This old lady at Ikea went off on my kid today.

[jrmasm]

Instead of being angry at granny, I would have been mortified that my DD behaved in a way that granny felt she needed to step in.

This is exactly what I was going to type.

 

[Keli]

But yeah... my kid has issues with authority. It's her personality type, and I've had her in therapy, but apparently as she gets older she'll learn to control it better. God, I hope so.

She's six, but tenacious. I've called her "little Hillary" since she was a wee toddler. She won't give up.

I wouldn't count on your dd growing out of her attitude towards authority. I've seen many, many young kids with attitudes that just grow with the same attitudes.

And I gotta tell you, it's gonna be a whole different ballgame when you're dealing with a teenager with an attitude rather than little child. Gotta get good enough control over your dd that she obeys you and acts respectfully to you and others in authority or the teenage years will be a nightmare for both you and your dd.

As a mom that's been in both places that's my advice to you.

 

[just4today]

Umm.. I'm right here.


I explained, but really... is it any of your business how I discipline my child?


What do you want to hear? That I kicked her azz, seabass?

It seems like the apple hasn't fallen far from this tree.

That's definitely not my kid.

My kid is happy-go-lucky, but has a problem with authority. Everyone thinks they have the answers, but I double dog dare ya to figure it out. I'm sorry that I don't beat the hell out of my kid. She has gotten some swats across her fanny, though, but the way some of y'all are high-steppin' tells me that you think you could fix her.

Not excusing her behavior would be a great start to "fixing" her. I read through all the posts and the more I read, the more I get the impression that you think it's kind of cute how your DD wasn't taking any crap from the "old lady."

I'm guessing the reason OP didn't include it in her opening post, was because her parenting skills wasn't the point of the thread, as you can see by the title. The point and thing that seemed to shock OP, was the butting in of complete strangers in her conversation with her 6 year old dd.

The OP has been around here long enough to know exactly how this thread would go.

I can totally see your point. My issue was how she did it, and how mean she came across. It was too harsh. It was more of an attack, and well.. my kid didn't cower. What can I say?

I do understand your point, though.

Since none of us were there to hear her tone or how mean she came across, we can only go with the information we've been given.

First, I would have taken the wrapping paper away and second I would have been MORTIFIED if my child talked to someone like that. If you tell her to stop, follow through and make her stop. That doesn't mean you have to take a switch to her but at least take away the wrapping paper. Something also tells me that since she chose not to listen in that manner that you don't follow through on many things and you have bigger issues than a woman correcting your child.

Amen

Another vote for "Team Granny" here.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Ok, I'm coming in super late, and I'm not reading al 6 pages of responces, so maybe this has already been said, but, when the mother, you, stand there and say:
"Then I looked at my little girl and said, "Ya hear that? I told you about the old days and pickin' switches."
How can you expect your daughter NOT to have an additude and NOT be desrespectful? Your dissrespecting them, making fun of them, making light of it all, right infront of these "old ladies." Nice example!!!

 

[nuke]

From the number of threads here on the Dis it seems like the general public is sick of having to put up with other peoples unruly brats.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, apparently the fact that you didn't discipline your child in a public forum for the lady and the rest of the store to witness isn't good enough. You really should have pulled her pants down right there and whipped her with the old lady's belt. I'm thinking that would make alot of people here very happy

I'm with you, your child may have been disrespectful to you, but that is between you and her, not the old lady in the store. I guess she never learned about minding her own business. Isn't it amazing how this behavior from old people gets excused time and time again, you know what being old doesn't give you a pass to be rude and disrespectful either. And yes, taking another child's discipline in their own hands while the parent is right there, IS disrespectful to that parent, no two ways about it.

 

[disneygals]

I'm with you, your child may have been disrespectful to you, but that is between you and her, not the old lady in the store. I guess she never learned about minding her own business. Isn't it amazing how this behavior from old people gets excused time and time again, you know what being old doesn't give you a pass to be rude and disrespectful either. And yes, taking another child's discipline in their own hands while the parent is right there, IS disrespectful to that parent, no two ways about it.

What she said!!

 

[Lionqueen2]

I, too, would have been embarassed if someone had to speak to my children about behavior. I feel sorry for the elderly lady that was put in the position to have to do that. I can't help but wonder if she was trying to prevent being hit by the roll of paper being tossed and perhaps having her glasses knocked off or something else.
I would also not tolerate the curt remark by your daughter. If I were the mother of a child that did that, I would have wanted her to apologize.
Unfortunately, the elderly lady felt she needed to say something, but wonder how many other observers quietly had the same opinion and how many other mothers used it as a teaching moment and discussed that kind of behavior with their own children when you left.

 

[wdwmom2]

I'm with you, your child may have been disrespectful to you, but that is between you and her, not the old lady in the store.

Yes, but unfortunately the "you and her" thing wasn't working!!!

 

[luvsJack]

My parents and my grandparents well believed in using a switch when needed, but if some little old lady decided to take matters into her own hands like that mom and grandmom would have given her a good tongue lashing. They both believed in good ole' fashioned spankings but they both believed that if they aren't there for their kids no one will be and that no one has any business starting a confrontation with their kids. So in this case, I would imagine that mom would have told the lady off and then taken me out to the car for that switch (or fly swat, whichever).

I would have had no problem with the lady saying the first remark, after that she should have shut up. She has no idea what the situation is with a strangers child and should not have assumed that she could handle it better than the parent.

The OP has said repeatedly that she did discipline her child and, in fact, the child has a punishment to face all week. Just because she didn't snatch the child up in a public place does not mean she did not handle the situation.


And for heaven's sakes, doesn't anyone have a sense of humor anymore?

Her child learned to shoot the bird. It happens. Hopefully that will be the worse thing the child learns from other kids at school. Would I let my child go around doing it? No. If she did, would I laugh about it with Dh or other adults, probably. She didn't actually say she thought it was funny that her child learned it, she just said she guesses she was lucky that her daughter didn't give the lady the finger. Good grief. Sometimes you just have to laugh at what your kid does, otherwise you would spend all your time crying.


I agree wholeheartedly with luvmy3, some of you wouldn't have been happy unless she said she used a switch right there in the store.

 

[luvsJack]

I, too, would have been embarassed if someone had to speak to my children about behavior. I feel sorry for the elderly lady that was put in the position to have to do that. I can't help but wonder if she was trying to prevent being hit by the roll of paper being tossed and perhaps having her glasses knocked off or something else.
I would also not tolerate the curt remark by your daughter. If I were the mother of a child that did that, I would have wanted her to apologize.
Unfortunately, the elderly lady felt she needed to say something, but wonder how many other observers quietly had the same opinion and how many other mothers used it as a teaching moment and discussed that kind of behavior with their own children when you left.

The lady was "put" in no position. She took it upon herself to stick herself in the position.

 

[Mkrop]

OP, apparently the fact that you didn't discipline your child in a public forum for the lady and the rest of the store to witness isn't good enough. You really should have pulled her pants down right there and whipped her with the old lady's belt. I'm thinking that would make alot of people here very happy

I'm with you, your child may have been disrespectful to you, but that is between you and her, not the old lady in the store. I guess she never learned about minding her own business. Isn't it amazing how this behavior from old people gets excused time and time again, you know what being old doesn't give you a pass to be rude and disrespectful either. And yes, taking another child's discipline in their own hands while the parent is right there, IS disrespectful to that parent, no two ways about it.

Where did anybody say that

I dont hit my kids unless it is pretty extreme situation but I certainly would have made my child apologize if he gave someone attitude and a punishment would have happened at home. I am glad the OP did discipline her at home and did not condone the bad behavior entirely but to get all in a tizzy about the woman backing her up by telling her to listen to her mother, I dont understand.

 

[pyrxtc]

I think it was okay and she was trying to help you since obviously your kid wouldn't listen to what you were saying. If my kid ever talked back to someone, anyone, like your DD did they would have gotten a tap on the mouth cuz they know better. At 6, your DD should be well aware of how to act in public and what she was doing was not right. Lady probably figured if you weren't going to step up then she would. I have no problem stepping up when a child doesn't listen to their parents to let them know what's right. I discipline my friends kids all the time with their parents there or not. They know what behavior I expect in my home and know if they do not do it, they are not welcome here. When we go out, I treat them as my own and if they misbehave I let them know.

 

[Missy1961]

Instead of being angry at granny, I would have been mortified that my DD behaved in a way that granny felt she needed to step in.

Exactly.

 

[paintnolish]

I have said things like, "Oh, watch out! Better be careful!" to running/obnoxious kids whose parents aren't minding them. You were obviously right there, though, and you were trying to mind her. I am not a perfect parent, nor are my kids perfect. They sometimes ginore what I have said and try to push their limits. I can't believe the old lady told you to get a switch. I'd probably be laughing. Anyway, I always thought it was a wooden spoon, at least that's what my dad said his Italian mama used on him!

 

[Lionqueen2]

The lady was "put" in no position. She took it upon herself to stick herself in the position.

The woman was minding her own businessin line. She didn't ask to have someone toss things that could injure her. The child should not have been tossing anything in the store.

 

[C.Ann]

The easiest way to handle this situation would have been to deal with the child's misbehaving before anyone else had the need to comment on it.. That didn't happen and it all went downhill from there..

Then again, I was one of those kids who were raised to respect my elders, so maybe my view is jaded..

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I would say nothing in the shop - BUT Madam would get a major Come to Jesus conversation as soon as we got to the car for sassing somebody else after she had already been warned.

Oh heck yeah. If my DS ever embarrassed me like that he would be hearing about it in a major way.

About the meddling lady - I would have been annoyed, but I would not have shown it to the meddler. I would probably apologize to her and move on.

Having a stubborn, strong willed child is such a challenge. My DS will be 3 in 2 weeks and holy heck is he getting defiant. We are very consistent with him. Everytime he yells or doesn't obey we immediately punish him (take away a toy, time out). Will this help? Will he get better?

 

[luvsJack]

The woman was minding her own businessin line. She didn't ask to have someone toss things that could injure her. The child should not have been tossing anything in the store.

The OP clearly says that the lady "turned around and said you better listen to your mother". She didn't say that anything almost hit the woman. If the woman had to "turn around" that may even mean that she didn't even know that the child was throwing the thing, she just knew that the mother was repeating herself so the child was not listening. If the child did almost hit her with it, she should have said "be careful, you almost hit me with that. You could hurt someone" or something of that nature; not start threatening with switches.

My problem would not have been that she said something, but that she continued to say something. And that what she said was not helpful to the situation at all.

 

[taximomfor4]

I just want to say that if any of my kids are acting up in stores, and are NOT listening to me when I try to get them to stop, Grannies are WELCOME to step in and say something. Perhaps it will be what would get my child to realize how their behavior looks to complete strangers. The shock factor, ya know?

OP, I have a feeling in YOUR eyes in was a quick minute but in the old woman's eyes, it was longer. Perception, you know? I would choose to believe that the old woman was trying to be helpful, like we moms need to stick up for each other. Actually, her intervention (or butting in, however you look at it) can now be a valuable teaching tool if you choose to use it. Next time something like this happens in a store, you can remind your dd that OTHERS are in the store.."Remember when you were misbehaving and not obeying me at Ikea?"...