Sleep Deprived...parenting advice PLEASE

[disykat]

I always found if I forced myself to get up and take them back to their own beds they stayed there and we all slept better. I was probably lucky, but a quick cuddle and a repeat tuck in was enough for them.

 

[poohandwendy]

Something i am not sure that anyone else mentioned, is she still taking naps during the day? It may be that she is not sleepy enough to go to bed for the night, but cranky enough to want comfort. Maybe if you cut out the afternoon nap (or at least try to shorten it or make it earlier) and/or make her bedtime a wee bit later, she may be much more tired the first time she goes to bed and not be waking up looking for comfort.

Don't get me wrong, this WILL be a hassle at first, but she may be to the point where she needs some sleep changes.

I say this because she seems to be right around the age where they often do not need the napping they are used to...but the pattern is there, so you continue it and she is used to it, but just not as tried as she should be at night.

Just a suggestion.

 

[jcsbama]

We have good nights and bad nights. After all the different advice I received, which I am very thankful), I tried some new things. I had bought a nightlight a couple of months ago, but never used it. I used it one night and she didn't come in our room. After that, it hasn't worked. I even tried earlier tonight, but had to turn it off because she just wanted to play. Having a night light in our house really isn't needed. It's pretty well light at night, sometimes too much. Two nights, I brought her pooh couch that folds out to somewhat of a bed and laid it by the bed. She did use that and slept fine when she came in the room during the night. That was last Wed and Thurs.

She went to her Nana's for the weekend and they had problems the first night. Nana didn't want to wake Papa, so she moved them out to the living room. Nana slept on the couch and DD slept in her blowup bed on the floor with no more problems. The next night she went to sleep at 8:30 and didn't wake until 8:30 the next morning. They had played so hard and she was tired. Nana is no typical Nana. They live on the water so they washed the boat, fed the geese, and played, played, played. Nana is only 50 and exercises daily. She's in much better shape that I am. And there's just more for her to do there to tire herself out.

Sydney has slept through the night until about 6:00 the past two nights since she's been home. She even slept through the strong thunderstorms that started at 3:30 am Sunday night. DH and I couldn't even manage that. She started coughing this morning and has really been coughing tonight. I gave her some meds after dinner, but it hasn't helped. She was asleep about 1.5 hours and then was up. It took about 30 minutes before she finally went back to sleep (in her bed). She is still coughing pretty heavily.

Two things to note. First, she is potty training. Most of the time when she gets up, she says she needs to potty. Sometimes we put her on the toilet, sometimes we don't. She uses it as a stall tactic. If it's not potty, she wants water. Earlier tonight she wanted a hairbow. This is coming from a child that constantly pulls her hair down. With potty training, she always tells us she needs to potty AFTER she has went in her pullups. So, feeling the urge to go to the bathroom could be what is waking her up at night. The funny thing is that the stalling happens when she wakes up after already being a sleep awhile.

Second, she goes to daycare and they do have nap time or they have to at least be quiet from 12:00 - 2:00. She has always opted to sleep, but it's not mandatory. There have been times during the weekend when she has not had a nap and I feel for certain she will sleep through the night and she doesn't.

I'm about to call it a night myself. Hopefully, I won't wake her up opening her door. I have a personal uneasyness (sp?) sleeping with the door closed at home and I can't stand the thought of her sleeping with her door closed. DH thinks I'm strange about that. I guess I have a fear that something is going to happen. Who knows. Thanks for everyone's advice. Some nights are still a battle, but we're winning more.

 

[poohandwendy]

LOL...well, all I can say is that this will pass. She is just adorable, btw. Probably not as adorable in the middle of the night, though...haha.

I know it is rough now, but she will find her sleeping groove. It's no fun when it is happening. BTDT.

 

[JennaTX]

My 3 1/2 year old has started doing the same thing. We just recently moved to a new house. He wants to sleep anywhere but his bed. He prefers to try and sleep with us or if not his sister.

One of the first memories that I have is waking up every night and being scared (of the dark, the monster under the bed, whatever) I remember laying in my bed working up the courage to get off the bed and running across the hall to my parents bedroom. I slept with them every night for at least 3 years. It started when I was about 3.

Since I do not want my DS repeating what I did (sorry, but I really do not want him sleeping with us every night for the next three years!) I have been very firm with him

Getting him to bed every night lately has been a problem, because he keeps going into his sisters's room. So I am in there constantly putting him back in bed. After he finally falls asleep he wakes up around 3:00 and comes to our bed. Again I continue to put him back in his bed.

Maybe because I know that I slept with my parents for so long it lets me be a little more "mean" about him sleeping with us!

Good luck!

 

[donnajon]

I had this issue with DS and read an letter in the newspaper to Dr. John Rosemond that could have been written by me. The child would come and get in the bed in the middle of the night. He said he could fix the problem within 4 nights - it took me 2 - but you've got to be prepared for some screaming.
Tell the child that "The doctor says after friday, you are no longer allowed to get in our bed at all." (He recommended a weekend so if the child kept you up all night, you didn't have to worry about going to work tired.)
Come friday, put the child to bed. Go to bed yourself and....lock your door!
I would have never thought of that. The first night, DS cried outside the door until 3am. I refused to give in. The second night, he cried for 30 minutes. After that, problem solved. He did claim he was scared of monster the second night so I showed him the alarm system and what would happen if one tried to come inside (I actually set the alarm off so he could hear it - that helped). Dr. Rosemond said if the child wants to get a pillow and blanket and sleep outside your door, that is fine but he cannot sleep in your bed. After a few days, I was able to just close my door.
It was a little unnerving sleeping with the door locked but it did only take 2 days.

 

[Hannathy]

IMO that is terrible and horribly cruel. I could never do that. How helpless your child must have felt screaming out in that dark hallway that the people he was supposed to trust most in this world were abandoning him. And were does the blaming the doctor come from-nice way to get children to hate dr's at their next visits. AT least take the blame. I want my children to know they can always come to me with their problems and fears.

 

[poohandwendy]

I had this issue with DS and read an letter in the newspaper to Dr. John Rosemond that could have been written by me. The child would come and get in the bed in the middle of the night. He said he could fix the problem within 4 nights - it took me 2 - but you've got to be prepared for some screaming.
Tell the child that "The doctor says after friday, you are no longer allowed to get in our bed at all." (He recommended a weekend so if the child kept you up all night, you didn't have to worry about going to work tired.)
Come friday, put the child to bed. Go to bed yourself and....lock your door!
I would have never thought of that. The first night, DS cried outside the door until 3am. I refused to give in. The second night, he cried for 30 minutes. After that, problem solved. He did claim he was scared of monster the second night so I showed him the alarm system and what would happen if one tried to come inside (I actually set the alarm off so he could hear it - that helped). Dr. Rosemond said if the child wants to get a pillow and blanket and sleep outside your door, that is fine but he cannot sleep in your bed. After a few days, I was able to just close my door.
It was a little unnerving sleeping with the door locked but it did only take 2 days.

Wow...that seems a bit harsh. I am all for firm parenting, but that just seems over the top. What ever happened to placing the child back in bed, closing their door and then checking on them and reassuring them at regular intervals until they adjusted?

I mean, it doesn't even seem safe allowing the child to wander the house while you are locked in your room ignoring their cries for hours.

 

[cstraub]

Didn't read through the thread- sorry, i have got to get to bed.

Just wanted to say that by the time we had our third we just decided to let her decide when she was ready to sleep in her own bed. After the struggles of getting the boys to sleep in their own beds we figured we must be doing something wrong.
We never bothered with a crib or toddler bed with DD. We never encouraged her to sleep in her own bed and we enjoyed having her in ours every minute (it goes by fast). When she was almost 6 she started sleeping in her own bed. I never once asked her if she wanted to. She started asking me if she could. For about a month now I put her in her bed, read and then kiss her goodnight. She does not need a nightlight and sometimes requests that I close her door (which I can't bring myself to do)!!!

Not saying that her going to sleep so easily is directly related to her sleeping in our bed but just wanted to point out that your child in your bed may not be such a bad thing.

Up until not long ago ( I don't know dates) people did not have big houses with everyone having their own room. I think it is really natural to want to sleep together for a number of reasons.

Good luck and hope you get some much needed rest soon!

 

[donnajon]

Well, that was 5 years ago and DS has adjusted to those two nights quite well. He was older - 4 at the time and he just would not sleep in his bed. I tried all of the redirecting over and over. I tried sleeping in his room, moving farther and farther away each night. He would wake up and if I wasn't there, he would come get in our bed. He just wouldn't wouldn't sleep on his own. The first night was the only one that was rough. And I didn't ignore him. I would call out to him constantly and tell him he was ok and he could sleep outside my door.
He is now on the honor roll at school and is a very well behaved, well adjusted child. He has ADHD but people don't realize it because he is well behaved despite this. Yes it was hard to leave him outside my door but he needed to learn to sleep in his bed and it worked. I put a pillow outside my door and told him he could sleep there if he needed to be near me but the doctor said he couldn't sleep with me. Blaming the doctor took me off of the hook as being the bad guy. He does not have issues trusting the doctor. I just told him that the doctor said he needed to learn to sleep in his own bed and this is how he has to do it. I asked him about this and he doesn't even remember this now. And I wouldn't be surprised if I had not done this if he still wouldn't be trying to crawl in my bed!