Tonight's 20/20

[Acklander]

Remember the Susan Smith case? She killed her kids because her new boyfriend didn't want to be involved with a woman who had kids. So, she drove them into the lake and let them die. People asked, why didn't she just leave? Some mothers are not good mothers, and they walk away. You hear it more often with men. You won't see a 20/20 show about it because it's just not news when a man walks out of his life. With a woman it's considered unnatural, so therefore there's a show showing how crappy they are as mothers. After watching the whole Susan Smith saga play out years ago, I've decided to accept that sometimes a person walking away from a family is the best case scenario.

 

[LisaR]

Remember the Susan Smith case? She killed her kids because her new boyfriend didn't want to be involved with a woman who had kids. So, she drove them into the lake and let them die. People asked, why didn't she just leave? Some mothers are not good mothers, and they walk away. You hear it more often with men. You won't see a 20/20 show about it because it's just not news when a man walks out of his life. With a woman it's considered unnatural, so therefore there's a show showing how crappy they are as mothers. After watching the whole Susan Smith saga play out years ago, I've decided to accept that sometimes a person walking away from a family is the best case scenario.

After reading this nut jobs blog, I agree that these kids are better off without her in their lives. I think the thing that floors me is that fact that she is stupid enough to go on TV and try to convince everyone that she is a good mother! This woman has some mighty big........well, I'll just leave it at that.

 

[ronandannette]

I read more of her blog... Yikes!!!

She also said that she has FOUR children!!!

I read her blog entry about her decision to leave and the one she talks about being on 20/20 and how she thinks it will bring more people to her blog, book deals, etc. Really!!!?

Ding, ding, ding!!! Of course this is why she did it...there is no bad publicity, right? And for every 99 people that read that blog (I truly cringed at reading the later entries regarding Eric) and are filled with revulsion, 1 might find her heroic, tragically romantic and inspirational...and hit the Paypal button. Enjoy your trip to California, Wildgoddess...does anyone know where the button is that I can hit to send some money to the children and their Dad? Maybe they could use it to buy a loving, nurturing, responsible female role-model.

 

[penn19]

My mom was unhappy in her marriage. She wanted to move out when I was still in elementary school. Not take me mind you or any of my older brothers or sisters. She was miserable. But she is a miserable person even now that my Dad is dead. She never did move out. Or get divorced. I wish she had. I honestly think my life would have been better. So instead of her leaving and having no communication with me as a child, she chose to do it when I was an adult. Haven't spoken to her in years.

 

[moon]

Ding, ding, ding!!! Of course this is why she did it...there is no bad publicity, right? And for every 99 people that read that blog (I truly cringed at reading the later entries regarding Eric) and are filled with revulsion, 1 might find her heroic, tragically romantic and inspirational...and hit the Paypal button. Enjoy your trip to California, Wildgoddess...does anyone know where the button is that I can hit to send some money to the children and their Dad? Maybe they could use it to buy a loving, nurturing, responsible female role-model.

Heck, there seems to be one of those in this thread alone....and while I agree that the kids are better off without her than with her turning into a Susan Smith, please, let's call her what she is, a selfish woman who put herself first and cares only abour her own needs. It's not like she made a sacrifice leaving. She left because she could have more fun without them.

She is not a good mother, or even a mother in any sense of the word.

And how does anyone know her kids are happy?

 

[runsandjumps]

These sound awful. Men do this all the time and with multiple women, but somehow I think you have to be especially cruel to grow life inside you and run away from it.
I can never for the life of me understand why people have kids when they don't want them. Sure there is the chance of birth control not working, but if you really don't want kids, prevent the occurrence before you mess up someone's life.

Ana

 

[ronandannette]

On another note, I don't really understand the situation of the family in Texas. Why on earth was a lawsuit necessary and what was the goal of that? I realize laws may be different there than where I live, and I am 100% prolife all the time, but these parents couldn't have FORCED Regan into an operating room, could they?

While I certainly don't respect their approach in this case it does look like they have been vilified for no good purpose. The daughter would have been better served by understanding that standing for her baby would require the sacrifice of her parents approval and support...a sad circumstance but only the first of many sacrifices that parenthood requires. Can anybody enlighten me on this?

 

[happygirl]

Would I do it NO!!! It seems to work for the families that they showed. So that all that matters to me. I think it takes courage for the mom to say I can't be in there lives I'm not what they need.

 

[LisaR]

On another note, I don't really understand the situation of the family in Texas. Why on earth was a lawsuit necessary and what was the goal of that? I realize laws may be different there than where I live, and I am 100% prolife all the time, but these parents couldn't have FORCED Regan into an operating room, could they?

While I certainly don't respect their approach in this case it does look like they have been vilified for no good purpose. The daughter would have been better served by understanding that standing for her baby would require the sacrifice of her parents approval and support...a sad circumstance but only the first of many sacrifices that parenthood requires. Can anybody enlighten me on this?

My take on it was two dysfunctional families trying to one up each other. Notice the daughter and her husband are living with her parents now..... the same ones she sued and refused to invite to her wedding. I think there is a lot of immaturity going around in those families between the teens and the adults. I hope that baby doesn't become a pawn in their game, but I think that is inevitable.

 

[dicar123]

Would I do it NO!!! It seems to work for the families that they showed. So that all that matters to me. I think it takes courage for the mom to say I can't be in there lives I'm not what they need.

No, it takes courage to do the work to try to be what they need. It means something to say, I love YOU enough to try.

Tossing up your hands and walking away only says, "I love ME too much to bother with YOU."

 

[LisaR]

Would I do it NO!!! It seems to work for the families that they showed. So that all that matters to me. I think it takes courage for the mom to say I can't be in there lives I'm not what they need.

Courage????? You must have a different definition of that word than I do and, ya know, the dictionary!

 

[ronandannette]

My take on it was two dysfunctional families trying to one up each other. Notice the daughter and her husband are living with her parents now..... the same ones she sued and refused to invite to her wedding. I think there is a lot of immaturity going around in those families between the teens and the adults. I hope that baby doesn't become a pawn in their game, but I think that is inevitable.

So then I'm correct in thinking this is just something stupid and regrettable and not a legitimate prolife victory of any kind? Just checking...thanks.

 

[ronandannette]

These sound awful. Men do this all the time and with multiple women, but somehow I think you have to be especially cruel to grow life inside you and run away from it.
I can never for the life of me understand why people have kids when they don't want them. Sure there is the chance of birth control not working, but if you really don't want kids, prevent the occurrence before you mess up someone's life.

Ana

The second "non-custodial" mom acknowledged that she WAS NOT a good mother but that she made a great divorced dad. Here's the thing though...she's NOT their dad. Ideological assertions about equality aside, the roles are NOT the same and they are not interchangeable. And that's purely a function of nature, not anybody's worldview. The children in these cases have been purposely deprived of something all "animals" are entitled to - maternal care. Ain't evolution grand?

 

[keri125]

The second "non-custodial" mom acknowledged that she WAS NOT a good mother but that she made a great divorced dad. Here's the thing though...she's NOT their dad. Ideological assertions about equality aside, the roles are NOT the same and they are not interchangeable. And that's purely a function of nature, not anybody's worldview. The children in these cases have been purposely deprived of something all "animals" are entitled to - maternal care. Ain't evolution grand?

Most animals never even see their parents! Many never meet their fathers and some never meet their mothers, either. Some insects, fish, amphibians and reptiles hatch from fertilized eggs and face life completely alone. (from FactMonster.com)

Catfish: A father sea catfish keeps the eggs of his young in his mouth until they are ready to hatch. He will not eat until his young are born, which may take several weeks.
Cockroach: A father cockroach eats bird droppings to obtain precious nitrogen, which he carries back to feed his young.
Duck: Most male ducks live as bachelors, but the ruddy duck of North America helps care for his young.
Since earthworms have both male and female sex organs, every earthworm can be both a mother and a father! Animals that have both male and female organs are called hermaphrodites.
Frog: The male Darwin frog hatches his eggs in a pouch in his mouth. He can eat and continue about his business until his tadpoles lose their tails, become tiny frogs, and jump out of his mouth!
Monkey: Marmosets are tiny South American monkeys. The fathers take care of their babies from birth. When the marmoset is born, the father cleans it, then carries it to the mother only when it needs to be nursed. When the baby can eat solid food, the father will feed it.
Penguin: A father Emperor penguin withstands the Antarctic cold for 60 days or more to protect his eggs, which he keeps on his feet, covered with a feathered flap. During this entire time he doesn't eat a thing. Most father penguins lose about 25 pounds while they wait for their babies to hatch. Afterward, they feed the chicks a special liquid from their throats. When the mother penguins return to care for the young, the fathers go to sea to eat and rest.
Rhea: Rheas are large South American birds similar to ostriches. Father rhea takes sole care of his young. From eggs to chicks, he feeds, defends, and protects them until they are old enough to survive on their own.
Sand grouse: A father Namaqua sand grouse of Africa's Kalahari Desert flies as far as 50 miles a day in order to soak himself in water and return to his nest, where his chicks can drink from his feathers!
Sea horse: The male sea horse has a pouch in which the mother lays her eggs. The father then looks after the eggs for about two months, until they hatch and leave the pouch. He continues to protect the young until they are able to live on their own.
Siamese fighting fish: When the mother lays her eggs, the father catches them in his mouth, then drops them into a nest he has prepared. He guards the nest and protects the baby fish when they hatch.
Wolf: When the mother wolf gives birth to pups, the father stands guard outside their den and brings food to the mother and pups. As they grow, he not only plays with them but also teaches them how to survive. Wolves continue to live together much as human families do.

Sorry, really don't want to enter the debate about these "mothers," but it drives me nuts when people try to use nature as a fallback for what should be "natural" for humans. The reality is that most "animals" do not receive any type of parental care at all. Nature is so vast in behaviors that it really is not possible to say that any animal behavior is the "norm."

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Would I do it NO!!! It seems to work for the families that they showed. So that all that matters to me. I think it takes courage for the mom to say I can't be in there lives I'm not what they need.

Works for who???

The mother?

The father who has no choice but to make it work?

The kids who will be messed up for life from it?(even if they don't show it, it affects them.)

 

[moon]

There have been mentions of fathers who do this every day.

Funny, I have never seen a father who leaves his children being called "brave" and "corageous"

 

[Jaya]

I'm sure there's not a mother alive who hasn't had the, at least, fleeting notion of just walking out of the house and joining the Witness Protection Program. The difference is that 99.99% of the mothers don't make it past the front door. That's the difference between giving birth to a child and being a mother.

 

[ols386]

My biological mother left 4 young children. Just up and left. Decided she didn't want to be a mother anymore. Packed her bags and moved to New York. Of course this was many many years ago.

I was lucky because I was adopted (as an infant), but the other 3 kids spent some time in an orphanage, and then went from foster family to foster family, for years, and all 3 of them are wonderful individuals. We re-connected a few years ago.

I did meet my biological mother one time, and never had anything to do with her after that. The one time I did meet her, she kept calling me by the name that she had given me, not my name now. And after the other 3 kids became adults, THEN she decided she wanted a relationship with them.

 

[ronandannette]

Most animals never even see their parents! Many never meet their fathers and some never meet their mothers, either. Some insects, fish, amphibians and reptiles hatch from fertilized eggs and face life completely alone. (from FactMonster.com)

Catfish: A father sea catfish keeps the eggs of his young in his mouth until they are ready to hatch. He will not eat until his young are born, which may take several weeks.
Cockroach: A father cockroach eats bird droppings to obtain precious nitrogen, which he carries back to feed his young.
Duck: Most male ducks live as bachelors, but the ruddy duck of North America helps care for his young.
Since earthworms have both male and female sex organs, every earthworm can be both a mother and a father! Animals that have both male and female organs are called hermaphrodites.
Frog: The male Darwin frog hatches his eggs in a pouch in his mouth. He can eat and continue about his business until his tadpoles lose their tails, become tiny frogs, and jump out of his mouth!
Monkey: Marmosets are tiny South American monkeys. The fathers take care of their babies from birth. When the marmoset is born, the father cleans it, then carries it to the mother only when it needs to be nursed. When the baby can eat solid food, the father will feed it.
Penguin: A father Emperor penguin withstands the Antarctic cold for 60 days or more to protect his eggs, which he keeps on his feet, covered with a feathered flap. During this entire time he doesn't eat a thing. Most father penguins lose about 25 pounds while they wait for their babies to hatch. Afterward, they feed the chicks a special liquid from their throats. When the mother penguins return to care for the young, the fathers go to sea to eat and rest.
Rhea: Rheas are large South American birds similar to ostriches. Father rhea takes sole care of his young. From eggs to chicks, he feeds, defends, and protects them until they are old enough to survive on their own.
Sand grouse: A father Namaqua sand grouse of Africa's Kalahari Desert flies as far as 50 miles a day in order to soak himself in water and return to his nest, where his chicks can drink from his feathers!
Sea horse: The male sea horse has a pouch in which the mother lays her eggs. The father then looks after the eggs for about two months, until they hatch and leave the pouch. He continues to protect the young until they are able to live on their own.
Siamese fighting fish: When the mother lays her eggs, the father catches them in his mouth, then drops them into a nest he has prepared. He guards the nest and protects the baby fish when they hatch.
Wolf: When the mother wolf gives birth to pups, the father stands guard outside their den and brings food to the mother and pups. As they grow, he not only plays with them but also teaches them how to survive. Wolves continue to live together much as human families do.

Sorry, really don't want to enter the debate about these "mothers," but it drives me nuts when people try to use nature as a fallback for what should be "natural" for humans. The reality is that most "animals" do not receive any type of parental care at all. Nature is so vast in behaviors that it really is not possible to say that any animal behavior is the "norm."

Sorry, I was imprecise in the point I was trying to make. I think we can agree that in all your examples whatever behaviour the mothers exhibit, it is true to their parental nature and any departure from that is abhorrent? Humanity is the only species that seems to identify it as some sort of progress...

 

[Christine]

Sorry, I was imprecise in the point I was trying to make. I think we can agree that in all your examples whatever behaviour the mothers exhibit, it is true to their parental nature and any departure from that is abhorrent? Humanity is the only species that seems to identify it as some sort of progress...

I don't totally disagree with the other posters statement about "maternal" care; however, I think a man can provide an exceptional home to a child. I don't think it has to be a woman.

I think the problem lies in societal expections. The societal ideal has been established that the best home for a child is with two parents. Not only two parents, but one that is female and one that is male. I think a child can be raised, loved, nurtured wonderfully by a single parent (no matter which sex) or by either gender. The point of the matter is the unconditional love. Society mucks it all up with they stigmatize the family unit that doesn't fit in this mold. When you grow up and people look at you funny because you're the one kid out of 30 in your class whose mother abandoned you--yeah, you're going to have psychological issues--even if your dad was Superdad.

Many children from divorced homes in the 50s and 60s suffered this because of the stigma attached to it--even if they had fully particating divorced parents. Fortunately, the stigma is coming off that now and kids can do just as well as any others provided they have loving, caring parental care.