Toddler harness?

[g8torphan]

ShayBells - I would never want my son to get lost.
A few weeks ago at HS he went up the web in HISTK playground, and he came out where he couldnt see me. He started to cry, but knew what to do since we have discussed it in the past. He was looking for a CM, when I got to him.

Sorry if anyone thinks I'm hitting where it hurts, that isnt my intention.


Still waiting on responses re: dangerous acts at home and how those are addressed, since I've been advised that "reasoning" and doesnt work......

Belle & Ariel - the things you brought up can result in nearly instant death. Wondering off at a theme park with no real vehiculer traffic isnt the same.

 

[ElsasFan]

There seems to be a lot of discussion on this thread of staying with the family or group as a developmental skill. When I was at WDW with my husband last year, I noticed that often people would walk directly toward us and that we would get separated from each other, sometimes several feet apart. Perhaps we are lacking this skill. My parents never used a leash with me, though, I'm not sure what happened.

Seriously, though, I'll just say that I didn't plan on using a leash until I had three children in the course of four years. No, we didn't get out much that first year of my youngest child's life; it was just too hard to go places by myself. I trained the older two to hold on to the stroller, one on each side, so that when we did go out, I could keep up with them and we all stayed together. When at last I was ready to venture out to the zoo, I realized that unless my youngest stayed in the stroller the entire time (and I wanted her to have the opportunity to walk around and feel that she was exploring some, not just sitting in the stroller), I either needed another hand or a leash. At that time, the kids were 1 1/2, 3 1/2, and 5 1/2. I didn't need to hold my 5 1/2's hand the entire time, but there were times that I did. Also, I needed a free hand sometimes (have you ever tried to hold two children's hands ALL the time while you are out and about? Not so easy.) So I got a leash. And you know what? It was fine. We all stayed together and we had a successful outing.

We used the leash periodically when she was younger, and we decided to bring it to WDW with us last year. She is 4 now, and while we don't use it for outings normally, it is hard (and not really comfortable for the adult or child) to hold hands for hours. It made our trip more pleasant and less stressful, for us and for her. It is vacation, not preparation for the SATs. No one is accused of being lazy or taking the easy way out because they want the comfort and convenience of staying on site or using Magical Express; I really don't see how using a comfortable leash on a toddler or young child is either of those things.

 

[HollieS]

It might be happening, but I personally have never seen a parent use a harness as a tool to learn this skill. It is made as a tool to avoid working on this skill. Be honest, have you once seen a parent hold a toddler hand and harness leash (strap?) at once? How do you even use it for teaching this skill? If the toddler wanders off you can pull him closer? It is not learning the skill, it is learning to walk in harness. If it is safety you are worried about, I would think that tether attached to your belt would make more sense and leave your hand free to hold your toddler and work with him on developing this skill.

Yes I have seen parents holding their child's hand while wearing a backpack harness in the airport. I don't think a harness teaches any skills I just don't think it prevents you from teaching those skills. The parent needs to correct the bad behavior and not just pull the child back and say nothing. Some parents will do this others will not, that has nothing to do with the harness. I would shy away from any device that had you attached without being able to release it. It is my understanding that is why the wrist connectors went out of fashion.

 

[Nata]

You posted a condescending argument- parents who use leashes either don't have the time or just don't want to train their children properly. Other people chime in that the parents are somehow lazy or treating their children in a demeaning manner and now you think people who use harnesses are engaging in personal attacks?

I'd present an argument to you, but your premise is false from the start. I don't believe that walking in a harness for a few hours on and off, for 7 days out of the year, every other year for perhaps 2 or 3 times in total in his lifetime is either detrimental or helpful to my grandson's development. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.

What I do know is he got to walk in the parks much more and be much more involved with the entire group at a much younger age because he wore a harness. But, when he's 40 and can't walk properly in public because for a few weeks out of his lifetime he was put into a harness, I'll come back and say you were right.

I am not saying that not working on this skill is making you a bad parent (I think I said it couple times already, I apologize that I have to repeat myself). There is no "right " way to be a parent. You can walk with your toddler in a harness as much as you want, it is not going to destroy his life. My argument is that working with your toddler to develop skill of walking with his family is good for his development. No condescension, no judgement, simple statement.

 

[Angel Ariel]

I'm not trolling - I totally believe what I'm saying. I just don't care that what I'm saying is ruffling the feathers of the pro-leash crowd. If it's true, it's true.

The fact that you are "anti-leash" isn't what's "ruffling the feathers of the pro-leash people". It's the being unnecessarily nasty about it that people are taking issue with.

There's a lot of things parents do that I disagree with. Just because I do it differently doesn't make them a bad/lazy/selfish parent. It just means we're different.

 

[ShayBells]

ShayBells - I would never want my son to get lost. A few weeks ago at HS he went up the web in HISTK playground, and he came out where he couldnt see me. He started to cry, but knew what to do since we have discussed it in the past. He was looking for a CM, when I got to him. Sorry if anyone thinks I'm hitting where it hurts, that isnt my intention. Still waiting on responses re: dangerous acts at home and how those are addressed, since I've been advised that "reasoning" and doesnt work......

I'm sure you don't want your son lost but for a consequence to be had you need an action first. That action that would be needed to learn the right consequence of never running off would be to run off and get lost. As you said:

Take the harness out of the equation; say your at home and your kid does something dangerous.
Do you not explain what happened was dangerous, and why they shouldn't do it?

The harness only takes away the option of the action ever happening. There's nothing wrong if a parent wants that comfort. And there's nothing wrong with a parent feeling secure enough holding a child's hand. I try not to judge but I'm human and I usually save my judgements for the parents who totally ignore their kids in public while I silently think to myself man my kid would be long gone by now.

 

[Angel Ariel]

It might be happening, but I personally have never seen a parent use a harness as a tool to learn this skill. It is made as a tool to avoid working on this skill. Be honest, have you once seen a parent hold a toddler hand and harness leash (strap?) at once? How do you even use it for teaching this skill? If the toddler wanders off you can pull him closer? It is not learning the skill, it is learning to walk in harness. If it is safety you are worried about, I would think that tether attached to your belt would make more sense and leave your hand free to hold your toddler and work with him on developing this skill.

Honestly, I don't pay attention to other families in theme parks enough to be determining how they are using the harness.

But even if I was watching for that, I would never assume that the 1 minute glimpse I get of that family as I pass them is even close to enough time to judge what and/or how they are parenting as a whole.

So they weren't holding the child's hand that minute - maybe they had been holding hands for the previous 10 mins and the child's arm got tired being held up in the air, and they were resting for a minute.

What we see of others in passing is just that - in passing. You're not seeing a full range of parenting techniques/concepts/lessons in that time.

 

[Nata]

Yes I have seen parents holding their child's hand while wearing a backpack harness in the airport. I don't think a harness teaches any skills I just don't think it prevents you from teaching those skills. The parent needs to correct the bad behavior and not just pull the child back and say nothing. Some parents will do this others will not, that has nothing to do with the harness. I would shy away from any device that had you attached without being able to release it. It is my understanding that is why the wrist connectors went out of fashion.

Agreed on all points. Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family. Wouldn't you agree? That is mostly why anti-harness crowd takes issue with a harness, even if we are not always very good at articulating our point...

 

[mjkacmom]

Its not reasoning with a toddler, its explainig consequences for your actions.

Take the harness out of the equation; say your at home and your kid does something dangerous.
Do you not explain what happened was dangerous, and why they shouldn't do it?

I dont understand why you wouldnt use words ti explain the world to your kid.
Just hoping they figure it out on there own?

Here's the thing, not only are you a relatively rookie parent, but you are a parent to one. This leads to tunnel vision.

With the birth and development of each one of my kids, I was knocked down several pegs. My oldest slept through the night at 6 weeks (because of my parenting). Did the same exact routines with #2, and he was still waking several times a night at 6 months (oops).

My oldest LOVED trying new foods, and ate everything I gave her (because I fed her a variety of nutritious foods, of course). The next one spit everything out, and living on mac and cheese for an entire year (now he's 6'1", and eats anything and everything).

But, both were very independent, and were never shy (because I raised them to be confident toddlers/preschoolers). The next one lived on my leg for years - sat on my lap at birthday parties, and actually cried when people came over to our house.

But, all three loved dogs (because I taught them not to be afraid). Then my twins were born. Boy twin LOVED dogs (would hug each and every one of them). Girl twin would start screaming and crying at the very sight of a dog).

So, I do find it amusing how you are telling people how to get a child to learn and behave, based on your experience with your one child. It's funny, I actually thought #2 was a runner - until I actually had a REAL runner. Night and day.

All kids are wired differently, and what works for one might not work for another. All of my kids could read and ride a two wheeler before entering kindergarten. Should all kids be able to do those things? Of course not.

WDW is a vacation. It is not the time to strap a screaming squirming toddler into a stroller when he wants to walk (and yes, I've strapped many a screaming squirming toddler into a stroller - although there was never a stroller harness that could hold in ds12). Parents know their children best.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Agreed on all points. Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family. Wouldn't you agree? That is mostly why anti-harness crowd takes issue with a harness, even if we are not always very good at articulating our point...

No, I wouldn't agree.

I wouldn't think that just because I don't see a parent holding their child's hand while in passing at a theme park, that it means they are completely avoiding working on the skill of walking with their family. I think that's a huge leap to make from such a short observation.

ETA: Are there lazy parents in the world who use harnesses like that? Yes. Is every parent, just by virtue of using a harness at WDW, one of those lazy parents? No.

 

[ElsasFan]

Agreed on all points. Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family. Wouldn't you agree? That is mostly why anti-harness crowd takes issue with a harness, even if we are not always very good at articulating our point...

If learning to walk with your family is a skill, must parents practice that skill with their children all the time, even while at Walt Disney World? Or should they postpone the trip until the skill is mastered?

There is a difference in walking together down the sidewalk in my quiet neighbor, or the path at thr park, and WDW where there are large crowds.

If you don't want to use a leash (we use the non-PC term at our house, that's fine, but I don't see the point in judging those who do. It's not a matter of life and death.

Wow, the OP has gotten an earful!

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes I have seen parents holding their child's hand while wearing a backpack harness in the airport. I don't think a harness teaches any skills I just don't think it prevents you from teaching those skills. The parent needs to correct the bad behavior and not just pull the child back and say nothing. Some parents will do this others will not, that has nothing to do with the harness. I would shy away from any device that had you attached without being able to release it. It is my understanding that is why the wrist connectors went out of fashion.

This doesn't even make sense. There is no reason why a parent can't correct the bad behavior with a harness. And you can release it - you open your hand and let go, the same way you would release a child's hand. The difference is, if harnessed Johnny wants to make a run for it, he is stopped (worse case scenario, he falls on his butt). Parent reprimands him. If unharnessed Johnny wants to make a run for it, he does, parent has to chase him down, worse case scenario is he's run over. Parent reprimands him.

It's not like these kids are harnessed 24/7! But sometimes in crowded situations, like WDW, parades, airports, it's an extra safety measure.

 

[Mikie]

The harness only takes away the option of the action ever happening. There's nothing wrong if a parent wants that comfort. w.

Agreed and I equate this a little with baby proofing my home. I don't remove every hazard or no-no item from my house. I think it's important for the kids to learn that not everything they lay eyes on is fair game for them to play with. They havet or learn what's a "yes" and whats a "no". However I dont Expect everyone to put their belongings at risk in pursuit of this lesson - at grandmas, we put her collectible porcelain bells out of reach, because I just don't want to chance having a "teaching moment" over a broken treasure that isn't mine. We,re still teaching the lesson, even at grandma's, just not with EVERYTHING as a possible consequence.

Agreed on all points. Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family. Wouldn't you agree? That is mostly why anti-harness crowd takes issue with a harness, even if we are not always very good at articulating our point...

you weren't talking specifically to me, but NO, I and several others here are trying to emphasize that we emphatically do NOT agree on this premise. A parent using a different tool than you or I would've cannot be assumed to be lazily skipping the teaching of certain life skills.

 

[Magpie]

Agreed on all points. Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family. Wouldn't you agree? That is mostly why anti-harness crowd takes issue with a harness, even if we are not always very good at articulating our point...

Hm. The primary reason parents use harnesses is not for any of the reasons those people who actually use harnesses have shared with us, such as safety, allowing their child more freedom and independance, allowing their child to walk, keeping their new walker from face planting, etc...

Nope, it's not ANY of those reasons. It's really just because they want to "avoid working on the skill of walking" with their family.

Your insight into the working of other people's minds is truly astounding.

 

[cakebaker]

My argument is that working with your toddler to develop skill of walking with his family is good for his development. No condescension, no judgement, simple statement.

Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family.

No judgement...sure there isn't.

Wearing a harness while a child is in the parks at WDW has absolutely no effect on that development. There are plenty of opportunities under better circumstances to teach that.

Nevermind, the harness does teach them to walk with us and behave. If they don't behave in the harness, it's back in the stroller. Even the threat of having to walk hand in hand does it for my grandson. He wants both hands free most of the time. Having his little arm up in the air for hours is exhausting and it limits his ability to do things. It's a great teaching tool!

 

[HollieS]

Agreed on all points. Unfortunately, harness is primarily being used to avoid working on the skill of walking with your family. Wouldn't you agree? That is mostly why anti-harness crowd takes issue with a harness, even if we are not always very good at articulating our point...

I don't assume that a harness is being used to avoid working on skills. I see them primarily used in large crowd situations. If your child has almost...but not quite mastered the "walk next to me don't run in front of people don't wander off" skill I think having a safety back up is a fine parenting choice. Some parents are lazy, I don't think anyone has denied that, I would rather see a lazy parent use a harness than a lazy parent leave their child in a stroller all day.



Your position assumes people using harnesses are doing so to be lazy. It is the worst case scenario assumption. A harness is neutral.

 

[Alice Royal]

Thanks for giving me a great idea for the latest and greatest in parenting products, guys!

I'll be developing a line of accessories great for taking your kids outside of the house without worrying how they'll behave. To start, you can always be certain your child will be nice and hydrated by attaching this convenient water bottle to their preferred mode of child transport:

Then, to prevent those nasty temper tantrums that create a real mess for you and everyone around you, I'll invent and market this 'training device' you can use to keep your child 'Silent and Stylish'!

If your toddler needs entertainment, we've got that covered, too--this one even doubles as a great way to occupy those chompers in the absence of proper nourishment.

While we're at it, if you're worried about keeping your kid in one place while you worry about lines and dining plan credits and such, you can use this convenient 'Child Care Caddy':

And if that's not portable enough for you, you can always 'Leash it Up Large' with the most convenient way to yank that stupid kiddie back into your personal bubble!

Remember, folks:

If it looks like something you would give to a pet, you should probably not use it on a kid.

(Disclaimer: I really don't care what you do with your kid. But I do think it's pretty funny how all of these photos seem to go together like this.)

 

[MsPoppinsTX]

Is it just me or does this picture actually give a good example of how it's useful - you've got one parent with two kids who clearly have 2 different agendas in a large place like an airport? It prevents her from have to run in two different directions. Does it look silly? Sure, to an extent - but it saved that mom in that moment.

 

[HollieS]

So you'll invent a bottle, teething ring and a pack and play?

 

[ShayBells]

So you'll invent a bottle, teething ring and a pack and play?