This is out of control-info & warning if you have teens

[luvdzny]

I just wanted to post this to let other parents know what is happening with us. DD is 15 and a freshman, approx. 2 months ago she told me that a boy at school had grabbed her in a place that he should not be touching. They were in the cafeteria during lunch at school and others saw it happen. She said she told him to stop and not do it again. I have met this boy (he goes to our church) and I know he is a bit obnoxious, I think he was just showing off. Since then he has not done anything like that to her again. Last Friday one of DD's classmates came up to her in tears. This boy had done the same thing to her and she had heard of other girls that it had happened to. The girl was quite upset and wanted to tell someone about it. DD agreed to go to the school office with her. Our high school has a police officer in the building and that is who they ended up talking to. He interviewed each girl seperately, filled out reports and had the girls sign them. DD called me after that and the officer spoke to me briefly. The other girl's parents were not home so they were not notified. On Tuesday at school DD hears that the boy was hancuffed & taken away. I called the officer, he could not tell me anything because it has now gone to Juvenile court. I spoke with someone at Juvenile court, and someone at the DA's office. They can not tell me anything because it is a case dealing with minors. We do not want this boy to have to go to court over this, we only wanted to make sure that he realized that what he was doing was wrong. We are not allowed to drop the charges, the only thing I can do is write a letter explaining how we feel about the situation and they will try to attatch it to his file. DD, DH & I all feel terrible about this - we do not want to ruin this boys life, but at this point there is nothing we can do. I can't believe that they allow two 15 year old girls to fill out reports without asking them if they want to notify their parents first. What the boy did was wrong, but what about a warning first.
I just want to make sure that this does not happen to anyone else. If you have kids make sure they know not to touch someone in the wrong pkace - even it they are just joking around, it can have serious consequences.

 

[Big V]

A 15 year old boy knows better than to do this! Your daughter did the right thing!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

It is called battery (at least in this state) and it is a crime. He knew he shouldn't have done it, yet continued to do so to a number of victims. Don't feel guilty. He is a juvenile, not much will come of it anyway, and hopefully he learns his lesson. This is predator type behavior that needed to be stopped.

1)(a) The offense of battery occurs when a person:

1. Actually and intentionally touches or strikes another person against the will of the other; or

2. Intentionally causes bodily harm to another person.

 

[TEENEE]

You should not feel bad at all. Your dd and the other girls did the right thing. This boy has a problem. Hopefully he can be helped thanks to your dd.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
It is called battery (at least in this state) and it is a crime. He knew he shouldn't have done it, yet continued to do so to a number of victims. Don't feel guilty. He is a juvenile, not much will come of it anyway, and hopefully he learns his lesson. This is predator type behavior that needed to be stopped.

I agree.

It is better he gets this warning and help now rather than later when it could escalate into something MUCH worse.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I don't understand why you feel bad??? This was something that upset not only your daughter but other girls. He is getting exactly what he deserve!!!!

 

[swanmom]

Not trying to flame or blame, Luvdzny but.......... he's 15 years old and a repeat assaulter of girls reducing them to tears! (Some girls are not as strong as it appears your DD was.) He's been told before to 'Stop it!' It seems to me you are underestimating the extent of his culpability. You said he needs a warning. I think a brush with the legal system (which could result in mandatory counseling) is the thing that may make enough of an impact. This boy has a problem.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I understand what you mean about the law being harsh in his case. However it is what it is, and he has to deal with the consequences.
At 15 this behavior is totally inappropriate and quite bold actually. It is a good thing to get him reprimanded now. Instead of thinking of him ruining his life you may be changing the course of his life for the better, actually.
Also on top of that you are showing your daughter that guys will get punished for inappropriate actions. That is a message I would like to have my dd know.

 

[Maleficent13]

*dons flame-retardant suit*

When I was in junior high, a boy on the stairs grabbed me...somewhere he REALLY shouldn't have. I turned around, slugged him, and continued to class. I was never bothered again, and it never occurred to me to report it to anyone. He has grown up to be a very nice man, and we joke about what a jerk he was in junior high.

I don't know...I understand this kid was out of line...but is jail time necessary for what he did? Just wondering.

 

[ElizK]

The girls did the right thing! Never feel guilty about doing the right thing. The boy knew what he was doing was wrong. Talking to him hadn't stopped him before, why would it stop him now? Maybe now he'll realize the seriousness of his actions, and that actions do have serious consequences! I pray that more people will act as the girls did, and DO THE RIGHT THING!

 

[gallaj0]

Since they won't give you any more details about the case, maybe there's more here than you are aware of. Maybe he's already had his warning, but continued because he thought no one would report it. Most cases like this never get reported, especially in high school, and those that do are kept quiet because of the embarrasment involved.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

With just what I've read here, I seriously doubt he would be given jail time. I mean -- I know of a High School Freshman who broke into the school last year and smashed a bunch of windows and display cases. He did about $20k in damage and was given house arrest and Community Service.

I would think Community Service and Counselling concerning appropriate behavior toward the rest of society would be very appropriate. It could be the best thing to ever happen to him.

 

[Cruise04]

I agree that the right thing was done. If it's not done now, who knows what will happen later because he will think he can get away with it!

 

[luvdzny]

Thanks for the replies - I just want to add a little more info. Something similar to this happened to the neighbors son a few years ago only in his case the girl had made the whole thing up and she finally admitted that. If she had stuck with her story this boy would have become a registered sex offender for life! I think that is a bit harsh for this situation. I agree that DD did the right thing (and we have told her that) but I just can't believe that this could affect him the rest of his life. What he did was wrong, I would like to think that he would be given a chance to prove that he has learned his lesson and not have to pay for these mistakes for the rest of his life.

 

[stacilee]

I am sorry for the upset you are feeling. But the school resource officer was only doing his or her job. Once they are made aware of these things they are REQUIRED to report it. I don't believe that your daughter or any of the other girls will even have to testify. The written report and the SRO's word should suffice in front of the magistrate. If the boy is 15 and not mentally impared. he HAD TO KNOW that what he was doing was WRONG. Pure and simple. He should have been reported the first time and stopped from being a repeat offender.

Rationalize it this way. Maybe the boy was only "copping a feel" due to raging hormones or maybe his behavior was about to escalate to raping a girl in a stairwell or the parking lot, or a restroom. Who knows, maybe he already has and the girl has not spoken out. It's called DATE RAPE and it is a CRIME.

It is out of your hands now.

 

[holycow]

I can understand how bad you must feel ....standing up for what was the right thing to do...you may feel bad but hopefully this young man will realize that he can't do that to people and get away with it...that is why we have so many bullies! because no one speaks up and they keep doing it!

Please don't let your DD feel bad! she did the right thing! Stand up for your DD!

Holycow

 

[KarenC]

The good news in this situation is that your daughter and the other girls recognized this boy's behavior as inappropriate and sought help. It will send a strong message to other boys regarding acceptable behavior.

I live in the school district where 5 junior girls ended up in the hospital after being hazed at a flag football game against the senior girls. The situation received worldwide attention and the community spent a lot of time discussing how to deal with the whole situation.

A lot of the kids who did the worst stuff at that hazing had been in trouble before. They probably should have been dealt with by the authorities but weren't because people were worried about their having to pay lifelong consequences for youthful mistakes. Problem was that the never were held accountable for their behavior so they kept doing bad things. Its fortunate none of the injured girls was killed (one girl had a bucket put on her head and then was hit with a baseball bat).

What some communities have done, and has been suggested in our area, is to have a court of the teens peers to hear these types of cases and be able to apply punishment. The idea is to apply consequences that are meaningful but at the same time not create a record that would impact future job or education options.

Bottom line, your daughter and her friends have done the right thing. The boy needs to accept the consequences for his actions. Hopefully he'll learn his lesson.

 

[cynsaun]

Don't feel bad! This kid knew exactly what he was doing, as Big V said, he is 15!

 

[kasar]

What if she hadn't reported it? This would have continued and maybe even escalated. I don't think your DD had much of a choice, neither did the school officials, as someone else has posted, they are required to report it.

Sounds to me like this isn't just a harmless, teenage boy thing. There are plenty of teenage boys who maybe have these thoughts but don't act on them. He made choices and he'll have to live with the consequences. I agree that it's too bad that such a young boy will have this on his record, but he did it again and again after he was asked to stop. This isn't a made-up story, you have nothing to feel bad about.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Glad he's getting what he deserves. A 15 year old knows what's appropriate behavior and what isn't. Give him plenty of community service hours. Maybe the light bulb will go on. So sorry for your daughter and her friends.