Teen daughter - vent

[Disneylover99]

Maybe it's just me. But I wouldn't care if I knew about it in advance. I still wouldn't like it, especially if it was used in an argument with my parents. Honestly, no wonder the girl wants to be out on her own more.

I don’t think any of us would like it. I’m just saying if you grow up with it, it might not be something you think about or care about.

 

[jo-jo]

Aren't there several companies like Ring or something with Amazon Alexa that brags what a great thing is it, to have camera's inside your home? See what pets are doing during the day. Check on house while you're on vacation. Just like the baby monitor but in more rooms.

 

[Donald13]

Step 1: Don't ask for parenting advice on Disboards.

So much this! And don’t back peddle when given advice you don’t like.

 

[Disneylover99]

Aren't there several companies like Ring or something with Amazon Alexa that brags what a great thing is it, to have camera's inside your home? See what pets are doing during the day. Check on house while you're on vacation. Just like the baby monitor but in more rooms.

I think you’re right. It is becoming more common.

 

[dez1978]

I'm just going to add that I wouldn't want my kids going to a daycare staffed by so many teenagers. Not that teenagers can't be great workers, but in our experience, they are not the greatest in daycare situtations. The daycare my kids have been at for the last 8 years, until about 2 years ago, they had a ton of hs seniors working there before and after school, or half days and it was awful. So many problems.. Then a couple of years ago some rules changed that made it to where minors couldn't be counted as teachers for kid to teacher ratio so they ended up hiring adults and it is so much smoother. Every single major incident that ever occured for my kids and the kids of friends happened when a teenager was in charge. Including when other kids broke my then 3 year olds foot, 3 bones. The teacher told me he was running and stubbed his toe, leading me to think it was just a broken toe at most. the next day when he was still in a lot of pain took him to the er and when they were giving me side eye, I had the day care send me the video of the incident and sure enough 3 other kids were wrestling with mine while the 2 teenage girls in the room were showing each other stuff on their phones facing the other direction. You could clearly see the moment it happened and the fact that the "teachers" were oblivious to what was going on.

 

[dez1978]

I wonder if a family meeting can be called? Mom and Dad work so many hours a week, with our salary, we pay this , that , the other. If one of us cuts back, we would also need to cut out XYZ. From time to time, you read stories of mom goes to work, after paying for childcare, work clothes, etc, there isn't much left over from pay check. Might be better all around if one parent can cut back hours, cut back on extras, but have more peace in the house.

Of course, many jobs, you can't just say, I'l like to work 25 hours, not 40. But maybe it might happen.

In this current staffing climate, I doubt any healthcare place is going to be ok with an employee cutting back hours enough to make a significant difference at home.

 

[jo-jo]

In this current staffing climate, I doubt any healthcare place is going to be ok with an employee cutting back hours enough to make a significant difference at home.

I've very much out of the working loop.

 

[pinkxray]

I can’t address everything since I am working but as far as the camera.
Yes they are pretty much baby monitors. The living room one was there when DD4 was a baby. The dining room one came from her bedroom once she started sleeping through the night.
Am I the only one dealing with any effects of Covid?We placed the dining room one last year for online learning. I can’t be two places at once. Dd7 was home every Wed all year online. I was able to keep an eye on him while dealing with younger DD. Otherwise he ended up playing under the table.
They aren’t on all the time, it is very clear when they are in use and DD can turn them around any times she chooses if she is in that room.

And I only work 3 days a week. I quit full time when covid hit.
I only pick up extra shifts on days DH is home. For instance, I picked up the two days bc Dh is home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm just going to add that I wouldn't want my kids going to a daycare staffed by so many teenagers

Why does this even matter?

Investigate where you send your kids no matter what in-home or at a facility. We're not on that side of the discussion about a parent trying to figure out if they would send their kid to daycare depending on just who comprised of the staff so what's the point in even bringing it up?

 

[dez1978]

Why does this even matter?

Investigate where you send your kids no matter what in-home or at a facility. We're not on that side of the discussion about a parent trying to figure out if they would send their kid to daycare depending on just who comprised of the staff so what's the point in even bringing it up?

because it popped into my head and I wanted to bring it up...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

because it popped into my head and I wanted to bring it up...

I know we're all free and all to discuss pretty much whatever it just was more like a comment just to say something negative about a potential workplace to what end I don't know.

Don't send your kids to be at a place with other teens that's certainly your choice. IIRC you don't have the highest opinion of teen workers anyways.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don’t think any of us would like it. I’m just saying if you grow up with it, it might not be something you think about or care about.

I guarantee I would still hate it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A lot of people have had a rough nearly 2 years the entire globe is just one big mess really. It's one of the reasons most of us get it in varying levels and degrees but I do think Karin1984 a page back put down the thoughts well just in how it probably started from the OP making this thread to it all. New Year's is right around the corner now and even though we're all supposed to be creeping in really nice and slow into this new year it may be a good time to start off on a different foot

 

[cedricandsophie]

Maybe I’m old school, being 71, with grown daughters but. I honestly don’t understand the deference most people are giving to this spoiled brat. It’s parents obligation to provide safe and clean home, hugs, love, adequate clothing and food, good role modeling and if deserved access to a good education. Phones, cars, etc are extraneous and should only be provided when there is gratitude and an understanding of what is expected in retuen, which is to be active and participative, loving member of the family. that means helping out as needed, cleaning her room, simple cooking, laundry, etc. not complaining and whining about her poor lot in life and how abused she is.
of course she should get a job and figure out how to get there. Her wages should go towards paying for her currently provided luxuries. I’m sure she is currently thinking all her money will be her own to spend as she wishes. She needs to understand that as a member of the family she too has obligstions. there is no doubt that once she gets a job she will be complaining about that too…the hours, the boss, the rules, tc

thsts what teenage girls do…whine and complain because their life is awful, their parents are stupid and mean and they want to be ‘free’. It’s our job as parents to redirect thst built in *****iness toward learning what freedom really means. Shouting and anger doesn’t have to be part of parenting, because all that does is prove their point that parents are worthless and mean spirited. Calm discussions laying out the rules and expectations with consequences are the only thing that these youngsters understand.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Maybe I’m old school, being 71, with grown daughters but. I honestly don’t understand the deference most people are giving to this spoiled brat. It’s parents obligation to provide safe and clean home, hugs, love, adequate clothing and food, good role modeling and if deserved access to a good education. Phones, cars, etc are extraneous and should only be provided when there is gratitude and an understanding of what is expected in retuen, which is to be active and participative, loving member of the family. that means helping out as needed, cleaning her room, simple cooking, laundry, etc. not complaining and whining about her poor lot in life and how abused she is.
of course she should get a job and figure out how to get there. Her wages should go towards paying for her currently provided luxuries. I’m sure she is currently thinking all her money will be her own to spend as she wishes. She needs to understand that as a member of the family she too has obligstions. there is no doubt that once she gets a job she will be complaining about that too…the hours, the boss, the rules, tc

thsts what teenage girls do…whine and complain because their life is awful, their parents are stupid and mean and they want to be ‘free’. It’s our job as parents to redirect thst built in *****iness toward learning what freedom really means. Shouting and anger doesn’t have to be part of parenting, because all that does is prove their point that parents are worthless and mean spirited. Calm discussions laying out the rules and expectations with consequences are the only thing that these youngsters understand.

Did you read through the entire thread? The daughter did find a job and transportation and her parents still said no. How does that make her a spoiled brat? From what the OP has said, the daughter has never said she won’t pay for her stuff. She just wants a job outside the house and doesn’t want to be responsible for watching her siblings. That isn’t an unreasonable request.

All we know is the OPs side of the story and nothing she has said has led me to believe the daughter is a spoiled brat. How did you jump to the daughter saying she’s abused? It has led me to believe there is some underlying control factor we’re not aware of on why she’s so adamant the daycare job won’t work. It’s not on her to tell us why, but the problem seems to lie with her. We have all agreed that helping within in the family home is a fair expectation. What isn’t, is being a 3rd parent and being tied to the house because you’re the built in babysitter.

And no, not all teenagers act that way. Mine don’t. That generalization is really rude & uncalled for.

So yes, we’ll say it’s your age…

 

[DLgal]

Maybe I’m old school, being 71, with grown daughters but. I honestly don’t understand the deference most people are giving to this spoiled brat. It’s parents obligation to provide safe and clean home, hugs, love, adequate clothing and food, good role modeling and if deserved access to a good education. Phones, cars, etc are extraneous and should only be provided when there is gratitude and an understanding of what is expected in retuen, which is to be active and participative, loving member of the family. that means helping out as needed, cleaning her room, simple cooking, laundry, etc. not complaining and whining about her poor lot in life and how abused she is.
of course she should get a job and figure out how to get there. Her wages should go towards paying for her currently provided luxuries. I’m sure she is currently thinking all her money will be her own to spend as she wishes. She needs to understand that as a member of the family she too has obligstions. there is no doubt that once she gets a job she will be complaining about that too…the hours, the boss, the rules, tc

thsts what teenage girls do…whine and complain because their life is awful, their parents are stupid and mean and they want to be ‘free’. It’s our job as parents to redirect thst built in *****iness toward learning what freedom really means. Shouting and anger doesn’t have to be part of parenting, because all that does is prove their point that parents are worthless and mean spirited. Calm discussions laying out the rules and expectations with consequences are the only thing that these youngsters understand.

My parents are around your age and I'm one of 3 daughters. None of us acted that way. We all had part time jobs, NONE of us had cars and we stopped getting extras as soon as we had those jobs and our own money (my parents would buy us new clothes twice per year and that was it, the rest we wanted came from our own pockets). My parents never forced any of us to babysit the others, they hired babysitters, even when my oldest sister was 13 and babysitting outside the house. She would get weekend babysitting jobs and my parents would pay the next door neighbor to come watch my younger sister and I so my older one could have her own job. They never said no to any job we wanted and either drove us or we had to find another way to get there and back (nothing was close enough to walk or bike, which would have been amazing).

This poster seems like she parents via control, whether she realizes it or not. She is constantly finding fault where the daughter comes up with solutions. Riding a bike a mile in the winter is NOT a big deal. It takes 5 minutes to bike a mile, but somehow this is not an option in the winter? Okay. And not allowing others to drive her to/from work is also kind of bizarre and overly controlling. I can't even tell you how often someone OTHER than my parents drove me to or from work. 17 year olds know how to get rides.

 

[Karin1984]

Maybe I’m old school, being 71, with grown daughters but. I honestly don’t understand the deference most people are giving to this spoiled brat. It’s parents obligation to provide safe and clean home, hugs, love, adequate clothing and food, good role modeling and if deserved access to a good education. Phones, cars, etc are extraneous and should only be provided when there is gratitude and an understanding of what is expected in retuen, which is to be active and participative, loving member of the family. that means helping out as needed, cleaning her room, simple cooking, laundry, etc. not complaining and whining about her poor lot in life and how abused she is.
of course she should get a job and figure out how to get there. Her wages should go towards paying for her currently provided luxuries. I’m sure she is currently thinking all her money will be her own to spend as she wishes. She needs to understand that as a member of the family she too has obligstions. there is no doubt that once she gets a job she will be complaining about that too…the hours, the boss, the rules, tc

thsts what teenage girls do…whine and complain because their life is awful, their parents are stupid and mean and they want to be ‘free’. It’s our job as parents to redirect thst built in *****iness toward learning what freedom really means. Shouting and anger doesn’t have to be part of parenting, because all that does is prove their point that parents are worthless and mean spirited. Calm discussions laying out the rules and expectations with consequences are the only thing that these youngsters understand.

Each child has obligations to the family. To me that is chores , clean your own room, putting away laundry, doing the dishes. Chores where you get to decide when you do them. As long as they get done. That is different from assigning the job of babysitter permanently on a child.

And yes, you are a little old school. Nowadays, especially with almost adult children, you are doing them a better service by talking with them, not to them. Because if you hand everything on a golden platter, don't educate them to handle money or how to negotiate, by the time they move out, they basically know nothing.

It is the controlling parenting style that offends people.

 

[amylevan]

FWIW, I coach high school cheerleaders, so I spend a lot of time around high school girls. They ALL whine and complain about their stupid parents and their lot in life. Every. single. One. Yes, some more than others and some with more anger than others. Some I see do it to their parents face, some not.

But don’t fool yourselves into thinking that your kids don’t. It’s part of the process of growing up and apart from the parents.

 

[sk!mom]

No. Not an attack. Just an observation.

FTR, I was the same when my DD was 12. No violent movies or video games. No social media. Etc, etc, etc. She still gave me a run for my money in high school.

Yep, parenting teens is tough. It’s a fine line between still giving the parenting they need but also releasing much to their own decision making since many may be living on their own very soon.
It was not as easy breezy as I would have predicted when my girl was 12.

Each child has obligations to the family. To me that is chores , clean your own room, putting away laundry, doing the dishes. Chores where you get to decide when you do them. As long as they get done. That is different from assigning the job of babysitter permanently on a child.

And yes, you are a little old school. Nowadays, especially with almost adult children, you are doing them a better service by talking with them, not to them. Because if you hand everything on a golden platter, don't educate them to handle money or how to negotiate, by the time they move out, they basically know nothing.

It is the controlling parenting style that offends people.

yes to this. The OP came here for confirmation of what many of us have found to be very controlling parenting. My DD at 17 certainly had home responsibilities but they were all done when and mostly how she saw fit. Goodness she headed 4 hours away to college 3 months after turning 18 so she needed to have been organizing her own schedule within the safety net of home prior to that.

I was raised with the same sort of babysitting responsibilities as this 17 year old. It isn’t the amount of time, it’s the complete restriction from making any plans (job or otherwise) because you have to go straight home to care for a sibling.

 

[mom2rtk]

I can’t address everything since I am working but as far as the camera.
Yes they are pretty much baby monitors. The living room one was there when DD4 was a baby. The dining room one came from her bedroom once she started sleeping through the night.
Am I the only one dealing with any effects of Covid?We placed the dining room one last year for online learning. I can’t be two places at once. Dd7 was home every Wed all year online. I was able to keep an eye on him while dealing with younger DD. Otherwise he ended up playing under the table.
They aren’t on all the time, it is very clear when they are in use and DD can turn them around any times she chooses if she is in that room.

And I only work 3 days a week. I quit full time when covid hit.
I only pick up extra shifts on days DH is home. For instance, I picked up the two days bc Dh is home.

I appreciate you addressing that. But are the kids still in virtual school? If that was the intended purpose and that's done, then I absolutely would have taken them down.

Even if they are still in virtual school, why were you checking them over winter break?