Totally fell down the Rabbit Hole like Alice, I need some advice ASAP - See post 103

[TwinsinCA]

a three hour drive away?

Sure. I don't mean to suggest she go to every game. But she is clearly a big football fan so why not also occasionally support the team her son coaches? Maybe just once or twice a season, that's all. And for all I know, she already does this. That is why I posed the question. If she never goes to his games, then I could see why DIL is griping about all the time spent at the daughter's boyfriend's games.

 

[ZachnElli]

No advice from me, but OP, I'd trade you for my mil anyday!! My mil isn't involved with her own kids let alone her grandkids! My dh hasn't spoken to his own mom in months and he calls her every week! She won't answer the phone and she won't call back, that's the kind of mil I have! You sound like a great mil!!

 

[disykat]

a three hour drive away?

I agree. It's ridiculous IMO to compare driving a total of 6 hours to see her son coach vs. driving down the street to see her grandchildren play.

My dh's sister and her family live very close to my inlaws and we don't. It would be silly for me to compare the amount of time my inlaws spend with them to what they spend with us. They go to SIL's kid's games, concerts, etc. but not mine. Of course they do, they live right there! They babysat them all the time. I didn't expect them not to just because they can't give us fair time. They don't drop everything to watch my kids when we visit. Of course they don't, we are all visiting as a family and there are meals to be made, work to be done, etc.

 

[luvsJack]

Sure. I don't mean to suggest she go to every game. But she is clearly a big football fan so why not also occasionally support the team her son coaches? Maybe just once or twice a season, that's all. And for all I know, she already does this. That is why I posed the question. If she never goes to his games, then I could see why DIL is griping about all the time spent at the daughter's boyfriend's games.

Its also her grandson's game. There is a big difference in seeing your grandson play and watching people you don't know play. Besides a grown man should not feel "slighted" because mommy is not coming to watch the team he coaches.

 

[Wishing on a star]

So basically you are saying that for some little witch who hasn't been slapped into reality by her parents her mother in law must
1 stop going to disney
2 stop being close to any other relative
3 put her life on hold .......

NO, I, very clearly, did NOT say any one of those things....

Far from it.....
And, I took the liberty of cutting of the last negative vile comments of your post with a ....... as I simply would never repeat them.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Its also her grandson's game. There is a big difference in seeing your grandson play and watching people you don't know play. Besides a grown man should not feel "slighted" because mommy is not coming to watch the team he coaches.

The OP said the grandson is still young and spends most of his time on the bench. She really isn't seeing her grandson play -- it is more the daughter's boyfriend.

And once again I am NOT saying stop going to the games that they are attending. But maybe once or twice a season see the son's games TOO. Surely the home team has away games. Then they won't have to miss anything. But even if they do miss a game or two -- isn't her SON worth that much???

I find your lack of empathy for the son completely callous. He's a coach. That is something to be proud of. I think it is sad if his parents never come to support his games. Again, I am hoping they do. But IF they don't, I can understand where DIL is coming from on that point.

 

[robinb]

I agree. It's ridiculous IMO to compare driving a total of 6 hours to see her son coach vs. driving down the street to see her grandchildren play.

My dh's sister and her family live very close to my inlaws and we don't. It would be silly for me to compare the amount of time my inlaws spend with them to what they spend with us. They go to SIL's kid's games, concerts, etc. but not mine. Of course they do, they live right there! They babysat them all the time. I didn't expect them not to just because they can't give us fair time. They don't drop everything to watch my kids when we visit. Of course they don't, we are all visiting as a family and there are meals to be made, work to be done, etc.

I agree. I live 3 hours away from my parents and my sister lives about 3 minutes away. Her kids do a LOT more with my mom than my DD does with her. I don't expect things to be "fair". That 3 hours is a LONG way with kids and it's a LONG way for my mother to drive to see us. We get to see each other about 6-10 times a year.

FWIW, the ONLY time I was angry at my sister for preferential treatment was when my mom drove up to see my DD at her ballet recital a couple of years ago. It was the first time they drove up to see us in about 3 years. But ... they couldn't stay the night or even for dinner because they had to drive home right away because my sister asked them to DOG SIT her dogs so they could go to a science fiction convention the same weekend. Yup. I was PO'd my sister asked them to dog sit when she knew they were visiting us. And I was PO'd at my mom for agreeing!

 

[Jennasis]

The OP said the grandson is still young and spends most of his time on the bench. She really isn't seeing her grandson play -- it is more the daughter's boyfriend.

And once again I am NOT saying stop going to the games that they are attending. But maybe once or twice a season see the son's games TOO. Surely the home team has away games. Then they won't have to miss anything. But even if they do miss a game or two -- isn't her SON worth that much???

I find your lack of empathy for the son completely callous. He's a coach. That is something to be proud of. I think it is sad if his parents never come to support his games. Again, I am hoping they do. But IF they don't, I can understand where DIL is coming from on that point.

My MIL hasn't once come to watch me coach. She lives less than 10 minutes away. I have no problem with that, and can't imagine any grown adult would be upset that their mommy couldn't come (or didn't want to come) watch them coach.

 

[TwinsinCA]

My MIL hasn't once come to watch me coach. She lives less than 10 minutes away. I have no problem with that, and can't imagine any grown adult would be upset that their mommy couldn't come (or didn't want to come) watch them coach.

This is his mother, not MIL. If I were a coach I wouldn't care if my MIL ever showed up either.

 

[jensen]

Hello OP, I haven't read this entire thread... bascially just your post, so I apologize if this has already been asked and answered... but, I'm wondering if you have any adult friends that you do things with? Also, do you live in a small community?

You are about the age of my parents and your life sounds about like theirs - they live in a small town and HS sports are the main social events... and we are a very close-knit family, which never hurt any of us.

But, my parents do have a large circle of friends that they spend a lot of time with, as well....

 

[Jennasis]

This is his mother, not MIL. If I were a coach I wouldn't care if my MIL ever showed up either.

My mother never watched me coach when she lived near me either. Now she lives 10 hours away and still doesn't come and watch me coach...not even when I coached the US Special Olympic Team for World Summer Games.

HECK, my DH doesn't even watch me coach and he is literally a couple hundred feet away, in the house.

 

[PaulaSB12]

NO, I, very clearly, did NOT say any one of those things....

Far from it.....
And, I took the liberty of cutting of the last negative vile comments of your post with a ....... as I simply would never repeat them.

WE have a brat who says she is embarrassed by her mother in law going to disney. Please explain what has that to do with her would you let someone else choose your holiday plans. She doesn't like the fact that mother and daughter are close well that is natural listen to the number of people here who say that mothers and daughters are closer than mothers and son. The family live 3 hours away she will not be able to see them as much as the daughter who lives at home if she works she will not be able to go as and when the brat in law wants. Why should she change her life because of a brat I stand by my comments this dil needs to grow up or be slapped into adulthood.

 

[Disney Doll]

NO, I, very clearly, did NOT say any one of those things....

Far from it.....
And, I took the liberty of cutting of the last negative vile comments of your post with a ....... as I simply would never repeat them.

This you call vile????

So basically you are saying that for some little witch who hasn't been slapped into reality by her parents her mother in law must
1 stop going to disney
2 stop being close to any other relative
3 put her life on hold so she can drop everything and go for a 3 hour trip to allow a brat to have some me time. That son needs to remember that he is a man and put his foot down. His mother has the right to a life as well and expecting her to be at a brats beck and call is pathetic.

Wow!!! Clearly you are not a nurse. I have worse stuff said to me before breakfast!

 

[ratherbeatdisney]

wow, i just read this post today, and this will by my first ever post. im a little late to the game..... i am shocked that a DIL could be so mean and hurtful. not ONE of those things is a bad thing IMO , it sounds like she has NO life at all, and is VERY unhappy that you get pleasure out of things that she doesnt. She must be a very unhappy person to bring all of that up. im almost speechless. you sound like the BEST MIL you could possibly be, i think its AWESOME that you go to games, those kids need the support from people in the stands, it doesnt matter who it comes from. In some parts of the country you would be looked down upon if you DIDNT go watch the Varsity football game every Friday night, even if you dont know anyone.

If i were you i would lay the Law down, i would let her know VERY bluntly that you ENJOY life and she has no business EVER questioning any of the things she brought up. There are tens of thousands of adults who enjoy Disney parks, and lots of them go without young kids.

You keep your head up and dont let this crazy DIL ruin your FUN life for one second, its all jealousy !!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, folks are not always nice and civil when they are stressed and sick and/or hurting....

But, yes, this poster does not personally know the DIL (or the OP). She has only heard a very one-sided version of this situation, and she is ranting and raving and namecalling. And, now, what, the DIL should be 'slapped' into reality by the OP???

And, ummmmm, this line of action is gonna help the OP's situation HOW????

Like it or not,
Whether the DIL is 'wrong' or not
Whatever the DIL's 'issues' are....
This is a FAMILY.... the children are the OP's grandbabies...

She can either deal with what is going on in a more positive and effective way, or she can let the name-calling, anger, defensive attitude, etc... take over.

If a positive outcome is what the OP wants...
I think the former is much, much, preferable to the latter.

If there is anyone here who still does not understand my take here, and my advice to the OP.... well, sorry....

 

[TwinsinCA]

My mother never watched me coach when she lived near me either. Now she lives 10 hours away and still doesn't come and watch me coach...not even when I coached the US Special Olympic Team for World Summer Games.

HECK, my DH doesn't even watch me coach and he is literally a couple hundred feet away, in the house.

Does your mother have a huge interest in horses? Does she attend weekly riding events where she lives but never bothered to watch one of your events when in town?

If so, that's sad. If not, and she really has zero interest in the sport -- despite your dedication to it -- then that isn't a fair comparison to the OP's situation.

 

[golfgal]

One thing to add lucyanna....if she starts trying to go over things piece by piece, I think I'd very gently cut her off with "I wrote down what you said so I could think on it. There's no need to go over it all again".

You're still not apologizing, she thinks she's been heard, all is well.

I'd still prepare my self for the inevitable bomb....marital difficulties, post-partum depression, another issue with her own family that she feels she cannot address with them so she is lashing out at you...I just can't help but think something's coming. I agree with the PP who said that whenever something comes out of the blue, there's something behind it that probably has no relationship to you. The "you won't see the kids" comment leads me to think it's marital and she's "laying the groundwork" for when the separation/divorce happens.

I certainly wish you well with this situation, but I don't think it's over.

I am hoping she DOES go line by line on the complaints so then we will know what in the HECK the DIS is so ticked about because right now they make no sense what so ever .

I understand the football game and going. We get about 5000 people out for our high school games and there certainly aren't 2500 kids on the team. There are a lot of people from town that just like going to the games-we have a good football team and high school football is fun.

As for coaching, who cares if she watches her son coach or not--what is there to WATCH??? I coached basketball for over 20 years and my parents never came to watch me. My in-laws came to one game but they weren't watching me coach, they were watching the team play (state tournament team).

 

[rie'smom]

From some of the comments, I'd guess that Penny is not the only one with in law problems.

 

[lillygator]

sorry, even to support the son, I would not be driving 3 hours each way for a more than likely thursday or friday game...especially working and having a child at home, a weekend or an away game close to home, yes.

 

[surfergirl602]

Your son is spineless. What an awful thing to do to a mother. Doesn't he realize she treated you like trash? Awful

I knod of have to agree with this. She's his wife, he should be dealing with her. You didn't ask for this, she did. Hugs to you and keep on doing what you do!