Thanksgiving as a guest question

[DisneyHardin]

In our family, my stepmom makes all the basics (turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans) and we bring our “specialties”. I’m always in charge of appetizers, my Sister in law makes dumplings, etc.

 

[jrmasm]

Just curious what others think. If you invite family over for Thanksgiving (or any holiday for that matter), do you ask them to bring anything? I was asked to bring 3 different items. Maybe it's just personal preference, but if I decide to have a lunch or party or something at my house, I wouldn't ask people to bring anything.

Opinions?

Since you said family, I don't think it's a big deal to ask family to bring a dish or two.

 

[gotomu212]

If it’s a normal dinner than I expect to provide everything as the host.

BUT for Thanksgiving and Christmas our immediate extended family (mom, sister, brother, and their spouses and kids) each family brings stuff. They are big holiday meals. One of the local siblings will supply their house as the meeting spot but we wouldn’t expect her to shoulder all the work and costs of the meals too. They aren’t “her Thanksgiving meal”, it’s “the Doe Family Thanksgiving” if that makes sense.

 

[wvjules]

We go to DBFs sisters every year and everyone brings something. They are making the bacon wrapped turkey and ham. I am mashed potatoes and bacon green beans and I’m making a pumpkin chocolate cake this year. Her MIL makes the best rolls and gravy and stuffing, others bring other sides and desserts. It’s fun and I love trying different peoples food.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree with others, a dinner party, I’m not asking anyone to bring something, but I’ll ask the host, at the very least bringing wine. For a family holiday meal, just tell me what to bring, everyone contributes. Some are assigned sides and desserts, looks like you got assigned the bachelor goods of drive by the grocery store on the way. You got off easy!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

It's a family holiday not a person throwing their own party and asking for food donations. Family holidays are a lot of work and a lot of money for the family that hosts. I hosted Christmas last year for 41 people. I am one of the few houses in the family that can somewhat manage this number of people. If I had to do all that work and pay for 100% of everything without my family helping that would be a bit unfair don't you think?

Thankfully in my family, no matter the reason for the party, we all instantly RSVP and include "what can I bring". We all try as much as possible to bring what we can so we are all contributing to our family gatherings and not leaving 100% of the work and expense on one family alone.

 

[verleniahall]

I can't imagine NOT bringing something - even if your not asked

 

[Wendy31]

I agree w/ the other posters as well.

If it’s “family” gathering for a family holiday, most of the time everyone brings something... no matter who is hosting.

And most of the time everyone brings the same thing every year.

DH & I host Thanksgiving, & we provide/prepare/cook the turkey, mashed potatoes & gravy, green beans, roasted squash & apples, mac & cheese, cranberry sauce, deviled eggs, relish tray, drinks, & a couple of desserts. My mom is bringing the dressing, sweet potato casserole, baked beans, an orange jello salad, rolls, & dessert. My sister is bringing corn soufflé, kale & cranberry salad, & 2 desserts.

At Christmas, my mom hosts, & we divide up the dishes similarly. When DH’s mom or his brother & his wife host, we always bring a dish or two.

For family holiday gatherings, the menu gets discussed back & forth, & everyone decides what they’ll bring.

However, for dinner parties, birthdays, & similar events, I never ask anyone to bring anything.

If we’ve been invited to a dinner party or similar, I always ask, “Can I bring anything?” And I always, at the very least, bring a hostess gift.

As another poster said, I would never just show up to an event though w/ a dish that’s supposed to be eaten right then during the dinner or party unless I’ve talked to the host... many times, for things like a dinner party (not a family holiday gathering) a hostess has already planned the menu, & an unexpected dish may not be welcomed.

To answer your question, though, if I’m hosting a family holiday & a family member, who was invited, didn’t ask or offer to bring anything initially, no, I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable asking the person to bring something.

But, in both my & DH’s families, I just don’t think that would ever happen. Everyone always asks & discusses - “What can we bring?”

 

[anniemae]

I can't imagine NOT bringing something - even if your not asked

I know. As a pp stated, the sheer cost to the family hosting the holiday is huge. It does not seem fair to lay that all on them. Anything to ease the financial burden is the least I could do.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I've been asked to make or bring certain dishes to holidays or other gatherings. I'll bring something anyway so I am more than happy to bring something that the hosts can use which will lessen their burden.

We once had a party and told everyone we have it covered...don't worry about it. Everyone brought a dessert. There were 16 people all together and we had 2 dozen cupcakes, a regular cake, 2 pies, 2 cartons of ice cream, brownies and a platter of cookies. After that, if someone asked what they can bring, I named a few things to avoid that from happening again.

 

[Wendy31]

If it’s a normal dinner than I expect to provide everything as the host.

BUT for Thanksgiving and Christmas our immediate extended family (mom, sister, brother, and their spouses and kids) each family brings stuff. They are big holiday meals. One of the local siblings will supply their house as the meeting spot but we wouldn’t expect her to shoulder all the work and costs of the meals too. They aren’t “her Thanksgiving meal”, it’s “the Doe Family Thanksgiving” if that makes sense.

That’s it exactly!

I just didn’t decide to throw myself a Thanksgiving Party.

The whole extended family is gathering at our house for the holiday.

But it’s The Family Thanksgiving.

 

[neverlandsky]

As a host I never ask.

As a guest I always bring something room temp in a throw away tray and/or spirits even if the host didn’t ask.

 

[skittles67]

We do potluck style get-togethers where everyone brings a side, dessert or drink item and the main course is supplied by the host.

This is how we do it in my family also. We always text or call each other so we don't all show up with similar items. We know my sister will always bring the desserts and my SIL will always make her stuffing since we all love it!

 

[Floridaman999]

This is how we do it in my family also. We always text or call each other so we don't all show up with similar items. We know my sister will always bring the desserts and my SIL will always make her stuffing since we all love it!

We have certain family members who are known for their special dishes so we almost don't even need to communicate who's bringing what because it's already a given. We do of course still text and call just to make sure but it's almost a guarantee that we already know who is bringing what.

 

[mousefan73]

Just curious what others think. If you invite family over for Thanksgiving (or any holiday for that matter), do you ask them to bring anything? I was asked to bring 3 different items. Maybe it's just personal preference, but if I decide to have a lunch or party or something at my house, I wouldn't ask people to bring anything.

Opinions?

IMO if I am just throwing a dinner, birthday ir just for fun party. I would not ask a guest to bring anything. Unless that guest has some awesome thing they make. My friend makes the best apple cake so I hint basically ask if she has time to bring it. Guests as a thank you bring wine or something if it’s fancy or an occasion.

Now Holidays are different
IMO. For Holidays one poor soul has to host. Whether it’s family or a group of friends. Gathering would take place regardless if at your house or a family/ friends house. It’s like instead of renting a party room. Someone is “chosen” to host. Whether it’s at mom’s cause she is the Head or if siblings rotate. Here host can and IMO should request people pitch in. This is a gathering for celebration. Not a “party”.

 

[Allison]

For events like this, we all contribute.

 

[Kellydelly]

Yes you should expect to contribute to a family Thanksgiving meal. With the items you were asked to bring you got off easy, that stuff will take you zero effort.

 

[jerseygal]

I always ask what I can bring, if the host is vague then I would let them know in advance what I am bringing so the host can plan the meal and there are few duplications. I would never go “empty handed” as hosting a Holiday Large Family meal is a big endeavor and I think that it makes it even more special and festive when everyone contributes to a large family get together!

 

[BLAZEY]

It completely depends on the event for me and my family. We do potluck style get-togethers where everyone brings a side, dessert or drink item and the main course is supplied by the host. We also do events where everything is covered by the host. My answer would be either/or for this one.

Yes that's how we work it too. Appy, side, or desserts are brought by family. Main dish, spuds and one side are done by the host. Specifics are worked out before to prevent duplicates.

 

[willowsnn3]

For non family guests I would not ask but absolutely yes to asking family.

My youngest dd is hosting this year as her dad is living with her now and he is not able to get out much.

She planned & assigned items to each of us, lol. She is doing cole slaw, collards and misc. stuff.

I'm doing the turkey, hash brown casserole, macaroni salad & banana pudding.
Older dd is doing her crockpot dressing, deviled eggs, and a couple of pies and rolls.
Son is doing a ham and his girlfriend is doing baked mac & cheese.