The Truth about Teacher Gifts, Things NOT to Do

[MKCP5]

Wow!! This thread has gotten kind of out of control. Alot of hurt feelings and anger. As the wife of a teacher, I can tell you that none of your gifts are unappreciated. While some may suit him more than others, (coffee cards!) he is always grateful that a parent has taken the time to appreciate him and make an effort. The goodies are eaten at home or brought into the teachers room to share, and a feeling of goodwill is present as he feels good about the hard choice he made to become a public schoolteacher, along with it's ups and downs.

The only suggestion I might make is if you plan to bake for your teacher, how about a gift at Thanksgiving instead of Christmas? Or the beginning of that crazy last week before vaca starts? Then 248 cookies don't come home at the same time

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

I'm giving them generic gift rather than the NOTHING that most other families give! I would have no idea of a personal item to buy them since I've never even spoken to them. And if they want to complain on the DIS board, fine by me, although I have yet to see a post where a teacher complained about a gift.

I think your gift is great, and I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. But I also think the people who are trying hard by making baskets, giving candy, or even gift cards are doing great too. I just don't see the distinction between the pretzels and the candy, lotions, candles, etc. There is always someone who won't want sweets, candles, plants, lotions, etc.

My point (however inadequately made ) was that a gift that takes into consideration the recipient should be an appreciated gift. Anyone should be grateful for any gift that is received if it is given with love, even if it is one of those gifts that leaves you scratching your head and wondering what they were thinking!

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

I'm back, and I'm not in the MOOD I was in yesterday. I just wanted to point out that I TOO have given chocolates to teachers in the past.. and I may give a token few this year, too-attached to my GC to TARGET-(I feel completely confident that a Target GC will be used in some way-unless the teacher has something against the store..anyway.) If the chocolate gets thrown out or given to someone else..I will never know it, it's just a small way to dress up (let's just call it a decoration on the GC) my otherwise drab lil GC. I usually put it in one of those small stockings with a couple of Giradelli squares..



Coming back to this thread refreshed, I honestly think that the OP and the teachers who have come on to say that some gifts are just not used are only trying to help us give our teachers something they can use..whether it be a hand crafted note from our child, lotions or candles to a teacher that we know well enough to buy these for, or a gift card from those of us who are not quite sure exactly what the teacher would like, and we still want to give them something in appreciation for taking such great care of our children during the school year.

I agree. I think where it started to go downhill was when the non-gift card gifts were referred to as "value-less" and a list of items that go directly in the trash was presented. Any gift that is given with love and appreciation should be received in the same manner. A gift card to a place your child's teacher enjoys is a good gift, just as a favorite treat or other item is a good gift. Gift cards to a place your teacher wouldn't normally go might be good or not - it just requires that some thought be behind the gift. Just like it might not be useful to give sweets to a diabetic teacher or candles to a teacher with allergies, a gift card to your favorite Mexican restaurant might not be good for the teacher who doesn't like that kind of food, and a $10 gift card to a place that doesn't sell anything for under $50 might not be useful either.

 

[rt2dz]

After reading this thread, I'm exhausted. I wasn't going to reply, but I've been tracking my thoughts and decided to post. Sorry so long. Just ignore if you choose.

I actually know lots of people who do not like gift cards. Like the pp who stated that their parents thought they were lazy gifts. The people who dislike GC generally think that if the person thought enough of them to give them a gift, they should know them well enough to pick a gift in their interests. However, this doesn’t normally apply to gifts in the work place as those are people who you are thanking for what they do, not generally who they are.

Our school has no taboo on homemade items. However, if you are to give a homemade item, make sure you know the person well enough. If you know that the person loves Oatmeal Raisin cookies, feel free to give them some, but if you don’t have a clue about their tastes and allergies, you might be better off skipping it or giving something fairly safe.

Yes, gifts are to be given in anticipation of what the recipient would like, but if the recipient doesn’t appreciate the gift don’t expect the giver to continue. I have 3 nieces like that. No matter what I give, it isn’t good enough. I buy something I know they like (scented lotions, books in a series), but not enough of it. I buy a gift card to their favorite store, and it’s not enough money. I buy an outfit and it’s not the right color. I buy a magazine subscription and they complain it was for one year instead of two, or two years instead of three. I don’t think they ever say “thank you” but give why it isn’t right. My kiddos have learned that you say thank you and something nice about the gift, even if it is “Thank you. It was so nice of you to think of me” when they don’t like it. I go out of my way on that because of those 3 nieces—who I don’t buy for anymore. When they asked last year where their gifts were, I smiled and said, “You don’t appreciate anything I pick out, so I thought I’d save you the complaints and me the time and skip it.”

By dictating gifts, you are being unappreciative. By saying, “I don’t like this…” you are being unappreciative. To say “I prefer…” is giving a head’s up. To say “I have always loved it when I received…” you are being helpful to the highest degree. Asking for a specific gift (or type) (even for the classroom) is the tackiest of all things, even when done by the school and not the teacher! Even saying, don’t buy for me is tacky, unless from the school as policy.

I never give mugs. I never give candles (I can’t stand them) or other scented items. I know if the break room is a bakers rack where scented items and other gifts a teacher wouldn’t use are placed so someone else who does like that stuff can take it home. I have given an ornament once—to a teacher who had a small tree in her classroom with the ornaments kids have given her on it. I do not do anything apple. Our PTO has a form the teachers fill out and give to the room moms; I make it a point to get a copy of that list. It has their favorites on it—favorite restaurant, favorite author, favorite snack, favorite flower (DS 2nd grade teacher filled in “allergic”), hobbies, favorite color, etc. I use that as a guide for teachers I don’t know well. I make it a point to try and get to know my kids teachers so I can, and often do, vary from that. Or get specific. I know which ones spend money on what in their classes. I know if they are avoiding a certain food item. So, I can buy a gift card to their favorite restaurant, but know it covers their favorite lunch.

BTW, the teachers I know that have wish lists, need those items sooner rather than later. I regularly send in rolls of paper towel to my kids teachers because if I don’t, they buy it themselves. The items on the book sale wish list, I give it them at the time of purchase. If someone doesn’t buy a book on the list, at the end, they buy it themselves so waiting doesn’t do any good. I include the gift for the classroom with every scholastic book order. When my son’s current teacher was thanking me, I told her not to. I’m selfish and want him to reap the benefits now, not later. I want to make her life easier only to make his experience better. I love her as a teacher, but my motives aren’t pure—this was for the class and not for her. She got the point that while she receives a benefit, but it is secondary, that is a gift for *the class*; when I do something for her, it would be for *her*.

 

[mrsltg]

Then we have to agree to disagree. While at the age of 26, I certainly won't give my grandma an actual list, I definitely will tell her what I would like if she asks. The same with my parents, sister, boyfriend, and anyone who asks who I know will end up buying me a gift anyway. They're asking because they would like to get me something I will enjoy. I don't think this is weird and I know many many people who do it. When I ask them, they tell me.

Fair enough. Do you add the caveat to Grandma that if she does not buy you what you want you're going to throw it away? If not, we're talking apples and oranges here.

 

[xanman]

Well, I have to say I am not surprised that this topic has generated so many responses. I did not bring this subject up to be cruel, demanding, mean or condescending. I was simply stating some truths as I and so many others know them, and as I said, that can be hard to hear. I know that there are some exceptions to my statements, as there always are, what is the saying "the exception that makes the rule", but for the most part I believe what I have stated is correct. If nothing else this thread has provoked a lot of thought and discussion, which for the most part, I believe has been healthy and informative. Some subjects are danced around when the best thing for all involved would be a frank discussion of the facts. I feel that we have been able to do that here, bringing to light a delicate situation that many may not have been comfortable with talking directly to their own child's teacher about. I think that alot of valuable information has been shared here and hopefully, will continue to be. The DIS community is a thoughtful, caring, intelligent and informative group with many members holding strong opinions. That we are able to have a spirited discussion at times and are able to agree to disagree and still be friends; for that I congratulate us all!

 

[irky416]

Fair enough. Do you add the caveat to Grandma that if she does not buy you what you want you're going to throw it away? If not, we're talking apples and oranges here.

Of course not. However, I do and I have said, "Wow! Thanks so much grandma, I love it!" but then in private either re-gift or throw away. Grandma never knows. (Actually, this happens with my dad more than my grandma! ) I was taught how to receive a gift, but that doesn't mean I have to like and use every single gift I receive. I don't think that makes me ungrateful because I do appreciate and love that she bothered to get me a gift she thought I would like, but I don't have room in my apartment for things I have no use for. (Especially knick-knacks which is what my dad tends to buy me every single Christmas!) Again, I know I'm not the only one who does this.

I think this is where this thread has gone awry and people have gotten their feelings hurt. No teacher would ever say to someone's face they don't like the gift, but when you're anonymous on the internet it's easy to say things without realizing that if you said it to someone you know it would hurt their feelings. Teachers are being honest and it's making others upset because they don't usually hear these things from anyone who they give a gift to because most people are taught how to receive gifts correctly whether they like the gift or not. Many times people would rather live in blissful ignorance than know the truth that they may not like.

 

[Goofy'slady]

Wow this tread is something else. HAHAHA! My eldest daughter goes to a public school here in Baltimore, MD and she attends one of many predominately black schools and let me tell you that I've spoken to many of the teachers and they've let me know that alot of parents don't even think to get the teacher a gift not because they can't afford it (because I live in an upper class area of the city and many of the parents are doing quite well for themselves) but because they themselves weren't raised buying the teacher a gift. While they do receive one or two gifts the majority walk out with nothing so when a parent does give them a gift they could care less where it came from, what it is, how it smells or anything just the fact that some one thought of them makes whatever the gift is all that more special. I usually give a gift card to my daughter's teacher, however, this year she has 3 and I'm not sure how I'll tackle getting them each something but I'll figure something out. With that said I'm almost 100% sure that whatever it is they'll be more than happy with it.

I feel almost sad to hear that people are in a sense taking other peoples hard earned cash and throwing it away because they've been getting the same gift for over 10, 15 or even 20 years. Before I did that I would rather send a meaningful letter home with the kids to the parents letting them know about the different options such as donating to a local or national chairity or other worthy cause before letting someone give me something and soon as they turn around throw it in the trash. Shucks I'm sure some of those gifts came from kids who may have saved a portion of their allowence to buy their favorite teacher something. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not that act alone wouldn't allow me to sleep at night if I were the teacher doing that.

And like Forrest Gump said "And that's all I have to say about that".

T.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Here here!

 

[mjkacmom]

I feel almost sad to hear that people are in a sense taking other peoples hard earned cash and throwing it away because they've been getting the same gift for over 10, 15 or even 20 years. Before I did that I would rather send a meaningful letter home with the kids to the parents letting them know about the different options such as donating to a local or national chairity or other worthy cause before letting someone give me something and soon as they turn around throw it in the trash. Shucks I'm sure some of those gifts came from kids who may have saved a portion of their allowence to buy their favorite teacher something. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not that act alone wouldn't allow me to sleep at night if I were the teacher doing that.

And like Forrest Gump said "And that's all I have to say about that".

T.

I think that is why OP started this thread - I know I would personally feel horrible tossing a coffee mug, or any gift given to me, but I honestly don't know where I would store the dozen or so I might get every year if I taught. I have 5 kids who buy my Christmas presents at the Holiday Boutique (dollar store stuff), and my Mother's Day gifts at the neighborhood garage sale that occurs here the weekend before. I treasure these gifts, and save them, but it is hard finding places for them. Teacher's probably have about 25 children in their classes - that's a lot of stuff!

And I'm guessing many parents would be up in arms if a letter came home, telling them what to give instead of gifts...

 

[disykat]

There are also teachers who really prefer not to get gifts at all. That would be my preference. I really don't connect receiving gifts to feeling appreciated. I'm more likely to feel appreciated in other ways. I think most people don't know their kid's teachers well enough to know what makes them feel appreciated, so you have to do what you know.

I think you need to do what you WANT to do when you give a gift. If you are excited to give a gift, do it. If you are only giving a gift because you think you have to, skip it.

I think most teachers are gracious enough to accept a gift in the spirit it is given. It won't always be the perfect match, but that's not the point!

I don't usually do teachers gifts. I show appreciation the way I like to be appreciated - time, kind words, etc. To my knowledge I've never had a teacher feel unappreciated by my family. Most people understand that people have different ways of showing that.

 

[Tinkabella]

Last year we bought movie certificates from Costco. Each certificate is good for two adults, a large popcorn and two drinks. (costs about 22$ in Canada...I'm not sure how much they are in the US)

My daughter wrote a note that said something like..."you work so hard teaching us and taking care of all you students...please treat yourself to a night out !) She also drew a picture of herself with her teacher and stuck the certificate right on her drawing.

Her teacher told me it was great to have a night out. She said she loved going to movies and it was a real treat.

 

[Tinkabella]

Last year we bought movie certificates from Costco. Each certificate is good for two adults, a large popcorn and two drinks. (costs about 22$ in Canada...I'm not sure how much they are in the US)

My daughter wrote a note that said something like..."you work so hard teaching us and taking care of all you students...please treat yourself to a night out !) She also drew a picture of herself with her teacher and stuck the certificate right on her drawing.

Her teacher told me it was great to have a night out. She said she loved going to movies and it was a real treat.

 

[BusyMom2Three]

Sadly, most schools no longer allow homemade treats for parties, they must be store bought. They are thrown away because there are too many issues with cleanliness, allergies and so on. Bakes sales are also no longer acceptable for fund raisers, just too much liability.

Actually, where I live about 50% of moms bring in cupcakes for their children's bdays and I can vouch that they are eaten. Bake sales are also very common fundraisers around here. And DD's teacher is always thrilled when I offer to bake a snack for the class because it will be organic and not full of chemicals and preservatives. We live in a fairly affluent, small to medium sized city with a lot of stay-at-home moms, if that makes a difference. So I guess it depends on the area. Ours is a pretty traditional area.

 

[Lovemydog]

Well I guess I get to keep the Yankee Candles I just ordered. When did candles become the new fruitcake. Maybe scratch tickets or a fistful of ones folded into an origami swan (my sarcasm is an attempt to lighten what has become a heated discussion). I do empathize with other posters who extend themselves to choose thoughtful gifts. Maybe I should just give everyone on my whole list the gift card. Would definitely simplify the process. Problem with them, is if the store goes bankrupt, they are not honored.

Ha-ha! Candles the new fruitcake! It so true--and it has been so for several years now. We have a family full of teachers, and anytime anyone gets a candle from one of them (or for that matter anything from B&BW) you know it's a regift. We laugh when we see my sister pull out a candle as a hostess gift, but when it comes to us from an aunt or something it kind of hurts your feelings because you know it wasn't meant for you...just came off the pile of teacher's gifts.
Although they appreciate ANY gift, gift cards and or/personal notes are the only way to go for teachers IMHO--if you don't want to waste your money and the world's resources on another useless gift.

 

[BusyMom2Three]

I am a single mom on a very tight budget. My little one gets special help from two different teachers and she has a student teacher. I don't know if its rude not to buy for all of them. I just simply can't buy for all of them so i am sticking to just their main teachers. I would like to acknowledge them in some way. I am sure that they understand people just can't afford to get too much. I know one is a Dunkin Donuts fanatic, but since we are on a budget do you think a $10.00 gift card is too cheap? I don't want my daughter's to be the only one in their class that doesn't give their teacher anything so we will give something, but it can't be much.

$10 is def. not too cheap. I posted a thread a couple days gao about what people give their teachers and a lot of people gave $5 GCs to Starbucks or something similar. I think that is what I'm doing this year. A $5 GC to Dunkin Donuts would buy several doughnuts!

 

[BusyMom2Three]

The gift that I remember most of all was a ring from a little boy. He told his mom that he wanted to marry me when he grew up, and that is what the ring was for. I wore it proudly all year. Twelve years later it is still in my jewelry box. I get it out and put it on when I need a reminder about why I teach. It's the thought that counts, sometimes we all need reminded of that. (Myself included!)

That is so incredibly sweet!

Some of these posts from teachers are so heartwarming; some should be ashamed of themselves. For the moms who feel like their gifts will be picked over with snootiness, give your gift anyway--yes, there are always a few rotten apples in every barrel, but don't let them spoil your good intentions when it seems most likely your teachers will appreciate them. This is the reason DH never gives to homeless people, but I figure I shouldn't hurt the good people by stopping my good deeds because a couple might use my money, gift, or what-have-you in a negative or unappreciative way. If I were a teacher (I used to teach college PT but now stay home), I would def. have a teacher tree.

 

[belle&beast]

I am a speech therapist in a preschool and I don't get all the gifts classroom teachers do. But I will say the best gift I received was an accordian folded picture strip with pictures of the little boy holding the letters T,H,A,N,K,S and a note from his mom on the back. This little guy has autism and I know it was a task for her to get him to hold multiple letters and smile for pictures. It meant the world to me knowing that she wanted to do something so special to acknowledge the people who work with him.

As a mom, I am letting my kids pick out gifts for their teachers. DS4 decided his preschool teachers need coffee (they drink it constantly) so I will probably get Starbucks gift cards. My SIL sells Gold Canyon candles and my DD7 wants to pick out a special candle for her teacher. I started to rethink this after reading some of the posts, but that is what my DD wants to give her teacher, and that is what we will do. I baked for the specials teachers last year and I had people ask for the recipe, so I think they liked it. If I have time, I will do it again.

 

[Crystal0608]

I guess I'm guilty of giving all the unwanted teacher gifts! One year I gave some candles (I think yankee) that supported breast cancer & smelled really good. Another I had handmade beaded angel ornaments with each teachers name made that supported a local girl scout troup, actually have some myself. And possibly the worst I frequently give out bath & body works and yummy chocolates or gourmet candy, such nerve of me! I ALWAYS give a wallet or 4x6 each year to the kids teachers (& previous year teachers) with a card from me- some actually tell me they love looking at how much they've grown. I also save up ink cartridges from work & trade them in for $3 certificates at the office supply store to buy school supplies to add in the teacher's baskets and sometimes I buy GENERIC brands if they are on sale .

Back in 5th grade, we were VERY low income (like no presents for me even- no $$) and my teacher loved cows, so I saved up my own money and bought some gawdy pierced cow earrings for the teacher. Then I found out she only wore clip ons & I cried my eyes out, but the teacher consoled me that when she got her ears peirced she would wear them all the time. It make me feel better, but if I would have known she would probably throw them away it would have really hurt my feelings. So teachers keep in mind, sometimes the gift is from a childs heart and to just throw it away???

 

[mrsklamc]

OK, I didn't read the whole thing but enough to get the gist...and my problem here is, with all these teachers, no one else was disturbed by the phrase, "I substitute teached"?