This old lady at Ikea went off on my kid today.

[luvmy3]

Yes, but unfortunately the "you and her" thing wasn't working!!!

Actually, no person should ever have to be in a position of speaking to someone else's child about behavior. That should be appropriately taken care of by a parent. Unfortunately, that does not always happen.

That still does not give some stranger standing in front of you in a checkout line the right to discipline your child. I don't care if the OP was blue in the face telling her child to stop (which she said she said twice AND she did take the roll away so it not like she was even completely ignoring her dd's behavior), it is not my or anyone elses place to speak to that child about her minding her mother. I'm guessing is that the old lady is the neighborhood busybody who needs to involve herself in other's business to make herself feel important. While I think your child was disrespectful for shooting that woman a dirty look, I think you had every right to yourself

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, my kid wasn't listening.. I was getting irritated because she was in her own little world and not doing what I asked her to do. When she finally approached me, she was going to get an earful because she wasn't listening.

Let me ask... do all of your (general your) kids listen every time? If so, I need to find her a new therapist, because mine doesn't listen all the time.

And I even said that I didn't mind the old lady saying anything. I did mind that she scolded my kid, which caused a reaction from my kid that I then had to deal with. It escalated into a bigger situation.

Do I think it's all humorous? Well, I didn't at the time, but I try to find humor in everything instead of being a stuffed shirt full of sanctimony.


Do any of you have guide books you'd be willing to send me?

I know the point that I was trying to make in my earlier post was that I believe this woman thought she was backing you up. That sometimes a comment from a stranger can make a kid straighten up quicker because they do tend to tune their mom out. I wouldn't have been upset that she'd said something but I would have been embarassed that she felt the need to step in.

Every kid has a different temperament. I was lucky enough to have a kid who stuck by me like glue in a store and a stranger telling her to straighten up would have mortified her. I know not everyone's kid is like that.

I think what a lot of posters were trying to tell you is that if your child is ignoring you and giving you attitude at this age, it will be even worse and much harder to deal with when she's older. I'm sure she's a great kid--and hopefully, the therapist can give you some insight as to how to get her to stop with the attitude.

 

[C.Ann]

I was going from your original post in your very first line where you made it sound as though your child deserved it. In which you stated yourself:

If she was just being happy-go-lucky, then why were you telling her to stop:

Or when you asked her repeatedly to stop and she ignored you. You even say yourself that you were as mad as all heck at your kid for being rude to the lady.

All of my assumptions came from your original post. I understand that you're feeling picked on and it sounds as though you appropriately disciplined your child afterward. But perhaps there is a way to get your child to understand that she needs to behave while you're in the moment instead of later?

I didn't make assumptions. You said she was twirling a roll of paper, you told her to stop, she didn't, old lady spoke up, your DD talked back to her, then the old lady spoke again.

I just told you that I would have handled it differently. I would have taken action right then and there. I did praise your effort at correcting her once home.

I guess we all assumed you were looking for comments/opinions one way or the other because your last sentence was something along the lines of "Can you all believe it?"

Hope the therapy goes well.. When this kind of stubborness starts so young, that's the time to try to nip it in the bud.. Good choice on your part - shows you're trying to get a handle on this in the best way you know how..

 

[NHdisneylover]

She was fine for the 2 hours. It was just me and her, and we walk through the little rooms together, and she likes going to the kid's section in the store. Our play area at our Atlanta Ikea is kind of bare and there isn't a lot for a 6 year old to do. Also, I'm kind of freaked out about germs right now... so I didn't put her in there. She was totally fine for the two hours. She didn't pitch a fit, she didn't cause commotion, and she was just being a normal kid. She got bored downstairs when I was trying to help my friend on the phone choose blankets for our business, but that was it. That was the only time she was the slightest bit annoying.

She actually is a good kid and I rarely have problems out of her. The only time I had issue was when we got in the line. She was playing with the merchandise that I had put in my cart. I didn't intend to be there as long as I was. We probably could have gotten through there had we not been having a fun time walking through the store together, piddling around.


I don't know why I'm trying so hard to defend myself really. I shouldn't have to, and I've said enough. Keep on judgin'....

I am more confused than ever now

I think it is fine that she and you enjoyed shopping together for two hours--but you kept bringing up the two hours as if that excused her behaviour to some extent. You really cannot have it both ways--IKEA was fun for her and she enjoyed the time with you so therefore it was not a trying for her prior to the check out and the two hours do nto show her to be some golden child who just finally could not take any more.

The hcild center is probably cleaned and sterilized much more often than the rest of the store. Also fewer people over all enter it. There are likely much fewer germs for yo uto worry about in there than in the rest of IKEA.

If she got the wrapping paper from your "cart" (wasn't it not a cart a moment ago?) and you were in line with the cart then how is it that she was out of reach for you to take the paper away?

You yourself have described your DD as having attitude problems and having issues with authority figures which are so problematic as to require therapy at age 6 and yet you now say you rarely have problems with her I really don't get that.

 

[happygirl]

I haven't read all the other post. My daughter would be in so much trouble when she got home. I would have been so embrassed that another person thought I needed there help parenting my child

 

[glitterkittyy]

I haven't read all of the posts

But I find myself, once again, on TEAM CODGER!

 

[luvmy3]

I haven't read all of the posts

But I find myself, once again, on TEAM CODGER!

So the battle begins, I was wondering when you'd wander over glitkit

TEAM CODGER Vs. TEAM TWIRLER

 

[glitterkittyy]

So the battle begins, I was wondering when you'd wander over glitkit

TEAM CODGER Vs. TEAM TWIRLER

Dang, we need another shirt.

 

[FergieTCat]

Seems like every week there is a thread like this.

I have to be honest it's about time some kids were controlled when they are out in public.
If kids have manners these threads wouldn't be started weekly.
I do believe in the golden rule "respect your elders".

I completely agree!! And you put it alot nicer than I had planned.

 

[wdwmom2]

That still does not give some stranger standing in front of you in a checkout line the right to discipline your child. I don't care if the OP was blue in the face telling her child to stop (which she said she said twice AND she did take the roll away so it not like she was even completely ignoring her dd's behavior), it is not my or anyone elses place to speak to that child about her minding her mother. I'm guessing is that the old lady is the neighborhood busybody who needs to involve herself in other's business to make herself feel important. While I think your child was disrespectful for shooting that woman a dirty look, I think you had every right to yourself

Let me tell you, if my DD was EVER that disrespectful to me and the other shoppers in the store, I would love backup from a stranger. Not talking about physically touching my child, but a good stern talking to.

Me, personally, I am nonconfrontational. I probably would have just stood there and watched the scene play out.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

So your daughter's throwing around wrapping paper was okay because she didn't hit anyone? If she had, then it would have been a problem? I really wish people would stop making excuses for their children's poor behavior and then blaming the rest of the world when they're called out on it. That's why there are so many snowflakes in the world today. Mom and dad have been making excuses for them their whole lives, so they feel like they can do and say as they please, because it's okay. If your daughter gives you attitude that's fine, it's even somewhat expected sometimes, especially as they get older, but to give attitude to a stranger? I would have made her apologize IMMEDIATELY. That old woman was expected better behavior from your daughter than you were, and yet she's wrong?

Must have missed the prior Team Codger thread, but someone please order me a shirt as well.

 

[luvmy3]

Let me tell you, if my DD was EVER that disrespectful to me and the other shoppers in the store, I would love backup from a stranger. Not talking about physically touching my child, but a good stern talking to.

Me, personally, I am nonconfrontational. I probably would have just stood there and watched the scene play out.

I just don't think its a stranger's place to involve themselves in the discipline of a child when they feel that the child isn't responding to their parent. The OP handled the situation, her dd has been punished for her behavior, it may have not been handled right there on the spot, but the OP handled her own child the way she saw fit. That old lady had no business intervening in a situation that she was not invited to intervene in. I would have politely told the woman that I would handle my own child's discipline when we leave the store, thank you very much and then flased her the maybe you should mind your own business look.
I think that its fine for parents who don't mind if some busybody sticks their nose in you and your child's business, but don't attack the OP for not feeling that way. ( I didn't mean you personally, this is a general you statement).

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I just don't think its a stranger's place to involve themselves in the discipline of a child when they feel that the child isn't responding to their parent. The OP handled the situation, her dd has been punished for her behavior, it may have not been handled right there on the spot, but the OP handled her own child the way she saw fit. That old lady had no business intervening in a situation that she was not invited to intervene in. I would have politely told the woman that I would handle my own child's discipline when we leave the store, thank you very much and then flased her the maybe you should mind your own business look.
I think that its fine for parents who don't mind if some busybody sticks their nose in you and your child's business, but don't attack the OP for not feeling that way. ( I didn't mean you personally, this is a general you statement).

I'm just curious about something. Would you have had a problem if the older woman, instead of correcting OP's daughter, had began a conversation in order to distract her from misbehaving?

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Ooh, I like "Team Codger" so much better than "Team Granny"!

OP, several people have tried to offer you advice. Your attitude towards your DD's behavior seems surpisingly cavalier--like you think it's charming that she's so smart-alecky. Let me tell you, on behalf of those around you in the world, a child with an attitude is NOT CHARMING! You'r enot the only parent to have such a child, several people, myself included, have tried to offer advice on how to improve on her bahvior. But, it's like anything else--you have to admit there's a problem before you can start to fix it. And you still seem to think the old lady is the problem. She's not--she's a symptom.

Good luck in those teen years.

Go TEAM CODGER!

 

[luvmy3]

I'm just curious about something. Would you have had a problem if the older woman, instead of correcting OP's daughter, had began a conversation in order to distract her from misbehaving?

I wouldn't have a problem with that. To me discipling the child like the way the lady did is showing (that she felt) authority and dominance over the parent in charge of that child, and a stranger in a checkout line does not have that.

 

[FergieTCat]

Ooh, I like "Team Codger" so much better than "Team Granny"!

OP, several people have tried to offer you advice. Your attitude towards your DD's behavior seems surpisingly cavalier--like you think it's charming that she's so smart-alecky. Let me tell you, on behalf of those around you in the world, a child with an attitude is NOT CHARMING! You'r enot the only parent to have such a child, several people, myself included, have tried to offer advice on how to improve on her bahvior. But, it's like anything else--you have to admit there's a problem before you can start to fix it. And you still seem to think the old lady is the problem. She's not--she's a symptom.

Good luck in those teen years.

Go TEAM CODGER!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[npmommie]

I have not read thru all 9 pages but..............

your dd is 6 yo right? and she shopped for 2 HOURS with you in Ikea and the worst thing she was doing was twirling a roll of paper you were buying?

I am all for the mindset that if I am foolish enough to keep my 6 yo in a store for 2 hours and they are doing something to entertain themselves that is not hurting anything or anyone, then so be it.

and ftr, I would not have been happy with the elders scolding my child, but then I would have just let her twirl the paper, assuming she wasn't touching anyone or anything with it.

 

[glitterkittyy]

Just as an aside...I have been known to be the CODGER. I have seen kids acting up at WDW, and I will often tell them "There's no crying at WDW" or "There's no fighting at WDW". The kid usually just blinks and stops. The moms have always given me a look that screams "thank you!".

It works just about every time. If that doesn't work, I usually give the kid a sticker to shut 'em up (and yes, I ask the parents first if it's okay and it always is!).

 

[Scurvy]

I think that its fine for parents who don't mind if some busybody sticks their nose in you and your child's business, but don't attack the OP for not feeling that way. ( I didn't mean you personally, this is a general you statement).

Well for future reference, if anyone sees my son not listening to me please speak up. I would welcome it if a busybody stuck her nose in our business, especially in Ikea! If for no other reason, I wouldn't want to get stuck paying for all the stuff that my son would probably break if he was twirling and throwing the wrapping paper and dropped it. With my luck, I just know it would hit one of the diplays of fragile things that they have by the registers in that Ikea (probably that giant mountain of those super thin votive candle holders that break if you look at them!) and I'd be paying for 500 things I don't need and couldn't use anyway since they'd be broken. And of course I also wouldn't want him to hit any other shoppers, either.

I admit I find it weird that the OP was so offended, when I wouldn't have been. Mortified, yes. Offended, not at all. I would have been grateful. But I'm not going to attack her for it. She's entitled to her feelings.

And of course, as usual I'm firmly on Team Codger. Where's my shirt?

 

[ogreenlee]

I'm on the team that thinks that no one should raise hell at someone's 6 year old little girl in front of their mom, and that woman was definitely old enough to know better. If she wanted to comment, that would have been fine... depending on the comment. If she wanted to turn around and say, "Little girl, you should listen to your mother" that would have been ok.

I think I've earned the right to be the only one who can scold my daughter. I assure you that if I were to do what this old lady did yesterday to any of your children, you would certainly not be on Team Codger... except I'm not an old codger yet. You would then call it Team Biatch and most definitely be on Team Snowflake.