Toddler harness?

[Dis703]

Hey OP - you have to do what you think is right and forget about the judgmental people. There is always going to be someone who thinks their way is better than yours. My family is heading to the parks in a week and we'll be using them for the first time. Yes - I'm going to be that mom...so bring on the evil looks. I also have stretch marks from carrying them to full term, so they can judge me for that too. We have a 5 year old (no harness for her) and twin 21 month olds. We really just need them for standing in lines or when you just can't hold a 30+ lb kid anymore. We will have the stroller for getting around but you can't take the stroller into the lines and the twins just can't hold hands like that for long.

Hope you have a great trip.

Have a great trip! We took our twins for the first time at 22 months and it was awesome! The harnesses worked great for us and in lines especially. I know some people mentioned keeping kids in strollers but there are places like lines where you just can't bring a stroller and the harnesses were great for keeping them both with me at all times. We had a 5 year old on that trip as well and split up occasionally. I went on the Pooh ride with the boys while my oldest went on BTMRR with his dad. Going without them would have just created way more craziness and chaos and it's vacation so who needs that?

If you haven't done so I'd use them just around the house so they are used to them before you go.

 

[MsPoppinsTX]

Have a great trip! We took our twins for the first time at 22 months and it was awesome! The harnesses worked great for us and in lines especially. I know some people mentioned keeping kids in strollers but there are places like lines where you just can't bring a stroller and the harnesses were great for keeping them both with me at all times. We had a 5 year old on that trip as well and split up occasionally. I went on the Pooh ride with the boys while my oldest went on BTMRR with his dad. Going without them would have just created way more craziness and chaos and it's vacation so who needs that?

If you haven't done so I'd use them just around the house so they are used to them before you go.

Thanks so much! Sounds like we have the same family structure (1 older child and twins just a few years younger). We will definitely be practicing the harnesses - thanks for the tip. Our twins are a boy and a girl and my girl is actually really good about staying right by my side but my boy just wants to run and he is quick. We are so excited! I know it will be great! Hope you enjoy your next trip as well.

 

[Nata]

You're missing the point. While children are learning this skill, which can be taught with a harness unlike a stroller, there will be set backs and slip ups. If you are going to Disney before your child has mastered the skills required to keep them safe a harness is a great back up. For most families Disney is an untested zone, you don't know how your child will react when they see a REAL LIFE OMG MICKEY MOUSE!!!!!

I agree with you that Disney world is not a place to start learning this skill, and stroller is not helpful in learning this skill (unless, like one smart poster before said, you use it as a consequence for not following the rules of walking with you). But leash is detrimental in this skill development - think about it, it is not a tool to learn walking with your family, it is a tool to learn walking on a leash. Toddler is not practicing impulse control, is not required to understand and follow complex rules, no consequences for choosing not to follow the rules, no awareness of his family position etc.
If you did not have opportunity to learn and practice this skill with your toddler, by all means, do what you feel is right. No judgement from me, there is no such thing as "right way to parent". But I feel that taking time and effort to work with your toddler on developing this skill in safe situations (local parks, zoo, museums etc.) is very beneficial to his development.

 

[maxiesmom]

I agree with you that Disney world is not a place to start learning this skill, and stroller is not helpful in learning this skill (unless, like one smart poster before said, you use it as a consequence for not following the rules of walking with you). But leash is detrimental in this skill development - think about it, it is not a tool to learn walking with your family, it is a tool to learn walking on a leash. Toddler is not practicing impulse control, is not required to understand and follow complex rules, no consequences for choosing not to follow the rules, no awareness of his family position etc.
If you did not have opportunity to learn and practice this skill with your toddler, by all means, do what you feel is right. No judgement from me, there is no such thing as "right way to parent". But I feel that taking time and effort to work with your toddler on developing this skill in safe situations (local parks, zoo, museums etc.) is very beneficial to their development.

I mostly agree with you. But I don't think WDW is the place to try and learn those skills if they are not already in practice.

 

[IWannaBuildASnowman]

If you have a runner, they can be invaluable!

 

[HollieS]

I agree with you that Disney world is not a place to start learning this skill, and stroller is not helpful in learning this skill (unless, like one smart poster before said, you use it as a consequence for not following the rules of walking with you). But leash is detrimental in this skill development - think about it, it is not a tool to learn walking with your family, it is a tool to learn walking on a leash. Toddler is not practicing impulse control, is not required to understand and follow complex rules, no consequences for choosing not to follow the rules, no awareness of his family position etc.
If you did not have opportunity to learn and practice this skill with your toddler, by all means, do what you feel is right. No judgement from me, there is no such thing as "right way to parent". But I feel that taking time and effort to work with your toddler on developing this skill in safe situations (local parks, zoo, museums etc.) is very beneficial to his development.

You hold your child's hand and use the exact same punishment/rewards you would use if your child had no harness on. Its really that simple. You don't change anything about your interaction with your child just because they are wearing a harness. It's an emergency back up, like a safety harness on a rope course, just because you wear one doesn't mean you fling yourself over the edge.

On a side note I too will have a 5 year old and 23 month old twins when we visit Disney, and while I've never owned a harness when you have twins you learn to never rule out any device that can help you.

 

[cakebaker]

I agree with you that Disney world is not a place to start learning this skill, and stroller is not helpful in learning this skill (unless, like one smart poster before said, you use it as a consequence for not following the rules of walking with you). But leash is detrimental in this skill development - think about it, it is not a tool to learn walking with your family, it is a tool to learn walking on a leash. Toddler is not practicing impulse control, is not required to understand and follow complex rules, no consequences for choosing not to follow the rules, no awareness of his family position etc.
If you did not have opportunity to learn and practice this skill with your toddler, by all means, do what you feel is right. No judgement from me, there is no such thing as "right way to parent". But I feel that taking time and effort to work with your toddler on developing this skill in safe situations (local parks, zoo, museums etc.) is very beneficial to his development.

Perhaps you don't see that a harness is quite helpful in learning to be independent. We do and it works for us.

I'm the non- working grandparent to my only grandchild- who has mother who is a stay at home mom. We have all the time in the world to devote to his development and we choose to use a harness while at WDW. We think it allows him to have a better time and be more of an active participant in the vacation.

I'm not sure why you want to link having enough time to practice skills with using a harness, but it's simply not true .

 

[Magpie]

This is just not fair. It is an unprovoked and unjustified personal attack.

You're upset because someone suggested you, too, could be viewed as a bad parent for repeatedly losing your kids. Of course, they were making a point about the judge being judged, which you seem to have missed.

I think that we need to reframe the debate. It is not about looking ridiculous, what other people think or even safety.
If you think about it, walking with family is a skill that needs to be taught to toddlers. Like any skill, it comes easier to some, and requires much more time and effort for others. But it can be taught to any toddler within normal range of development. It is a very beneficial and complex skill and is a huge development milestone for a toddler. It requires toddler to be able to
1. Understand complex rules and follow them
2. Be aware of his surroundings
3. Be aware of his family position in relation to his position
4. Huge impulse control
5. Understand that his actions will have consequences
I understand that many parents don't have time and opportunity to work on this skill, but I applaud those who understand its importance and choose to work with their toddlers on this skill development. I noticed few people on this thread who consciously made this choice

I think that leash is not helpful in developing of this skill, in fact, it is detrimental.

And so you go on to say that anyone one who uses a leash is a bad parent who doesn't care if their kids ever learn impulse control or appreciation for the consequences of their actions.

Pot. Kettle. Checkmate!

By the way, you know what I used to think made ME a superior parent to all the rest of you? The fact that I didn't use a stroller. My baby was carried on my hip, up next to me where I could talk to her and educate her all the time. By the time she was 15 months old, she could walk with me, holding my hand. She was the strongest, sturdiest little walker you ever saw! Incredibly smart and verbal, too. And it was all thanks to my super-duper superior parenting. Gee, all those other parents using strollers must be incredibly lazy people who don't care as much as I do about raising strong, smart kids.

Then I got pregnant again, and had a scare, and my doctor said I couldn't pick up my kid any more. Suddenly, I *had* to use a stroller. And my kid, being unused to it, thought it was the worse torture she'd ever experienced. She'd scream and grab lamp posts and other people's legs. She arched her back and did everything she could to fling herself out. Every day, it was a fight to get her into the thing. Then her brother came along, and while I figured he was smart, he didn't say more than a couple words until he was two.

And you know what I realized? I'm not a superior parent. I just did things one way, and they did them another way. And now my kid is in university and while she's a great kid, she's not an athlete. And your kid who rode everywhere in the stroller? Heck, for all I know, they're competing on the world stage in the Olympics. And probably both our kids are good, moral people.

Who the hell cares, if you use a stroller, or not? If you use a leash, or not? If you breastfeed, or not. Cloth diaper, or not. Co-sleep, or not. Spank, or not. If your kid has a bickie or stays in diapers an extra year or starts school early or late or not at all (because you chose to homeschool)? None of this makes us superior to each other. None of this is a predictor of how well our kids will turn out.

We all seriously need to back the heck off.

 

[Nata]

You hold your child's hand and use the exact same punishment/rewards you would use if your child had no harness on. Its really that simple. You don't change anything about your interaction with your child just because they are wearing a harness. It's an emergency back up, like a safety harness on a rope course, just because you're wear one doesn't mean you fling yourself over the edge.

On a side note I too will have a 5 year old and 23 month old twins when we visit Disney.

I might not understand the logistics, do you mean just having harness on without using it, like a backpack? Then there is no need for it, if the toddler bolts, you have to catch him anyway. Or holding a leash and his hand at the same time? Then it is just extra thing to pay attention to, tripping hazard etc.

 

[HollieS]

Another thought popped into my head.

My husband has one arm and two twin boys, would he be a horrible/lazy/degrading parent for using a harness? How should he safely teach his boys how to walk with him if he can't physically hold both of them at once? When our boys start walking should he be resigned to never take them to busy crowded place alone?

This is a real issue our family will face, time alone with dad vs doing things in a non traditional way.

 

[HollieS]

I might not understand the logistics, do you mean just having harness on without using it, like a backpack? Then there is no need for it, if the toddler bolts, you have to catch him anyway. Or holding a leash and his hand at the same time? Then it is just extra thing to pay attention to, tripping hazard etc.

The straps on the ones I've seen in stores are very very short, maybe 2 feet, not a tripping hazard. You put the backpack on the child and the loop around your wrist, and then you hold your child's hand.

 

[mirak]

So if a harness is treating your kid like a dog and can be considered no different than putting a shock collar on your kid (Yes ridiculous) I suppose using cribs and playpens or maybe even gates can also be considered caging kids like dogs. Providing them teethers "chew toys" may also be treating them like dogs. Oh and those obnoxious squeaky stuffed animals are like dog toys.

I guess we've pretty much all been degrading our kids.

I enjoyed this one! This may be the best defense I've heard yet for putting kids on a leash. "Well, a crib's really no different than a dog kennel, so why not also use a leash?"

http://childrenonleashes.com/

 

[Nata]

You're upset because someone suggested you, too, could be viewed as a bad parent for repeatedly losing your kids. Of course, they were making a point about the judge being judged, which you seem to have missed.



And so you go on to say that anyone one who uses a leash is a bad parent who doesn't care if their kids ever learn impulse control or appreciation for the consequences of their actions.

Pot. Kettle. Checkmate!

By the way, you know what I used to think made ME a superior parent to all the rest of you? The fact that I didn't use a stroller. My baby was carried on my hip, up next to me where I could talk to her and educate her all the time. By the time she was 15 months old, she could walk with me, holding my hand. She was the strongest, sturdiest little walker you ever saw! Incredibly smart and verbal, too. And it was all thanks to my super-duper superior parenting. Gee, all those other parents using strollers must be incredibly lazy people who don't care as much as I do about raising strong, smart kids.

Then I got pregnant again, and had a scare, and my doctor said I couldn't pick up my kid any more. Suddenly, I *had* to use a stroller. And my kid, being unused to it, thought it was the worse torture she'd ever experienced. She'd scream and grab lamp posts and other people's legs. She arched her back and did everything she could to fling herself out. Every day, it was a fight to get her into the thing. Then her brother came along, and while I figured he was smart, he didn't say more than a couple words until he was two.

And you know what I realized? I'm not a superior parent. I just did things one way, and they did them another way. And now my kid is in university and while she's a great kid, she's not an athlete. And your kid who rode everywhere in the stroller? Heck, for all I know, they're competing on the world stage in the Olympics. And probably both our kids are good, moral people.

Who the hell cares, if you use a stroller, or not? If you use a leash, or not? If you breastfeed, or not. Cloth diaper, or not. Co-sleep, or not. Spank, or not. If your kid has a bickie or stays in diapers an extra year or starts school early or late or not at all (because you chose to homeschool)? None of this makes us superior to each other. None of this is a predictor of how well our kids will turn out.

We all seriously need to back the heck off.

This is also an uprovoked and unjustified personal attack.
For the record, I never lost my 3 little kids, but I don't think that the parent who ever lost track of one is a bad parent. The same way that I don't think that the parent who did not have opportunity or choose not to work with their toddler to develop skill of walking with their family is a bad parent. There are as many ways to be a parent as there are parents, and no perfect way to be a parent. But I believe that developing this skill is very beneficial to toddler development for the reasons stated. If you disagree, I will be happy to listen to your arguments.

 

[Indio]

This is totally off topic, but has anyone noticed how many people on this thread have twins?!?!?! If this were the only thread you read before you went to Disney, you'd swear there'd be thousands of sets of twins walking around down there!!

 

[Dis703]

I enjoyed this one! This may be the best defense I've heard yet for putting kids on a leash. "Well, a crib's really no different than a dog kennel, so why not also use a leash?"

http://childrenonleashes.com/

Not a defense just pointing out your hypocrisy. I suppose it was too much for me to expect you to understand.

 

[Dis703]

This is totally off topic, but has anyone noticed how many people on this thread have twins?!?!?! If this were the only thread you read before you went to Disney, you'd swear there'd be thousands of sets of twins walking around down there!!

I have to say we saw tons of them in our recent trips. But I also find that now that we have twins we notice twins.

ETA: It's also likely twin moms open a thread like this because most of us need to use harnesses for our kids to some degree.

 

[HollieS]

I also think people who have twins are drawn to posts about double strollers and harnesses....

 

[Magpie]

This is also an uprovoked and unjustified personal attack.

Really? You think that was an "uprovoked and unjustified personal attack"?

 

[MsPoppinsTX]

I have to say we saw tons of them in our recent trips. But I also find that now that we have twins we notice twins.

ETA: It's also likely twin moms open a thread like this because most of us need to use harnesses for our kids to some degree.

Totally agree with this - I seem to notice it a lot more now too.

 

[mirak]

Not a defense just pointing out your hypocrisy. I suppose it was too much for me to expect you to understand.

Oh no - I totally get it. You think that putting kids on a leash is no more treating them like a dog than putting a kid in a crib. That's pretty funny. Good work.