so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Robinrs]

In the scheme of all the crap teen mothers go through, do you think a 2 hour baby shower is going to change much? Really Hannathy? Be realistic. Do you really think the people in the room think that "what she did" is special, wonderful, and great? Because honestly, she probably isn't doing anything different from what her peers are doing. She just got pregnant. And they didn't. Let's punish the one that happened to get knocked up! And when are we going to start talking about the boy?!

And if you think teens are that impressionable, I am really scared for America's youth. If 2 hours is going to make those teens at the party run out and take off their pants and lift up their skirts, that is sad.

By the way, I'm pretty sure that those 15-year-olds are not going to be bringing out the benjamins at this party. I don't think cribs, strollers, or deluxe baby clothes will be bought. A few rattles and baby clothes from Wal-Mart might show up, but that will be about it. These are 15-year-olds who can't even work. This is a 15-year-old child who is giving up her freedom to have a baby instead of giving it away or aborting it.

Young mothers receive enough judgement as it is. This is 2 hours where she might feel a tiny bit of joy and maybe a little happiness. And people like you want to smash that up and shove that in her face. It's a 15-year-old child for crying out loud! You should understand, as an adult with some knowledge of this world, what this kid is going to go through. What kind of world is this that grown women like yourself think like this?

 

[Robinrs]

This thread makes me so sad. I was a teen mother and I'm so glad that our friends and relatives looked beyond an obvious mistake I made and decided to celebrate my son's birth with me. I had quite of few of my friends at my baby shower and not one of them became a teen mom. Heck, one is just getting ready to have her first baby and we are all almost 40.

The baby shower may have been cute and the baby even cuter, but they also so me throwing up so much I was hospitalized, saw me gain 73 lbs, saw me trying to stand up in the hospital after getting 53 stitches after giving birth. They knew my sleepless nights and our lack of money. They were out partying and going to college while I was changing diapers. I'm pretty sure my baby shower and the stuff that happened didn't glamourize getting pregnant at all!

I always wonder how many people who condemn teen mothers were having sex when they were teens, they were just lucky enough not to get caught?

My sister had a child at 14 and it traumatized me so much I didn't have one till I was nearly 40! I would NEVER show angst to a girl going through this... I know the pain, I suffered it second hand and I know how horrendous it is and know more of those types than the caring ones who tried to make life miserable for us.

Thank God my parents were so wonderful. They took care of my sister and her daughter, sent her child to private school and she eventually got a full scholarship to Stanford University. Today she and her mother are best friends and live together after my sister had a health scare and she came to live with her. I don't know what my sister would do without her.

She was a blessing, not a shame or a curse. The shame is the fools who thought she would be due to their own narrow minds.

 

[Burnedout]

So, you think the odds are stacked against children of teenage mothers because they are not celebrated before they're born?

Babies don't care about showers. You know what they care about?

1. A mother who can provide a safe home environment.
2. A mother who will get up with them during the night to feed (or anything else) them without complaint.
3. A mother who is willing to set her own needs aside to care for her baby.
4. A mother who can financially support them.

Your point? What does your disapproval help any of those situations?

What is your universal answer?

 

[sam_gordon]

I always wonder how many people who condemn teen mothers were having sex when they were teens, they were just lucky enough not to get caught?

Great question!

 

[gwynne]

So, you think the odds are stacked against children of teenage mothers because they are not celebrated before they're born?

Babies don't care about showers. You know what they care about?

1. A mother who can provide a safe home environment.
2. A mother who will get up with them during the night to feed (or anything else) them without complaint.
3. A mother who is willing to set her own needs aside to care for her baby.
4. A mother who can financially support them.

What do babies need? They need to be loved. Showing the Mother love, empathy and kindness is an extended way to love her dear baby. I just don't see anything negative about surrounding an expectant mother with love and support. A shower is a good time to get together and let her know she and her baby are cared for and loved.

 

[sookie]

So, you think the odds are stacked against children of teenage mothers because they are not celebrated before they're born?

Babies don't care about showers. You know what they care about?

1. A mother who can provide a safe home environment.
2. A mother who will get up with them during the night to feed (or anything else) them without complaint.
3. A mother who is willing to set her own needs aside to care for her baby.
4. A mother who can financially support them.

Teen mothers and their children NEED a supportive environment. Which is what we are trying to say. Teen mothers can not provide the things you have listed if they are constantly being shamed because of the attitudes of others. These attitudes continue after the child is born. These attitudes continue outside of a baby shower - you understand that, right?

Do you know why teen mothers drop out of school? They report feeling judged. What does that lead to? Inability to support your child. Inability to provide and work a steady job. Stress which makes it difficult to emotionally meet the needs of your child and provide a safe home environment.

Guess what will make it easier to finish school? A supportive environment - that includes inside your family, the community, and school. That means we have to change our culture as a whole. It isn't an opinion. You can't just tick off a list and say: you need to do 1, 2, 3 and 4 and you will be successful. It isn't like that.

Life isn't that simple. Sometimes we have plans and things happen. Didn't you say you became pregnant while in your first year of medical school? That was an unplanned complication. I bet that was stressful. But life happens. Life doesn't go as planned. You can't just hand out a checklist and expect things to work perfectly. Especially for teenagers who need supportive positive guidance, not shaming. We want teen mothers to have a positive outcome, not a poor one.

This baby shower thread and the attitudes shown in it are just a symptom of a bigger problem.

 

[cjbcam]

So, you think the odds are stacked against children of teenage mothers because they are not celebrated before they're born?

Babies don't care about showers. You know what they care about?

1. A mother who can provide a safe home environment.
2. A mother who will get up with them during the night to feed (or anything else) them without complaint.
3. A mother who is willing to set her own needs aside to care for her baby.
4. A mother who can financially support them.

No where did I ever say that. What I was implying is people that show support and love , like giving a shower for them, does a lot better than shaming them.
A mother that has love, support and help is probably more likely to show the baby love and care. Mothers that are shunned and shamed are, I am guessing, more likely to resent the baby.

 

[AJ1983]

I have no idea where the if they see a shower they will get pregnant came from, I never said that. That isn't my point.

I just don't think a teen pregnancy should be celebrated. I don't think an ill equipped not ready to be a parent child should be given a party. I don't think poor life choices should be celebrated and made to seem they are great.

The party is only for the mother, it is telling her this is a wonderful thing you are doing and should be congratulated for doing it, and I don't feel it is.

The baby is innocent, it had and has no say. I would not want to see it being hungry or cold or wet so that is why I would give a baby gift for the child to use for basic needs.

Just curious, is this only applicable to teenagers in your eyes? Because I know alot of people who are "ill equipped" to have a baby and made "poor life choices", but they are much older than teenagers. For example, if you knew that a female friend of yours who intentionally got pregnant so her husband wouldn't leave her, would you attend her shower? Or is every pregnancy OK as long as the woman is over 18?

Also, is the "poor life choice" having sex? Cause if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right!

 

[lauradis]

Perhaps you should do some research on teen pregnancy and sexual assault, coercion, and abuse. It may shock you how many are sexually and/or physically abused, raped, or impregnated by adult men.

Sure some are "guilty" of having fun without any regard for the consequences, but to presume that you know the circumstances surrounding every teen conception is rather insulting to the many who are really victims/survivors trying to make the best of their situations.

Most of the guilty pg teens came form overly religion families

You know the ones that say don't have sex, no birth control, no information, easy prey for the picking.

This is the one big problem I have with the desert religions woman are evil, to be punished we are sinful for all the sexual fantasies and sexual actions.

Hog wash pure and simple.

 

[Burnedout]

Most of the guilty pg teens came form overly religion families

You know the ones that say don't have sex, no birth control, no information, easy prey for the picking.

This is the one big problem I have with the desert religions woman are evil, to be punished we are sinful for all the sexual fantasies and sexual actions.

Hog wash pure and simple.

Statistical evidence to support this?

This does not support your statements. https://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/j.contraception.2011.07.13.pdf

 

[lauradis]

Statistical evidence to support this?

This does not support your statements. https://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/j.contraception.2011.07.13.pdf

life evidence of common sense.

http://www.livescience.com/5728-teen-birth-rates-higher-highly-religious-states.html

how about this one to start with.

http://www.theatlanticcities.com/politics/2012/04/teen-birthrates-are-way-down-still-high-these-states/1735/

or that one

there are more our there, the fact is teen pg is on the down swing which is good for teen would be moms and their unborn children.

It isnt shameful to have a child at any age.

ps "god" made your body able to have children at 15 so is that shameful of god to do that?

 

[Burnedout]

life evidence of common sense.

http://www.livescience.com/5728-teen-birth-rates-higher-highly-religious-states.html

how about this one to start with.

Correlation does not equal causation.

Especially when talking about states with terrible poverty rates like mississippi

 

[lauradis]

Correlation does not equal causation.

Especially when talking about states with terrible poverty rates like mississippi

poverty and religion go hand in hand. so does poor choices with ones body.

I will agree with you that teen pg shouldn't be gloried, oh wait what are the ratings for the dumb teen mom shows.

Baby showers aren't to celebrate a pg but to celebrate a new life.

Would be acceptable for a 14/15 to get married to a man that has a good job and then become pg? She still would be a teen mom.

So is it teen pg that your against or babies out of wedlock.

 

[Burnedout]

"But the researchers cautioned against inferring from their results that “Religious teens get pregnant more often.”

“It would be a statistical and logical error” to do so, they stated. “Such an inference would be an example of the ecological fallacy.”

 

[lauradis]

"But the researchers cautioned against inferring from their results that “Religious teens get pregnant more often.”

“It would be a statistical and logical error” to do so, they stated. “Such an inference would be an example of the ecological fallacy.”

That's pure pc talk for we are say mmmm high rates in the bible belt, but has nothing to do with the disinformation of sexuality and religion.

Its ok to put your head in the sand as long as your daughter isn't the one pg.

 

[JillyBean1899]

I was just looking @ pics one of my dd's friends put on FB of a pregnant 15yo's baby shower. I think it was put on by her friends. Just the teen girls were there (like 10 of them) & the girl's mom.

I don't like it - I think it makes pregnancy look like a whole lot of fun to these other girls - do you agree?

I would have shown up with a load of diapers and baby wipes, and remind her that she's gonna need them.

 

[lauradis]

"But the researchers cautioned against inferring from their results that “Religious teens get pregnant more often.”

“It would be a statistical and logical error” to do so, they stated. “Such an inference would be an example of the ecological fallacy.”

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-beast/201210/does-religion-protect-against-teen-childbearing

Here's simple on from the repression of desire from psychology today.

Its kinda funny how god gave us heightened hormones in the teen years, but we shouldn't use them?

 

[ronandannette]

...This poster has a very long history of being highly opposed to adoption in general, under pretty much any circumstances. Much like the earlier quote you replied to was referencing many threads on this topic, the quote you referenced here was probably taking into account Paula's long standing history on the topic throughout many threads.

Thanks for the clarity Hadley. That's exactly what I was referring to, juxtaposed against the post Paula quoted.

FYI, you can do multi quotes by clicking on the quote sign (") of the quote you want then the final one you click on the word QUOTE.

Oh nice try...apparently an exercise in futility, but still a nice try!

Most of the guilty pg teens came form overly religion families

You know the ones that say don't have sex, no birth control, no information, easy prey for the picking.

This is the one big problem I have with the desert religions woman are evil, to be punished we are sinful for all the sexual fantasies and sexual actions.

Hog wash pure and simple.

poverty and religion go hand in hand. so does poor choices with ones body.

I will agree with you that teen pg shouldn't be gloried, oh wait what are the ratings for the dumb teen mom shows.

Baby showers aren't to celebrate a pg but to celebrate a new life.

Would be acceptable for a 14/15 to get married to a man that has a good job and then become pg? She still would be a teen mom.

So is it teen pg that your against or babies out of wedlock.

WOW...please tell me you forgot the emoticon that would indicate your posts were a joke...

 

[aristocatz]

I was just looking @ pics one of my dd's friends put on FB of a pregnant 15yo's baby shower. I think it was put on by her friends. Just the teen girls were there (like 10 of them) & the girl's mom.

I don't like it - I think it makes pregnancy look like a whole lot of fun to these other girls - do you agree?

I feel like it is what it is. No matter what the circumstance, that teen mom is struggling, so why punish her any further? I say let her have a baby shower so she can start to focus on welcoming the baby in a loving and supportive environment.

 

[jodifla]

This thread makes me so sad. I was a teen mother and I'm so glad that our friends and relatives looked beyond an obvious mistake I made and decided to celebrate my son's birth with me. I had quite of few of my friends at my baby shower and not one of them became a teen mom. Heck, one is just getting ready to have her first baby and we are all almost 40.

The baby shower may have been cute and the baby even cuter, but they also so me throwing up so much I was hospitalized, saw me gain 73 lbs, saw me trying to stand up in the hospital after getting 53 stitches after giving birth. They knew my sleepless nights and our lack of money. They were out partying and going to college while I was changing diapers. I'm pretty sure my baby shower and the stuff that happened didn't glamourize getting pregnant at all!

I always wonder how many people who condemn teen mothers were having sex when they were teens, they were just lucky enough not to get caught?

No, I didn't have sex as a teen, because I didn't want to get pregnant. It was very clear to me that sex meant babies from the time I was about 12. I wanted desperately to get to college, so I made sure that happened. Boys and sex were for a later time. I had discipline and drive that kept me on track.

I think it's a terrible idea for a 15-year-old to have and keep a baby. Most times, it severely limits the girl's life and the child's life. Some people make it work. But not many. You have a child who's always missing their father. So I wouldn't go to a shower because I would not be able to hide my feelings. I'd send some sort of practical gift.