April 11, 2010
Day 1, Part 2 In Which We Actually Get On A Plane And Go Somewhere (Not Disney World, But Whatever!)
We finally boarded the plane! I got the window seat while mom sat in the middle next to some guy she would attempt make friends with so it would be less awkward when she had to get up to pee.
I said 84 prayers and begged God to keep us safe. I said, “If you do, every Sunday I will go to Pizza Hut.” Which was incredible because that joke hadn’t even aired on 30 Rock yet. Heh heh.
My mom and I squeezed each other’s hands tightly upon take off which happened around 6:15 AM. I LOVE flying. But I also hate it. Because it’s scary and you are IN THE AIR in a giant tin can coffin. I mean, whuck? It’s just crazy. But I LOVE IT. Because it’s freakin’ FLYING, man. Really. It’s AWESOME. And it blows my mind that thousands of flights go off without a hitch every single day all around the world. But there’s that teeny tiny chance that I will end up as hairy as Tom Hanks in Cast Away or worse (as hairy as Robin Williams in his regular life) and that scares the living crap out of me.
This flight was only to be a little over an hour because we were connecting in Charlotte, NC. I hate connecting. I hate getting on the plane and knowing that when we land, I still won't be at Disney. I hate that, with two flights, there is more opportunity for something to go wrong. So I usually NEVER book us a connecting flight. It usually costs a bit more, but direct flights are worth it to me. This time though, for the both of us to fly down there direct, it would have been about $200 more than if we did a quick layover in Charlotte, NC. $200 more to spend on the Mouse? If anyone needs more money, it's Disney, so we booked it. Our flight on the way home was direct, and thank God, because being the emotional wreck I was when we left, I don't think I could have handled two flights! What do you guys think? I know people who hate connecting but will do it to save money no matter what, but I can't be alone on the whole dreaded layover thing.
The flight was mostly uneventful (Thank you, God! I will keep the Pizza Hut promise. I promise!). I read my PassPorter and the awesome 10th Anniversary Issue of O Magazine. Which mostly just consisted of Oprah and her friends going on and on about nothing. Which I eat up like potatoes and gravy! She’s got her ish figured out, that Oprah. So I read the articles she writes about how stressful her latest photoshoot was and I take notes. You must do this too in order to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE. GO!!!!!!!!
I took this picture:
And listened to a super old episode of Smodcast. Which I pretty much know by heart at this point. Cheers if you know what that is. It was the episode “Scott-land”. One of the best. HILARIOUS!! Not that I could focus though. On anything except the grand Mouse himself.
The Charlotte airport rocked...ish. They had all kinds of food places (also called restaurants) but I was in search of a McDonald’s. I never eat McDonald’s because it is vile. But it is also DELICIOUS and I was on freakin’ vacation, man. Sausage(ish) McMuffins are full of nutrition and void of calories while on your way to Disney. Yeah. Look it up and then come at me.
We didn’t want to lug our carry-ons all around the airport (we don't have practical, rolling carry-ons like smart people) so my mom waited back at the gate with the bags while I searched for a McDonald’s.
I looked at the long, long, LONG list of fast food eateries, a lot of which I had never even heard of before. Of course they had EVERYTHING except McDonald’s. I’m pretty sure they invented and built yet another fast food place in the 8,000 minutes I was wandering around looking for a McDonald’s. But no dice. So when I actually read the list instead of just scanning it for the golden arches I saw that they had a WOLFGANG PUCK EXPRESS!!!!!! Holy toledo~! Just like at Disney!!! Since I planned for us to visit the Downtown Disney WPE location later in the day for lunch, I wasn't going to get it at the airport at first. Then I realized I had never tried breakfast there, so I decided to set out in search of it anyway.
Yeah… that plan went south. The Charlotte airport is confusing, ok? I laughed because I am OBSESSED with Wolfgang Puck Express. In any other situation I would have not given up until I found the place but since I had access to it later in the day I gave up sort of fast. You MUST go to Wolfgang’s. Trust me on this one. If there was one by my house I would be the World’s Fattest Woman. Unfortunately I only get to eat there while at Disney. And apparently… at the Charlotte airport. Only NOT because it is located in the Bermuda Triangle of Fast Food Places aka Restaurants and you will not find it.
I walked back and forth about 27 times trying to find the Secret Passage that would lead me to The Land of Wolfgang Deliciousness and someone approached me and asked where I was flying to and when my flight left. Um... what? "Who are you and... what? Go away." was my immediate response. Only I didn't say that because I realized they worked at the airport. Obviously I looked lost and late for a flight when really I just frantically wanted random, processed animal parts on some bread with a fake piece of cheese in there somewhere. It turns out they were trying to sell me some frequent flyer deal and offered no apology when I complained about the lack of McDonald’s. The nerve!
I looked at my phone and realized we were going to board in like 20 minutes. I had wandered around so long that my mom had sent about 35 texts to me. Oops. I hurried back to our gate and apologized to my mom though I wasn’t really to blame. I blame: the Charlotte airport, McDonald’s, the city of Charlotte, the mayor of Charlotte, and most of all: Ronald McDonald. He should make sure things like this do not happen to hungry travelers. What a fraud.
I sat with our bags while my mom went out in search of food. We barely had time now and so she just came back with a diet soda. ALL OF THIS could have been avoided if I ruled the world is the point of this story. And now I’m off. Cause I'm SOSOSO tired and this is going to be a crazy week. I think I am actually tired IN ADVANCE. Sorry if this update was even less coherent than usual. Up next: We get on another plane and maybe to Disney? Nah, not yet. But we will PROBABLY get to Orlando at least. Not without a few mishaps, of course.
Cheers and thanks for reading!!! Have a MAGICAL day!
Except don't avoid Epcot, because y'all just know you want to have your socks rocked off by this amazing performance. And watch out, Off Kilter. You think you're so popular with your Canadian rock songs. But just wait because pretty soon there's going to be a new number one, most favorite musical performance in Epcot, suckers!!
Can you please share some stories about your acting life and different celebrities you have met? I know it wouldnt neccesarily be Disney-related but you kind of have a much more glamorous life than some of us!
I cannot wait to hear about your trip! Please don't be long!
I want to talk to you!!!
