Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[teriyaki]

Oh, Mrs. the King, I have been following this TR with great anticipation, after almost puffing up like a blowfish from stifling my late night guffaws at your "Cockroach" TR. The other day I found myself in a public ladies' room and realized that not only do I follow the King method of stall-choosing:

"We all do the same thing. Like a dog sniffing a tree. We head close to the stall, but we never bust in and lay down the law on just any open toilet.

We peek."

but, I also tilt my head to the side as I peek, as though facing the throne head-on might result in immediate blinding. In addition I feel the need to perform a quick "step-ball-change" as I do the two finger push, just in case I need to leap backwards. I actually had to try 3 times to find an acceptable stall, and I did my little dance each time. I thought of you and giggled all through my business.

Please keep writing, and when you finish this TR, can you just make up a trip to write about? Maybe just a thread of your flashbacks, even? I'm addicted and I'm afraid what will happen when my supply runs out.

 

[DisneyJo]

How great that the chef got you plain rice and found your table

So have you been asked to help at school again?

 

[whogirl'smom]

And tonight I woke the cat up laughing so hard! Can't wait to eat at Boma myself and try those famous zebra balls!
Wonder where this rebellious streak of your will lead to?

 

[stinkerbell007]

Okay......

Bwahahahahahaha!!!

My sis (burly ) just told me about your TR.

Fun stuff. I got caught up on this one.

I "get" you. I think.

Keep up the good work.

We go to POP in May 2009. Yay!

 

[Baloo]

I am dyin here!! This installment is hysterical!!! I laughed through the whole thing but this...

Ultimately, instead of supporting the teacher, I became the farting braless distraction in the back of the room. I am not even supporting the girls, never mind the unlucky teacher.

then this!!!!

Then we started to eat. PC proclaimed “The Zebra Balls are the best!”

Nearly killed me!


Where's the laughing so hard you're cryin' smilie?!?!?


DH is out of town for work...I think tomorrow night I'll be reading this to him over the phone!!!


You are a friggin riot Girl!!!

 

[ZZUB]

Clog the toilet and impress the Janitors with the ferocity of your power.

I wish I'd seen that last week. I surely could have "borrowed" it for the title of the Trip Report I'm not writing.

Where were you when I was in kindegarten. No flatulent funny ladies visited my class when I was 5.

I think my family has decided that Animal Kingdom full on sucks. We have tried unscuccesfully over the last few years to find a reason to spend more than 15 minutes there. Unless and until the day arrives when our kids are desirous of riding Expedition Everest, I imagine we will only plan to spend an hour or two in AK and be gone before 10:00 when the heat turns up to "kill mammals."

Why were you eating bread at a buffet? Big fat waste of stomach space. Got to save room for the meat and dessert.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Your kindergarten story is hysterical! I can totally see, umm, hear it! Way to make the class roll in laughter!

Zebra balls. Great update. cant wait to hear more!

 

[Delay Fish]

Great update! Loved it as usual.

I'm a "butt jutter" myself.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Chapter 14 Bar Brawls and Croc Hunts

I accidentally wore a bathing suit cover up to work today. I was checking to make sure I did not catch my skirt in my underwear in the full length mirror they have there to mock me. I was pleased to see I had dressed myself again, the skirt was laying flat. Then, I noticed the dress was a little see through. After taking an alarmed step back I had an “Ah ha” moment. Unlike Oprah’s famed moment that lifts you to your higher self, allowing your soul to ride on your shoulders like it was in a chicken fight in a pool, I had an “Ah ha, oh poop” moment. Where it all clicks in place in the staff bathroom that the dress you thought was cute and flirty was actually meant to cover a bathing suit.

It is not constructed to withstand the rigors of a full human day. It was built only to get you from the hotel room to the lounge chair poolside. And maybe, on a rough day back again. No one asks these garments to hold up to the florescent lights, bending and reaching a Substitute Teacher is required to suffer through. Except me. Damn it. I tip toe off to the school nurse for a safety pin to make the neckline a little less revealing. I twirl for the secretaries to asses the decency of my outfit. They start giggling at me, no help at all. They started taking bets on whether or not I would wear pajamas tomorrow.

I stick to the walls and corners as I work my way down to the classroom. Thank God kids don’t care. They are just happy to see you and talk about their sweet little lives. I was going to get away with it. Sure, the front office won’t let me live it down, but I would not offend anyone in power. I was headed down to make some copies, when low and behold; The Superintendent of Schools was making surprise visits. To make sure we are all trying our best. Isn’t it spectacular that she remembers my name? Pulls me aside for a conversation? In my swim suit cover up. At work. Gosh that felt nice. What do you say to make that normal?

“Well, I am on my way down to the pool” Nope

“I always wear my bathing suit to work in case I see a student drowning in a water fountain” Yeah, that’s not going to fly.

“My house was on fire so I was in the pool before work?” That is something she could actually prove was false.

So, I just smiled and made small talk. Like I was at a pool and she was at work. And we were talking through some magical window where we were both wearing appropriate attire.

Back to Disney.

Oops. I have to rewind this trip report. Because I forgot a moment. An interesting moment. The night we slept after the Magic Kingdom and fudge denial for the Jiggler was uneventful for The Kings. We hit the pillow and it was all over. We were exhausted.

The night was very different for Grandma and Grandpa. Grandpa was hoping to get up super early to get a crack on work. Their hotel neighbors arrived at home around 12:00am where they proceeded to turn the TV up as loud as it goes. They stomped and cursed as loud as they could. All night my parents were treated to Stacey the Disney chick (who I love to hate and watch her crazy countdown over and over)

“YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, ….THE GELATO GUY IN ITALY, YUMMY.”

Bang, Bang, Stomp, Stomp

####, #####,######,####

“LOVE AEROSMITH, LOVE ROLLER COSTERS, HELLO?”

Stomp, Bang, #####

Until 4:00am. My poor parents. Now, Grandma has a super power which I have discussed before. She can tell anyone anything and they are happy to hear it. I usually stand back and watch in amazement. She can approach an out of control parent disciplining their kid like a monster and say something like “Hey, hold on, you look like you need a break, why don’t you rent a stroller for your kid and you will both be happier.”

And they listen. And thank her. And hug her. It is a weird super power. I think it gives my mother an immunity that none of the rest of us have. In the morning as we are getting ready to go to the pool, Grandma approaches the EXTEMELY tough looking perpetrator in the TV and cursing incident. Apparently, PS was walking by the room when this evil dude let a few curses fly. Grandma had been pushed beyond her limits. She can’t take the cursing in front of the kiddos.

Now picture this – Grandma is all of 5’2”. She looks and acts like everyone’s favorite Grandma. (NO darth) She has cornflower blue eyes, the sweetest prettiest face, and usually some sort of angel appliqué on her shirt. (which, incidentally will have the word “Grandma”, in glitter, somewhere on it) She approaches the huge curser

Grandma ~ “You checking out?”
Huge Curser ~ “Yeah”
Grandma ~ I won’t be sorry to see you go, you kept us up all night with the loud cursing and TV”

Mr. The King and I overhear the conversation through our propped open door. Mr. The King is jumping a bed and hits the door before Grandma finished her sentence.

I had an odd déjà vu moment. The last time I had seen a man move like that was in a bar in college. All of the sudden all the brothers in a fraternity headed towards a bar brawl with the same gusto and determined look that Mr. The King had just shown.

Oh crap. Was Mother the King and my husband about to be in a bar brawl on the hallway/balcony of my Pop century hotel room?!!”
I knew my job would be to keep the kids safe, but I am pretty sure if there is a brawl you are supposed to have your Mother’s back.
I listened carefully.

Huge Curser ~ “Have a great day” (dripping with sarcasm)
Grandma ~” I will” (full of animosity)

I think she scared him off. Maybe he figured out she would kick his butt, appliqué or no appliqué. (I bet that is the first time that sentence was typed anywhere, we are making history here folks)

So that was weird. But, luckily no blood was drawn. Let’s get back to Animal Kingdom. In order to properly set the mood, please apply a thick coating of Vaseline to your body and stuff your self in an oven set at 425 degrees.

Good.

Are we all comfy?

PS needed different shoes. She needed a size 10 pair of Disney Crocs to be exact. And no, I don’t use my children’s’crocs like little portable ninja suction cup stars on people.

Easy peasy, we will stroll up to a cart or store and snap up a pair.

We went from cart, to store, to cart. No size 10 girls shoes to be had. PS’s sandals were not holding up. She needed the comfort and splashablity of a croc. We finally found them in the last store we tried. We ambled over to the older cast member to ring them up. With my mom’s discount, the Crocs should come to $16.

The woman, though old, was new at this job. And of all the dwarves, Happy would describe her the least.

She punched in the numbers and did the fancy voo doo dance required to not spend so very much in Disney. The $25 crocs minus my mom’s 35% discount, came to $37.46.
Which, even with Blonde math, didn’t add up. Well I guess it did add up. We needed it to add down. Which is blonde for subtract. Well, the little known eighth dwarf, Crappy, that was demoted to selling Crocs in Animal Kingdom, was very upset that we did not agree with her magical (and in her opinion, correct )cash register.

Mom talked slower to see if Crappy would catch on. ~”So you are telling me that $25 dollars with a 35% cast discount is more than a regular guest’s price?”

Crappy ~ “Yes. That is what I am saying.” Her manly face cemented itself in a permanent homage to evil.

Mom ~ “So cast members pay extra for merchandise, and that makes sense to you.”

Crappy ~ “This is what my cash register says.”

After dealing with Huge curser, and now Crappy, the dwarf that was kicked out of the happy little hut for her apparent brilliance, Grandma was ready to bring The Bronx to Disney. She smiled, demanded, politely that the sale be cancelled, and we moved on.

I felt the glitter mojo crawling on my back again. Were we doomed to have problems this trip? We had spent our first hour and a half raking the front of the park for crocs. We headed deeper in the park. We stumble upon another store we had forgotten about. They had the crocs, they rang them up. And completed the sale. Somewhere, evil Crappy was cursing us.

As we finally decide to find the Extra Magic Hours bracelet applicators , we stumble on two Cast members checking for bracelets.

Happy Cast member~ “Hi Folks, Can I see you bracelets?”
Me~ “We are looking for the place to get them right now.”
Happy Cast member ~ “Right back to the front of the park Mam”

And right there my Goofy snapped. I had spent too long seeing nothing but stores looking for these freaking crocs, we waited all day to get into a park. The last place I wanted to go was back to the front of the park. My family did not see the snap coming, so they were shocked by this:

Me~ “ No. I am not going back to the front of the park. I want to see new parts of the park. I am sick of back there. Where else are you giving out bracelets? “

Happy Cast Member ~ Mouth drops open. I could see him processing the angry blond in front of him demanding Disney set up another bracelet application station.

Me~ “Is there only one place? There has to be another. Where is it?”

Happy Cast Member ~ “Yes, Mam, right down this path to Asia, but you see the front of the park is much clos……”

And so we marched to a further away, but differently located EMH spot. And we got our bracelets. And we saw new things

My family still makes fun of me for that specific demand.


So we realized why we don’t go into AK a lot. The kids don’t do much there. The things they do like were closed for the evening. No petting zoo. No characters.

So we decided to hit up Festival of the Lion King, the stage show that I had not seen since before we had the kids. I remember loving it.
I was pretty sure PS and possibly PC were going to freak out. They don’t like dark. They don’t like loud. And I was pretty sure there would be both. PS’s FEAR would defiantly be poked with the large things and the UNKNOWN.

We went in anyway.

We got a great seat. PS looks around nervously. The show starts. We were engulfed in sounds, lights danced vibrantly in front of us. How had I forgotten how beautiful this show was.? The singers were so talented. The kids laughed and giggled. They could not make their eyes big enough to take in the whole show.

My favorite moment was watching the dancing ballerina birds. I saw the line attached to the swan lady. I knew PS had never seen anything like this.

The birds began spinning. The boy starts to twirl the girl in a larger and larger circle.

I know what is next. I turn away from the show, I watch PS’s face. I know the exact moment when the swan takes flight. The wonder that fills PS’s face makes her glow. I won’t forget that instant in time for as long as I live. When magic is still alive in a child, seeing the spark when her imagination becomes a reality, literally took my breath away. No one said DREAMS, but my eyes filled with tears.

I glanced at PC. I think a girl who could fly would be the love of his life, he is such a fan of planes. His smile never left his face.

And that is Disney. Forget Crocs, cursers and bracelets, make believe is real there.

Up next: AK isn’t done until someone gets me fudge.

Chapter 15 Salt and Chocolate

 

[Goofyluver]

Soooo...not only can grandma tread water without any tread...but she can bring grown men to their knees with her kindness???

Again...can your mommy be my mommy? Because my mommy just ain't that cool.

And...so sorry about Crappy Dwarf there in the AK. Maybe no one taught her about adding down...

I looooove me some FOTLK too. But...my fav part is the bouncing monkeys. Gotta love muscley monkeys who can do backflips. I'm pretty sure that comes in handy elsewhere in their lives...

 

[DisneyJo]

Credit to your Mom standing up to nasty neighbour

How on earth did crappy think that the CM price would be more?

You're so right about watching kids in WDW, the magic is in their eyes

 

[jewjubean]

just as great as the last...btw i also did the pool coverup out in public when i realized it was see through...needless to say i keep a pair of pants in my car and changed quick

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Ok I read this last night and I thought i posted but I must have been hallucinating. Being a vampire sometimes that will happen.

Can I borrow Grandma for our trip if times get rough? She handles things better than I would have. I've got some redhead in me and sometimes that personality just snaps to the forefront!

I love the description of your dh rushing off the bed to back her up.

Sometimes you just want to take a different path to get a bracelet, perfectly rational.

I'm so glad PC and PS saw and loved the Lion King show. I cannot wait to see this again. I'm glad its still so much fun after all this time. It was always one of my favorites.

 

[PrincessV]

The Superintendent of Schools was making surprise visits. To make sure we are all trying our best. Isn’t it spectacular that she remembers my name? Pulls me aside for a conversation? In my swim suit cover up. At work. Gosh that felt nice.

Grandma ~ “You checking out?”
Huge Curser ~ “Yeah”
Grandma ~ I won’t be sorry to see you go, you kept us up all night with the loud cursing and TV”

I think I love Grandma The King!

Let’s get back to Animal Kingdom. In order to properly set the mood, please apply a thick coating of Vaseline to your body and stuff your self in an oven set at 425 degrees.

Perfect description. And a great reminder as to why I hate the place.

We went from cart, to store, to cart. No size 10 girls shoes to be had.

Okay, just had to say, I have had the HARDEST time finding size 10 Crocs for my DS! Not just at WDW - anywhere! Sure, there's a specific shape and color he wants, but holy cow, 10s are in high demand!

Me~ “ No. I am not going back to the front of the park. I want to see new parts of the park. I am sick of back there. Where else are you giving out bracelets? “

Love it!

Happy Cast Member ~ “Yes, Mam, right down this path to Asia, but you see the front of the park is much clos……”

Dingdingdingdingding!! We have a winner folks!

 

[hlrababy]

Tell your mom way to go!!!

 

[Philadisney]

Wearing a bathing suit cover up to work is totally something I would do. I usually don't even remember to look in a mirror until about noon. I have walked out of the house wearing skirts with huge rips in the back, pants with unrecognizable stains splashed across the front - and once, yes, mismatching shoes.
Good for your mom for telling off the creepy neighbor! That's something I would want to do but would never get up the guts.
Even with your comment on its doughy-ness, I love Cici's! I went all the time when I worked at WDW, and have yet to return with a car, so I haven't been in years. I miss their amazing alfredo sauce!

 

[walkerag]

I just have to ask... is the tag fairy on Hiatus???

 

[Mrs. The King]

Oh, Mrs. the King, I have been following this TR with great anticipation, after almost puffing up like a blowfish from stifling my late night guffaws at your "Cockroach" TR. The other day I found myself in a public ladies' room and realized that not only do I follow the King method of stall-choosing:

"We all do the same thing. Like a dog sniffing a tree. We head close to the stall, but we never bust in and lay down the law on just any open toilet.

We peek."

but, I also tilt my head to the side as I peek, as though facing the throne head-on might result in immediate blinding. In addition I feel the need to perform a quick "step-ball-change" as I do the two finger push, just in case I need to leap backwards. I actually had to try 3 times to find an acceptable stall, and I did my little dance each time. I thought of you and giggled all through my business.

Please keep writing, and when you finish this TR, can you just make up a trip to write about? Maybe just a thread of your flashbacks, even? I'm addicted and I'm afraid what will happen when my supply runs out.

You upgraded the peek. Now that is really something. I never thought something might pop out of the stall I love it! I am so glad you enjoyed the cockroach nightmare I am even happier you are here now for this train wreck I will keep writing as long as Mr. The King makes sure to drive me to Florida!

How great that the chef got you plain rice and found your table

So have you been asked to help at school again?

That chef knew his rice and could spot a jiggler from a mile away. Unfortunately for them, I work there. And they can't fire me for bodily noises. No matter how bad they want to. Now, releasing the mutts unexpectedly in a room full of 5 year olds, is punishable by death, i think.

And tonight I woke the cat up laughing so hard! Can't wait to eat at Boma myself and try those famous zebra balls!
Wonder where this rebellious streak of your will lead to?

Give that kitty a scratch for me! You know they never sleep Zebra Balls for everyone!!

Okay......

Bwahahahahahaha!!!

My sis (burly ) just told me about your TR.

Fun stuff. I got caught up on this one.

I "get" you. I think.

Keep up the good work.

We go to POP in May 2009. Yay!

I am so sorry POP in 2009!! I want my Pop plans now too! Thanks for listening to your sis, It is great to have you here.

 

[Mrs. The King]

I am dyin here!! This installment is hysterical!!! I laughed through the whole thing but this...

then this!!!!

Nearly killed me!


Where's the laughing so hard you're cryin' smilie?!?!?


DH is out of town for work...I think tomorrow night I'll be reading this to him over the phone!!!


You are a friggin riot Girl!!!

You poor husband, getting regaled with jiggler tales. I owe that poor man a beer or something. Baloo, your dancing bear makes me so happy

I wish I'd seen that last week. I surely could have "borrowed" it for the title of the Trip Report I'm not writing.

Where were you when I was in kindegarten. No flatulent funny ladies visited my class when I was 5.

I think my family has decided that Animal Kingdom full on sucks. We have tried unscuccesfully over the last few years to find a reason to spend more than 15 minutes there. Unless and until the day arrives when our kids are desirous of riding Expedition Everest, I imagine we will only plan to spend an hour or two in AK and be gone before 10:00 when the heat turns up to "kill mammals."

Why were you eating bread at a buffet? Big fat waste of stomach space. Got to save room for the meat and dessert.

First off, when you were in kindergarden I think I was enjoying a previous life, most likely as an animal in a zoo judging from my behavior. Second, being that your kindergarden teachers were cavewoman, I am pretty sure they could never fit their clawed hooves into a pair of Crocs.

And and "kill mammals" and stomach space!!

Your kindergarten story is hysterical! I can totally see, umm, hear it! Way to make the class roll in laughter!

Zebra balls. Great update. cant wait to hear more!

And it feels nice when 19 sets of adorable eyes turn to stare at you in disbelief. It was such a loud and wet sounding, followed by a sharp gasp of pain. Vampire hug Fangs out

Great update! Loved it as usual.

I'm a "butt jutter" myself.

Some of us don't have a choice

Soooo...not only can grandma tread water without any tread...but she can bring grown men to their knees with her kindness???

Again...can your mommy be my mommy? Because my mommy just ain't that cool.

And...so sorry about Crappy Dwarf there in the AK. Maybe no one taught her about adding down...

I looooove me some FOTLK too. But...my fav part is the bouncing monkeys. Gotta love muscley monkeys who can do backflips. I'm pretty sure that comes in handy elsewhere in their lives...

OK that had me peeing my pants. No fair. You have to come do my laundry. They *might* need to get out of those outfits before anyone can keep a straight face.

Credit to your Mom standing up to nasty neighbour

How on earth did crappy think that the CM price would be more?

You're so right about watching kids in WDW, the magic is in their eyes

Look what you did to that harmless little word. Stuck a "u" right in the crack between the "o" and the "r". I hope you at least bought it a drink first. Merciless Aunt Jo. Merciless.

just as great as the last...btw i also did the pool coverup out in public when i realized it was see through...needless to say i keep a pair of pants in my car and changed quick

A fellow Bolnde Wait, you have a back up plan, you must just have blonde highlights.

Ok I read this last night and I thought i posted but I must have been hallucinating. Being a vampire sometimes that will happen.

Can I borrow Grandma for our trip if times get rough? She handles things better than I would have. I've got some redhead in me and sometimes that personality just snaps to the forefront!

I love the description of your dh rushing off the bed to back her up. :lol:

Sometimes you just want to take a different path to get a bracelet, perfectly rational.

I'm so glad PC and PS saw and loved the Lion King show. I cannot wait to see this again. I'm glad its still so much fun after all this time. It was always one of my favorites.

Think of the muscley monkeys in a dirty way now, Thanks to Goofylover. Grandma will be there already! Just look for the grandma leaving a path of common sense in her wake. Thank you for understanding about the bracelet. I think you are the only one :lol:

 

[Mrs. The King]

I think I love Grandma The King!


Perfect description. And a great reminder as to why I hate the place.

Okay, just had to say, I have had the HARDEST time finding size 10 Crocs for my DS! Not just at WDW - anywhere! Sure, there's a specific shape and color he wants, but holy cow, 10s are in high demand!


Love it!

Dingdingdingdingding!! We have a winner folks!

Oh, you would love her. It is a size 10 conspiracy and we are on to them!

Tell your mom way to go!!!

I will!!!

Wearing a bathing suit cover up to work is totally something I would do. I usually don't even remember to look in a mirror until about noon. I have walked out of the house wearing skirts with huge rips in the back, pants with unrecognizable stains splashed across the front - and once, yes, mismatching shoes.
Good for your mom for telling off the creepy neighbor! That's something I would want to do but would never get up the guts.
Even with your comment on its doughy-ness, I love Cici's! I went all the time when I worked at WDW, and have yet to return with a car, so I haven't been in years. I miss their amazing alfredo sauce!

Oh, we so need to work in the same building, think of how entertaining we would be!

I just have to ask... is the tag fairy on Hiatus???

She flies by and gives me the finger twice a week