'Tacky' Thank-You notes

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

If you don't want to put in the time...THEN DON'T GO! Giving a gift is supposed to be a SELFLESS act. Not with strings attached or expectations!

Of course a bride should send thank you notes, but if a 4 year old for a b-day gift doesn't....I could care less. Again, especially if my child were at the party and thanked in person. I bride generally doesn't open her gifts in front of her guests.

I also agree w/previous posters who got the TY note 3 years later..why bother and the one written in the check memo. Too weird. But I see so many attitudes w/people who are crazed about this topic. The what kind of TY notes or the general bi**h-ing about TY notes is so anal and awkward. Loosen up so you don't go postal. Seems like a few Bree VanDecamps out there!!!

Well, you haven't been reading all the posts, or at least not reading carefully. In particluar I'm talking about my post #98. The third point in particular. You've also missed how multiple times, that while I think it is tacky personally and would never do such things, I'm hardly bothered when others do it. Hardly "going postal". It seems you are much more worked up by it than me. But judging by other posts in other threads, I'm not surprised.

Expressing what you think, is hardly bi**h-ing about it. I was under the impression that this thread was about what you think of certain things. If you think those that do send thank you's are just simply a "Bree VanDeCamp" (like writing a thank you note really equates to types of muffins in certain baskets, to be served in certain conditions, and then returned in a certain manner) then all the power to you. It's just a difference in opinion. I'm sorry you can't handle that. Quite sad.

BTW--Most of the people I've encountered who don't send thank you's for weddings and such, don't send them for anything. They never learned to. Maybe, just maybe, that is the point in having children send thank yous. So they (A) know to do it, (B) know how to do it and (C) are never overwhelmed by doing it.

And where did anyone say a 4yo has to write a thank you note? I think what has been said is that the PARENT should write the thank you for the 4yo and the 4yo should be present when doing so to help DICTATE something (why like the gift) and then the 4yo should sign their name. I think that parents just don't want to do the work. Parenting is just soooo much work. Let's cut corners whereever we can. Then we can complain about all the rude teenagers out there like on the infant movie theater thread on the family board. But for the record, I said I had no problem in my first post with fill-in-the-blank thank yous for small children; just not for me.

 

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

The definition of manners:
1. The socially correct way of acting; etiquette.
2. The prevailing customs, social conduct, and norms of a specific society, period, or group, especially as the subject of a literary work.


So, calling thank you a custom or manners is the same thing, at least in this instance. If you want, we could just say "social norms". Obviously, this does lead room for interpretation. And no one, at least not I, is saying there is a right way or a wrong way. I simply have a way of doing it based on certain things and I am talking about it. I don't look down on others for their ways, I just wouldn't do it.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Rather than debate a topic I think is silly to begin with, I'll just admit that I must have totally misunderstood many of the posts on this thread. Apparently, I sometimes read the exact opposite of what one is really saying. I will now move on to more productive threads, as far as I'm concerned, and allow those of you who don't sit around thinking about the topic & don't really care what others do, continue to discuss the situation with multiple posts.


LuluLovesDisney,
Unique gift wrapping ideas would be a great thread to start. I'd be happy to join you there. I much prefer the fun threads.

 

[Mono~rail]

Rather than debate a topic I think is silly to begin with, I'll just admit that I must have totally misunderstood many of the posts on this thread. Apparently, I sometimes read the exact opposite of what one is really saying. I will now move on to more productive threads, as far as I'm concerned, and allow those of you who don't sit around thinking about the topic & don't really care what others do, continue to discuss the situation with multiple posts.


LuluLovesDisney,
Unique gift wrapping ideas would be a great thread to start. I'd be happy to join you there. I much prefer the fun threads.

Very well said, tarhelmjfan! I think your thread idea is a good one. I'm off to start it!

 

[badblackpug]

So...I am a single 43 yoa female with no children. Want to ask an opinion.

I get SO many invitations...to bridal showers.....baby showers....weddings....heck..one person even asked everyone to sign up for what covered dish to bring to a funeral! Then there is the ongoing problem of adults bringing in their children's fund raising stuff to work....

So....what do you think if next time I get a new kitten I have a party...and we are registered at PetSmart and for some Waterford (see my tag).

Really....I was thinking about doing this...but Riley is 11 months old now

Oh Lord! They do this at my job, too. There is nothing I hate worse than giving money for a shower for someone I hardly know, or hardly like for that matter! But if you don't do it, boy do you look like a b**ch!
I don't mind the collections for people who have say, lost a spouse, or have some horrible illness, and are in financial straits, but the "showers!" UGH!
..and don't even get me started on the #@$%^! fund raisers! cookie dough, candles, wrapping paper, pizzas, pies, I could start my own Walmart!

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

Hah, I've got one. Tackiest ever in my opinion.

I post on another message board for weddings... and a bride reported in on a wedding she had just been to. There was a note, down at the bottom of the programs:

"A donation to charity has been given in lieu of thank you notes".

I've heard of this for favors, but for thank you notes? TACKY!

 

[Tiffer]

Well, you haven't been reading all the posts, or at least not reading carefully. In particluar I'm talking about my post #98. The third point in particular. You've also missed how multiple times, that while I think it is tacky personally and would never do such things, I'm hardly bothered when others do it. Hardly "going postal". It seems you are much more worked up by it than me. But judging by other posts in other threads, I'm not surprised.

Expressing what you think, is hardly bi**h-ing about it. I was under the impression that this thread was about what you think of certain things. If you think those that do send thank you's are just simply a "Bree VanDeCamp" (like writing a thank you note really equates to types of muffins in certain baskets, to be served in certain conditions, and then returned in a certain manner) then all the power to you. It's just a difference in opinion. I'm sorry you can't handle that. Quite sad.

BTW--Most of the people I've encountered who don't send thank you's for weddings and such, don't send them for anything. They never learned to. Maybe, just maybe, that is the point in having children send thank yous. So they (A) know to do it, (B) know how to do it and (C) are never overwhelmed by doing it.

And where did anyone say a 4yo has to write a thank you note? I think what has been said is that the PARENT should write the thank you for the 4yo and the 4yo should be present when doing so to help DICTATE something (why like the gift) and then the 4yo should sign their name. I think that parents just don't want to do the work. Parenting is just soooo much work. Let's cut corners whereever we can. Then we can complain about all the rude teenagers out there like on the infant movie theater thread on the family board. But for the record, I said I had no problem in my first post with fill-in-the-blank thank yous for small children; just not for me.

I am hardly worked up and have rarely been worked up in other posts. I am not referring to the people who said I think it's great or I think it's tacky. I may have missed a post or two, but I believe that I have read most.

I respectfully diasagree that a 4 yr old or the parents need to write a thank you note when the gift is opened in front of the gift giver and a verbal thank you is given.

Again, I beleive a gift is to be given selflessly. If I get a thank you note, than I appreciate it. If not, I don't find it particularly rude, unless it's a wedding. And yes, I send, as does my child, TY notes. Unless it's a child's party and the gift is opened in front of the giver and a verbal thank you is given. And it's ok w/me if you or anyone else disagrees.

I am referring to the over the top posts. I think the why is my time less important rants are over the top and that's being worked up.


The Bre VanDeCamp reference was to point out the passive agressive behavior as shown by some. Give a gift and expect something in return.

And please don't apologize. I can handle it. you are entitled to an opinion, as is everyone, that is the beauty of living in America. I just think that certain posts are a bit high strung in tone, including the one I quoted.

I don't go back and match every post to every poster and every post or thread they have ever posted in. I have alot of time on my hands but not that much.

 

[Tiffer]

So...I am a single 43 yoa female with no children. Want to ask an opinion.

I get SO many invitations...to bridal showers.....baby showers....weddings....heck..one person even asked everyone to sign up for what covered dish to bring to a funeral! Then there is the ongoing problem of adults bringing in their children's fund raising stuff to work....

So....what do you think if next time I get a new kitten I have a party...and we are registered at PetSmart and for some Waterford (see my tag).

Really....I was thinking about doing this...but Riley is 11 months old now

This reminds me of the sex and the city epsiode wher Carrie's Manolo's were missing at the door and the friend wouldn't replace them??? Anyone see that one?

 

[Piecey]

I didn't read through this entire thread.. but when I graduated high school I got money in the mail from people who I'd barely ever met before. Dad's employees, mom's high-school friends. I had no idea where to send a thank you card to unless they included a return address or a check. I wouldn't have had a clue how to get ahold of these people either.. Sooo they never got thank-you cards..

 

[famofsix]

I didn't read through this entire thread.. but when I graduated high school I got money in the mail from people who I'd barely ever met before. Dad's employees, mom's high-school friends. I had no idea where to send a thank you card to unless they included a return address or a check. I wouldn't have had a clue how to get ahold of these people either.. Sooo they never got thank-you cards..

Hopefully you were able to thank the ones you had an address for...it's the effort that matters in trying to be gracious

 

[Julie_Hao]

share-

- Handwritten thank you letters is a great pleasure! It is amazing to hold beautiful card addressed to you especially with warm handwritten words! Even if you do not know what to do with it within a year.
I have a nice iPhone app - ThankYouPen - which sends hand-written letters and greeting cards: you type your message and post team physically handwrites a message, address the envelope and mail it to the recipient.

 

[Topper]

 

[fakereadhed]

I am in my 40's and thank you notes for kids birthday parties are getting to be a thing of the past. When I send out thank yous the younger moms think it's weird.

As far as the fill in the blanks, to expect young writers to create and write a bunch of notes can be overwheming. I see those as a stepping stone to a full hand written thank you, which is now a dinosaur!

 

[annsteere]

Saw the bride's Facebook post complaining that now she has to write thank you's and she really doesn't want to, it is a pain in the neck, etc.

This was a TINY wedding--immediate family only.

We sent a major check and she didn't seem to have any trouble writing her name to endorse it or getting it to the bank for deposit.

Facebook is a VERY public place for that kind of complaining. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

 

[Jedana]

For really little ones (2-4), we wrote the cards and had them "draw" on it with crayons. I don't mind the "fill in the blanks" ones for little kids (4-7). Once the kids are around 7-8 and are able to write complete sentences, they need to actually write the letters themselves.


I have quite a few nieces and nephews, and as the years have gone by, I have stopped sending gifts and cards. Not because they are getting older, but because if a 14 year old has his mom tell me "hey thanks" on Facebook, and never hear a word from said 14 year old (who has a FB page, and is capable of writing a letter), he doesn't deserve anything else.

My 17 year old is writing thank you notes for the graduation gifts and cards she has received. She went and purchased blank note cards, without any prompting from us--we even got one from her, thanking her for paying for her cap/gown/etc. She is following our expectations, and I am very glad she is doing so. I would hate to have to remind her at this age.

Edited to add:
My kids have been raised with "old fashioned manners". All three of my kids (21, 17, 7) give up their seats on the monorail/bus/etc for elderly people or people with small children. My 7 year old son holds the door for his sisters and myself; sometimes we get stuck at the mall entrance for 5 minutes, because he won't let go of the door (mom, there's another girl coming!). My children do not wear hats at the dinner table, remove their hats and hold their hands over their hearts during the National Anthem or Pledge of Allegiance, and use sir and ma'am when speaking to adults. My 17 year old has been known to stop and help people push their grocery buggies to the parking lot. We have stopped our outside fun to help neighbors move in couches and beds. And yes, we do thank you notes for any presents, cards, attendance at parties, etc.

My oldest got caught once being extremely rude and bullying to another girl on an online social site; she lost her electronic priviledges for several weeks, had to write and hand deliver a written apology to the other girl and spent a lot of time writing an essay on bullying and appropriate internet behavior--which she then had to post on her social site. I have never caught her behaving that way again (I no longer monitor her, btw, but I do monitor the other 2, and will until the time they are out of the house)...and she has cautioned her siblings about behaving appropriately!

Common courtesy is sadly lacking in this day and age. I am doing everything that I can to enforce those "old fashioned" rules in my children.

 

[01spirit750]

This reminds me of the sex and the city epsiode wher Carrie's Manolo's were missing at the door and the friend wouldn't replace them??? Anyone see that one?

Yes, so Carrie held a party/shower (a not getting married?) for herself and sent out one invitation, just to this women, and then she was only registered for one item, yes the shoes.

Carries arguement was that she had been to numerious baby showers, birthdays and such for this women (I believe the women had 3 kids).

 

[ceecee]

If that is the only thank you you get than I agree! However I thought those were just a favor thanking people for sharing the day with the bride and groom?

I don't think those count as a formal thank you!!!

 

[SandrA9810]

Five years and still going strong... LOL

 

[smokeyblue]

1. Fill in the blank thank you notes: if you're little enough, it's good training for etiquette later in life.
2. Addressing your own thank you note: tacky, tacky, tacky. I thought only people on Etiquette H--- (the website) did that.

I used to think this was tacky. After thinking about it, I understand the purpose. It's harder and harder to find addresses anymore. Lots of people don't have home phones and are not listed anymore. Nobody would know my address right now unless I told them what it was. Also a lot of times names are listed under the husband and I know that some people at showers the bride or mother-to-be wouldn't them know because they are family or friends of the groom.

I just want acknowledgement that the gift was received, especially if it was mailed. I don't care if it's email, phone or card.

 

[dntd]

At first when I was reading this thread I didn't notice it was 5 years old!

My thought of thank you's is that baby shower/weddings get thank you but not birthday parties. My kids attend birthday parties and the goodie bag is considered a thank you. This time around my DD is having a candy buffet as a thank you. Maybe it just depends on were you live??