SS and Baseball Vent (Long)

[Mouse House Mama]

This post makes me sick to my stomach. A dad who is involved with his child. I would assume that you want him involved with your child, but not his own. Maybe you should have considered whether he could deal with it before he had another child.

Hey! I think we actually agree on this thread!

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

Hey! I think we actually agree on this thread!

It is time to break open the champagne!

 

[mjkacmom]

This post makes me sick to my stomach. A dad who is involved with his child. I would assume that you want him involved with your child, but not his own. Maybe you should have considered whether he could deal with it before he had another child.

I think this is too harsh. Yes, DH and I never see each other, because we're schlepping the kids all over the place - we're parents, and this is part of our job description. However, I remember when I only had a couple of babies/toddlers, no older kids, and I thought 2 birthday parties in one weekend was a lot! However, as the years went on, and the activities gradually increased, I can't imagine ever looking at the calendar and seeing a free weekend - I'm always amazed when we're all home at the same time for dinner!

I remember it being hard when I had my twins because I felt trapped home with them, and an almost 2 year old, plus my 6 year old, when ds, 4, started ice hockey. When he got a little older, and into more and more sports, a lot of the time, I was left home with 4 children (it was very difficult with the 3 little ones when we were out), while DH was out with ds, several times a week. But at least for me, it was more gradual. Now, we're all out, usually at different functions, of course.

I wouldn't have know how much time sports takes up for families when #1 was a baby - the 3 of us spent all of our time together. OP - you need to be "allowed" to go to the games with DH a ss.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It is time to break open the champagne!

Let me just get my boys out of the bathroom!

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

I really don't get this vibe from the OP at all.

I am not a step-parent, and I still hate the amount of time sports takes away from my family, and how much it disrupts my peaceful life. And although I love my children with all my heart and they are my proirity, having children does take away from the amount of alone time I spend with my husband. That does not mean I resent my children, it's just the way it is.

If she thinks that her child trumps, then I think that boy is doomed. She wants understanding for the adoration she has for her child, I assume she expects the same from husband, but thinks his son to be less important. Unless she plans no activities for her precious as she grows up.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

Let me just get my boys out of the bathroom!

Yours or theirs?

 

[Sandy V.]

I don't see the OP as being hateful at all. Like she said, it was a "vent" and now I think some folks are unfairly beating her up for her honesty in how baseball affected their family's free time. Why do some folks seem to look for a reason to jump on others? She never once said that her DD "trumps" her SS. That's an untrue mischaracterization.

 

[tar heel]

I agree with a lot of what anewman said about the benefits of sports. When your kids are far apart in age as those in your family are, you just do what needs to be done. This means the baby may get to nap in the car. This means Dad may sometimes have the baby and not be able to pitch warm-ups. This means dinner may be late and the house may not get cleaned. You're a family, so you make it work.

My older two sons were 10 and 6 and involved in lots of things when their little brother was born, and we did what we needed to do.

I hope your family is able to work out the relationship between SS's mom, dad and you, as he deserves to have all three of his parents at his events and coexisting peacefully in his life.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Yours or theirs?

 

[Anewman]

I don't see the OP as being hateful at all. Like she said, it was a "vent" and now I think some folks are unfairly beating her up for her honesty in how baseball affected their family's free time. Why do some folks seem to look for a reason to jump on others?

I too feel some of the replies are a bit harsh, but to be fair they did not jump on her about the "baseball affected their family's free time", they jumped on her when she admitted that if it was her own daughter she might not see it as such a sacrifice.

IMO a kid from a split family might actually need more love and quality time, but that is just me.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't see the OP as being hateful at all. Like she said, it was a "vent" and now I think some folks are unfairly beating her up for her honesty in how baseball affected their family's free time. Why do some folks seem to look for a reason to jump on others?

Exactly - she is being very honest and very insightful about how the step-family dynamics might color her feelings. It's a vent! She's entitled. She is also entitled to ask her DH to keep her in the loop when these kinds of commitments are made because they affect the entire family. Most of us were able to step into sports commitments gradually - the OP has been thrown into this situation, and is handling it gracefully as far as I can tell.

Denae

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I too feel some of the replies are a bit harsh, but to be fair they did not jump on her about the "baseball affected their family's free time", they jumped on her when she admitted that if it was her own daughter she might not see it as such a sacrifice.IMO a kid from a split family might actually need more love and quality time, but that is just me.

For me that was exactly it.

 

[mickeyboat]

I too feel some of the replies are a bit harsh, but to be fair they did not jump on her about the "baseball affected their family's free time", they jumped on her when she admitted that if it was her own daughter she might not see it as such a sacrifice.

IMO a kid from a split family might actually need more love and quality time, but that is just me.

It might also not seem like such a sacrifice because she would have some say as to when and whether it would happen if it was her own daughter. She would be allowed to place limits if she felt it was taking up too much family time.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

For me that was exactly it.

Ditto. In her head her child should be seen BY HER HUSBAND as being different. Unless, as noted earlier, she doesn't feel he should be involved in that child's activities, either. WHETHER HE HAS REMARRIED AGAIN BY THEN AND HAD MORE CHILDREN OR NOT.

 

[mickeyboat]

Ditto. In her head her child should be seen BY HER HUSBAND as being different. Unless, as noted earlier, she doesn't feel he should be involved in that child's activities, either. WHETHER HE HAS REMARRIED AGAIN BY THEN AND HAD MORE CHILDREN OR NOT.

Please show me where the OP said that. I think you are reading your own experience into this situation.

 

[Anewman]

It might also not seem like such a sacrifice because she would have some say as to when and whether it would happen if it was her own daughter. She would be allowed to place limits if she felt it was taking up too much family time.

Not saying I agree with the replies, just pointing what the harsh replies were focused on.


You might be right, but I also think the OP should feel good knowing that if their marriage ever has issues the FATHER will always do what he can for his kids... NO MATTER WHAT.

 

[bunny]

No where did the OP say her family trumped her stepson. What she did say was she didn't think it was fair that her stepson trumped her. She wasn't given any say about whether she wanted the stepson to participate. Even though she is not directly taking the son, she is doing extra work to compensate for her husband doing this. She is working and then going home to take care of an infant at night. Alone. If she were in a nuclear family, she would get to say whether she wanted her child to participate especially with the added responsiblities of a new baby. Baseball is a huge time commitment. It isn't really fair for her husband to say he is going to coach every night and spend all day Saturday at the baseball field and then expect her to work, take care of the baby, take care of the house, etc alone. Just because his son is in baseball doesn't mean he has to attend every practice. If he really wants to, he should hire a maid to help her at home.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It might also not seem like such a sacrifice because she would have some say as to when and whether it would happen if it was her own daughter. She would be allowed to place limits if she felt it was taking up too much family time.

That might makes sense but that was not at all in the way that it came across. It said that she melts with her child (as I do too!) and that she could imagine it would not be any sacrifice to spend all that time on an activity for her if she wanted to. It wasn't, well our child may want to do things as she gets older but we plan to limit the times because we want alone time etc.
That was how I took it at least.

 

[Sandy V.]

I too feel some of the replies are a bit harsh, but to be fair they did not jump on her about the "baseball affected their family's free time", they jumped on her when she admitted that if it was her own daughter she might not see it as such a sacrifice.

IMO a kid from a split family might actually need more love and quality time, but that is just me.

Point taken. I just think that some are way too quick to be snarky and harsh over an admission that, in the dark recesses of OUR OWN minds, many of us might very well admit to feeling the same way at times (and I KNOW none of you would admit that now). The OP just had the courage to say it out loud. IMHO, it's not right to attack her. But others can disagree.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

No where did the OP say her family trumped her stepson. What she did say was she didn't think it was fair that her stepson trumped her. She wasn't given any say about whether she wanted the stepson to participate. Even though she is not directly taking the son, she is doing extra work to compensate for her husband doing this. She is working and then going home to take care of an infant at night. Alone. If she were in a nuclear family, she would get to say whether she wanted her child to participate especially with the added responsiblities of a new baby. Baseball is a huge time commitment. It isn't really fair for her husband to say he is going to coach every night and spend all day Saturday at the baseball field and then expect her to work, take care of the baby, take care of the house, etc alone. Just because his son is in baseball doesn't mean he has to attend every practice. If he really wants to, he should hire a maid to help her at home.

Many families do this. It is not exclusive of step-families.