SS and Baseball Vent (Long)

[Anewman]

No where did the OP say her family trumped her stepson. What she did say was she didn't think it was fair that her stepson trumped her.

If I ever split with my wife, my kids will always trump anything or anyone else. ALWAYS.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

That might makes sense but that was not at all in the way that it came across. It said that she melts with her child (as I do too!) and that she could imagine it would not be any sacrifice to spend all that time on an activity for her if she wanted to. It wasn't, well our child may want to do things as she gets older but we plan to limit the times because we want alone time etc.
That was how I took it at least.

She doesn't have a nuclear family, knew so to begin with, and that brings the need to go above and beyond. She may not have said that her child's activities will be important, but how many parents here believe they won't be. All of our kids are in activities of some sort. Maybe the OP will choose to fore go sports, etc., and maybe my perception is wrong.

How much time has the husband lost to his son because of the new baby? Anyone here with more than one child want to chime in on how our older's lost out when we brought home the new babies? Mine did.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

If I ever split with my wife, my kids will always trump anything or anyone else. ALWAYS.

As it should be.

 

[bunny]

If I ever split with my wife, my kids will always trump anything or anyone else. ALWAYS.

Then you better never get remarried!!! Children should not come first. Nor should they be neglected. But a marriage cannot work if a child's wants come before the adult's needs. And I am sure in your marriage your child does not trump his mother.

 

[cheermom1]

This post makes me sick to my stomach. A dad who is involved with his child. I would assume that you want him involved with your child, but not his own. Maybe you should have considered whether he could deal with it before he had another child.

this post makes me sick!!

this IS NOT what the op is saying at all!!! geez why does it have to be one or the other? oh wait it doesn't that's why she wants to BALANCE her dh's time!!!! I am a step mom and an ex wife dealing with both sides. i see where she is coming from all she wants is for a balance and NO he can't spend all his time with one child sooo wrong. she is not asking him to not be involved she is asking for a balance. she loves the fact he is involved.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

Then you better never get remarried!!! Children should not come first. Nor should they be neglected. But a marriage cannot work if a child's wants come before the adult's needs.

Taking care of one's current responsibilities most certainly should trump taking on new ones.

A child needs parental involvement. That isn't a "want."

 

[Magic Mom]

I think you are very lucky to have a husband that is such an involved father. I wouldn't be surprised in a few years when he is doing baseball/softball or some other activity with his daughter. I hope you will pack up the baby and go to some games to show your support for your family. You won't be sorry.

I think this is a wonderful answer.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

this IS NOT what the op is saying at all!!! geez why does it have to be one or the other? oh wait it doesn't that's why she wants to BALANCE her dh's time!!!! I am a step mom and an ex wife dealing with both sides. i see where she is coming from all she wants is for a balance and NO he can't spend all his time with one child sooo wrong.

He only has his son 50% of the time. I'd say there is balance built into the system.

 

[Anewman]

Then you better never get remarried!!! Children should not come first. Nor should they be neglected. But a marriage cannot work if a child's wants come before the adult's needs.

Maybe, but as I said that would not be my top concern.
And as an ADULT, I NEED to make sure my kids are off the streets involved in positive activities this is not about a childs wants.

I think as the OP has a child with this man, things happen...How would she feel if his next wife does not support the fathers commitment to their child.

 

[okeydokey]

Many families do this. It is not exclusive of step-families.

I think the problem is she is not consulted at any on this, she has no say or input on this matter yet it effects her life too. She is not factored into the equation and she vented about it.

 

[bunny]

Taking care of one's current responsibilities most certainly should trump taking on new ones.

A child needs parental involvement. That isn't a "want."

Are you in a stepfamily? If not, you don't know what you are talking about. How much time should he be spending with his new baby? Or does the older son's wants trump the baby's needs since he was there first?

 

[cheermom1]

He only has his son 50% of the time. I'd say there is balance built into the system.

not when the ex is still wanting the father to take him when it is NOT is court ordered time just b/c she doesn't want to go herself.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Then you better never get remarried!!! Children should not come first. Nor should they be neglected. But a marriage cannot work if a child's wants come before the adult's needs. And I am sure in your marriage your child does not trump his mother.

I don't totally agree with this statement. Yes, a marriage needs to be nurtured. Yes, the best thing you can do for your children is to show them that. However, for my dh and I our children come first. That is how we chose for it to be. Many people I know feel the same way. So for you, as you have implied, you have put each other first about all. That works for you. I don't agree with it but to each their own. It think a family can work in harmony without parents putting themselves above all. JMHO.

 

[lillygator]

Then you better never get remarried!!! Children should not come first. Nor should they be neglected. But a marriage cannot work if a child's wants come before the adult's needs. And I am sure in your marriage your child does not trump his mother.

I agree with this.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think the problem is she is not consulted at any on this, she has no say or input on this matter yet it effects her life too. She is not factored into the equation and she vented about it.

I could completely understand being annoyed by that.

 

[cheermom1]

Are you in a stepfamily? If not, you don't know what you are talking about. How much time should he be spending with his new baby? Or does the older son's wants trump the baby's needs since he was there first?

in a regular family unite spending time or favoring one child over the other would NEVER fly!

 

[mickeyboat]

She doesn't have a nuclear family, knew so to begin with, and that brings the need to go above and beyond. She may not have said that her child's activities will be important, but how many parents here believe they won't be. All of our kids are in activities of some sort. Maybe the OP will choose to fore go sports, etc., and maybe my perception is wrong.

How much time has the husband lost to his son because of the new baby? Anyone here with more than one child want to chime in on how our older's lost out when we brought home the new babies? Mine did.

But how above and beyond should she go? There can be some acceptable middle ground and reasonable accomodation which won't leave someone feeling like they got the short end of the stick.

Oh yes, I felt guilty when #2 was born less than a year after #1 - you had better believe it. I remember the feelings well. I just kept telling myself that DD#1 will be better off in the long run having had a sister.

Anewman - you say your kids will always trump. Would that be true in a blended family situation? Why isn't it o.k. for the OP to express those feelings, too?

 

[bunny]

Maybe, but as I said that would not be my top concern.
And as an ADULT, I NEED to make sure my kids are off the streets involved in positive activities this is not about a childs wants.

I think as the OP has a child with this man, things happen...How would she feel if his next wife does not support the fathers commitment to their child.

It is not part of a father's commitment to his child to coach his baseball team. Many great fathers never did that. If he wants him to be involved, he can take him to the practices and the games. But he could also take his new infant and hold her on the sidelines while he watches.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

Are you in a stepfamily? If not, you don't know what you are talking about. How much time should he be spending with his new baby? Or does the older son's wants trump the baby's needs since he was there first?

He should be spending time with both children that he created. The father has his son half the time. That leaves and abundance of time for his current family. All activities take time. A kid's baseball practice is not a marriage make or break.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Are you in a stepfamily? If not, you don't know what you are talking about. How much time should he be spending with his new baby? Or does the older son's wants trump the baby's needs since he was there first?

I agree that there has to be a balance. That is why I said that the DH needs to get the problems with wife#1 ironed out. Current wife needs to be able to come to the games. I think her going to the games with the baby and cheering him on is a great idea. Most families, step or not, do cheer each other on. They support each other. I personally wouldn't worry about a late bedtime or naptime etc. I would put them in the stroller and still go. I have had to do that many times. Is it ideal? Not always but we make it work. They all support each other at their activities. I don't think any child is more important than another. I do think (in this situation) that they all need to focus on getting along and doing what is best for everyone involved. That is where the DH comes in. He needs to get things squared away with the ex. JMHO.