Sports Team Travel Policy questions

[golfgal]

Ok, I just asked DD about the hotel thing--they just got back from a major band competition. There were 5 bands staying at their hotel so roughly 1000 students, high school aged kids. She said that there were NO instances of police needing to be called to respond to an assault situation for any of the kids. That is a lot of kids, in a major hotel, in a major metro area, which happens to have the label of the "most dangerous city" in the US. I am sure your soccer team will be just fine.

 

[PlutoPony]

How would you feel about these policies if you were at a sleepy suburban hotel without a bar or anything else to pull in people not staying there? Would you be more comfortable if your family could stay in the same hotel, just not with your daughter? Just trying to find potential compromises you might be able to suggest...

 

[KinziePooh]

I was on a travel team for years that competed all over the US and internationally. These were basically the same rules we followed. We were always in hotels that had other non athlete guests. We had kids as young as 12 and never had any problems. In fact, when we competed in Europe, we had 2 girls to a room as opposed to 4 in the US.

I can understand your concern as a parent but I'm sure the organization has put a lot of thought into their decision to change the rules. Now that I'm a coach, I see a lot of benefits to kids staying in rooms without parents. There's much less drama and no parental/sibling distraction. Plus, the kids get to have a little freedom and learn to be responsible for themselves.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

How would you feel about these policies if you were at a sleepy suburban hotel without a bar or anything else to pull in people not staying there? Would you be more comfortable if your family could stay in the same hotel, just not with your daughter? Just trying to find potential compromises you might be able to suggest...

I would be happy if they did not stay at a hotel that had a bar/lounge where the public doesn't go to drink.
I would like to see a policy where coaching staff, the manager and chaperones do not consume alcohol for the time that they have the kids in their care and control.
I would like to be able to stay in the same hotel if we could but that isn't going to happen as per the team manager.

 

[sparklynails23]

Good morning sports parents.

I want to know if any other sports teams have a similiar travel policy to the one that was just emailed to us this morning. Tell me what you think of this.

Here are the items that cause my husband and I concern:

1) While attending any competition, where accommodations are required, the players under the age of majority may not room with any adult, regardless of that adult being a parent, coach, club official or staff members.

2) Unless the Club has a specific rule, only the players, club officials and staff members will be allowed to stay at the hotel accommodations / rooms allocated to the Club.

3) When it involves players under the age of majority, anytime a room is visited by anyone other than the occupant(s) the door will be left ajar for viewing by the coach, manager or MSA delegate.

I think you're reading it wrong, and these rules only apply to accommodations arranged by the club. If you are arranging the room for your daughter, yourself, you take on your own liability.

(1) If you arrange your daughter's room, accommodations are not "required."

(2) Just have your club make a rule that parents can stay in the same hotel as other coaches. Even if the club doesn't make that rule, it's a free world. They can't stop you.

(3) Your daughter shouldn't take other girls back to your room.

It's just a liability issue, and they're trying to cover. The boyscouts have the same rules, but they apply to tents, and a boy is allowed to stay with his parent, but not with other boys and a parent. If your soccer association won't even let kids stay with their own parents, that's a little ridiculous. Does that apply to younger kids, too, like 7 and 8 year olds? Some of those kids don't even do sleepovers yet.

 

[golfgal]

I would be happy if they did not stay at a hotel that had a bar/lounge where the public doesn't go to drink.
I would like to see a policy where coaching staff, the manager and chaperones do not consume alcohol for the time that they have the kids in their care and control.
I would like to be able to stay in the same hotel if we could but that isn't going to happen as per the team manager.

So your real issue is that you have a problem with people drinking, even socially and you don't want your child to be around alcohol?? Even in hotels where they don't serve alcohol, people are allowed to have it in their rooms. For most sporting events like this you will find people bringing in coolers of beer, etc., hanging out at the pool drinking while the kids swim, etc. Just because your team doesn't allow parents to be at the hotel doesn't mean that there won't be other parents at that same hotel drinking-whether there is a bar at the hotel or not.

 

[ameraumi]

4 years ago, DS went on his 8th gr trip to Washington DC and the surrounding areas. No parents were allowed to chaperone, only teachers. Each room was assigned 4 students, boys on one side of the wall and girls on the other. The rule was doors stayed shut after a certain time, and they were taped. Since this was a school trip, the hotel had security on the floor and only our group was on that floor. I think this is pretty standard with school trips.

I can understand what your association is doing. My Nephew is playing on 2 different soccer teams, one a major travel team and the other is with ODP. Both have the same kind of rules for traveling. The families cannot stay at the same hotel as the teams and cannot have interaction with the teams during specific periods. It is just part of doing a travel team with a specific organization.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

So your real issue is that you have a problem with people drinking, even socially and you don't want your child to be around alcohol?? Even in hotels where they don't serve alcohol, people are allowed to have it in their rooms. For most sporting events like this you will find people bringing in coolers of beer, etc., hanging out at the pool drinking while the kids swim, etc. Just because your team doesn't allow parents to be at the hotel doesn't mean that there won't be other parents at that same hotel drinking-whether there is a bar at the hotel or not.

I have a problem with not being allowed in the same hotel as my child but it is okay for people at the hotel associated with the tournament to be consuming alcohol. I do have a problem with my DD being around adults who are drinking and her parents are not present. What parent would be okay with that?

 

[PlutoPony]

I have a problem with not being allowed in the same hotel as my child but it is okay for people at the hotel associated with the tournament to be consuming alcohol. I do have a problem with my DD being around adults who are drinking and her parents are not present. What parent would be okay with that?

Ok, against my better judgement I'll bite.... I don't have a huge problem with that because to me an adult drinking doesn't come close to meaning the adult is drunk or has impaired judgement. I'm quite comfortable that when my child goes out of town with his sports team, the coaches in charge of my child have enough sense and character to not become impaired while they're responsible for my child. And if I wasn't comfortable with that, my kid would not be traveling with them. Period.

 

[Mama Who]

The girls are not always going to be in the room at the same time. It only takes a minute for something to happen. I know this. My daughter calling somebody after the fact is not going to prevent anything from happening. What do you think an adult or a boy would want to do to a 13 y/o girl?

Well... you're an adult, right? What do YOU want to do to a 13 year old girl? Nothing unsavory, I presume.

Yes, there are bad people out there. Yes, I would be concerned about adult chaperones drinking on duty. Beyond that, there is a certain point at which we have to trust our children to not only behave appropriately but also to be able to function in the world without us. If that age is not 13 for your child, that's okay. Tell her you don't think she's ready to travel without you.

Now, the one thing I'd clarify with the coach is whether she is *required* to stay in a team room to participate. Possibly you can take her to the tournament yourself, providing your own lodging and food for your child which, while it excludes her from the teambuilding aspect of staying with her teammates, would alleviate your concerns about her wellbeing.

As I read the hotel prohibition, it does not (can not, legally) prevent you from booking a room at that hotel (space available) on your own. It simply means that none of the rooms allocated to the team will be used to house you.

 

[KinziePooh]

I have a problem with not being allowed in the same hotel as my child but it is okay for people at the hotel associated with the tournament to be consuming alcohol. I do have a problem with my DD being around adults who are drinking and her parents are not present. What parent would be okay with that?

Are you sure that all the chaperones and coaches will be drinking? If so, it sounds like you have more of a problem with trusting them than the actual policy. If you're uncomfortable with leaving your DD, maybe you can sit in the lobby of the hotel until you know she's in bed. It's not ideal but it might help calm your nerves a bit.

 

[goofy!]

Good morning sports parents.

I want to know if any other sports teams have a similiar travel policy to the one that was just emailed to us this morning. Tell me what you think of this.

Here are the items that cause my husband and I concern:

1) While attending any competition, where accommodations are required, the players under the age of majority may not room with any adult, regardless of that adult being a parent, coach, club official or staff members.

2) Unless the Club has a specific rule, only the players, club officials and staff members will be allowed to stay at the hotel accommodations / rooms allocated to the Club.

3) When it involves players under the age of majority, anytime a room is visited by anyone other than the occupant(s) the door will be left ajar for viewing by the coach, manager or MSA delegate.

Our gym is completely opposite when we travel to competitions. But then, maybe it is because we travel with over 250 athletes and their families. There is no way the coaches could be in charge of that many kids.

For most of our travel, each hotel room must have at least one parent in it. You are allowed to chaperone somebody else's child, but you must be in the same room.

We all have to stay in the same hotel, booked through the gym's TA, so we are in the same block of rooms.

There are a couple of trips where the older kids are going where they are sharing a room without an adult, but there are still plenty of parents going to chaperone. There is a trip in a couple of weeks - 75 athletes, 20 parents and 6 coaches. So, most of the rooms will still have a parent in it. Other parents who are not chaperoning, but going to watch are allowed to buy rooms through the gym's block of rooms.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I was told by the manager this morning we can not stay in the same hotel.

DD has gone away to school camp and has been chaperoned but the place did not have people other than our school staying there. There was also no alcohol consumption as it was a school event.

She has also gone to other soccer tournaments with another female parent when we were not able to take her. That parent stayed in the room with the girls.

We thought about having her stay with us somewhere else but that does interfere with team building.

I too would like to think that anybody that is put in the care and control of minor children would not consume alcohol. I think it would be better if they just had a policy as not everybody thinks the same. The guys usually drink in the hotel breakfast/common room or in one of the coaches rooms. Not a problem in the past but not something I am comfortable with now that we can't be in the hotel.

 

[tasha99]

I have a problem with not being allowed in the same hotel as my child but it is okay for people at the hotel associated with the tournament to be consuming alcohol. I do have a problem with my DD being around adults who are drinking and her parents are not present. What parent would be okay with that?

Are you sure you understand the rule? It looked to me like no one could be in the block of rooms held by the team. They can't stop you from booking a room at the hotel--it's a public place.

I can see why they have no chaperones in the rooms with the kids. There is danger from strangers and danger from other parents. Obviously, some actuary crunched the numbers, and it turns out that a child is more likely to be harmed by a chaperone than a stranger.

 

[mhsjax]

I have 3 kids. Teenager on down. We have done out of town tournaments for years, I have NEVER heard of a kid not being able to stay with the parents That is crazy. If this is a pay for association, my kids WILL stay in the hotel room with me, there is no reason for them not to, when I am paying for a hotel room. And there is no room for compromise on this, but then again, it isn't done that way here.

 

[Mama Who]

I was told by the manager this morning we can not stay in the same hotel.

DD has gone away to school camp and has been chaperoned but the place did not have people other than our school staying there. There was also no alcohol consumption as it was a school event.

She has also gone to other soccer tournaments with another female parent when we were not able to take her. That parent stayed in the room with the girls.

We thought about having her stay with us somewhere else but that does interfere with team building.

I too would like to think that anybody that is put in the care and control of minor children would not consume alcohol. I think it would be better if they just had a policy as not everybody thinks the same. The guys usually drink in the hotel breakfast/common room or in one of the coaches rooms. Not a problem in the past but not something I am comfortable with now that we can't be in the hotel.

I'm telling you you can. Know what? I have EXACTLY the same authority over you booking a hotel room that the manager of the team does- being none whatsoever. No, seriously. This person has ZERO say in who books a hotel room unassociated with the team. Unless they have booked the ENTIRE hotel and there are no rooms available, members of the general public may contract with the hotel as they see fit. You aren't allowed to interfere with the team or their chaperonage, but you're absolutely allowed (Who does this guy think he is? The hotel police?) to rent a room wherever you wish.

You can advocate for changes, and I encourage you to do so, but until those changes happen, either take her yourself, accept their rules or tell her she's not going. If enough parents object, perhaps you and a couple other families could group together to split expenses and chaperonage in a private arrangement.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I have 3 kids. Teenager on down. We have done out of town tournaments for years, I have NEVER heard of a kid not being able to stay with the parents That is crazy. If this is a pay for association, my kids WILL stay in the hotel room with me, there is no reason for them not to, when I am paying for a hotel room. And there is no room for compromise on this, but then again, it isn't done that way here.

Yes we pay fees for the sport. We have to pay for a bus whereas before the parents drove their own kids. We have to pay for the hotel room and if we get our own somewhere...that one too. We have to pay for the coaching staff and the bus driver rooms. We have never done that before since everybody looked after their own accomodations.

 

[sam_gordon]

I have a problem with not being allowed in the same hotel as my child but it is okay for people at the hotel associated with the tournament to be consuming alcohol. I do have a problem with my DD being around adults who are drinking and her parents are not present. What parent would be okay with that?

First, if adults are simply consuming alcohol, I would not have a problem with my DD being there with them. The MAJORITY of people who "consume alcohol" do so responsibly. If you think someone associated with the club/group will/would not drink responsibly, bring that up with the club.

I too would like to think that anybody that is put in the care and control of minor children would not consume alcohol. I think it would be better if they just had a policy as not everybody thinks the same. The guys usually drink in the hotel breakfast/common room or in one of the coaches rooms. Not a problem in the past but not something I am comfortable with now that we can't be in the hotel.

Re-read the bolded... you want people to follow YOUR policy, even though not every thinks the same.

IMO, if this concerns you THIS much, either don't let DD attend out of town tournaments, or join the board and get the policy changed. That being said, the organization can NOT keep you out of the team hotel (unless they bought out EVERY room). However, they can punish your DD (lack of playing time) if you don't follow their rules.

YOU need to decide what is more important... that your DD is on the team or keeping her safe enough for you.

 

[descovy]

Sounds like this is no longer the sport club for your dd/family.

A sport club has the right to create their rules as they see fit. A parent has a right (and duty!) to put their child in a safe environment.

If you are as concerned as you appear to be (with all your objections) then you need to drop this sport club immediately. Complaining about a rule on the internet will not change said rule.

If it is an uncomfortable situation/lack of proper supervision, etc., etc., please do the safe thing and cancel the club

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I can't join the board. This isn't a volunteer board of directors like a daycare or something. It's a big organization with paid management.

I don't have a policy so I can't expect people to follow it. I think that if the organization that governs the sport in the entire province were smart they would have a no alcohol policy. Now that parents aren't allowed at the hotel wouldn't you want to make sure that children are safe? Me, I personally wouldn't drink if I were in charge of a group of kids. I would never want somebody to come back later and make it out to be something it is not. It's like drinking on the job.

I am laughing at the people saying we should just pull our kid out of this sport that she has been in for eight years. There aren't any other sport options she can just take up at the age of 13.

Do you get this is a NEW policy that is radically different from what we had before? I asked on here to see what types of policies others have and it seems that this travel policy is similar to others. Doesn't mean I am happy with it and it is fine that you are happy with the policy for your sport.