is safe as well.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I've read most of this and maybe I've missed it but, where's the Dad? And why doesn't she go after him for child support? Start their before asking employers, other employees, or even the gov for assistance.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I've read most of this and maybe I've missed it but, where's the Dad? And why doesn't she go after him for child support? Start their before asking employers, other employees, or even the gov for assistance.

While I can get where you are coming from it depends on the actual situation and we don't have all the information (only that he is not around and not providing financial support). FWIW growing up my mom had ample reason to request the child support be raised...except it cost $$$ to go back to court to get the child support actually adjusted..$$$ she didn't really have. I can't imagine how much money it could potentially cost to even start the process of getting child support. I may have missed it myself but I'm not sure if we know if the person in question is in a postion of financial stability.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

While I can get where you are coming from it depends on the actual situation and we don't have all the information (only that he is not around and not providing financial support). FWIW growing up my mom had ample reason to request the child support be raised...except it cost $$$ to go back to court to get the child support actually adjusted..$$$ she didn't really have. I can't imagine how much money it could potentially cost to even start the process of getting child support. I may have missed it myself but I'm not sure if we know if the person in question is in a postion of financial stability.

Not sure but maybe theirs free representation for a single spouse(I know deadbeat moms and dads so I'll use the term spouse) seeking child support from deadbeat spouses. I know some lawyers due pro bono work for different circumstances so maybe she could look into it. I know these are all assumptions made off of very little info heard third or fourth hand though.

ETA- it just seems he shouldn't be getting off scot free.

 

[bellebud]

Because of FERPA, I can't share what I've seen in 15+ years of working in special education.

But I can make up some scenarios as to how a parent gets called to take a child home over and over again: (using my knowledge of how classrooms/programs are set up, how public schools work, no actual info about any student I've known/worked with)

Student A is a nonverbal child diagnosed with autism, with a selective diet, sleeping issues, and a tendency to strike out when hungry or tired. Parent has been up all night with child, who has not been sleeping well or eating well because of having a cold. (Kids come to school when they have a mild cold) Parent drops child off at school, (sharing info about hard night), goes to work.

Student A is tired, cranky, wants snack now, doesn't follow directions, misses out on something he really likes because he's busy trying to get his snack, and then has a meltdown when he realizes he's missed his favorite morning something-or-other. Classroom has many other students (inclusion is the rule) so they can't repeat the morning thing because that messes with everything else that has to be done.

Paras try to redirect, teacher has to take other students out of the room because of meltdown (now that routine is messed) student A gets needs met, calms, class continues, but the cycle starts over and over again. Student A is taken to different location, that sets off another meltdown (because he's so tired, the poor thing, and needs sleep but can't at school - letting a kid sleep all day means he won't sleep that night!) and it gets to the point that he needs to go home. They can't meet his needs at school. Mom can choose to let him sleep, but the school can't.

This happens every few days because the kid's sleep cycle is screwed up, he's got a mild cold (no fever) or a lasting runny nose/cough that just keeps him up. Then it clears up, things get settled, and something else messes up the cycle - like the store doesn't have the right chicken nuggets, or the school lunch was changed but not put on the schedule.

A child who acts out when distressed is hard to deal with at school. There are many, many rules and regulations and policies that have to be followed, for the safety of all the children and the staff. Sometimes sending the child home is the last step before calling law enforcement/ambulance.

From the bit of info that the child gets sent home a lot, and doctors don't want to deal with him, it does sound like he has issues that mom is either denying, ignoring, or refusing to take care of. A child with issues that send him home from school/get him removed are most often safety issues. I hope the mom is safe as well.

Wow, thank you for sharing all of that. Very tough situations for sure. So where do the kids go for school that are so severely disabled they're almost impossible to handle in a classroom on a consistent basis? Just curious.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not sure but maybe theirs free representation for a single spouse(I know deadbeat moms and dads so I'll use the term spouse) seeking child support from deadbeat spouses. I know some lawyers due pro bono work for different circumstances so maybe she could look into it. I know these are all assumptions made off of very little info heard third or fourth hand though.

ETA- it just seems he shouldn't be getting off scot free.

Well I agree on the getting off free part. It's just hard to form a rigid impression of financial assistance from the father not knowing why he isn't in the picture at least for me.

It is true that there are pro bono work and whatnot but it's not guaranteed..you'd have to find a person who would take your case, get the fine print on them taking your case, etc.

Either way you're just putting the question out there, we're all just under assumptions here since we don't have more pieces to the puzzle.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

To him being thrown out of school and maybe it's different today, but I remember a kid when I was in middle or maybe high school not sure. Anyways he threw a chair and hit a teacher and then bit another teacher. He was special needs but he was back within a couple weeks. Just not sure what exactly gets a special needs student thrown out completely.

 

[Vijoge]

While I can get where you are coming from it depends on the actual situation and we don't have all the information (only that he is not around and not providing financial support). FWIW growing up my mom had ample reason to request the child support be raised...except it cost $$$ to go back to court to get the child support actually adjusted..$$$ she didn't really have. I can't imagine how much money it could potentially cost to even start the process of getting child support. I may have missed it myself but I'm not sure if we know if the person in question is in a postion of financial stability.

Where I live it costs almost nothing. I think the filing fee is something around $25. The forms are available on line and no attorney is needed. You just fill out the paperwork and are given a court date.

 

[Vijoge]

Wow, thank you for sharing all of that. Very tough situations for sure. So where do the kids go for school that are so severely disabled they're almost impossible to handle in a classroom on a consistent basis? Just curious.

In our district we have a designated school for kids with severe behavioral disorders. Most kids are mainstreamed but some just can't handle it.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

Not necessarily special needs but I've known single mothers that don't seek out child support due to her not wanting him to have any visitation. The dad never pursues visitation cause he's basically a looser and is happy to just be off the hook. The mom is afraid that he'll insist on shared custody so their content to live off public assistance all the while complaining about their situation.
Not saying this is the case here just giving some perspective of a world view I've witnessed.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Where I live it costs almost nothing. I think the filing fee is something around $25. The forms are available on line and no attorney is needed. You just fill out the paperwork and are given a court date.

That's awesome. But I'm not going to assume what it costs everywhere and what things you would need to do to start it. There are also fees that may be associated with using certain programs for the process. Depends on where you live and your unique situation.

My point to the previous poster was more or less it may not be easy to just go after perse the father for child support especially with limited information we have. It was a good thought to bring up for sure though.

 

[Keli]

I've been the coworker in a similar situation and it seriously gets old. Picking up slack for someone is fine for a while but longer than the FMLA 12 weeks is too much on everyone around her and if she can't work it out with FMLA time then I feel like it's time to find a job with the flexibility or the hours that she needs. I do have sympathy for moms and dads in these situations but I can't do two jobs indefinitely without stressing myself to the point I'm job hunting.

 

[Nettester]

This was ME a year ago. I started a temp job in the summer I really liked. It was only supposed to be a few weeks, but I kept getting extended. Then I was offered a regular job at the company. Then sadly, they rescinded the offer a month before I was to start. By nature I pride myself on being loyal and dependable, but as an employee, I just could not be. I have a special needs teenager and there were so many times I had to leave because she was having an emergency or school called or numerous therapy appointments we needed to attend. I couldn't trust her to be at home unsupervised, so I had already reduced my hours to be working only the hours she was in school. It finally got to be too much and by the time they let me go I really needed to be done anyway. I don't blame them at all. I would not have hired me either, though whenever I was at work, I was an excellent employee. The whole thing just makes me sad, and it is the reason I have been unable to have any desire to seek out another job right now

 

[Liberty Belle]

To him being thrown out of school and maybe it's different today, but I remember a kid when I was in middle or maybe high school not sure. Anyways he threw a chair and hit a teacher and then bit another teacher. He was special needs but he was back within a couple weeks. Just not sure what exactly gets a special needs student thrown out completely.

They cannot get thrown out completely. Students with disabilities have the right to education just like students without disabilities (and I mean a legal right). Typically each district has one or two alternative schools that students are sent to if they are unable to handle the mainstream schools. And sometimes the students are put on homebound education.

 

[kamik86]

Not necessarily special needs but I've known single mothers that don't seek out child support due to her not wanting him to have any visitation. The dad never pursues visitation cause he's basically a looser and is happy to just be off the hook. The mom is afraid that he'll insist on shared custody so their content to live off public assistance all the while complaining about their situation.
Not saying this is the case here just giving some perspective of a world view I've witnessed.

I know for exactly this reason alot of areas have made it so that if you are seeking public assistance you HAVE to go after the parent fo child support. The gov even pays the cost to do it because its cheaper then paying the higher gov assistance until the child is 18.

It also could however be that the Dad is purposefully either working under the table (I know a few people that do this) or is keeping themselves minimally employed so that child support is very low.

 

[Darcy03231]

I know for exactly this reason alot of areas have made it so that if you are seeking public assistance you HAVE to go after the parent fo child support. The gov even pays the cost to do it because its cheaper then paying the higher gov assistance until the child is 18.

It also could however be that the Dad is purposefully either working under the table (I know a few people that do this) or is keeping themselves minimally employed so that child support is very low.

It sounds like the mother is working and not on public assistance, so it just may be that she has opted to not chase the dad down for child support for whatever reasons she has.

 

[kamik86]

It sounds like the mother is working and not on public assistance, so it just may be that she has opted to not chase the dad down for child support for whatever reasons she has.

I agree that it sounds that way on the case the OP mentioned, but the post I quoted mentioned mothers living on public assitance because they refuse to go after the fathers.