so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[luvsJack]

Which everyone could still be without having a party.

And they can also do WITH a shower. I still don't get any reason not to.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think a baby shower is going to make other teens want to get pregnant. Heck, I went to an AMAZING Bat Mitzvah (sp?) when I was 12 and it didn't make me want to convert to Judiaism.

 

[drinkme]

Um, do you think it was some "immaculate conception" .. please it would have been all over FB. Seriously, they got pregnant, they are "guilty" of that. And "guilty" wasn't my choice of word, it was another poster, fyi.

Ok. So this has nothing to do with a baby shower but FYI the Immaculate Conception was the conception of Mary not Jesus. You're thinking of the term Virgin Birth.

All those years of catholic school...sorry.

 

[tzolkin]

Well, at the risk of appearing hard nosed again, the mother and father ARE guilty, the baby isn't coming from the cabbage patch for goodness sake.

Perhaps you should do some research on teen pregnancy and sexual assault, coercion, and abuse. It may shock you how many are sexually and/or physically abused, raped, or impregnated by adult men.

Sure some are "guilty" of having fun without any regard for the consequences, but to presume that you know the circumstances surrounding every teen conception is rather insulting to the many who are really victims/survivors trying to make the best of their situations.

 

[redrosesix]

Why should this mother have to miss something that is given to most first time mothers?

When she has her second child at a more "appropriate" age, are you one of the ones that will then look down your nose and say "oh, well you NEVER have showers for second children"?

It is not celebrating a teen mom, it is celebrating a new life.


I have thought about this from dd's perspective. If her bff was to get pregnant in the next couple of years, what would she do? She would give her friend a shower in a heartbeat. NOT because she thinks being a teen mom is the best thing, NOT because she thinks this huge hiccup in her friend's life is something to celebrate but because she would want to show her friend that no matter what she loves her and she will be there for her and for that child.

Its called unconditional love and support, something that is lacking in many relationships these days.

ITA with all of this. One of our friends got pregnant at 15 and luckily had a very supportive family and friends. But, as she says, none of her friends got pregnant because they stuck by her and they saw how hard it was.

Yes, they had a shower for her son -- and for the two children she had 8 and 10 years later after she was married. Her son has always been just as important and just as loved as the ones she had later ie. the ones that were easier, the ones where the dad stayed around, the ones that didn't delay her finishing high school and college.

I can't see any reason not to have a shower. While having a baby at 15 may not have been "ok", she is one of the best mothers I have ever met.

 

[cjbcam]

If someone had a party for you and your friend didn't come because beciae of a life choice you made you wouldn't feel snubbed. And you would still feel supported? I would be writing them off. Frankly I do t need that kind of support.

Don't see how this would be different.

That's what I was thinking. People make choices about different things everyday just because you don't agree with their choice you are going to snub them? Thanks but no thanks. Bye bye

By some of these quotes on here I would like to know if these people snubbing would actually act that way if it happened to their child. Talk is cheap and when placed in the situation a lot act totally different. In this situation I really hope they do.
I have three girls and I know I could never treat them the way some of these people would. Unconditional love is exactly that. It's not unconditional until you make a mistake.

 

[Burnedout]

Guilty of sex. Darn them. It has been happening for Ever. Lol a party and cute clothes are. Or going to make anyone get pregnant unless they already have the thoughts and plans. Just wondering where the data is that says that this is a big issue.

I also wonder how much power and influence the people who won't go to make a point think they have. "Oh, mrs hannatjy didn't come, she must think I should t be pregnant, guess I will abort or put the kid up for adoption... Lol give me a break.

Either you are close enough to a kid to have influence and in that case it will only say that you can't be counted on for support in the process. Or you are peripheral at which point no one gives a rats heinie if you are put out of their lives for being self righteous.

 

[DopeyDame]

Do the people who oppose the shower truly think that the other girls are going to want to get pregnant so they can have a party? In the grand scheme of teenage parties, baby showers are probably pretty darn lame.

And if oyu have a teenage daughter whose friend gets pregnant, it seems that it's a perfect time to reiterate your own expectations and beliefs, and point out the difficulty of the situation. Not a time to have your daughter shun her friend.

 

[Burnedout]

Do the people who oppose the shower truly think that the other girls are going to want to get pregnant so they can have a party? In the grand scheme of teenage parties, baby showers are probably pretty darn lame.

And if oyu have a teenage daughter whose friend gets pregnant, it seems that it's a perfect time to reiterate your own expectations and beliefs, and point out the difficulty of the situation. Not a time to have your daughter shun her friend.

agree

 

[Hannathy]

I have no idea where the if they see a shower they will get pregnant came from, I never said that. That isn't my point.

I just don't think a teen pregnancy should be celebrated. I don't think an ill equipped not ready to be a parent child should be given a party. I don't think poor life choices should be celebrated and made to seem they are great.

The party is only for the mother, it is telling her this is a wonderful thing you are doing and should be congratulated for doing it, and I don't feel it is.

The baby is innocent, it had and has no say. I would not want to see it being hungry or cold or wet so that is why I would give a baby gift for the child to use for basic needs.

 

[Flamingeaux]

All part of the Fundamental Transformation.

 

[gwynne]

I have no idea where the if they see a shower they will get pregnant came from, I never said that. That isn't my point.

I just don't think a teen pregnancy should be celebrated. I don't think an ill equipped not ready to be a parent child should be given a party. I don't think poor life choices should be celebrated and made to seem they are great.

The party is only for the mother, it is telling her this is a wonderful thing you are doing and should be congratulated for doing it, and I don't feel it is.

The baby is innocent, it had and has no say. I would not want to see it being hungry or cold or wet so that is why I would give a baby gift for the child to use for basic needs.

Sigh. So we're back to carefully pointing out the baby is "innocent"? Do you know any guilty babies? Any? At all? They why is it so important to use this term here? Unless, of course, it the under the breath insinuation about it's "guilty" mother.
The baby is a baby, period. The mother is a mother, period.
There is no doubt in my mind that sadly, teen moms get more than their share nasty looks, stares, nods. But I also hope and pray that they have people in their lives with open minds and hearts that care. People who are kind, decent, friends, neighbors, and mentors.

 

[luvsJack]

I have no idea where the if they see a shower they will get pregnant came from, I never said that. That isn't my point.

I just don't think a teen pregnancy should be celebrated. I don't think an ill equipped not ready to be a parent child should be given a party. I don't think poor life choices should be celebrated and made to seem they are great.

The party is only for the mother, it is telling her this is a wonderful thing you are doing and should be congratulated for doing it, and I don't feel it is.

The baby is innocent, it had and has no say. I would not want to see it being hungry or cold or wet so that is why I would give a baby gift for the child to use for basic needs.

No it isn't.

 

[KatheeME]

No one is "condoning" a 15 year getting pregnant. But we choose not to shun her, not to judge her, and not to make things harder on her than they already will be. Having a shower can be celebrating the new life without saying "its ok to be 15 and pregnant".

Exactly what do you think should happen to a teen mom?



What does that even mean? I don't make the rules, never have.

Please don't put words in my "mouth" nothing I said was even close to shun and judgemental, your words, not mine.

 

[KatheeME]

Again there is a big difference in snubbing them and going all out celebrating the fact and giving the Mom a party. She can be supported in making good choices and with her choices without it being turned into something to celebrate and have fun with.

The baby can be given gifts without having a party that only benefits the mother. The Mother can be given support and help without having a party, they aren't exclusive of each other.

Thank you AGAIN for saying this, some can not see or tell the difference. Sigh.

 

[KatheeME]

You responded twice, thanks.

Have a lovely day.

ooops, hiccup as I thought the first post didn't go through

 

[luvsJack]

Please don't put words in my "mouth" nothing I said was even close to shun and judgemental, your words, not mine.

Let's see, you called her "guilty" that pretty much takes a judgment.

You don't believe her friends shouldn't give her a shower because it might encourage one of them to get pregnant, so it stands to reason that you don't think her friends should be around her.

You have insinuated that the choice of keeping the baby should be made for the teen. And you have insinuated at what that choice to be so YOU don't have to pay for it.

Seems pretty judgmental to me.

And you didn't answer my question, what should be done?

 

[KatheeME]

Ok. So this has nothing to do with a baby shower but FYI the Immaculate Conception was the conception of Mary not Jesus. You're thinking of the term Virgin Birth.

All those years of catholic school...sorry.

omg, I know that, that was MY sarcasm at a belief stated as fact.

 

[KatheeME]

Let's see, you called her "guilty" that pretty much takes a judgment.

You don't believe her friends shouldn't give her a shower because it might encourage one of them to get pregnant, so it stands to reason that you don't think her friends should be around her.

You have insinuated that the choice of keeping the baby should be made for the teen. And you have insinuated at what that choice to be so YOU don't have to pay for it.

Seems pretty judgmental to me.

And you didn't answer my question, what should be done?

Again, your words not mine, you are making inferences. I didn't mention making others want a pregnancy, nor that a teen can't make the choice. Paying is an issue, a sad reality in our country, true statistics don't lie.

The child should be given the option of all choices, but not rewarded. Yes a party for the mom is a type of reward, well maybe reward isn't the right word, but that's what it appears to be. Sorry but choices often stink in our world, and having to mark such hard ones is tough, let alone being influenced by others.

 

[Hannathy]

No it isn't.

Then what is is telling her? Do you throw a party every time you tell a friend you support them? Gee your out of work I want to help you and buy your kid Tennis shoes but lets have a party for me to do it?

You can tell her you support her by taking her to the Dr's or sending her a note. Offering to babysit, Do you have to celebrate? Do you have to have a party to do all this? Actually the money for the party should go to paying for the DR or for the Diapers. You want to truly support her.

By throwing a party for HER, again the baby doesn't care, you are telling her what she did is special and wonderful and great.