The "Newest" Moms Hangout...

[Piecey]

We just booked a trip for November. I am going to have to look into this.

I'm actually thinking about canceling ours...

I realize this has nothing to do with being a mom... so this really isn't the place at all for it. I also realize I ramble on about nothing sometimes and I'm sorry for that and sorry I'm going to do it again. I'm just so lost.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't even know how to begin to find an answer. I don't know that there even is one...

Some of you may remember from the Moms-to-Be thread that my DH has severe PTSD issues... they started after we were married. While he's never hit/thrown an object at me, his 'episodes' are generally violent.
When we found out I was pregnant I told him if he didn't get help, I'd leave. He got help. He has since gotten angry with the Dr.'s because all they do is give him pills. He stopped getting help. Things were okay, so I left it alone.
The last few weeks, though, things have worsened.

He doesn't know what causes it to happen. Afterward, he doesn't remember anything about the 'episode' especially not the things that "frighten" me... so he gets angry at me for crying, being afraid, etc. because "there is no reason to be upset" and that I'm "blowing things out of proportion"... rarely can I get him to remember the specific things that scared me. He gets angry when he's calmed down and I can't "just let it go" after he says that he is sorry. I try but I can't always pull it together that quickly.
He was a Marine, and he is still in shape and very strong. I honestly do fear him when this happens. But I'm also fearful of leaving him. I am fairly certain he'd hurt himself if I did, though I do not know to what extent. During these episodes he talks about suicide a lot. I love him and don't know what I'd do if I left and...

He tells me that he doesn't need help. He's in denial, obviously.

I know I *should* leave. Protect Lucas and myself... but I feel like such a traitor to turn my back on him. Knowing that it might kill him (literally) and knowing he can't exactly help it. He's a 3 time combat veteran. He keeps telling me he refuses to revisit "the dark places" so even if he agreed to see someone it would do no good, as he won't talk about "the dark places"

5 minutes after the episode he's perfectly happy. Asking me what my plans are for the evening, playing with Lucas, watching TV. It's bizarre but according to the VA (which I pretty much hate with every fiber of my being now) it's perfectly textbook of a PTSD 'episode'...

I know there is no answer.. and I know it's something I've got to figure out for myself. I just feel.... helpless, I guess.

 

[december]

I'm actually thinking about canceling ours...



I realize this has nothing to do with being a mom... so this really isn't the place at all for it. I also realize I ramble on about nothing sometimes and I'm sorry for that and sorry I'm going to do it again. I'm just so lost.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't even know how to begin to find an answer. I don't know that there even is one...

Some of you may remember from the Moms-to-Be thread that my DH has severe PTSD issues... they started after we were married. While he's never hit/thrown an object at me, his 'episodes' are generally violent.
When we found out I was pregnant I told him if he didn't get help, I'd leave. He got help. He has since gotten angry with the Dr.'s because all they do is give him pills. He stopped getting help. Things were okay, so I left it alone.
The last few weeks, though, things have worsened.

He doesn't know what causes it to happen. Afterward, he doesn't remember anything about the 'episode' especially not the things that "frighten" me... so he gets angry at me for crying, being afraid, etc. because "there is no reason to be upset" and that I'm "blowing things out of proportion"... rarely can I get him to remember the specific things that scared me. He gets angry when he's calmed down and I can't "just let it go" after he says that he is sorry. I try but I can't always pull it together that quickly.
He was a Marine, and he is still in shape and very strong. I honestly do fear him when this happens. But I'm also fearful of leaving him. I am fairly certain he'd hurt himself if I did, though I do not know to what extent. During these episodes he talks about suicide a lot. I love him and don't know what I'd do if I left and...

He tells me that he doesn't need help. He's in denial, obviously.

I know I *should* leave. Protect Lucas and myself... but I feel like such a traitor to turn my back on him. Knowing that it might kill him (literally) and knowing he can't exactly help it. He's a 3 time combat veteran. He keeps telling me he refuses to revisit "the dark places" so even if he agreed to see someone it would do no good, as he won't talk about "the dark places"

5 minutes after the episode he's perfectly happy. Asking me what my plans are for the evening, playing with Lucas, watching TV. It's bizarre but according to the VA (which I pretty much hate with every fiber of my being now) it's perfectly textbook of a PTSD 'episode'...

I know there is no answer.. and I know it's something I've got to figure out for myself. I just feel.... helpless, I guess.

I'm so sorry, Patsy

I don't have any wonderful advice, but I do hope you will put yourself and Lucas 1st. You can't stay miserable in order to protect him. I *think* if it was me, I'd insist he get some serious therapy (and visit those dark places) or I'd be gone. I couldn't live my life in that kind of fear. But I'm not in your situation, so *think* is all I can do. And what I would have done in my 20s is much different than what I would do now, I'm sure. I wish I could help!

And I think this thread is for all our issues, so please vent away.

 

[Piecey]

I'm so sorry, Patsy

I don't have any wonderful advice, but I do hope you will put yourself and Lucas 1st. You can't stay miserable in order to protect him. I *think* if it was me, I'd insist he get some serious therapy (and visit those dark places) or I'd be gone. I couldn't live my life in that kind of fear. But I'm not in your situation, so *think* is all I can do. And what I would have done in my 20s is much different than what I would do now, I'm sure. I wish I could help!

And I think this thread is for all our issues, so please vent away.

Yeah, I can't decide.

Either way to me seems like a loss. :-/

 

[staley7580]

I'm so sorry, Patsy

I don't have any wonderful advice, but I do hope you will put yourself and Lucas 1st. You can't stay miserable in order to protect him. I *think* if it was me, I'd insist he get some serious therapy (and visit those dark places) or I'd be gone. I couldn't live my life in that kind of fear. But I'm not in your situation, so *think* is all I can do. And what I would have done in my 20s is much different than what I would do now, I'm sure. I wish I could help!

And I think this thread is for all our issues, so please vent away.

I agree with everything she said. Everything! Maybe if you went to stay with your mom and dad for a bit, he would be more open to therapy? I dont know, but I really hope things get better for you. and please.. vent away! I know that I bring stuff here that has nothing to do with the babies.

Yeah, I can't decide.

Either way to me seems like a loss. :-/

 

[Piecey]

I agree with everything she said. Everything! Maybe if you went to stay with your mom and dad for a bit, he would be more open to therapy? I dont know, but I really hope things get better for you. and please.. vent away! I know that I bring stuff here that has nothing to do with the babies.

I'm more afraid of being gone than I am of staying here.
Is that crazy?? I don't even know anymore. I just can't stop thinking about what he might do if I left.

He has no one. His family is... well, he doesn't consider them *Family*... let us leave it at that.
Lucas and I are it. And I don't feel it's fair to take his son and go when he honestly doesn't see the problem, kwim? It's one thing if he understood... but he doesn't. He doesn't know why I was afraid, why he made me cry... he just doesn't see it.

I just feel like such a selfish witch to threaten to take his son (which I did tonight) from him... whenever his issues are, yes, his... but they're from things that I can never begin to understand... and things he truly never should have had to of seen.
How do you fight with that?

At one point, when he was calm, he asked me why I did something. I didn't even do what he accused me of! He's in a completely different world when these 'episodes' hit... (The same thing has happened before. He's thought I'd done/said something and been confused later when it clearly hadn't happened.)


I clearly can't sleep.

He's in bed thinking everything is peaches and cream. I'd really like to think that.
I know, without a doubt, that he would never hurt either of us on purpose. But when these 'episodes' hit... he's not him anymore.

 

[staley7580]

The number one thing you need to do is protect your baby, and yourself. I know he isnt trying to hurt you, or Lucas... But if looses control, and doesnt know what he is doing, you have a baby there that CANNOT protect himself. I know that you dont want to hurt him, but how would you feel if he did something and hurt the baby? How would HE FEEL if he hurt him? You and Lucas should be his #1 motivation for getting help.

 

[staley7580]

Oy... i didnt mean to come off all crazy. Im sorry. I just know how it is not to feel safe with someone that you are supposed to trust . I guess just try to talk to him and lay it all out there. its tough stuff.

 

[rparmfamily]

Patsy,
Your situation sounds very serious. I think it is very important for your DH get help and you too. Have you tried militaryonesource.com? They are like the military's clearing house for help and even though he's not in now, you guys are dealing with PTSD and DH seems to think they can help you guys. It's anonymous and you can just call the 800#. The 800# is available 24/7.

http://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/Navy.aspx?MRole=Family&Branch=Navy&Component=Active

 

[december]

Patsy, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you today. I wish there was more I could do.

 

[Disney Ron]

Patsy, like everyone else said...vent away. We are here for you no matter what the topic. Please put you and Lucas first. I really have no advice just . I am concerned that you have to deal with this.

 

[Laura]

I have no advice either, Piecey. I just hope you find a solution soon. You do need to think of yourself and Lucas first.

 

[MinnieFan4ever]

Patsy- have you tried to record these episodes. Does your phone record things? Maybe if he heard or saw what he does, it might make him seek help. I would wait until a time when the two of you are alone and he is willing to talk to show him the tape. I don't know, maybe it would help. I am so sorry that you have to go thru this.

 

[Maggimus]

Hey girls! I lurk here. Ill be 38wks on Monday so I should be officially joining you soon! However.. i feel connected with you girls since we were pregnant together, so I go ahead and lurk- I hope you dont mind!

Patsy- I dont know what to say. In all honestly-- im worried for you, but then again know that things can be much more complex than outsiders can ever imagine. Just know that I will be praying for you and your family and that I care about ya! Please let me know if there is anything I can do, outside of prayer.

 

[Piecey]

We don't mind at all, Maggie.

I loved having people to share my pregnancy with and I know what you're saying.. it does feel like a bond.


I appreciate the advice, and the opportunity to vent.

He woke me up this morning, crawled back into bed with me, told me he loved us and that he'd go to anger management counseling or therapy or whatever. No one that prescribes, no one that will force him to go to "the dark places" but I figure this is a step in the right direction.

I don't know how effective they'll be with the PTSD issues but if they can help him understand and recognize when he starts to get angry I figure that is a plus.

Now I've just got to find someone.


I also just switched us from CBR to CSR.
I think he'll be happier at CSR, they have a gym. He enjoys working out a lot... I figure that is something small I can do to make his trip more enjoyable.

 

[Piecey]

For those that aren't on Facebook....

I love this picture, but at the same time... he looks like a little man!

One of my fellow DIS DCL cruisers from 06 mailed me that outfit... I think it's super cute.

 

[rparmfamily]

Ohh he's such a handsome little man!! Don't you get sad at how fast they grow? We just had our babies in June and look at them now!! Smiling,etc!!

 

[Piecey]

Ohh he's such a handsome little man!! Don't you get sad at how fast they grow? We just had our babies in June and look at them now!! Smiling,etc!!

Thank you!

And yeah, it's crazy to me!!!

My camera started to die (and I can't find the charger.. ) whenever I was taking those pictures. By the time I finally got him to smile, the camera messed up and blocked out half the picture.

 

[december]

Patsy, it does sound like he loves you and wants to get better. Just be careful.

Maggie, I'm glad you are doing ok! I had to unsubscribe from the other thread to make myself quit posting over there!

 

[Piecey]

I never thought about unsubscribing! Thats a though.

I still feel like I need to read it when it pops up that there is a new post.


Lucas HATES being on his belly. It's starting to frustrate me a little. Everyone says he NEEDS belly time, but I guess I fail to see why... especially if he is so miserable.
Any thoughts?

 

[december]

We tried tummy time-a few times. Katie was miserable. So I did a search, and not everyone recommends it. Some info says it isn't recommended until the baby can roll over by themselves. So I didn't stress, and she is rolling like a champ now. She is much happier on her belly now that she can get there by herself, and can hold her head up.